Vaudevillain

Cookie stumbled out of the smashed car, holding its head in its hands as glass and metal screeched under its feet. The cat meowed in the distance, and the Jacques focused on the noise. That cat was going to pay for humiliating Cookie.

The cat in question sat on the sidewalk, devouring the two skewers that it stole. Cookie could only let it happen, as the minion was still disoriented from the fall. The world felt like a sailboat in a storm, shifting back and forth as if trying to throw the minion overboard.

Eventually, Cookie shook the dizziness out, but it was too late for the minion to stop the cat from eating. The minion recovered to see the cat licking the last bit of fat off its paw. Cookie squared its shoulders and adjusted its hat, only to find that its hat wasn’t atop its head.

The piece of clothing had fallen off during the fall, leaving the minion’s bald head exposed to the elements. It landed on top of a mailbox, the blue-painted metal matching nicely with the hat. Cookie decided to get its hat later. Right now, a cat needed to be taught a lesson.

The minion decided to take things slow this time. Time wasn’t of the essence now that the skewers were gone. And so Cookie took to its tiptoes and slowly crept forward. The Jacques stepped around the broken glass from the smashed car and over the bent pieces of metal without a sound.

However, Cookie failed to realize that sneaking around required more than just getting on your tiptoes and staying silent. There was a little something called line of sight, and the cat had more than enough of it.

Therefore, when Cookie crept close, the cat leisurely stood, yawned, then paced down the sidewalk. The Jacques followed, making sure to keep on its toes.

Cookie followed the cat through the strange chrome streets and out through an alleyway. The chrome fell away like old paint, replaced by rusted pipes that twisted across buildings like snakes. Trash dotted the landscape, various pieces of scrap metal and plastic arranged in various shapes.

The cat marched on, forcing Cookie to tiptoe around the trash. The process slowed the minion down, but luckily it seemed as if the cat was waiting for the minion to follow.

The two strange companions continued onward. The cat meandering around the streets with Cookie sneaking behind. NPC onlookers and even a few players stared at the two in confusion. It wasn’t every day a minion snuck around on tiptoes after a cat.

Cookie kept its eyes peeled as it watched the cat walking, wary of any sudden movements. The minion wasn’t going to get caught with its pants down this time. No, if the cat did anything suspicious Cookie would leap to action and deliver swift justice!

A tantalizing smell caught Cookie’s attention, and he turned to see a stall selling deep-fried cookie dough. The cat smelled the food as well, and prepared to saunter over.

A thundering growl sounded before either minion or cat could make their way to the stall. Cookie turned to see a giant, mechanical bulldog growling as it walked out of a nearby alley.

At one point the dog had to have been organic. Drool dripped from the animal and patches of fur could be found across its body. But most of the creature had been replaced by the various scrap metals and plastics around the street. Smoke billowed from the bulldog’s backside as a diesel engine revved.

The cat froze, then arched its back and hissed angrily. The bulldog responded with a loud bark, the noise nearly deafening Cookie.

“Oh, shut up stupid mutt!” many of the NPCs yelled.

The bulldog did not shut up. The complaints and jeers only seemed to spur it onward.

Cookie was only too happy to watch as its skewer stealing nemesis was threatened. Dr. Zlo taught that revenge could be served many ways, and while the most satisfying was personal revenge, watching your enemy fall to hubris was a close second.

Now, if only Cookie had some popcorn. The minion turned to search, taking his eyes off the bulldog. There was still the deep-fried cookie dough, but the Jacques decided it might be a better idea to save such a crazy food for later. After all, it still needed to figure out how to eat normal foods.

With no popcorn, Cookie resigned itself to enjoying the show in a more mundane way. The minion tiptoed nearby, utterly assured in its stealthy ability.

The bulldog’s head snapped over to the Jacques and growled. Cookie ignored it. As if a mangy mutt could discover such a successful sneaker.

The minion crept closer until it had a clear view of the bulldog’s great teeth. The cat continued to hiss, its hackles raised to intimidate. Cookie could only scoff at how silly the animal was being. As if some hissing would scare the bulldog off.

No, the Jacques would get a front-row seat to his foe’s demise.

At least that was the plan until the bulldog jumped at Cookie.

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