Vaudevillain

The inside of the building was just as drab as the outside. The square skyscraper held a square stairwell that led to a square floor with square rooms. There were so many squares, Dylan was starting to wonder if Vert gave this job to the design interns. The player scoffed, the artistic architect inside him judging whoever made the buildings.

The absolute least the designer could have done was break up the uniformity around the hallways. But no, that was too much apparently. The doors mirrored each other as Dr. Zlo strolled down the hallway to the elevators on the opposite side of the building. Mabel stayed on the stairs, making her way down a floor at a time. She was the contingency this time around.

"They could have at least put a plant somewhere," Dr. Zlo muttered as he moved through the grey halls. "And I'm amazed that Ultra City 12 put the elevators so far from the stairs."

"Why's that, boss?" Cass asked.

"It seems like a terrible hazard," Dr. Zlo said. "If a fire breaks out, wouldn't someone run to the elevators first?"

"I don't know, boss," Cass answered. As a butler, he wasn't well versed in things like stairwell placement.

"Makes it easier for us, I suppose," Dr. Zlo said.

The two villains arrived at the elevators a moment later. Two slightly dented doors greeted the evildoers, with a sparking call button sitting between them.

Dr. Zlo tsked, directing the Jacques toward the door, "It's a good thing cameras are located on the lower floors. I wouldn't dare to be seen in such a run-down place."

Dr. Zlo looked at his sincere butler, "Sadly, Cass, we have no time. Our operation requires haste. But I do think we'll need to come back here soon. To show this city how to live with a bit of class, I think."

Dr. Zlo glanced back at his Jacques, "Well? Have you opened the door already?"

The Jacques stood next to each other, looking between themselves like clueless passersby witnessing a car wreck. No one wanted to be the first to press the switch, and no one wanted to be the first to nominate someone. They already knew that getting overeager meant getting the bad jobs. Dr. Zlo had confirmed that.

The villain sighed. "You," he pointed to a minion.

Said minion jumped behind his companion, using its body as a shield.

Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes, "Stop sulking and get on with it already."

The Jacques peeked out from behind its companion, its faceless features somehow giving off an air of, "who me?"

"Yes, you," Dr. Zlo growled. "And if you don't jump to it, I'm going to open the doors myself and throw you down."

The Jacques hopped up, saluting and dashing over to the elevator call button. It sparked again as the Jacques neared, making the minion jump in surprise. Warily, the NPC brought a shaky finger forward, pressing the button down softly. The elevators buzzed, faulty wiring activating the machinery to bring Dr. Zlo's first step of the plan to him.

The villain pointed with his cane, "The rest of you, split into two and get those doors open."

The Jacques saluted, breaking into four groups, one for each side of elevator doors. As a group, the Jacques all pretended to spit on their hands and then rubbed them together before grabbing the door's edges. Dr. Zlo rolled his eyes at the exaggerated motions.

"Hurry up. Or do you want the elevator to arrive?"

The Jacques heaved as one, and the sound of grinding gears filled the hallway. Cass brought his hands up to his ears to block the noise, his silver tray becoming a fashion accessory for the butler's ears. Dr. Zlo stood patiently, exactly like a criminal mastermind should.

Not a moment too soon, the doors opened, revealing the ascending elevators.

"Right," Dr. Zlo said. "You and you, jump down onto the elevator and find the maintenance hatch. You'll need to sneak in for this to work."

The two groups of Jacques looked down and gulped. The jump looked a bit farther than they were comfortable with.

"Oh, get going," Dr. Zlo urged, pushing a few of his minions.

The Jacques flailed, their arms windmilling to try and keep them in place. But it was too late for the minions, so they did the next best thing that came to mind. The Jacques grabbed at their companions next to them, dragging half of Dr. Zlo's group down into the shaft.

The Jacques landed with a thud, kicking up a cloud of dust. Coughing (or at least pretending to), the Jacques went on all fours. They weren't about to fall off this contraption of doom, no sir.

Stifling a laugh at their antics, Dylan waited for the elevator to arrive, then filed in with his remaining crew.

"What floor, boss?" Cass asked.

"Head down to the ground floor, Cass," Dr. Zlo said. "We need to make sure things start off with a bang."

