Vaudevillain

The buzzing from Dr. Zlo's communicator barely caught the villain's attention, his assault on Matt-att blocking out most other distractions. Dr. Zlo only noticed because he kept the communicator in his watch pocket, and the vibration rattled his teleporter. Without letting up his attacks, the villain grabbed his device and spoke.

"Who is it? I'm rather busy at the moment."

"It's Dextra. I've finished fixing your device. It's ready to fire when you're ready."

Dr. Zlo's mouth twisted upward, "Excellent! Now no one can stop us!"

The villain turned to Matt-att, the player still struggling to escape Dr. Zlo's incessant barrage. "My moment is here!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "Soon, I shall unleash my greatest invention since last Tuesday! The Wave Widget!"

"That is the dumbest f*cking name," Matt-att countered.

"Silence!" Dr. Zlo thrust his cane like a cattle prod. "My naming sense is like my inventive mind, pure genius!"

The villain fired a few more lasers, keeping Matt-att in his sights, "Soon, my device will explode, unleashing the salty waters of the sea onto the hapless civilians inside Haven City. The destruction we've caused will be wiped away by nature's fury, leaving vacant lots where homes used to be, and showing the world that I am not to be trifled with!"

"Are you monologuing?" Matt-att asked incredulously.

Incredibly, Dr. Zlo's evil grin spread wider. This, this right here was the reason Dylan loved this character. He got to do all the fun parts of villainy, the gloating and the inflated ego, and not to mention all the fun minions. The feeling he got was akin to the rush he felt when on a rollercoaster. That heady feeling that filled Dylan's thoughts with ideas and delusions of grandeur.

It was something the player knew he could never get as a hero. Sure, he might feel a spike of adrenaline from defeating a hero or stopping a crime, but it would never give him the same rush that came from gloating. Dylan realized now why villains liked to give away their entire plot to trapped heroes. It gave a feeling of satisfaction like none other to know that the one who tried to stop you was helpless to do so.

A hint of movement brought Dr. Zlo back to the fight. It seemed someone was making their way up to Dr. Zlo. The blue rings of a flight pack revealed the player's Trollstomper allegiance, and Dr. Zlo realized that the person wanted to take him down despite the leader's orders.

For a moment, Dr. Zlo considered stopping the player. It would only take a second of focus. But another idea entered Dylan's head at that moment; this was the perfect chance to pull off the "you can't escape" monologue. Yes, while Dr. Zlo gloated and spilled his entire plan to the trapped hero, someone would swoop in at the last moment and disrupt everything.

"And there's nothing you can do about it!" Dr. Zlo cackled. "I have you trapped inside my web, hero! You'll never escape my fangs! I've spent a long time planning my scheme, taking into account every eventuality! Yes, I even suspected someone like you would come to spoil my plans. It was inevitable, really. I made an announcement to the world that I was going to war against the status quo, so I assumed someone would try and stop me. Multiple someones, in fact.

"I'll admit, Cartis was a miscalculation. I underestimated my companion's short-sighted need to surf absolutely anything. But the idea was sound. Distract the heroes with various villainous crimes while the Wave Widget powered up, then unleash its might onto the unsuspecting city! It was genius if I do say so myself."

Matt-att grunted in frustration. Despite Dr. Zlo's long-winded speech, the villain never stopped pressuring. Red lasers and white gloves forced the streamer back time and time again.

"Get to the f*cking point already!" Matt-att shouted. "I'm not here to listen to your speech."

"But listen you shall!" Dr. Zlo gloated. "For as long as I have you, you will listen to my words!"

The villain took another breath, "I'll admit, your intrusion and sabotage to the Wave Widget in Haven city were inventive. However, did you think I didn't have a plan for that? Dextra Black and I spent our time predicting what enemies would do and made countermeasures. My intelligent friend has already fixed your sabotage, and we're once again on track to villainous domination! There's nothing you can do to stop me now! Soon, the Widget will activate, taking out everything in the area! Muahahaha!"

At that moment, a boomerang sliced through Dr. Zlo's vision and curved towards the hero. The villain ducked the blow, twisting his head to fire a blast at the weapon as it circled back around. The boomerang fell out of the sky, a smoking hole through its middle.

"You thought something like that would hit me?" Dr. Zlo taunted.

