Vaudevillain

The Zlomobile appeared in the midst of a tree canopy. Emerald leaves masked its presence from the road nearby, giving the team a moment to collect themselves.

"You know, dudes," Riptide said with a sniff. "This place doesn't smell very fragrant."

"It's a city," Mabel said with a roll of her eyes. "Fragrance doesn't come with the territory."

"The smell of it doesn't matter!" Dr. Zlo commented. "All that matters is finding a factory that can make my grand inventions."

Dr. Zlo shifted the car out of park and maneuvered it onto the road. The self-driving function took over a moment later as the villain opened his GPS to search.

"Let's see… we'll need a place somewhat out of the way, so heroes don't get ideas. And it should have access to the materials I need."

"Which are?" Mabel asked.

Dr. Zlo waved a hand. "Plastics, computer chips, the usual."

Eventually Dr. Zlo settled on a small factory on the edge of the city, some family owned business or something. It didn't matter, whoever owned it would soon find themselves under the foot of the great Dr. Zlo.

The Zlomobile drove off, keeping a sedate pace so as not to attract attention. While Dr. Zlo desperately wished to announce his presence, doing so would endanger his plan. Heroes would swarm the city if they learned the villain was here, no doubt finding his hidden factory. Alas, he would have to stay silent.

The villain distracted himself by imagining the various surrounding skyscrapers were demolished and rebuilt in his image. Large banners of 'Dr. Zlo is watching!' matched with bland architecture, with faces of Dr. Zlo being the only flair allowed. It got old rather quickly, but it passed the time. The villains soon found themselves near the factory.

It was an old thing, the building. It reminded Dr. Zlo of the first factories during the industrial revolution. One large building sat in front, windows dotting its multiple floors. Behind that sat the warehouses and machines in a wide, flat-roofed structure dotted with towering chimneys. Chimneys that were in use, apparently.

"Hmm, I had assumed this place would be abandoned," Dr. Zlo said with a twirl of his mustache. "No matter! A few workers are no match for the might of my magnificent minions!"

Dr. Zlo slapped the trunk of his car, activating the device inside. A Jacques's hand popped out of the trunk, pulling the rest of itself out with a heave. The Jacques tumbled, stood, then turned back to the trunk and grabbed the next hand. Another Jacques appeared, then another, and another, until multiple squads milled about. Lugs and Egghead variants joined in a moment later, the latter arranging the Jacques into something closer to a formation. Mabel grabbed a Lug before it could join up and pulled it over.

"Right!" Dr. Zlo shouted after all his minions assembled. "Today we enact the first step of my plan! We are taking over that factory in the name of genius! My genius, to be specific. Therefore, the building cannot be destroyed. That means no overdoing it, you hear!"

The Jacques nodded.

"Good. I expect there to be some manner of paltry resistance, but nothing that my great minions can't deal with. And once we remove the ones inside, we can get started on my grand plan!"

Dr. Zlo walked forward. "Now, follow me!"

The Jacques saluted and followed behind, attempting to march in step but failing miserably. Dr. Zlo paid it no mind as he marched through the front doors, throwing them open and sauntering inside. "Hello, good people of Port Fragrant! I am Dr. Zlo, the new owner of this factory. Please keep doing what you're doing, my people and I will only be a moment."

Dr. Zlo's words were met with the silence of an empty room. The villain frowned. "How droll. Come minions."

The Jacques stepped forward at the wave of a hand, spilling into the room and taking various places. Many of the Jacques fought each other for the secretary chair, only for Mabel to send her Lug over and take it.

"Egghead, get someone to watch the doors and a few others to explore the upper offices," Dr. Zlo said. "The rest of you, to the factory!"

"You got it, dude," Riptide said. He surfed out of the room and toward a set of barn doors. The villain proceeded to throw them open with a shout of "Cowabunga, I'm here for your factory, dudes!"

He was met with a hail of green laser fire.

"Yo, dude!" Riptide shouted as he surfed out of the way.

Dr. Zlo clicked his heels, activating his rocket boots and flying forward. He landed in the midst of the lasers, bringing up a shield with his cane.

"Hello!" he announced as green energy flew past him. "I am Dr. Zlo! Criminal mastermind! I am here to commandeer this factory and use it for my own nefarious purposes. You may begin your unconditional surrender at any moment."

The lasers ceased firing. Dr. Zlo smirked, straightening his tie. "It seems that for once, someone has the sense to--"

A concentrated blast of energy knocked Dr. Zlo off his feet and out of the factory. He landed in a heap next to Riptide, the villain guffawing at his failure.

"Fine!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "I tried to be reasonable, but it seems you wish to die! Jacques!"

The minions swarmed forward, making various pummeling gestures with their hands. Green laserfire came to meet them, taking a few out as they entered the factory. Dr. Zlo stood and, with a little help from Cass, wiped the dust off his suit. With a scowl, he marched into the room, cane at the ready.

Chaos met him. Cybernetically enhanced men and women were firing green lasers at the Jacques. The minions duck, dove, weaved, and performed just about every action they could to avoid the lasers, often bumping into each other in the process. Behind the men and women sat a large computer terminal, the monitor a mass of green pixels twisted in a scowl.

"You dare intrude on my sacred lair?" the digitized voice spat.

"Your sacred lair?" Dr. Zlo scoffed. "Hardly. Lairs are supposed to be hidden away, not some old factory sitting outside the city. I'd recommend finding some new real estate. Well, if you miraculously survive this, of course."

The computer's green pixels opened and the digitized voice screeched a laugh. "You think that your puny, fleshy, body can succeed against my iron might? I am the Digitizer, the culmination of science! The end goal of all evolution!"

Dr. Zlo shot at it with his monocle. Blue energy arced across the room, splattering across a shield. "I hate to interrupt such a grand display of villainy, but I am sadly on a schedule. Don't worry, I'll be kind enough to deposit you somewhere much more appropriate. Perhaps in a bank of some kind."

"You will attempt no such thing!" Digitizer said. "For you shall fall here to my machine might!"

A whirring noise emanated throughout the room, followed by a low rumble. Dr. Zlo raised an eyebrow, unimpressed as the various centuries old machinery came apart at the seams and rolled its way to the computer. The metal linked together, forming a body in moments.

"Witness the height of my power!" the Digitizer screeched.

Dr. Zlo sighed. "Riptide, would you be so kind?"

"Whatcha need, dude?" the villain asked.

"Enhance my laser with your surf power," Dr. Zlo answered as he fired another beam from his monocle.

"Haha! Right on!" Riptide laughed. He zoomed forward, latching onto Dr. Zlo's laser with his power. The laser spread across Riptide as he surfed, until the man's entire body shone an electric blue. Laser and villain slammed into the shield covering the Digitizer, making the computer take a step back. Arcs of energy lanced off the two as they clashed, the shield eventually cracking under Riptide's assault.

"Im-impossible!" the Digitizer exclaimed.

"Don't feel bad," Dr. Zlo said as the shield cracked. "You were just up against a better class of villain."

Riptide tore through the Digitizer's mechanical body, shattering it to pieces. The computer face, in a picture of shock, fell toward the ground where two Lugs caught it.

Dr. Zlo walked forward. "Who uses centuries old metallurgy in their robot body anyway?"

Riptide laughed. "Maybe you should make him a body of Zlonium."

Dr. Zlo waved a hand. "A topic for another time. Right now, we have a factory to get running."

"Hon, what should we do the Digitizer's minions?" Mabel asked.

"Wrap them up," Dr. Zlo said. "We'll deposit them where we put the Digitizer. They should make an excellent distraction while our factory picks up steam!"

Riptide laughed. "Right on, dude."

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