Vaudevillain

Dylan turned to see a small group of players led by the swearer from earlier.

“Do you have any f*cking idea how much you f*cked things up?” the player screeched.

“Dude, chill,” Riptide said. “It’s just a game.”

“You f*cking lost us the drops,” the player spat. “There’s a certain f*cking path you f*cking take for the loot. And you f*cked it up.”

“There’s no path?” Dylan replied with a furrowed brow.

“Of course there f*cking is,” the player answered. “You f*cking start at the art museum and f*cking fight the Jacques, then you f*cking chase after him to the other landmarks as Dr. Zlo keeps shrinking everything. Then, you f*cking fight through the streets against stronger f*cking minions, wait for Dr. Zlo to shrink the tower, then f*cking attack him at the last moment. That f*cking makes him call his biggest minion which has the best drops!”

“Are you incapable of other swear words or something?” Jack asked.

“F*ck you,” the player said.

“So run it again,” Sweet Dream said. “We’re done with this place now.”

“Dude, we don’t owe you anything,” Riptide answered.

The player walked up and poked Riptide in the chest. “The f*ck you don’t! Everyone knows that you’re supposed to run the quest like we did. I’m not about to let trolls take our prize.”

“Hey, there’s no need for that,” Oro said.

“Look, we’re sorry about getting in your way,” Dylan said, trying to deescalate the conversation. “But, I know for a fact that these quests are designed with open solutions. There isn’t a better or worse loot table.”

“The f*ck there isn’t!” the player shouted. “We know what the forums said.”

The players all behind the swearer nodded.

Dylan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not this again,” he whispered.

This felt like a speedrun of his fight with John. Play the game the ‘right’ way or get bullied. He scoffed. “Some heroes.”

“That’s f*cking it!” the player shouted. “I’m f*cking tired of trolls like you getting in the f*cking way!”

“Woah, cool it Dom,” another hero said. “The penalty for attacking other heroes is harsh.”

“I don’t f*cking care!” the player shouted. “Someone needs to teach these f*ckers a lesson.”

The rest of the player’s group wasn’t so gung-ho, and many started to try and stop Dom from attacking. It wasn’t hard to pick up pieces of the conversation. From the sound of it, the group had a goal to collect all of Dr. Zlo’s questline questline drops. Yet, somehow, other players were always getting in the way.

While the players argued, Jack walked up beside Dylan. “So, what do you want to do?”

Dylan sighed. “This kinda ruined the whole fun thing, didn’t it?”

“F*ck them,” Sweet Dream said. “*ssholes like that won’t ruin my enjoyment.”

“We should probably log out, though,” Oro said. “If we leave any other way I’ll bet these guys will attack us.”

“Works for me, dude,” Riptide said.

“Meet up in call after logging out?” Dylan asked.

The others nodded. As one, the group logged out, leaving the arguing players behind.

Dylan joined the call with the others after removing the VIS and setting it on a hat stand he’d bought. He’d accidentally knocked it off his desk one day and the resulting noise had made him somewhat paranoid about breakages. The VIS was an expensive piece of equipment after all.

“The nerve of those assholes,” Sweet Dream said when she entered the voice channel.

“Tell me about it,” Oro said. “I get wanting the best odds for a drop, but don’t be a dick about it.”

“So, what should we do now?” Jack asked.

“I’m still down to game, dudes,” Riptide said. “I don’t mind doing more hero quests.”

“Something tells me that the quests are going to be filled with people like that guy,” Dylan said. “And I’d rather not deal with that right now.”

“That’s fair,” Jack said.

The whole debacle with John was still fresh in Dylan’s mind. He felt he should be over it already. He’d gotten revenge, which had been satisfying. However, he also knew that the feelings of a years long friendship didn’t vanish overnight. The wound was still fresh, and players acting like his old friend would only upset him.

“Anyone got a new game they want to try?” Dylan asked.

“Nah, dude,” Riptide said. “I haven’t been looking.”

“I’ve been looking at some upcoming games,” Sweet Dream said. “But nothing’s released yet. Some cool stuff though.”

“Like what?” Oro asked.

“A new fantasy MMO for the VIS,” Sweet Dream said. “It sounds alright so far but they’ve only released concepts. It’s your normal defeat the dark lord kind of business, but the twist is the first half of the game is a roguelite. You can team up with five people and explore, getting random powerups and quests. Once you get off the island the MMO opens up, letting you join factions and create kingdoms.”

“Dude, that sounds awesome!” Riptide said with his usual cheer. “We could be kings of the surf!”

