Vaudevillain

It took a bit longer to come up with the right words for his new dueling gloves. The AI kept wanting to make the invention grow in size as well as damage. Eventually, he was able to wrangle it out of the machine’s algorithm.

Another fearfully potent invention by the great Dr. Zlo! This invention slowly increases the damage it deals with every hit, increasing forever as long as it continues! Any foe is sure to fall once the gloves have thrown enough punches.

White Gloves (1)

Learning Algorithm (1)

Yenga Tower (1)

Phlebotinium (1g) or Sciencium (100g)

“And this one needs a learning algorithm,” Dylan commented.

“Looks like Dr. Zlo is raiding a laboratory after all,” Jack laughed.

“I’ll just buy it or ask you to make it,” Dylan said. “We might not have the time between chasing Apollo and then Menagerie’s event.”

“True,” Jack said. “Plus you still have to visit.”

“That I do,” Dylan said.

He turned back to his power tab, entering the last invention in. The top hat was surprisingly easier than the others, coming together after only a few changes.

Dr. Zlo’s spiffy headdress and deadly accessory! This invention, when used, deals a portion of the foe’s missing vitality as damage, ensuring the feeble, weak masses fall like chaff to the villain’s might!

Top Hat (1)

Guillotine (1)

Mortal Melee Game (1)

Phlebotinium (1g) or Sciencium (100g)

“Well, that was easier,” Dylan said.

“What, no new crazy scientific item for Dr. Zlo?” Jack asked.

“Nope, just a guillotine and a video game,” Dylan answered.

“Neat,” Jack said. She moved to the side. “Now, while you were spending your time with your head in the clouds I have crafted the pinnacle of minions, the ultimate underling, you could say.”

“Are you challenging Dr. Zlo right now?” Dylan asked.

“Perish the thought,” Jack answered. “I only intend to set the mood. May I present to you, my creation!”

Jack made a showman’s gesture as the pile of scrap in the corner of Dr. Zlo’s room stood. Metal bent and creaked as it came together, stacking and bending in just the right places to produce a human shape. Two phones made up parts of the head, stuck together with duct tape and glue. The top phone acted as eyes while the bottom became a mouth. Further down, a printer dinged as it became a torso. Various kitchen utensils shambled along, becoming the hands and feet.

To top it off, scraps of cloths and used clothes wrapped itself around the monster, forming a dapper but frayed looking English suit. A pipe with bubbles appeared on the phone.

“Meet, Hodge Podge!” Jack said with a cackle.

Hodge Podge tipped his worn bowler hat, the bubbles from the pipe on screen vanishing as the mouth opened. “Pleasure to meet you, sir.”

“He’s horrendous!” Dylan said in his Dr. Zlo voice.

“He’s adorable!” Jack said with a lilt.

“I will have you both know I am a gentleman,” Hodge Podge said. “While my being may be a mix of mundane appliances, my mind is as sharp as a steel trap!”

“Your fingers as well,” Dr. Zlo pointed out.

Hodge Podge looked down at his hands, bending each knife that acted as a finger. “All the better to dissect with, I say! One cannot learn about the natural world without studying it, eh?”

Hodge Podge elbowed Jack, who patted him on the arm in support.

“I care little for your interests,” Dr. Zlo said dismissively. “Tell me, how do you fare in times of trouble? Say, if you were up against a being that calls themselves a god?”

“I’ve never dissected a god before,” Hodge Podge said with his booming voice. He looked at Ms. Tama curiously. “In fact, I don’t believe I’ve ever dissected anything?”

“We can remedy that,” Ms. Tama said. “I’m sure there are a few cats crawling around. They breed like mice, you know.”

“Do they?” Hodge Podge asked. “What a strange thing.”

“You’ll have to leave the mansion to find one,” Dr. Zlo said, pretending to be busy. “The mice learned to make traps for their hunters long ago.”

“Then, come along Podge,” Ms. Tama said. “Let’s leave our illustrious friend to his devices while we encourage your hobby.”

“Why, madam,” Hodge Podge said as Ms. Tama led him out. “Dissection is more than a mere hobby! It is a way of living! Even now I struggle to restrain myself from slicing you open to see your insides!”

