Chapter 88: Exposed (3)
“She’s exhausted,” the doctor told me.
Asena was lying in bed, peacefully asleep.
Compared to her usual state, she looked frail.
But she was much better than she was before.
“...With some rest, she’ll naturally wake up,” the doctor said, after taking his hand off Asena’s wrist.
The image of Asena weeping like a child and the sound of her cries still vividly echoed in my mind. I probably won’t ever forget it. It was too shocking. I never knew she could cry like that.
I had expected her to shudder with betrayal, or perhaps hang her head in silence, or maybe even slap me in the face.
But for her to cry like that... Of all the actions she could take, was the one thing that made me feel most like garbage.
Of course, my actions were shitty, to begin with.
Telling someone who confessed their love that they repulse you.
Saying, “I wish you would never talk to me again.”
Making them cry.
And when that person was your little sister, whom you had promised to protect…
“......”
I looked at Asena, who was sleeping with a pained expression on her face.
It hurt.
My heart hurt.
If Asena was in pain, so was I.
...However.
“Sigh.”
I took a deep breath.
Now was not the time for emotions to get in the way.
There’s a saying I’ve always repeated to myself during training, especially when I felt like collapsing from fatigue: “Erase emotions, and take action.”
In the end, emotions wear down over time and are eventually forgotten, but the results are what remains forever.
Yes, I was in pain. So was Asena. And so was Keirsey.
I also wanted to stop all of this… Stop hurting them.
‘But I can’t.’
Stopping all this would mean accepting my siblings’ feelings. Even if we don’t fit the typical sibling mold, there are boundaries that must be upheld.
I can’t stand to see everything fall apart because of me.
“...Cayden, I’d like to examine your hand as well. Is that alright?”
He asked politely, pointing to my hand.
Following his request, I looked at my palm. There were clear holes where my nails had dug in.
“...Don’t worry about me,” I said.
Then I gestured towards Asena with a nod of my chin.
The implication was clear: take good care of her.
The doctor nodded and left the room.
The moment he left, a palpable silence enveloped the space.
No sound of wind, no chirping of insects, no murmur of voices.
Only the sound of Asena’s and my breathing disrupted the quiet stillness.
“......”
I slowly approached Asena. The woman I now have to acknowledge as a true villainess, even when viewed through rose-colored glasses. The one who hurt me deeply and complicated my life with her declaration of love, but...
She was still the best in my eyes. My precious little sister. Whether she was irritated, angry, or showing her cruel side... she was my irreplaceable treasure.
That’s why it was even more painful.
The reality that I could no longer be her strength hurt me.
The fact that I had to leave both Asena and Keirsey behind in such a state pained me.
They even confessed that they feel lost without me.
But... I couldn’t stay. I had to disappear.
What will become of her when I’m gone? Will she become even more malevolent?
However, I couldn’t just accept their feelings just because I was afraid of such a future. Also…
‘If things go well, after I’m gone... maybe she’ll find another man to love.’
“......”
Imagining them finding good partners for them after knowing their feelings for me… felt weird…?
‘No, Cayden… Erase emotions, and take action.’
I must set examples through my actions alone.
After knowing their feelings, I may be weirded out by the idea of them finding another man to love, but if they do, I will congratulate them.
And even though I dislike seeing them in pain, if it’s to fulfill my duties as their older brother, I will leave.
And even if I want to comfort them when they cry... I won’t.
What needs to be done and what I want to do are entirely different things.
As I’ve said, emotions must be erased, and actions must be taken.
“......”
But for now, while she’s asleep...
I bent my upper body down and looked at Asena more closely.
Gently, I raised my hand and stroked her hair, hair that I’d touched countless times before.
Next, I lightly touched her cheek with the back of my hand, wiping away the trail of tears that had formed from her copious crying.
Finally... I cupped her cheek with one hand.
The soft sensation transmitted through my skin.
My expression began to slowly distort.
But I did my utmost to keep my hand steady, to make sure she didn’t wake up.
Then, I whispered to her.
“........I’m sorry.”
She might not hear it, but I apologized to her. It was an apology for the harsh lies I’d uttered—for hurting her.
“.......I’m sorry.”
I apologised once more, and gently pressed my lips to her forehead.
Then, I turned away, leaving Asena behind.
.
.
.
.
In a fleeting dream, Asena felt a familiar touch.
Once through her hair.
Once lightly under her eyes and on her cheeks.
And finally, the full contour of her cheek.
She wanted to nestle deeper into that warmth, but her body remained still.
However, the sensation was so comforting that she felt it was okay even if she couldn’t move.
Just this was enough for her to feel happy.
Just as she was about to drift back into deep sleep, a voice tinged with guilt echoed in her ears.
“...I’m sorry.”
There was no doubt about who the voice belonged to. The fading consciousness of Asena perked up at that voice. With lips that wouldn’t part, she whispered.
“....Op...pa?”
Her eyes opened. Asena briefly looked around.
“......Op-Oppa?”
It was an infirmary. However, her last memory was definitely of Garden... being embraced by Cayden. Crying like she did when she was eight.
Suddenly alert, she scanned her surroundings.