"No, but this f*cking might."

The villain turned back around to see Matt-att crushing the dueling gloves in his hand. The streamer's power activated, and the two gloves vanished into dust, leaving Dr. Zlo with only his top hat drone. That too fell shortly after, as Matt-att launched himself forward. The player grabbed the hat's brim, and the drone fell to pieces.

"Impossible!" Dr. Zlo said, reeling back as if struck.

"Oh, can it with the fake f*cking act," Matt-att said. "I know you still have something up your sleeve. Now, come bring it. Oh, and thanks to you, I have enough juice to break anything that comes my way."

Dr. Zlo grabbed his communicator and shouted into it, "Dextra, activate the Wave Widget!"

With the words said, Dr. Zlo turned to his foe, "It's too late now, hero! You should have stopped me when you had the chance! Now, watch as your city falls under the waves of the ocean!"

"Oh, you f*cker," Matt-att cursed. "We were supposed to go at it until one of us fell!"

"Why, wherever did you get that idea?" Dr. Zlo said quizzically. "It should be a given that a villain like myself only fights battles he can win."

Roaring in frustration, Matt-att rushed at Dr. Zlo, his hands at the ready. He'd hyped up his stream for this final confrontation with Dr. Zlo, and the villain was chickening out!

"Goodness, no need to get so upset," Dr. Zlo remarked, pulling out his pocket watch. "I think you still have… Oh, a minute or so before everything goes underwater."

Matt-att swiped at his enemy, his hand heading right for Dr. Zlo's collar. Before he could strike, the man in front of him disappeared.

"Did you think I wouldn't have a way to counter your clumsy attempts?" Dr. Zlo said to the right of Matt-att. "You need to start thinking outside of the box."

"God d*mn, how many gadgets do you have?" Matt-att grumbled as he turned.

"Oh, a few dozen more at least. But for now, I think I'll use my trusty rocket shoes."

Dr. Zlo rocketed off, shouting back to Matt-att as he made his way to the Zloppelin's remains, "I'm giving you a choice now, hero! Chase me and maybe bring me a defeat, or do your job as a hero and save all of those people!"

Matt-att stared as Dr. Zlo raced away. Somehow, the villain had caught him in a bind. His chat was typing faster than Nascar racers, telling him to chase after Dr. Zlo and finish him off, but the player also knew that he built the Trollstompers on the idea of stopping the Trolls. If he chased Dr. Zlo, he could lose the support of players in his faction. On the other hand, he might lose a few watchers.

"That f*ckin lucky punk got me," Matt-att said, shaking his head in wonder.

The streamer's chat filled with questions, which Matt-att answered by explaining his thoughts.

"So, whatcha think, chat?" Matt-att said. "We have a few seconds to hear your opinions."

Matt's subscribers overwhelmingly asked to chase Dr. Zlo. They wanted to see more of the ridiculous, over-the-top villain that stole their hearts.

"Well, I'm nothing if not loyal to my watchers," Matt-att said. "Our villainous foe did say he had a few more pieces of tech up his sleeves. What say we go break 'em?"

With that, Matt-att blasted off toward the Zloppelin. On the way, the man called up Ixzay.

"Ix, I need you to send all the Trollstompers toward the coast. Dr. Zlo activated his bomb, and we need to stop it."

"What? That's like, game over, man!" Ixzay said.

"Nah. Dr. Zlo told me we have about a minute. Well, probably about thirty seconds now."

"Sh*t I don't think we can stop it then."

"We don't have to stop the bomb, not really," Matt-att explained. "Dr. Zlo kept saying the city would drown beneath the waves. That leaves plenty of options."

"Like what," Ixzay asked.

"F*ckin' drain the sea? Break the bomb before it makes too big of waves? There's got to be someone out there with a power that counters this, don't you think?"

"Agh, fine. I'll send everyone over. What are you going to do?"

"Stop Dr. Zlo from getting away," Matt-att said.

"Man," Ixzay complained. "Why are you leaving all the hard work to me?"

"Because you know you f*cking love it," Matt-att said with a smirk.

"Yeah, f*ck you too," Ixzay replied as he closed the communicator.

Matt-att chuckled as he made his way to the Zloppelin. Bantering with Ixzay never got old.

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