Chapter 87: Exposed (2)
Asena blinked and found herself sitting on her bed. Unwiped tears had dried on her face, leaving her with a grimy feeling.
Before she knew it, dazzling sunlight was streaming into the room through the window… She had stayed up all night.
As her consciousness returned from its stupor, a simultaneous ache encroached upon her heart as well. Clearly, all the things Cayden had done were not a dream.
Had there ever been a moment this despairing since her parents passed away?
No, it felt perhaps even worse than when her parents had left her.
Because it was Cayden who had made her forget the void left by her parents.
-“...This is all my fault. There won’t be such mistakes in the future.”
His voice echoed in her ears, accompanied by a piercing pain that tore through her heart.
Over the dried streaks of tears, fresh, warm tears flowed down once again.
What did he mean that there would be no such mistakes in the future?
Could it really mean what she thinks it means?
In the future...does that mean he won’t give any kind of love anymore? Is this the end?
“...Haah...Haah...!”
A sense of suffocation quickened her breath. She had never felt this way even when he definitively said he would leave.
At least, he had still shown her affection. At least, She had still believed she could somehow change his mind.
But now...it’s as if he’s turned his back on her, refusing even to look at her face.
Showing her tears used to make him waver, but now he had bluntly turned her away.
Despite being late night, he didn’t even escort her back to the female dormitory. Now, he truly wasn’t giving her any love.
Tears streamed down her face, yet breathing still felt difficult. It was so suffocating that she felt like she was breathing under a blanket thrown over her face.
Could she really not receive his kindness anymore?
She had once heard that the first thing people do when overwhelmed by excessive shock is to deny. She was the epitome of that right now.
That can’t be. Cayden, who had given her endless love, wouldn’t abandon her.
Unconsciously, she found herself getting up from her bed.
This suffocating feeling seemed like it would only be relieved by seeing him.
Seeing him and confirming that his words were merely impulsively uttered...
She opened the door and stepped outside. From Keirsey’s room, the sound of sobbing could be heard.
But Asena didn’t have the luxury to pay attention to that. She felt like she would die from her own overwhelming emotions.
Ignoring Keirsey, Asena stepped out of the dormitory.
****
Before she knew it, Asena found herself standing outside the men’s dormitory building.
Why she didn’t go directly to his room...even she didn’t know.
Perhaps it was an unconscious calculation that approaching his door might make him uncomfortable or even repulsed.
Asena’s outfit was casual. Not her usual black school uniform, but the light attire she’d worn the previous night when she went to see Cayden.
Every male student emerging from the dormitory did a double-take upon seeing her.
The first reason was the presence of a woman standing in front of the dorm; the second was that the woman was Asena Pryster; the third was that this Asena Pryster was dressed casually.
People who recognized Asena felt a mix of fear and curiosity.
Some nobles even felt their hearts race at the sight of her, appearing more relaxed than usual.
While some saw her disheartened and vulnerable state as an opportunity to approach her.
“Isn’t that Lady Asena?”
“Why is she here...”
“Is she waiting for a man?”
“Idiot, would she be? She probably has something to discuss with Cayden Pryster.”
“...It’s the first time I’ve seen her in a casual dress.”
“...Wow, but she really is beautiful.”
A noble approached her.
When Asena quickly scanned the face approaching her, disappointingly, it wasn’t Cayden’s.
She recognized the face, though she couldn’t remember his name. He was likely a classmate from her political science major.
“...Asena, what are you doing here?”
Though he approached her with a concerned expression, Asena quickly discerned the underlying sleazy desire in his eyes.
“......”
“Would you happen to be working on the project—”
“–Buzz off.”
Unable to hold back, she spat the words out.
As a high-ranking noble, Asena had always made it a point to avoid publicly humiliating people.
But now, she had no room for such considerations. Cayden was leaving her, and this sleaze was intruding into her life. The grim reality was too much to bear.
“......”
