Vaudevillain

"Right, which of these buildings looks the most official," Dr. Zlo said after glancing at the elves.

Mabel pointed to a sleek, black building slightly taller than the rest. "Probably that one, hon."

"Excellent," Dr. Zlo said. "Cass, pull us forward."

"You, got it, boss," Cass answered.

The Zlomobile drove until it reached a manned gate.

"Uh, now what dude?" Riptide asked.

"Why, we ask nicely," Dr. Zlo said.

Cass rolled the window down as they approached.

"Name," the guard said.

"The illustrious Dr. Zlo," the villain answered. "We're here to see the man who brings joy and cheer."

The guard scrolled down a list of names on the computer. "Alright, you're cleared. Park in lot thirty-two and an assistant will be with you shortly."

Dr. Zlo raised an eyebrow as the guardsman pressed a button on the console, raising the gate. "I expected a tad more resistance," he said after the drove past.

"Your reputation must precede you, boss!" Cass said gleefully.

Mabel and Riptide shared a glance that Dr. Zlo missed.

"Yes, you must be right, Cass," the villain answered.

The Zlomobile drove down the street, passing multiple parking lots until Cass found the one the guard had stated. Once he parked, a woman in a crisp black suit walked up to them.

"Good afternoon," she said. "Please follow me."

Dr. Zlo smiled. "Finally, some respect from a rival. Good to know Santa Claus recognizes greatness."

The woman didn't answer, leading the group inside the large building. Generic work posters greeted them, insincere phrases like 'work smart not hard' and 'your boss wants you to be the best you can be' sat plastered on the walls. Dr. Zlo got a chuckle from them.

Eventually, the woman ushered them into a black elevator, pressing the top button and bowing as the doors closed. They opened into a wide office filled with black, avant-garde sculptures. The sculptures made a small hallway that led to a wide, black wood desk and a high-backed chair.

"You know," Dr. Zlo said as he walked forward. "Good of you to drop the red and green motif. The colors clash horribly."

The chair spun around. "Come now, Dr. Zlo. We both know I had nothing of the sort."

The villain recoiled. "Dextra Black! What are you doing here!"

Dextra smirked, crossing their fingers and leaning onto the desk. "The same thing as you, I'd suspect."

Dr. Zlo narrowed his eyes. "You plan to replace Christmas with a holiday in your own image?"

Dextra tittered. "What? Oh, no no no. Why would I want to replace Christmas? No, the structure is already in place. Much easier to co-opt it for my gain."

"Good," Dr. Zlo said. "I was afraid we might have a problem." He looked around, spotting a wide couch behind the statues. A small direction from Cass had the butler bringing it over.

"To business, then," Dr. Zlo said, reclining. "I'm assuming those are your elves outside?"

"As of a week ago," Dextra answered.

"How on earth did you manage that?" Dr. Zlo asked. "I thought they all worked for Santa Claus."

"Oh, they do," Dextra answered. "But as of a week ago, Santa Claus now works for me."

That got Dr. Zlo to sit up.

Dextra smiled. "You see, while you were out performing a very literal hostile takeover, I was making a metaphorical go of it. You see, at some point, the population of the world grew to the point that not even Santa could keep up. Our jolly friend was forced to adapt. And adapt he did. Our fabled tale reached out to the other winter tales, banding together with them. Of course, some of these tales were old, old enough that our good Kris Kringle had to make binding bargains."

Dextra's smile grew vicious. "Unfortunately for him, I'm something of an expert in Fae magics. In everything, really, but I digress. Once I discovered Santa, it didn't take long to change those rules to suit me. Now, Santa is contractually obligated to Black industries. A subsidiary of my main company."

Dr. Zlo laughed. "Let me guess. Now that you have Santa, you plan to make Christmas yours too."

"Got it in one," Dextra said. "I'll start with advertisements. Small things, barely noticeable. But they'll pull people from all that true meaning of Christmas. Eventually, it will all be about what presents you give and get, and all the profits will feed back to me."

Dextra leaned back. "Which now leads me to a request."

"You want me to stop my plan," Dr. Zlo stated.

"Ah, it's such a joy to talk to someone who understands," Dextra answered. "Yes. I can't have your particular brand of villainy mixing with mine. If you replaced Christmas, all my work would go down the drain. I'll let you have some other holiday, like New Years."

"Zlomas has such a nice ring to it, though," Dr. Zlo said. "Besides, no other holiday holds the same weight as Christmas."

