Vaudevillain

The first sign of battle came when Lill'Personator and Hex landed in front of Bumbo's storefront entrance. The glass doors lay shattered on the floor, ground into particles of sand from the many heels of players walking inside. A houseplant sitting in the entryway had toppled over, its contents mixing with the glass on the floor.

"Boy, they did a number on this," Lill said.

"No kidding," Hex answered. "It looks like someone took a blender to this place."

The inside of the shop was almost as bad as the outside. Shelves of candy had been thrown to the ground, their contents scattered across the floor. The few customers still around cowered in the corner, whimpering as the two players walked in. There was no sign of the players who caused this commotion, leading Lill to believe they had moved on.

"Come on," he said. "I bet they've moved on to the factory already."

Hex nodded and made his way to the employees only door sitting behind the counter. A portly man, who Hex assumed to be the owner, crouched behind the counter with his hands over his head.

"Hey, it's okay now," Hex said gently. "We're here to help."

The owner looked up at Hex, then flinched back. "You can't help!" he screamed.

"Might want to let me take a stab at it," Lill said. "You know how NPCs react around you."

Hex took a step back and let Lill take the lead. The hero walked up and rested a hand on the shaking store owner. "It's okay now. We're here to stop these guys."

"They came and took all my stock," the owner responded.

"How many?"

"Four of them. Maybe five. I ducked as soon as the glass windows shattered. They came in and started tearing up the place! All my Mallow Munchies and Bouncy Bubblegum, gone! Not to mention the Nougat Supremes!"

The owner started to shake, the entirety of what happened all coming to him at once. He pulled Lill by the man's shirt and leaned in, "Do you know how long it takes to make the Nougat Supremes! The crème alone takes four hours! Four hours!"

"Okaaay," Hex said. "This guy's lost it."

"I need you to let go," Lill said to the man, none too gently.

The owner looked down, only now realizing what he was doing. "Oh. Oh, god. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"I'll tell ya!" another voice shouted. "A little bit of mind-control is what!"

Lill and Hex whirled to see a man stand up from the group of cowering customers. He was a thin man, tall as reeds, and he hunched over like an old man. As the villain stood, Hex and Lill saw his outfit change. The simple shirt and pants combo fell away to reveal a rough, faded gold vest and silk pants. A wand appeared in the man's hand, which he waved at the surrounding NPCs.

"Face the might of the Lunacist! Mental master!" the villain yelled.

The Lunacist waved a wand, and Hex heard Lill grunt beside him. He whirled to see the store owner tackling Lill to the ground, the man's face contorted into a nasty snarl. A shuffling of legs made Hex look over his shoulder, and he saw the other NPCs all running toward him with angry snarls on their faces.

"That's right, you unwashed masses!" The Lunacist shouted. "The ones who hurt you were those two!"

The villain cackled. "Now, what will you do, heroes? Will you attack the innocent, ruining your moral high ground forever? Or will you let them take you and hold onto your contrived notions of justice?"

The kick from Hex sent the store owner flying, stopping the Lunacists speech in it's tracks.

"Did you just, kick, that man?" The villain asked.

"That I did," Hex said as he helped Lill up.

"But what about your morality! How can you call yourself a hero if you don't care for the citizens?"

"I'm not a hero," Hex answered. He flashed the black armband for the Lunacists to see.

"You would ally yourself with a hero?" The villain said incredulously.

"I don't subscribe to your typical views on morality," Hex answered. "I'm only labeled a villain because there isn't a better word for it."

"Every time with that damn joke," Lill complained under his breath.

Hex winked at his friend, who stood up and mimed lassoing the Lunacist. NPCs ran at the duo, Hex stepping forward to meet them.

"Narapaktu!" The man yelled again. A dark mist engulfed the customers, wrapping around their limbs and pulling them to the ground.

"What, what is this!" The Lunacist shouted.

"The closest thing I can think of is a curse," Hex answered. "It found me a few years ago and won't leave. Luckily I can make it perform actions through a few keywords."