Even so, wanting to salvage his pride, the man turned away with a small, forced smile. This only further infuriated Asena. If she told him to leave, then he should just leave. Trying to maintain a good impression with that nauseating smile until the end was beyond irritating, especially considering he had opportunistically approached her when she was vulnerable.
Asena opened her mouth to call after the retreating man. Her intention was to find out his family name and exact a fitting revenge later.
This creepy, repulsive man would never dare raise his head in her presence again.
“......”
As Asena opened her mouth, however, a sudden thought occurred to her: Was she eliciting the same feeling of repulsion in Cayden?
What if, just as she found that man repulsive, Cayden felt the same way about her?
The thought surged through her so overwhelmingly that she nearly cried in front of everyone.
The mask that Cayden had shattered had become fragments, no longer easily reassembled. Her emotions were too difficult to control.
She could no longer call after the departing man; she could barely contain her own tears.
If Cayden felt about her the same disgust she felt for that man, then Asena felt as if there would be no reason to continue living in this world.
What purpose could life hold for someone who is rejected and repulsed by the person they love the most?
Asena shook her head, banishing the thoughts and trying to console herself.
No, she was overthinking it. It wouldn’t be so. What had happened last night was simply a result of a shocking revelation, leading Cayden to speak more harshly than he intended.
As always, he would continue to be her pillar of support, still find her endearing, and still love her. Everything couldn’t have ended just because of last night. She had come here this morning to confirm that very fact.
Once again, Asena steadied her heart and waited in front of the male dormitory building.
Soon, the sound of familiar footsteps reached her ears. Among the hundreds of steps, only one sound distinctly resonated with her.
Asena looked up and bit her lip. As expected, Cayden stepped out of the building, looking somewhat more intense than usual.
The moment she saw his expression, fear gripped her. How could she possibly approach someone wearing such a look?
“...”
But she had no other choice. Clutching the hem of her clothes, she mustered the courage to call out to him.
“...O-Oppa...”
Cayden’s head turned toward Asena. His eyes widened in surprise when he found her, and he froze in place.
“...”
“...”
Asena pondered what to say, from among the hundreds of things she could say, where should she even begin?
As she licked her lips, hesitating, Cayden didn’t wait for her.
He simply turned his head away and walked past her, as if he hadn’t seen her at all.
-Thump.
Asena felt her heart drop.
It was the first time he had ever shown such coldness. Even when they had fought multiple times and he was mad at her, it never felt like this.
If his expression used to say “I’m angry. So, behave yourself,” now it seemed to convey “I don’t want to be entangled with you any longer.”
Asena tried to follow him, to take a step, but her legs gave way.
The realization that his words from yesterday were all true.
That he wouldn’t even give her the comfort of love anymore.
That she was the one who had ruined their relationship.
That her once-kind brother had changed so much.
The sudden realization of such facts hit her hard… so much that she couldn’t even walk.
People were watching her, but she couldn’t get up.
The murmurs in the crowd grew louder.
It was the first time people had seen her break down like this, and initially, they had just thought she had just fallen. But now, tears were falling from her eyes.
Still, nobody could muster the courage to approach her.
Because it was Asena Pryster who was shedding tears.
****
I couldn’t help but be shocked at the sight of Asena… Not being able to understand how desperate she must have been.
She hadn’t even changed out of yesterday’s clothes—No school uniform.
Her hair, disheveled, remained untamed.
Tear stains left untouched on her face.
She appeared before me in such a vulnerable state.
That was the moment I felt what I meant to her.
Had she loved me that much?
If it were a familial love, I would have readily shed tears of emotion, but the fact that it wasn’t made my heart uncomfortable.
I clenched my teeth and walked past her.
For the first time, I ignored my sister, my precious treasure.
I had to correct their twisted feeling. I had to reject it.
As I took a step, I heard the sound of someone collapsing behind me.
Simultaneously, the murmurs of the crowd grew louder.
-“..Ah...is...is she okay?”
-“...Did she just collapse...?”