"Come now," Dextra answered. "The great Dr. Zlo can't make a holiday that surpasses Christmas? Wouldn't that be a challenge worthy of a villain such as yourself?"

"Boss, she's trying to play you," Cass said.

"Silence, Cass," Dr. Zlo said. He stroked his mustache. "Fine, I'll take your deal. You're right, I am great enough that any holiday in my name would surpass Christmas."

"I knew we could come to an agreement," Dextra said with a smile.

Mabel shook her head, muttering. "Played right to his ego."

"Aw, man," Riptide said. "I wanted to surf Santa's sleigh."

Dextra chuckled. "You can if you'd like. We have the sleigh sitting in one of the warehouses. R&D is looking into the power source."

"Sweet!" Riptide said.

"If you don't mind," Dr. Zlo interjected. "I would love to see this Santa Claus. If only to rub his captivity in his face."

"I don't see why not," Dextra said. "Come, I'll give you the tour."

The group stood. Dextra led them all into the elevator and pulled out a key. They pushed it into a slot, opening a panel to reveal another button.

The elevator lurched after the press, descending at a speed Dr. Zlo could feel in his stomach. It soon slowed, but the villain was certain they were now far below the surface.

"We've kept him down here so some of the more righteous fables don't get ideas," Dextra explained. "There are a few entities that can ignore Fae contracts and the like."

Dr. Zlo nodded, stepping out of the elevator into a small hallway with multiple branches.

"This way," Dextra said, walking to the end of the hall.

Everyone followed. Dextra pressed a palm on a nearby console, opening the wall in front of them. A series of turrets deactivated, allowing the group to pass. Dextra opened another set of doors, entering a somewhat spacious room decked out in Christmas attire. In the center of the room lay a large, round man with a beard white as snow and a Jacket rosy red as his cheeks.

"Come to gloat against me once more?" Santa Claus asked.

"It does bring me a certain cheer," Dextra answered.

Dr. Zlo laughed. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen. To think I was going to wage war on Christmas when a simple business transaction put him in his place!"

"Not just any business transaction," Dextra said, a bit defensively.

Dr. Zlo only continued to laugh. "Ah, a man of such cheer and goodwill reduced to this! It brings joy to my vile heart."

Cass tugged at Dr. Zlo's sleeve. Dr. Zlo brushed it off.

"You know, when I was young I got nothing but coal," Dr. Zlo continued. "I wasn't even a bad man, then. No, I was only a misunderstood genius, forced to sideline myself for others."

Cass tugged on Dr. Zlo's sleeve, harder this time.

Dr. Zlo turned. "What, Cass?"

"I don't think that's Santa," the butler said.

Dextra and Dr. Zlo looked at the minion.

Cass held up the Santa Finder 9000. "Look, it's not blinking."

"Give me that!" Dr. Zlo snapped. "I don't remember giving it to you."

The villain pointed the device at Santa. Sure enough, it didn't so much as wink. Frustrated, Dr. Zlo slapped the device. He turned it back to the man in the room, frowning again when it didn't work.

"You said you captured Santa!" Dr. Zlo shouted at Dextra.

"I have," Dextra answered. "Your machine must be broken."

Dr. Zlo narrowed his eyes. "Dextra, I know we might have something of an alliance, and that I am more lenient with you than others, but no one insinuates that I make broken equipment."

"And I take offense that you would insult my intelligence," Dextra sniffed. "That man right there is Santa Claus."

"Then why doesn't my Santa Finder 9000 work on him!" Dr. Zlo said, waving it around.

The device blinked green and red, the opposite direction of Santa Claus.

Dextra frowned, looking over at the large man in the room. "Everything about him tells me he's Santa. His posture, his voice, everything."

"Maybe he's a clone, dude," Riptide mentioned.

Dextra shook their head. "There are always slight imperfections in clones. You can't make a perfect copy."

Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes. "Mabel, see if your power works on the good Kristopher Kringle."

"I ain't the biggest fan of someone older," Mabel said stepping forward. "But this man sure aged well."

"Ogle him later," Dr. Zlo snapped. "Questions first."

"No need to get your knickers in a twist, hon," Mabel sniffed. She turned to the Santa Claus. "Now, dear. Tell momma if you’re the real Santa Claus."

Mabel's power echoed through the chamber, and while the Santa Claus fought against it, he eventually answered. "No."

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