“Aren’t you sweet,” Ms. Tama said. “Perhaps another time, when the moon is full. I have a lovely altar we can use for the ritual.”

The door closed, leaving Dylan on his own. Jack sent a message a moment later.

JackOLeen:

If you ask the other crafters in Skyline I’m sure they can whip something up for you in moments.

Let me know when you’re ready to go.

I’ll be outside with Hodge Podge.

Superfan39526:

Will do.

Won’t be long.

Dylan called for Cass.

“Yeah, boss?” the butler asked.

“Send Brunhilde out with a shopping list,” Dr. Zlo said to his loyal minion. “I have some items she must acquire.”

“Like, acquire, acquire?” Cass asked.

Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes. “Yes, Cass. We must be somewhat discreet with this one, use Skyline’s usual channels and let them know to put it on my tab.”

Cass bowed. “You got it, boss.”

It took only a few minutes for Brunhilde to get all the usual materials. The more expensive and strange items took a bit longer, but it was nothing that a good superpower couldn’t create. Dylan soon found himself with all the pieces needed for his new inventions.

He clapped his hands in excitement, pushing each invention’s materials into their own separate piles so he could enjoy watching them come together.

He made the top hat first, as it looked the least exciting. Sure enough, when Dylan activated his power, the guillotine flew straight into the top hat, merging together as the video game molded itself into a CD and widened its hole in the middle. It settled around the top hat, fusing the with brim and sharpening the edges. The Phlebotinium flew into the finished product, creating a blinding glow that caused Dylan to look away.

When he looked back a pristine black top hat sat on the table. When Dr. Zlo collected it, the brim became a stiff disk with razor edges that vibrated with power. The villain placed it on his head with a satisfied expression.

“The monocle should come next, I think,” Dylan said.

He activated his power and watched as the monocle floated into the air. The Pocket Particle Collider followed, moving to sit directly behind the monocle. The Zlonium followed, flattening to the thickness of aluminum foil before wrapping around the two items. It squeezed them together, slowly compressing the collider into the monocle. The shield followed, contorting and shrinking to become the chain. The Phlebotinium went next, acting the same as the Zlonium to cover the entire piece in its power.

Dr. Zlo picked it up with a flourish, removing his old invention and nesting the new one over his eye. He looked over at board filled with incoherent formulas the Jacques wrote down at one point and fired. A sickly green and purple beam spewed forth, striking the board and flipping it to the ground.

“Looks like it still has a bit of kick even without the extra power draining,” Dr. Zlo said. “I approve.”

He’d have to test how long the debuff lasted with Jack later.

Next came the gloves. The two pieces of outerwear jumped to life as Dylan activated his power. The Phlebotimium went first this time, infusing itself into learning algorithm. The storage device holding the code burst apart, its pieces falling to dust as holographic numbers appeared to swirl around both the wooden Yenga Tower and the gloves. Instantly, the pair started working, moving in line with the code to pick up and stack the pieces of the tower. This went on for some time, the gloves moving faster and faster with each iteration.

Eventually, the entire thing became a blur that Dylan could no longer follow. And then it stopped abruptly, two white gloves flopping onto the table. Dr. Zlo slipped them on, then tossed them on the ground in challenge. The gloves activated, readying themselves in a boxing position as they looked for a foe.

“No need for that,” Dr. Zlo said. “It was only a test.”

The gloves fell back down to the ground, the villain scooping them up as he turned to his last invention.

“I sure hope this doesn’t make just one button,” Dylan said. “That particle accelerator is a lot of money.”

Dylan activated his power, and what followed was a re-enactment of a lazy worker talking with an upset boss. The accelerator acted as the boss, somehow pointing to the deadline assignment as it floated next to him. The paper even crinkled. The button, apparently the lazy employee, somehow shrugged and looked every bit the slacker. After a moment, the accelerator had had enough and slapped the assignment in the button’s face. That was when the Phlebotinium activated, blinding Dylan as it suffused the area with its energy.

There was a clattering as Dylan blinked the spots out of his eyes. He looked over at the table to see a pile of buttons laying on them. He scooped them up and according to his inventory, he had twenty available.

“Well, that was certainly something,” he said. “Too bad Jack didn’t get to see that.”

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