-“...Did Asena Pryster just fall down...?”
I tried to close my eyes and take another step, but... my feet wouldn’t move.
It was as if my shoes had been glued to the ground.
I clenched my fists tightly and turned around.
Sure enough, my sister was on the ground, crying. And in public, no less.
The fa?ade she’d maintained her entire life had shattered mercilessly.
I couldn’t bear to see her like this.
I approached her, and once I gave the surrounding crowd a menacing look, they began to disperse one by one.
As the crowd dispersed, I spoke without bending my knees, standing straight.
“...Stop crying.”
My words were devoid of warmth, more like a command.
With her trembling arms, she weakly wiped her face. Tears that I would have wiped away for her, she had to wipe with her own hands.
“...Stand up.”
Asena bit her lip and exerted force into her legs. After stumbling and collapsing several times, she finally stood before me.
As soon as she stood, she reached out her hands toward me. Even when she was in front of Keirsey, she never expressed affection. But now, in a moment where everyone was stealing glances, she was trying to embrace me.
“...Don’t come any closer.”
Another command.
“H-huh...u-uhh...uhh...”
She tried hard to hold back her tears, but they broke through regardless, flowing as she stifled her sobs.
My heart tightened once more.
...Why in the world does she love me so much...
I turned my back.
“Ah...ah...!”
In her startled state, Asena let out fragments of words I couldn’t understand. Before she could look even more pitiful, I spoke.
“...Follow me.”
Only then could my feet finally move away from the vicinity of the dormitory.
****
The place we arrived at was my garden.
A place, which, thanks to unsavory rumors about me, I used to come to tend to the flowers.
Now, it had transformed into a space that’s both beautiful and fragrant.
...It really doesn’t suit the atmosphere between us.
But there was nowhere else to go.
Upon reaching the garden, I halted my steps.
The soft footsteps trailing behind me also stopped.
I didn’t turn around to look at Asena right away.
I needed a moment to catch my breath.
As I gazed at the flowers I had nurtured, I was lost in thought for a while.
If only raising my siblings were as straightforward as tending to these flowers…
I had thought pouring all my love and effort into them was the answer, but was I wrong?
I slowly turned my body around.
Locking eyes with Asena for a moment, I opened my mouth.
“...I can’t stand to see our family’s name tarnished because of me... Act like the head of Pryster house should.”
I spat out the words, bereft of warmth, without offering even a sliver of encouragement.
Asena had stopped crying, but her expression suggested she would break into tears again at any moment.
“....Then stay by my side. I don’t care about being the head of the house... All I need is for you to be with me.”
“Didn’t I say that’s not an option? Stop being so stubborn...!”
“...I don’t want to... I know myself. Without you...”
I let out a sigh.
What’s about to happen will surely hurt.
I’d been considering this method since yesterday. I’d hoped this moment would never come, but now I had no choice.
“...I’ll be clear.”
I further hardened my expression, leaving no room for misunderstanding.
“I’ve come to hate you.”
“...What?”
Asena’s eyes began to quiver. The tension in her face slowly dissipated.
“The fact that you harbor such feelings for me... disgusts me.”
As I spoke, I felt like vomiting. Not because Asena disgusted me, but because I disgusted myself. I knew just how much pain I was causing her just by the look on her face.
She seemed to struggle even to breathe, her raspy breaths filled with anguish.
“...Haa... Haa...!”
“Even if you weren’t my sister, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Talking behind the back of someone you claim to love. Making them a subject of contempt in social circles. You even tampered with my lance during the jousting competition.”
“...Sob... Oppa...”
Finally, I forced out the words that had been lingering on the tip of my tongue, words that I’d had difficulty uttering.
“...Yeah. The truth is, I’ve never loved you, not even once.”
“......”
At my words, her body froze for a moment.
“....Sob...ugh...”
Then, tears began to pool in her eyes... and with the release of a single tear, she broke into audible sobs.
She held nothing back, like a dam that had burst.