No one was there.
“...Oppa.”
As if he might be hiding somewhere, she called out to him.
But even when she waited like that for a while, nobody came to find her.
“.........sob...”
She was alone.
Cayden was not by her side.
To Asena, the emptiness of the infirmary felt even more hollow today—The place he had left behind was so cold that Asena could only shiver in her loneliness.
****
-Knock knock.
“Miss Liana, Sir Cayden is here to see you.”
Liana emerged from her thoughts and turned her head toward the door.
“Let him in.”
The moment permission was granted, the heavy door opened.
Liana was staying in a top-tier room provided by the academy. And Cayden stepped into that room hesitantly.
The moment Liana saw his expression, no further explanation was needed.
“....Grandma.”
Seeing Cayden’s contorted face filled Liana with sorrow, and her own expression mirrored his.
“...What are we to do now, Cayden... What are we to do...”
He staggered over and knelt on one knee before Liana.
Liana immediately embraced his face.
“...I’m sorry, Grandma...I’m sorry..”
“What do you have to be sorry for...!”
She consoled Cayden, patting his head.
“...I’m the one who’s sorry, Cayden...I’m the one who should apologize...”
“...I...I never thought things would turn out like this...”
“...It’s not your fault...You’ve only tried to support your siblings with love...”
Liana pulled Cayden away from her embrace and cupped both of his cheeks in her hands.
“Don’t feel guilty. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
However, Cayden couldn’t meet her eyes.
And as if making a decision, he closed his eyes for a moment and looked at Liana.
With unwavering, sincere eyes, he spoke.
“...Grandma, I think I have to leave. I think...I have to distance myself.”
“......”
“I’ve mentioned leaving before, but if there’s something different this time... it’s that I probably won’t be returning to the Pryster estate either.”
“...Cayden.”
“...Grandma, I feel I need to put as much distance as possible between myself, Asena, and Keirsey as quickly as I can. And now that I’ve been engaged to Daisy, please ask Lord Hexter to help secure a place in the estate for me. I’ll be quitting the academy.”
“...Cayden, why are you sacrificing yourself again...!”
“There’s no other way... To stay far away... at least until they forget me. Until they find someone to marry...”
Cayden paused for a moment, then continued speaking.
“...I won’t come back until they find their true partners for marriage. Only after they forget me from their hearts...”
“...Cayden, the semester will end soon. There’s no need to make a decision so quickly. I understand it’s a serious issue, but that doesn’t mean I want you to sacrifice yourself. The Pryster estate is now your home as well. Apart from Asena and Keirsey, there are many people in the estate who are your family. How can you abandon them all just for the sake of the twins! Don’t you think this grandmother wants to see you?”
“...It’s not about sacrificing... I’m in pain, Grandma. Since yesterday, I’ve started hurting them.”
Cayden clenched his teeth before continuing with difficulty.
“Today, Asena... that usually stoic Asena cried like a child in front of me. I guess she had reason to. I’d said some pretty awful things. But today, I saw her cry and collapse into my arms... I can’t possibly do that again.”
“...It’s not your fault, Cayden. It would be right for the twins to let go. Don’t think of leaving just yet. Like I said... wait at least until the semester ends.”
Then Liana lowered her voice. With an expression of self-directed shame or anguish, she continued.
“...And if things don’t work out... even if we proceed as you’ve suggested... there are others waiting for you in the estate. You should at least say goodbye to them.”
“......”
“...Hold on just a little longer. Or, if being with the twins is so unbearable, come with me.”
“......Yes?”
“Let’s forget about the academy for a while and go back to the estate. I’ll ask the twins to attend classes properly until the end of the semester, and you can come home with me.”
“.......”
“In doing so, Asena, Keirsey, and you—everyone will have a chance to catch their breath. It’ll be a time for reconsideration.”
Cayden forgot to respond, lost in his thoughts.
Seeing his conflicted expression, Liana made the decision for him.
“Pack your bags, Cayden. The more I think about it, the more it seems like the right thing to do. If it’s hard for you to see your siblings now, then distance will do. After all, the only reason I’ve stayed here...was for you and the twins.”
“...Is it okay?”
Cayden looked visibly troubled.
“Yes, and now that we’ve made a decision, let’s act quickly. You can think it over while we’re on our way, or even after we get to the estate. I’ll inform the headmaster; you just pack your things.”
Liana stood up and snapped her fingers a couple of times.
The Pryster estate servants waiting outside the door walked in.
As everything started to unfold, and Cayden rose from his kneeling position, Liana spoke,
“Helen, Thein. We are returning to the estate… today.”
“Understood.”
“We’ll prepare.”
Liana gently nudged Cayden on his back.
“Cayden, you prepare quickly too. Finish up and come back. Right! Have conversations with those you need to speak to.”
****
Keirsey cried herself to exhaustion, waking only when night had fallen.
If the sun had been shining, maybe she would have mustered the strength to get out of bed.
But the darkness sapped her strength away.
She found no reason to rise.
The only good thing about getting up was to see Cayden, but she couldn’t summon the courage to face him.
