Vaudevillain

“It really acted out a scene while you watched?” Jack asked incredulously.

“Oh yeah,” Dylan said. “Weirdest one I’ve seen of these.”

“Wow,” Jack said. “That’s crazy. I should have stuck around.”

“Only got twenty bombs though,” Dylan said. “Which is more than I expected but the cost is still high. I might actually start having to care about money again if I keep using these.”

“Twenty is still a lot,” Jack said. “I doubt you’d use more than two or three at a time, yeah?”

“Probably depends on the power,” Dylan said. “Anyway, are we ready to go after this Apollo guy and test out my new equipment?”

“For sure,” Jack said. “Hodge Podge here is raring to go.”

“Just give the word,” the mechanical monster said.

“Then I’ll go get the others,” Dylan said. “Something tells me we’ll need all hands on deck for this nonsense.”

“But what great nonsense,” Jack said. “Which reminds me, you think not getting a quest for this was a bug or something else?”

“Gotta be a bug, right?” Dylan asked. “That or the game isn’t about to ask villains to clean up after their messes.”

“True,” Jack said.

The two friends made their way back to the ZLomobile, collecting Dr. Zlo’s minions along the way. Cass, Mabel, and Quartet all fell in behind the scheming villain with a gaggle of Jacques in tow. Ms. Tama walked beside Dr. Zlo, her creation hanging back to bother Cass.

“You must let me take a look at the inside of that arm,” Hodge Podge said.

“No,” Cass said.

“I insist,” the minion said. “The connections between your arm and shoulder could hold vital information for the wellbeing of mechanical constructs everywhere.”

“Boss, tell him no!” Cass said.

“Hodge Podge,” Dr. Zlo said coolly. “If you attempt a dissection on any of my minions I shall consider you an enemy and eliminate you with extreme prejudice.”

“Oh, how charming,” Ms. Tama said. “Did you hear that Hodge? All alone with Dr. Zlo as he works his many machinations all over you.”

Dylan turned to Jack, who gave him a wink.

“I’m only saying that understanding his framework is for the good of all machinekind,” Hodge Podge argued.

“You could examine my framework anyday, hon,” Mabel said, sidling up to the minion. Cass gratefully hurried away next to Dr. Zlo’s side.

“Thanks, boss.”

The group entered the Zlomobile, the inside of the car expanding to incorporate the entire entourage. The group of Jacques jumped into the trunk, the Jacques-a-Pult shrinking them down to use as ammunition. Dr. Zlo and Ms. Tama sat in the front, leaving the minions to their devices in the back.

“Next stop, revenge!” Dr. Zlo cackled.

The car shot out of Skyline and teleported away. It arrived in the parking lot of the Aged Suede store, Apollo’s lair still hanging in the sky. Dr. Zlo squinted as he looked at it.

“How dare that so-called god make his lair just underneath the sun. As if he’s that great! I’ll show him, I’ll show them all!”

The villain put the Zlomobile into gear and pressed a button on the dashboard. Wings unfolded from somewhere inside the car, unfurling in the air as the villain pressed his foot on the gas pedal. The car surged forward, taking to the skies in mere moments.

“Next stop, a pretender’s headquarters!” Dr. Zlo cackled.

About three quarters of the way up to Apollo’s lair, a message appeared.

You have entered the perimeter of Apollo’s Sanctum! Many centuries ago the god was sealed inside a set of lute strings due to his carelessness. He has only recently been freed and is ready to exert his will on the world once more! Your actions will help determine the future of the very world!

“Onward!” Dr. Zlo said. He pressed the gas pedal down harder, urging the car to move faster.

The sanctum grew in the distance, Grecian pillars appearing in flanks of gold along a pathway leading to a Parthenon-like structure. Nymphs and other minor spirits lay to the side, harps and other ancient instruments in their hands. A soft chorus played as the car came closer.

The Zlomobile landed on the edge of the sanctum, startling the nearby nymphs and causing a few to break their strings. They tossed the instruments aside in a huff, stomping over to Dr. Zlo to give him a piece of their mind.

The villain stepped out of his sleek car, straightening his tie as he focused on the incoming opponents. Cass, Mabel, and Quartet all stepped out on his side of the car, with Hodge Podge and Ms. Tama exiting from the other side.

