Vaudevillain

A pop-up greeted Dylan as he emerged from the teleporter.

Welcome to the City of Lutetia! This historic town is a holdover from the times before heroes and dates all the way back to the medieval ages. Various knightly orders, along with the local heroes guild, patrol the cobble streets while secret societies vie for power in the undercity. Enlightened thinkers are abound in Lutetia and many have contributed to grand artifacts, such as the Gustaf Tower, a grand structure that also acts as a weather machine to keep the city nice and sunny all year round!

“You coming?” Jack asked.

“Sorry, was reading the description,” Dylan said.

“You read those?” Oro asked. “I always skip through them.”

“I like that I get a summary,” Dylan said as he stepped off the teleporter.

A new group of players moved past as soon as everyone left, practically shoving past the team. Lutetia’s teleporter room was easily twice as crowded as the room in Tutorial City. Dylan ended up standing shoulder to shoulder with players as they moved about, making the walk out an uncomfortable experience.

However, once the group had left the area, Lutetia opened up before them. Rustic buildings made of weathered brick lined the streets, each one hosting a small garden balcony above. The streets in question wound themselves around each other like knots on a string. Only the main roads had any semblance of structure to them. The main streets were arranged like a wheel spoke, each one leading to a grand arch in the middle of the city.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Sweet Dream started. “This is cool and all, but I don’t think the center of Paris is the Arc de Triumph.”

“Yeah, dudes,” Riptide said. “Isn’t it like, the Louvre?”

“Dunno,” Oro said. “Probably doesn’t matter all that much, right?”

Dylan nodded, his focus on the city buildings around him. Vert had done its best to capture the feel of an old European city but hadn’t quite nailed the effect. They got the aged look down, that was for sure. Everything had a sort of historic vibe to it. However, the city didn’t have the pedestrian vibe that Europe seemed to have. The roads, while cobble, were large enough to fit two cars, and restaurants had almost no outdoor seating.

“It does have an uncanny valley feel to it,” Dylan eventually said.

“Something Dr. Zlo might do to the city?” Jack asked with a smile.

Dylan laughed. “No, this is too subtle. Dr. Zlo wouldn’t do this unless it was a part of a bigger ploy. And even then he’d have to explain what he did so people understood his genius.”

“And Sweet Dream would roll her eyes while Riptide surfs around,” Oro finished.

“You know it, dude,” Riptide said.

“Speaking of Dr. Zlo,” Jack said. “How are we starting that questline?”

“It should be as simple as walking to the Gustaf Tower,” Oro said. “We should get a pop-up and all that.”

“Then lead the way,” Sweet Dream said.

“We should start getting into character too, I think,” Dylan said. “So make sure to call me Approximo.”

“Dude, that’s too long,” Riptide said. “I’m going to call you Prox.”

“But Approximo is my name,” Dylan said, getting into character. “It’s not Prox.”

“It’s just a nickname,” Jack said.

“I don’t understand, Nick is already a name,” Approximo said.

“It’s—Hold on.” Sweet Dream cleared her throat then started to speak with the poshest British accent she knew. “It’s a term of endearment, used by close friends to signal that you are important to them.”

Approximo smiled. “Then, I shall use this nickname as well!”

The hero turned to Firestarter. “I shall call you special, since you are the first I nickname.”

“It’s usually something that’s related to their name, Prox,” Jack said. “Like, I might call Of a Kind here Aces, since his name references playing cards.”

“Or how I might call Mirror Mirror Princess,” Oro said. “Since she acts like royalty.”

Sweet Dream turned her nose up. “I get the distinct feeling you’re nickname is trying to insult me.”

“What? No, never,” Oro replied with a smile.

“Then, I shall call Firestarter Star,” Approximo said.

“I dig it,” Firestarter said. “It’s kinda punk.”

“How is that punk?” Gameset asked.

Firestarter turned to Jack. “It just is. You can’t explain punk, man.”

“I’m pretty sure you can,” Gameset argued.

“We still need a nickname for Gameset,” Mirror Mirror said, before the conversation could devolve any further.

“Ref,” Of a Kind submitted.

“Haha!” Firestarter laughed. “Hey, Ref! What kind of a call was that! I love it.”

