Vaudevillain

Dr. Zlo's base in skyline situated itself on the under-northwest side, just beside the crafting building. The inside of which the villain filled with souvenirs of his various conquests and pieces of his last used gadgets. The gender bender gun, Dr. Zlo's first prominent weapon, sat on a pedestal in the center of the room, a backdrop of trains behind it. Jacques in maid outfits moved through the room, polishing the various pieces of equipment to the best of their ability.

Their ability wasn't all that much.

The trophy room connected to a long hallway. A flat, grey, boring tunnel that linked the trophy room to Dr. Zlo's main building of operations. All manner of imaginable traps and obstacles hid behind the tunnel walls, preventing anyone without authorization from passing through. In this case, that meant anyone not Dr. Zlo.

Four figures stood at the end of the tunnel, pouring over the walls like prospectors searching for treasure. Hands ran around the wall's face, searching for anything that might be a weak spot. A set of canes rested on the wall opposite, resembling Dr. Zlo's gadget but with none of the splendor.

"There has to be a switch somewhere," one of the men said. His voice sounded like a bird's tweet, high and sonorous.

Another man put a finger to his lips and shushed. "Do you want Brunhilda to find us?" he muttered. This man's voice was a low hum, like when someone blows on a large jug.

"I think I got something!" another exclaimed. This man spoke in harmony to the first, his voice melodic.

"What is it?" the last asked in baritone.

The four men crowded around each other, and it was apparent that they were related. In fact, an observer would go as far as to wonder why god copied and pasted the same face four times. To make it worse, each man dressed like they were in a barbershop quartet. The only difference one could find between the men would be their height and shape.

The four men, despite the similar faces, were vastly different in size. The man with the high voice was equally tall and as skinny as a rail, while the man with the lowest voice was as tall as he was wide, giving him a squarish look. The last two men were somewhere between the others in size, their proportions resembling a human and not a strange alien trying to pass.

They jostled between each other, trying to be the first to see what one of them found.

"Stop pushing," the man with the tenor voice said, shoving back his companions. "I found it, so I get to check it out."

The three others harrumphed, their grunts all harmonizing.

The tenor voiced man ran his hands on the tunnel wall once more, stopping when he felt the small bump that protruded.

"There you are," he sang. The man pressed his thumb on the protrusion and smiled as a panel flicked open.

"You did it!" the others cheered. They grabbed each other in a hug, squeezing the life out of the tenor in their happiness.

"Quartet!" A shrill voice shouted.

The four men stilled like prey. The predator was looking for them. Quickly, the men thumbed the panel closed and rushed to their canes. They snatched the canes up just as the sound of heavy footsteps rounded the corner.

"You best not be Zneaking around near Herr Zlo's Ztash, da?" the shrill voice said.

The four men looked at each other in panic, then clacked their canes together. A flash of light blinded the room, revealing a single man in the tunnel. He was the amalgamation of the four from earlier, and his singular cane shone with a multicolored dazzle.

Quartet adjusted the bow tie on his collar and strode out of the tunnel. He made it to one of Dr. Zlo's laboratories before the shrill voice caught up with him.

"Quartet! Why are you not in your poszition?" the shrill voice demanded as it rounded the corner.

Quartet whirled, his best smile on his face. "Brunhilde! Always a pleasure to see you. I thought I heard a rat."

The minion known as Brunhilde snorted, "Pleaze. I know of your tricks. You zhink I don't have a brain?"

Brunhilde stomped up to her target, her heavy boots sending shakes through Quartet with each step. The woman was built like a brick house, if said house was a pillbox from a world war. Muscles rippled under her conservative maid outfit as she walked, and Quartet couldn't help but back away. He couldn't help it; Brunhilde had all the grace of a lady packed into a six-foot frame of death.

"Look me in ze eye vhen I'm talking!" Brunhilde commanded.

Quartet looked up, giving the woman his best smile. Immediately, the minion's eyes went to the mark under Brunhilde's eye. A small scar marred the woman's regal face, right where a beauty mark would typically sit.

"Herr Zlo might tolerate you, Quartet," Brunhilde said once the minion looked up, "but know zat I don't trust you. Not zince you tried to lock me inside Herr Zlo's Dizcombobulator."

"I told you! That was an accident!" Quartet protested.

Brunhilde sniffed, "Like it vas an, 'accident,' when you fired zat gun at me?"

"Well–"

"Und vhen you, 'lost control of zhat zord?'"

"I mean–"

"UND vhen you tried–"

"Okay! Okay!" Quartet shouted, throwing his hands up to ward off Brunhilde. "So I'm accident prone! But I assure you that I have every intention of following Dr. Zlo!"

"Zat remains to be zeen," Brunhilde sniffed.

Quartet sighed, a bit more theatrically than intended, "Why are you looking for me, anyway?"