Affairs Agent Wyapp Eart was enjoying his break in Megabuilding A0. If you could call a stimcaf injection a break. The day was surprisingly peaceful. There had only been two littering infractions from minors and one noise complaint.

Wyapp had lectured the two kids, then let them off with a five-year community service sentence. The little scamps weren't trying to cause harm, so there was no need for the work camp term. The noise complaint ended in no time at all. Some barking dog had escaped the farms, and a curious teenager had found it in the vents. Wyapp helped the teen learn the importance of pest control.

Yes, things were safe in Megabuilding A0, thanks to Wyapp and his other AA's.

No sooner had the officer thought the words when the doors leading to the streets exploded. Glass and concrete rained to the floor, an industrial rainfall that pulled everyone's attention.

Wyapp's hand reached for his gun, whipping out the modified pistol and aiming it in the direction of the explosion.

"Good day to you, Ultra City Twelve!" A maniacal voice shouted. "I am Dr. Zlo! Criminal mastermind! You may have heard of me."

The Megabuilding was silent, save for Wyapp and his weapon. The Affairs Agent was marching toward the offender, his voice a rote repetition of Ultra City's laws.

"For the crime of conspiracy to commit littering, you will be sentenced to fifteen years hard labor in work camp seventy-two. For the crime of destruction of property, you will be sentenced to thirteen years of labor in camp forty-four. For the crime of obstructing the patrol of an Affairs Agent, you will be sentenced to thirty-two years labor in camp ten followed by sixteen years of community service. Any complaint about your sentence will be held against you. If you have any other crimes to confess before your arrest, do so now."

Dr. Zlo looked over at the officer, the villain's wicked smile growing.

"Just the man I needed to see!" Dr. Zlo said. "I do have some crimes to confess to, Wyapp Eart of the Ultra City 12 Affairs Agents."

Wyapp paused his march, waiting to let the criminal confess his sins before bringing out the cuffs.

Dr. Zlo leaned onto his cane, "You see, officer, it is my intention to kidnap you, broadcast your helplessness for everyone to see, then send you home a changed man while I bask in the glory that comes from upstaging someone such as yourself."

"For the crime of attempted kidnapping, you will be sentenced to seventy years hard labor at camp sixty-six followed by an immediate execution," Wyapp replied instantly. The Agent pulled out a pair of handcuffs, "Please comply."

"No, I don't think I will," Dr. Zlo announced.

"The punishment for resisting arrest is death," Wyapp said.

The Affairs Agent whipped his gun around, firing three shots in quick succession at the villain lounging in front of the doors. Dr. Zlo didn't move from his spot, letting his minions flow in front of him. Cass blocked the incoming bullets with his tray. Metallic ringing echoed through the building, signaling the start of the fight.

"Jacques, make sure the man isn't too beat up. We can't have his facial features too disheveled before his guest star appearance."

The Jacques saluted before rushing at Wyapp all at once. The Agent retreated behind a food cart, steadying his weapon on the cart handle. Bullets chipped arms and legs off Dr. Zlo's minions, sending many to the ground where they rolled on the ground in pain.

"Oh walk it off!" Dr. Zlo shouted. It seemed his upgrades to the minions were working well. His Jacques could finally take a hit or two from gunfire.

"Do you surrender yet, officer?" Dr. Zlo continued. "I promise not to traumatize you too much if you come quietly."

The only answer from the Agent came in the form of bullets. Sighing, Dr. Zlo watched as his quarry maneuvered through the floor, making his way to the security room Dr. Zlo already disabled. It was amazing how easy it had been to sneak past the cameras and into the room. The player inwardly wondered if this city was supposed to be stealth focused.

The sound of doors slamming shut pulled Dylan back into the fight, and Dr. Zlo strode forth to continue the chase. Wyapp had made his way over to the stairs now, exactly where Dr. Zlo wanted him. As the officer forced the doors open, he came face to face with Mabel's newest collection. Gangsters from all floors stood on the stairs, their weapons trained on Wyapp.

"Checkmate, I think," Dr. Zlo said as his Jacques tackled the man to the ground.

"On to the next city, boss?" Cass asked.

"Let's drop our captive off first," Dr. Zlo said. "I need to check on Quartet."

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