Vaudevillain

It had taken less than a minute for hundreds of applications to fill Menagerie’s email. The teaser video had fans of the illustrious villain all wondering what he would get up to this time. Comments speculated, reaction Viewtubers gesticulated, and news stations started to spread the news.

So imagine everyone’s surprise when weeks later another trailer came out.

It opened with the normal fare one would see in World of Supers. A city filled with civilians walked about, chatting about nothing or trudging toward work. The camera panned until it focused on a section of the city filled with food carts, street performers, and happy people. It seemed some sort of party was going on.

A sharp-eyed viewer would spy Dr. Zlo’s titular top hat in the crowd, their prowess rewarded a moment later when the camera zoomed in on the villain. He walked around the festival with Cass in tow, the minion laden with a number of prizes.

The silver-skinned butler pushed his head around a large plush teddy bear. “Boss, I thought we were getting up to trouble?”

“We are, Cass,” the villain said as he stopped at an art stall filled with cartoonish drawings of super heroes.

“Boss, I don’t think—“

“I don’t pay you think, Cass,” Dr. Zlo interrupted.

“You don’t pay me at all, boss,” Cass answered.

Dr. Zlo glared at his butler, the minion quickly changing the subject. “It’s just, boss, I thought you had a grand plan?”

“I do,” the villain said, paying for a drawing of two supers in a rock paper scissors match. “Part that plan involves timing. Something I’m sure you wouldn’t know.”

“Right, boss,” Cass answered.

The two continued for a short moment. “So, uh, boss? What are we waiting for?”

“Patience Cass,” Dr. Zlo answered. “My plan shall soon be revealed.”

The villain stopped at a food truck, ordering a funnel cake that he took one bite of and unceremoniously tossed on the ground. He continued with a number of small but terrible crimes, such as cutting in line, as time passed.

Cuts of Dr. Zlo handing over money flashed across the screen, with more cuts to Cass as his burden grew larger and larger. Then, finally, the villain stopped in the center of the festival.

“Get ready, Cass,” the villain said, straightening his tie. “We have to look presentable for our first crime in this new world.”

“Right, boss,” Cass said. He tossed the junk away before moving to stand next to the villain.

“May I have your attention, please!” Dr. Zlo shouted.

A few of the festival goers looked over, though most ignored the call.

Dr. Zlo scoffed, activated his rocket boots, and blasted the area with his laser monocle. “I said! May I have your attention!”

The threat of violence did wonders for everyone’s attention span, and soon Dr. Zlo had a number of scared civilians hanging on his every word.

“Now, I’m sure you’re wondering who I am,” Dr. Zlo started. “Understandable, as I am no doubt a new face to those of you in this world. However, I find that to be a poor excuse! For the genius of I, Dr. Zlo, knows no bounds!”

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The civilians looked confused now. Which did not seem to be the emotion Dr. Zlo was going for. He continued his grandstanding with a sneer.

“It seems I am dealing with a rather uneducated lot! Very well, since it seems your feeble minds cannot grasp my magnificence I shall explain in simplistic terms! Again, my name is Dr. Zlo! Foremost villainous mastermind and destroyed of dimensions! I have come from my home to declare myself your new leader!”

The villain swooped low. “Now, I’m sure you’re wondering as to why I would start my conquest at such a droll place as a festival. However, if you could understand my genius you wouldn’t question! For you see, a festival is the perfect place to test my newest invention, Zlorrency!”

The villain snapped his fingers, and suddenly there was screaming from across the festival. A few of the nearby citizens suddenly yelped in surprise and pain as pockets and purses expanded then burst apart.

Small coins spilled from the openings, floating top hats, gloves, and dress shoes acting as limbs. Bills with Dr. Zlo’s face floated out before folding into dangerous looking animals. Each snarled at the citizens while the coins leaped around, grabbing wads of cash and jewels from the scared citizens.

“Yes, tremble in fear!” Dr. Zlo cackled. “My newest invention attacks the very economy of your world! Zlorrency is indistinguishable from normal currency, and will even change itself to instantly match any form of legal tender! Then when the time is right my minions shall strike, rendering entire reserves of cash mine for the taking! Yes, soon your nations shall tremble as their entire GDP is laid bare before me!”

The mad villain cackled with glee as his invention worked its way through the festival, taking everything that could be used as legal tender. Citizens wailed in distress, many calling out for help from heroes.

As if on cue, a voice in the distance called out.

“What ho, fiend!”

Dr. Zlo faltered at the noise, for the voice sounded familiar in some ways. There was a certain cadence? Timbre? Or perhaps it was something impossible to determine in a scientific way.

While none would say Dr. Zlo had a reedy voice, there was certainly a high-pitched quality to the villain. Not so with this new voice. This was a more self-assured tenor, smooth as a good scotch on the rocks. One could say it sounded similar to Dr. Zlo, but that would be the same as saying a Pitbull and a Pug are the same dog. Certainly similar, if you squinted and turned your head, but really the only comparison one might say is they’re both dogs.

However, the strangeness distracted Dr. Zlo long enough for a hero to enter the game.

He landed with a “Tally Ho!” swinging his cane around at the thieving coins. A flash of light accompanied the strike, which turned Dr. Zlo’s invention into inert metal only good for use as arcade tokens.

“Good morrow, villain!” the man said with a boom. “You now face Dr. Dobro! Gentleman Hero!”

Dr. Zlo blinked.

He stared.

He blinked again.

Standing before the villain was himself. Well, obviously not himself, but someone similar. Instead of black, Dr. Dobro wore a white suit that hung somewhat loose around his muscular frame. Instead of a top hat, he wore a safari hat snugly on his cranium.

The worst part of it all was the mustache. Where Dr. Zlo’s was thin and perfect for dastardly twisting, Dr. Dobro had a mustache ready for adventure. It was impeccably waxed with curls at the ends that oozed refinement.

A monocle rested over one of his cheery eyes.

“What mockery is this!” Dr. Zlo shouted.

“I say!” Dr. Dobro exclaimed. “Someone’s gone ahead and made an evil duplicate of myself!”

“You take that back!” Dr. Zlo growled. “If anything, you’re the boring version of me!”

“I say old chum that’s no way to talk to people,” Dr. Dobro commented.

“Well then,” Dr. Zlo said. “Since you refuse to fight with words, we shall fight with fists!”

Of course, Dr. Zlo cheated, firing his laser monocle in a surprise attack. Dr. Dobro seemed used to unsportsmanlike conduct, however, and simply stepped out of the way.

The fight lasted mere moments. Dr. Dobro using his cane and a monocle as well to finish off the Zlorrency still stumbling around. Dr. Zlo growled in annoyance at this but was unable to one-up his obvious parallel counterpart.

When the last minion fell, Dr. Zlo landed and stomped his foot in frustration. Angrily, he thrust his cane at Dr. Dobro. “Mark my words, you shall pay for this!”

“Ha ha! Many have attempted villain. But none could stand against the prowess of Dr. Dobro! Gentleman Hero!”

“Then I, Dr. Zlo, villainous mastermind, shall be the first to bring you low!”

And with that, Dr. Zlo launched himself into the sky, retreating as he schemed.

“And I know just the way to do it, too,” he said before the video finished.

The link to register appeared, swiftly followed by Dr. Dobro and Dr. Zlo calling for aid to their respective sides. More people flocked to sign up, the excitement building as Menagerie readied itself for its most intensive event yet.

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