"Herr Zlo iz returning," Brunhilde said. "He iz bringing the first quarry."

Quartet smiled and rubbed his hands together, "Finally."

"Yes, now we get to see vhat our leader iz planning," Brunhilde replied.

"I'm fairly certain I know what he's planning," Quartet said.

"Oh?" Brunhilde raised an eyebrow as she escorted Quartet to the briefing room, "Do tell?"

"All his targets are people of importance in the world," Quartet said. "We're going to ransom them back for cash."

"Hmm," Brunhilde replied, placing a hand under her chin. "It zeems a bit zimple for Herr Zlo."

"Trust me," Quartet said. "Nothing is better than a lump of cold, hard cash."

The two minions walked into the briefing room, arriving just before Dr. Zlo and his entourage. The Jacques came in first, carrying a tied Wyapp in like he was a hunting prize. Mabel and Cass strode in after, the former resting in a chair carried by her Jacobs. Finally, Dr. Zlo waltzed into the room, a wicked smile on his face.

"And so begins the plan, my friends," the villain said, placing himself in a high-backed chair at the front of the room. The other minions situated themselves around, jockeying for the positions nearest to their leader. Cass ended up on Dr. Zlo's right, as intended, while Brunhilde ended up on Dr. Zlo's left this time. Mabel hadn't bothered to be a part of the scuffle, instead choosing to focus on their captive. Quartet, avoiding Brunhilde like the plague, stood next to Cass.

"Hon, are you going to explain the entirety of your plan now?" Mabel asked. "I'm wondering what a small-time agent in such a boring city is worth."

"Practically nothing, by normal means," Dr. Zlo answered. "Ultra City would never pay to have him back."

"Then what's the point?" Quartet complained.

Dr. Zlo turned to his minion, "Ah. Quartet. I trust you're doing well? How was watching the base while I was gone."

"I found him zneaking around ze trophy room," Brunhilde spoke.

"Don't you lie!" Quartet protested. "You found me in the laboratory!"

Brunhilde smirked, and Quartet paled.

Dr. Zlo shook his head, "Ah, Quartet. You really must control that temper. Didn't I explicitly state you needed to watch the gates today? And any, any, deviation of that would mean punishment?"

"I thought I saw a rat, boss," Quartet tried to plead. "I was only looking out for your wellbeing!"

"Be that as it may," Dr. Zlo said. "I do need you to follow my orders when I give them. Therefore!"

Dr. Zlo stood and thrust his cane at Quartet, "You are my point man for the next abduction!"

"Boss, please don't!" Quartet cried. "I'll do anything else; please don't have me lead the Jacques!"

Dr. Zlo scoffed, "Quartet, how are you supposed to be a leader of minions if you can't even control the most basic of my creations."

"It's not my fault, boss," Quartet complained.

"It never is," Dr. Zlo answered. "However, my mind is made up. Mabel and Brunhilde shall hold the fort while we're away."

The two minions nodded.

"I've gotten off-topic," Dr. Zlo said. "We were talking about my plan!"

With a flourish, Dr. Zlo produced a blueprint filled to the brim with sketches and writing.

"Behold! Our newest plot!"

"Dr. Zlo's Marvelous Moustache-off?" Brunhilde said, puzzling over the words.

"Indeed," Dr. Zlo answered. "You see, it's come to my attention that people aren't appreciating my sense of style. My fans adore the classic suit and cane combo, and I have a very devout following for the monocle. But! No one wants to see the mustache."

"I don't follow," Quartet said.

Dr. Zlo looked at the minion like he was stupid, "Quartet, branding is one of the most important steps a proper villain can take. It wouldn't do to have people see your crimes and not know who did them."

"That doesn't make sense," Quartet continued.

"Spoken like a true yokel," Dr. Zlo sniffed.

Quartet glowered.

"Would you believe most of my complaints are about my mustache?" Dr. Zlo continued, ignoring Quartet's glare. "They want me to wear a goatee instead. Can you imagine? Me, with a goatee? Why it's preposterous."

"I dunno, hon. It might give you a more menacing air," Mabel said.

"I'm not going for menacing, Mabel," Dr. Zlo argued. "The goal is magnificent."

"I think you're magnificent, boss. No matter what you have," Cass said.

"Thank you, Cass. Now, since others don't understand the power of my mustache, I have devised a plan to prove my greatness!"

"Zis, moustache-off," Brunhilde surmised.

Dr. Zlo pointed at his minion, "Exactly! We shall kidnap others in the world with the grandest mustaches and hold a competition! The greatest mustache wins a prize!"

"Are the kidnapees at least people of importance?" Quartet asked.

"Of course?" Dr. Zlo looked at his minion quizzically again. "After all, mustaches are things for the powerful."

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