Jack shook her head. “You guys really know how to make a gal feel special.”

“We try,” Of a Kind smirked.

“So, dudes,” Firestarter said. “Our next gig is totally under the Gustaf Tower. I bet the acoustics there are amazing!”

Sweet Dream followed her boyfriend’s improv. “It’s an open area, there aren’t acoustics to speak of.”

“If we set up next to a pillar there might be some,” Gameset said.

“It will be fine,” Approximo answered. “Outside is easy. Star just has to scream louder.”

“My soulful voice does not scream, dude,” Firestarter said.

“I don’t know,” Of a Kind answered. “You can get pretty screechy sometimes.”

“Yeah, when you get preachy,” Gameset joked.

The group turned a corner, continuing their improvisation until a pop-up interrupted them.

Oh no! The dastardly Dr. Zlo has appeared in Lutetia with a new invention! He’s flying around, miniaturizing various cultural artifacts and gloating! Won’t somebody stop him!

As if on cue, a cutting laugh echoed throughout the streets. “Hahaha! Today you shall witness the greatness that is, Dr. Zlo!”

The titular character flew past the team of heroes. In his hands rested a spiraling gun that sparked with energy. Every so often Dr. Zlo would fire the weapon at a building or helpless citizen. When struck, the energy would cover them completely and shrink them down. Dr. Zlo would then toss his hat, arms materializing from inside and scooping the shrunken object up. It would then fly back to Dr. Zlo, who would start the process anew.

“That dude’s totally taking our crowd!” Firestarter shouted.

“And all the important buildings!” Gameset added.

“Then he shall face the blind lady of Justice and tell her what he did wrong!” Approximo shouted.

Mirror Mirror gave the hero a strange look.

Of a Kind pulled a pistol out of his inventory, copied it, and started firing at Dr. Zlo. Gameset did something similar, pulling out a hunting rifle instead of a pistol. The bullets reached Dr. Zlo, but bounced off a glowing shield of energy.

“Who dares interrupt me!” Dr. Zlo shouted.

“Us, dude!” Firestarter yelled.

“Yes! Give up now and we shall talk to the blind lady with you! She might let you off with community service!” Approximo shouted.

“Do, do you think the lady of justice is real?” Mirror Mirror asked.

“Of course?” Approximo said. “Why else would there be so many statues of her?”

“Give up? A genius of my caliber? Never!” Dr. Zlo shouted. “Instead, you should be the ones giving up! For I vastly outnumber you!”

“Uh, dude?” Firestarter looked around. “It’s just you here.”

“On the contrary!” Dr. Zlo shouted. “You see, I have friends in low places!”

The villain cackled, pressing a button on his sleeve. Energy glowed across the street, matching that from the shrink ray. The energy expanded, revealing a small army of Jacques standing ramrod straight.

“Jacques!” Dr. Zlo commanded. “Destroy them!”

The Jacques saluted as one and charged as Dr. Zlo flew off with a laugh. Approximo leaped forward, activating his power as he spotted some vines creeping up the side of a house. His hands transformed, growing long and winding until they matched the vines. The hero whipped his arms out, lassoing some of the Jacques in front of him.

“Please, do not cause property damage,” Approximo said. “This is a very old and important city.”

The captured Jacques struggled, but Approximo wove his fingers together with his power, forming a net to keep them together.

“Everyone, get the Jacques in the net,” Gameset said.

Of a Kind nodded, aiming his pistols at the Jacques’s limbs to cripple. Firestarter cordoned off the area with his powers, conjuring flames high enough to keep the Jacques together.

Gameset moved forward, shouting. “Prox, hold the net high in the air!”

Approximo obeyed. Gameset took a sprinter’s position for a moment before darting forward. She grabbed a Jacques by the arm, twisted in place to throw them to the ground, then rolled their legs onto their torso. She then picked the minion up and adopted a basketball pose.

“Nothing but net,” She said.

The Jacques went sailing through the air, landing perfectly atop the basket of captured Jacques.

“I suppose it is my turn,” Mirror Mirror said. She pointed to Gameset before transforming into the woman and copying her movements. Jacques on each side of the net found themselves curled up and tossed like basketballs.

“Haha, awesome!” Firestarter said.

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