"You monster!" the Lunacist shouted. The villain turned to run, probably to find his partners. Lill'Personator let his lasso fly before the villain could escape. A see-through rope appeared in the air, glinting in the fluorescent light of the store. It wrapped around the villain and squeezed.

"Agh!" the Lunacist cried out.

"You aren't getting away that easily, pardner," Lill said.

"No! Let me go! You can't do this to me! I was the world-renowned leader in neuroscience! I've been published in Nature!"

Hex held out a hand, ignoring the player's words. "Dalaqu!" he spoke.

A black fire swept out from under Hex's feet, engulfing the screaming villain in its sickening flames.

The Lunacist cried out, "No! I don't want to burn! Not like this! Not like thiiiiiis!"

Hex kept the curse up for a few seconds, letting it die down at the very end to keep the player alive. The flames retreated to show the Lunacist with his eyes closed and hands on his cheeks.

"You look like that painting," Lill said.

The Lunacist paused, then slowly opened his eyes. "I'm. Alive?"

"Yep, yep," Lill answered. "I gotta say, that was some awesome dialogue. You really played off Hex nicely."

"Yeah," Hex answered. "Most people ignore the whole thing I got going on. You picked up on it quick."

"Um, thanks," the Lunacist said. "I've got another friend who's going the anti-hero route, and they were complaining earlier about the lack of grey in the morality. I figured you were the same after your comment."

"Your grotesque villain idea is good too," Lill said. "Reminds me of that cult movie, The Fly."

"I was going for the traditional scientist in comics that flew too close to the sun," the Lunacist replied.

"Either way, it made for a fun interaction," Hex said. "Too bad you were against two instead of one."

The Lunacist shrugged, "Man, I was sure my idea would work, even with the cheesy line at the beginning. I guess the normal NPCs aren't strong enough to take on players. The others are already in the factory, by the way. We're making sure to grab everything we can."

"Thanks, man," Lill answered. "Hope to see you around if we get into the guild."

"Yeah. I'll see you around," the villain answered. The player stood from his sitting position, stretching out the hunch in his back. Lill winced at the popping noise that came from the stretch. "Hey, do you mind not killing me?" the Lunacist asked. "It would be nice to stick around and watch the outcome. If possible."

"I don't mind," Hex said. "It's not like your power can harm me in any way."

"Careful, Hex. Pride comes before the fall."

"I'm always careful," Hex replied. "I've got an unknowable curse sitting inside my head. I can't be anything but careful."

"You could show it a little more," Lill joked as he opened the employees only door.

Hex followed after, waving goodbye to the Lunacist. The villain waved back, then followed behind a few seconds later. He took off his wristband as he did. Hopefully, that would be enough to stop others from taking him out. The Lunacist made his way into the security office and took a seat in front of the cameras. It wasn't the best view, but it was better than dying and missing everything.

Hex and Lill made their way down the line of office rooms behind the storefront. The glass windows were shattered in random places, as if someone wanted to cause wanton destruction instead of breaking in. The same could be said of the doors. Dented wood spotted the pieces like raindrops on pavement.

"It's like someone took a hammer to the doors and windows but didn't bother trying to open them," Lill said.

"Looks like we got some chaotic evil villains up ahead then," Hex answered.

The two continued down the hallway of offices until they reached another door, this one sturdy and made of metal. Lill threw it open, hands at the ready to mimic a shield or a wall. On the other side was an open floor filled with small desks and shelves of plastic packaging. Destruction had struck this place as well, with many of the shelves tossed to the ground or flipped over. Plastic packaging fluttered across the floor like tumbleweeds, giving the area a lonesome look.

"Where are the workers?" Hex asked.

"I'm not sure," Lill answered. "But I bet we'll find something behind door number two."

Lill pointed to a set of double doors that were hanging limply on their hinges. Hex walked up to the area, peeking in through the reinforced windows at the top of the doors. Two men sat on the other side, directing cowering workers to grab boxes of candy. One held a bat in his hand, and both wore spiky black leather.

"Get a move on!" the villain with the bat yelled. "We don't got all day! Got to be out of here before the fuzz shows up!"

"That's right!" the other shouted. "You better start working overtime, or we'll off ya like the supervisor!"

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