“Ah, the welcome wagon,” Dr. Zlo said as he saw the nymphs come forward. “Excellent. One of you go tell Apollo I’m here to make him answer for his crimes.”

The nymphs didn’t take kindly to Dr. Zlo’s implied threat, and suddenly the lot of them had new instruments in their hands.

Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes. “Mabel, if you would?”

“Of course, hon.” Mabel stepped forward, her wrinkled face in a beatific smile. “Hello dearies, would you be so kind as to lead us to Apollo?”

Mabel’s mind controlling powers washed over the nymphs, causing them to freeze up for a moment before they swept their arms out in a welcoming gesture.

“Ah, excellent,” Dr. Zlo said. “Come, everyone. Oh, and Cass make sure the Jacques-a-pult is active, will you?”

Cass saluted and ran to the trunk. He popped it open and activated the Jacques-a-pult letting it run as the group made their way to the inner sanctum. Jacques popped into place behind them as the machine did its work. The minor minions were instantly distracted by the grandeur of the place, and many openly stared at the nymphs around them.

Dr. Zlo ignored it, the Jacques were for later, after Dr. Zlo had exacted his revenge. None could declare themselves greater than Dr. Zlo and get away with it!

They marched down the walkway and up a series of stairs leading to the Parthenon-like structure. A duo of statues stood at the top, large and imposing in white marble. They shifted as the group made their way up the last steps. Two spears clanged against the ground, shaking the floor and causing the nymphs to pause.

Dr. Zlo looked up at the statues. “You dare to try and block my path? I’ll have you know I am Dr. Zlo! Criminal mastermind and the greatest genius in the world! Your employer, creator, or whatever you call him has slighted me, and I have come for retribution! Now, remove yourself from my presence or face the consequences!”

The statues brandished their spears.

Dr. Zlo pursed his lips. “Very well. Consequences it is! Cass!”

“Yeah, boss?” the butler asked.

“Deal with these two for me,” Dr. Zlo said casually.

Cass looked up the statues and gulped. “Are you sure, boss?”

“Cass, I gave you an order,” Dr. Zlo said.

“I know boss,” Cass said hastily. “But look at them! They’re huge!”

Dr. Zlo stamped a foot. “Cass, you will show them who the superior minion is now or I swear to me that you will regret it!”

Before Cass could retort. Quartet stepped forward. He looked over to Cass with a sneer. “Don’t worry, boss. I got this.”

The villainous minion split into his four forms, the barbershop quartet walking forward with confidence. This was Quartet’s chance! If he proved himself better than Cass, then Dr. Zlo would promote him to right hand man! From there it was only a matter of time before he supplanted the ‘oh so great’ Dr. Zlo!

Stone grated against itself as the statues moved to point their spears at Quartet. The minion scoffed and started to hum, bringing together a rumbling harmony that soon spread toward the spear. The stone weapon vibrated only slightly at first, but when the statue moved to thrust it forward it shook violently. Before the weapon could even reach Quartet it shattered, scattering its pieces across the floor.

“Simple,” Quartet hummed. He belted out a harmony toward the statues, his voice rebounding and amplifying due to the acoustics around him. It seemed like something in the sanctum itself was enhancing the minion’s powers. The statue fell to pieces under the assault, their stoic faces cracking and splitting apart.

Dr. Zlo raised an eyebrow, impressed. “Keep that up, Quartet, and I might just have to change my opinion of you.”

The minion pumped a fist at the meager praise. One step closer to taking over Dr. Zlo’s dynasty.

The villains continued their way into the building, more nymphs appearing as they walked. None of them attacked, though all looked at the incoming group with suspicion. Dr. Zlo gave anyone who stared too long pointed glares.

Eventually, they arrived in a lounge of some kind. Pillows of all colors and sizes were scattered across the floor, various nymphs lying on them with various instruments, drinks, or foods. At the center of it all lay Apollo, the god shirtless and surrounded by three nymphs catering to his whims.

“Hon, you didn’t tell me Apollo was such a hunk,” Mabel said.

“His attractiveness matters not, Mabel,” Dr. Zlo said.

“Speak for yourself.” Mabel gave Apollo a coquettish wink.

He returned it.

“Welcome to my sanctum!” the god said, holding his hands out wide.

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