“Are you telling me your character would, once again, be a surfer?” Oro asked.

“Course, dude. Gotta play to my strengths,” Riptide answered.

Dylan chuckled. “That could be fun. When’s it coming out?”

“Dunno yet,” Sweet Dream said. “The trailers only say later this year, but since it’s early into it that could be anytime.”

“Well, maybe the competition will get Vert to pay more attention to World of Supers,” Jack said. “Maybe figure out a way to get idiots like that swearing moron their own space so they don’t bother us.”

“Yeah, what was with that guy anyway?” Oro asked. “Who drops fuck like every other word?”

“Kids,” Sweet Dream said. “It’s gotta be like, some thirteen year old mouth-breather who gets off to the thrill of a new and taboo swear word.”

“I was fully ready to believe the guy had Tourettes,” Dylan said.

“Nah, he was using it too easily for that,” Jack said. “If it was Tourettes you could tell.”

“Well, he’s still an ass,” Sweet Dream said.

“Yeah, dude. How is it that the villains we know in game are the nicer people?” Riptide asked.

“I wasn’t a villain,” Oro said.

“Me neither,” Jack said.

“Eh, three out of five is still passing, so I stand by my assertion, dudes,” Riptide said.

“You can’t see me, but I’m rolling my eyes at you,” Sweet Dream said.

“You can roll your eyes at me anytime, babe,” Riptide replied.

“Ugh, you’re impossible,” Sweet Dream answered.

“So, we still haven’t decided what to do next,” Oro said.

“Oh, I could show you all the villain I made to be Dr. Zlo’s ‘sicdekick,’” Jack said.

“Oh yeah, you were planning to do that weren’t you?” Dylan said.

“Wait how come she gets to be a sidekick, dude,” Riptide said. “I was there first.”

“You’ve got your own thing going,” Dylan answered. “Besides, Dr. Zlo is dressed like a gentleman. A gentleman and a surfer? No way, dude.”

Riptide laughed. “Dude, you don’t get it. It can be a whole play on words. Gentleman and surfer instead of scholar.”

“What about me then?” Sweet Dream asked. “Are you going to abandon the candy queen of crime to go be a sidekick to a villain with hair-brained schemes?”

“Dr. Zlo never has any hair-brained schemes,” Dylan said. “Though, now that you mention it we could totally do something with that. Maybe a hairspray that makes people bald or something?”

“Why would it make them bald?” Oro asked.

“So Dr. Zlo could sell wigs and toupees,” Dylan answered off-the-cuff.

“Which he implanted with mind control devices,” Jack continued.

“Everyone without hair will be so embarrassed they’ll have to buy our product!” Dylan said, mimicking Dr. Zlo. “And then, once enough people have our wigs.”

“We shall take over the world!” Jack finished.

The group laughed.

“I think that’s a bit too hair-brained, even for Dr. Zlo,” Oro said.

“It does have a lot of moving parts,” Dylan said. “But I bet that we could get something like it working as long as we’re subtle about it.”

“But we all know Dr. Zlo doesn’t do subtle,” Jack said.

“Now there’s an idea,” Dylan said. “What if Dr. Zlo helps out the rest of you in crimes instead of you helping him?”

“That could be fun,” Sweet Dream said.

“What if you make a device that hides your presence or turns you into a minion?” Oro said. “And you can hide in the background until your big reveal, claiming that in fact, it was your plan all along.”

“Dude, Dr. Zlo as a shark would be hilarious!” Riptide laughed. “Imagine him with his top hat and monocle.”

“Dapper shark, the best kind of shark,” Jack said. “But, what would Oro and I’s role be?”

“I still have the villain character from the moon assault,” Oro said. “It wouldn’t be hard to use that. And you can use Dr. Zlo’s sidekick. Heck, you could even be disguised with him, revealing yourself at the last moment.”

“Dude! I love it,” Riptide said. “Now I just have to think about the crime.”

“Knowing you it’ll be surfing a skyscraper or something,” Sweet Dream laughed.

“Wait, dudes,” Riptide said. “That gives me an idea. I should try to surf a space station!”

“That… Well that doesn’t sound bad,” Sweet Dream said.

Riptide laughed. “Alright! Girlfriend seal of approval let’s go!”

“Shut up,” Sweet Dream said.

“Cool. How about we get back in game as our villains and meet up at the cafe in Skyline?” Jack offered.

“Sounds good,” Dylan answered.

The rest gave similar answers.

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