What if everything he had said the day before was true? How was she to carry on then?
She regretted coming to the academy in the first place.
She couldn’t believe how foolishly naive she had been back then, looking forward to a place that would ultimately rob her of everything precious…
Reducing her to this miserable state.
She couldn’t believe that she had walked into this hell out of mere curiosity.
“Cough... Cough...”
Suddenly, she found herself coughing.
Her parched throat was screaming for water.
Was it because she had cried so much? Or perhaps from the cold sweat of nightmares? She wondered, absentmindedly.
Then, she felt like it would be okay to die of thirst just like this, but even that thought was eclipsed by the precious memories she shared with Cayden.
The realization that dying would mean she could never see him again filled her with dread.
A paradox gripped her: she wanted to die because he might be gone, yet his very existence prevented her from meeting that end.
With great effort, Keirsey managed to get out of bed.
Her head spun, and her legs felt like jelly.
If Cayden were here, he would have probably carried her on his back, lending her his strength.
No, seeing her struggle like this, he would have probably brought water to her bedside.
Even if that water had to be sourced from the middle of a desert, he would have found a way to bring it to her.
“...”
Once again, Keirsey’s heart ached.
Was he really leaving her? Had he stopped loving her? In all the time she had known him, there wasn’t a single moment when he had hated her. Not one moment when he hadn’t loved her.
She couldn’t imagine a future she had never experienced. Could all this be a dream? Some cruel joke orchestrated by a devil?
Even if it wasn’t, she prayed for all of this to end now. For him to change his mind.
No! Seeing her struggle like this, he would surely change his mind!
Keirsey had never felt pain like this in her entire life. If it were Cayden, he would recognize her anguish the moment he laid eyes on her.
Eventually, he would let out a sigh, or perhaps throw a light joke her way to lighten the mood. Asking why she was in so much pain. Telling her he understood and asking her to stop crying.
He would gently soothe her with kind words.
For some reason, she couldn’t clearly envision a scenario where he would accept the confession of love. Maybe that too was because she had never experienced it.
Regardless, if he saw her... If it were Cayden... If it were her older brother... In the end, he would relent for her sake.
With that thought in mind, Keirsey found some balance even in her disoriented state.
Just as she was about to leave her room and drink some water, she decided to give that up too.
...It was a thought born of malice.
She wanted to show him her chapped, withered lips as well.
Wouldn’t he feel even more pity for her then? Wouldn’t it shake his heart, even just a little?
Her throat was cracked and the pain was unbearable, but it was nothing compared to the agony in her heart... And so, she even gave up on drinking even a single sip of water.
Keirsey headed for the dormitory door, instead.
“...?”
Just as she was about to open the door, she stepped on something.
Looking down, she saw a lone letter.
It had been slipped under the door. Sealed with the emblem of two intertwined snakes.
It must be from her grandmother.
Keirsey had no room in her heart to read it now.
She didn’t even entertain the thought.
She opened the door and stepped out of the dormitory.
****
-Tap..tap..tap..tap
With her strength waning, she managed to knock on the door.
Was it too soft for him to hear? There was no response from inside.
-Thump...thump...
For a moment, dizziness washed over her, and Keirsey braced herself against the door to regain her balance.
Even while her body ached so much, only one thought floated in her mind.
She wished Cayden could see her struggle. The more visibly she suffered, the higher the chance he might accept her.
Though she wasn’t feigning any of her pain... she didn’t want to hide it either. If she could use even this as a weapon, she would.
...But why isn’t he coming out? Is he truly avoiding her now?
Tears threatened to spill again, but her parched body had nothing left to give.
-Thump...thump...
-Click.
Just then, the doorknob turned.
-Creeeak.
And the door opened, letting in a sliver of light.
For a brief moment, the simple fact that the door had opened allowed Keirsey to breathe a little easier.
At least she could see Cayden’s face.
“...Oh...”
Raising her head, Keirsey found herself speechless.
It wasn’t Cayden.
It was his roommate, Eric Endra.
“...Keirsey.”
He spoke cautiously, his expression uneasy.
“...Ah...cough...where’s my Oppa?”
Her voice cracked, resembling the grating of metal. Keirsey didn’t care. If only she could see him.
But why did Eric open the door? Had her Oppa told Eric to turn her away?
Keirsey thought she might be able to persuade Eric, at least. Being good-natured, he would surely step back once he saw how much she was suffering.
“...Hyung’s not here.”
“...Did he go out?”
“...No. He’s literally not here. He’s gone.”
At his words, Keirsey wavered and finally collapsed to her knees.
“Are you alright?”
Quickly, Eric knelt beside her. But perhaps sensing her mood, he chose not to touch her.
“What do you mean, my Oppa’s gone...?”
Keirsey questioned, frozen in place.
What did he mean by ‘not here’? What could that possibly signify?
Eric’s face contorted as he replied.
“...It’s exactly as it sounds. He said he’s temporarily leaving the academy.”
“...What?”
“...You didn’t hear about this?”
From that moment, Keirsey felt as if someone was strangling her breath away.
Because the reason he left was surely... her.
--- End Of The Chapter ---
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