Her cries echoed throughout the garden.
The woman who had always been emotionally reserved and stoic was now crying like a child.
Yet, even so, I didn’t stop. In some twisted way, it might be a relief to me that she’s crying so hard.
Because then she won’t see the tears that have started to form in my own eyes.
“I only wanted to be a noble. I used you for that. Understood?”
I continued to spew cruel words at Asena, who was sobbing uncontrollably.
I wanted desperately to hold and comfort her, but the more that urge overcame me, the tighter I clenched my fists.
“How could I love someone like you? Stubborn, without a hint of affection, venomous... Yeah, you’re no different than a villainess.”
I kept tormenting her as she cried, her face unshielded, facing my harsh words.
“So don’t bother talking to me anymore. I’m going to be disowned by the family anyway, right? It’s a good thing. Right before that happens, I’ll move on to the Hexter family.”
Blood began to drip from my tightly clenched fist.
“Got it? I’ve used you as much as I needed to. You’re useless to me now. If you still care for me... just leave me be.”
I turned away and began to walk off.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t bear to see Asena crying like that.
But just as I was about to leave her behind once more, Asena’s words echoed.
The Asena, who had been sobbing uncontrollably just a moment ago, shouted at me with a voice tinged with malice.
“Stop lying!!!”
Her words, hurled with all her might, froze me in my tracks. Even though I knew I had to go, I couldn’t move.
She rushed up to me and stopped in front of me.
And then, blinking her tear-streaked eyes, she yelled at me.
“I know it’s all lies!”
“It’s not a lie.”
“It is a lie, a lie!”
With an expression tangled in tears and anger, she continued to speak.
“You don’t love me, you say? Anyone who’s not a fool knows that’s a lie...!”
“No, you’re a fool—”
“—Who takes care of someone all day long if they don’t love them!”
She began to dredge up moments from our past.
As she brought up those memories, the time we had spent together resurfaced in my mind, causing even more turmoil within me.
“Who listens to the whims and whines of someone they don’t love all night long! Who fights with nobles on behalf of someone they don’t love! Who comforts someone they don’t love, and who kisses someone they don’t love on the cheek!”
She swiftly grabbed the hem of my clothing. Unlike yesterday, this time, I couldn’t react.
With a voice tinged with bitterness, Asena pleaded with me.
“Stop hurting me, please! My heart hurts so much, I feel like I would die!”
I also couldn’t hold back any longer. Gritting my teeth, I shouted at her.
“The one who feels like dying is me! Why do you love me!”
I unleashed my frustration on her. I didn’t know what else to do with this stifling emotion.
Wiping away her tears with her sleeve, Asena spoke.
“I could list hundreds of reasons, but you don’t need to understand. I don’t even want you to! Why does love need a reason!”
She let go of my clothing and tightly hugged me.
Her face rested against my chest as she clung to me.
“Let go… Let go before I hate you even more, Asena!”
“If you already hate me, there’s nowhere left for me to go! This is the only way left to prove you’re lying...! You like me, don’t you! Say you do!”
Asena was still sobbing.
I tried to push her away, but in the end, I couldn’t resist her desperation.
I was drained, unable to make another move. With her coming this close, I couldn’t push her away any further, not at this moment.
Even after hearing my cruel words and even when I pushed her away physically, she still drew closer. What else could I do?
Asena kept hugging me and cried for quite some time.
I stood there, frozen. My mind was blank; I couldn’t do anything.
All I could hear was the hollow sound of Asena’s sobbing.
Gradually, Asena’s crying began to subside.
I felt the tension leave her arms, the arms that had held me.
Soon after, she collapsed in front of me.
- Thud.
It was as if she had exhausted herself with her crying, succumbing to sleep.
After that, my body moved on instinct.
I picked up the collapsed Asena into my arms.
One arm supported her back and neck, the other was under her knees.
With her in my arms, I began walking back toward the academy.
--- End Of The Chapter ---
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