Vaudevillain

"Get off me!" Dr. Zlo commanded. The villain shoved The Imp away, shaking his head in disgust.

"Hey, you three!" someone called.

Dr. Zlo turned to see one of the heroes breaking off from the group to fly over to them. She stopped in front of the trio, two green hard light projections of swords brandished in a deadly display.

"Are you responsible for all this destruction?" the hero demanded.

"But of course!" Dylan said, donning his Dr. Zlo persona. "I am Dr. Zlo! Tremble in fear!"

The Imp tugged on Dr. Zlo's sleeve, "Dad!"

Dr. Zlo tugged the sleeve away, "Get away, you reprobate! I'm not your father!"

The Imp frowned, and Dr. Zlo saw a ring of stars appear behind the child. The stars blasted toward Dr. Zlo a moment later, washing over the villain before he could react.

"Dad!" The Imp tried again.

"Don't think your reality warping powers will work on me!" Dr. Zlo chided. "I'm better than those paltry masses! Now, begone! I have crimes to commit!"

Dr. Zlo again attempted to toss The Imp aside, but the little toddler stayed, dodging Dr. Zlo's swipes like a professional bullfighter. "I can help!" the child said.

Before Dr. Zlo could stop him, The Imp turned to the hero and struck her with his power. The woman in front of them attempted to throw up a shield, but the stars only phased through her protections. The trio watched as the woman changed before their very eyes.

The heroine before them shrunk down, green fur growing all over their body. The changes continued, the heroine's face elongating until it formed a snout. Her ears widened, growing flat and floppy over her face as she twisted into a kneeling position. A moment later, a green dog stood in the air, yipping excitedly at The Imp.

"She's so cute!" the kid cried. They turned to Dr. Zlo, "Can I keep her?"

The three villains looked at each other, surprise on their faces. Then Riptide turned back to the kid, "Your Uncle Riptide thinks it's fine!"

"Yay!!!" The Imp cheered. The strange being turned to the dog, calling for her.

"Here, Greeney! Here girl!"

The dog yipped and ran over, The Imp running to meet her halfway. While that went on, Dr. Zlo turned to Riptide, a sour frown on his face.

"Uncle, Riptide?"

"Yeah dude!" Riptide said, his smile coming in full force. "Did you see what that dude did? Imagine how easy this crime would be if we had him on our side!"

"And all I have to do is sacrifice my dignity!" Dr. Zlo complained.

"So wait, you don't like the idea of using an innocent reality-warping child to do our evil bidding?" Sweet Dream asked.

Dr. Zlo shook his head, "Oh no. I love that part. What I take offense to is that I have to do it while being this thing's father! I'm evil! Children should run in fear of me, not grab my pants leg!"

"I mean, it's not really a child, right?" Sweet Dream said. "It's some reality warper that thinks it is."

"That's not any better!" Dr. Zlo argued. "It thinks it's a child and acts like one! As far as I'm concerned, it's a tick, leeching off my greatness."

"Or a mite," Riptide said.

Dr. Zlo turned, "Don't you dare."

"A Zlo-Mite, if you will," the villain continued, a smug grin on his face.

Dylan groaned. Of all the things for Dr. Zlo to get strapped with, it was a joke super. Dylan remembered reading these in older comics. Their pranks were the worst thing for the superhero to face, mainly because it was impossible to stop them without trickery.

At least this one didn't have the fourth wall breaking. Dylan didn't know how he would have Dr. Zlo react to that. Sure, Dr. Zlo knew there were "gods" in World of Supers, but that didn't mean the villain knew he was in a virtual world. Dylan wasn't sure he could keep up pretenses if one of the NPC's acted like the world was virtual, mostly because he'd mess up and reveal that Dr. Zlo knew it was all a virtual world.

"Dad!" The Imp, or Zlo-Mite, called. "Can we keep her? Please?"

The child looked up at Dr. Zlo with round eyes, tears pooling at the edges in a perfect begging expression. Dr. Zlo groaned.

"Alright. Fine. We'll go through this whole song and dance until!" the villain turned to his companions. "We finish your candy factory. After that, I'm dropping all pretenses."

"H*ll yeah!" Riptide cheered. The villain surfed over to Zlo-Mite, scooping him and the dog up in his arms. "Your Uncle Riptide and Auntie Sweet Dream are going to spoil you silly!"

Sweet Dream looked like she was about to protest, but Dr. Zlo stopped her with a wicked smile.

"Yes, I think Auntie Sweet Dream is a perfect name."

The villainess glared back at Dr. Zlo, who shrugged. If he was going to suffer as this reality warper's parent, his friends would suffer with him.

"Now, let's get back to the factory before the other heroes notice we're here," Dr. Zlo said. "I'd like to avoid adopting more pets."

The three villains left the area, ducking behind a nearby building and switching back to their secret identities to take some heat off them. Dylan opened up his notifications, dismissing the ones that mentioned his notoriety level and reputation. Neither of those mattered to him at the moment. Instead, the player checked to make sure there weren't any more "surprise quests." Luckily, The Imp was the only one.

Dr. Zlo and his crew made their way back to their hidden factory, The Imp still in Riptide's hands. The two were swiftly becoming fast friends, Riptide setting himself up as the fun uncle while Sweet Dream became the dour aunt.

"Dad!" The Imp shouted.

Dr. Zlo turned and shushed the super, "Do you want the entire city to hear us!"

"Oh, sorry," the kid said sheepishly. "Dad. Is it true you're the greatest criminal mastermind?"

"Of course!" Dr. Zlo boasted. "Who but I could make such grand inventions."

"Jack," Riptide answered.

"Anyone in the crafting hub on Skyline, really," Sweet Dream followed.

"Quiet, you two," Dr. Zlo growled. "Or I won't make you what you need."

"But Zlo-Mite here would!" Riptide said, tossing The Imp into the air playfully. "Wouldn't you?"

"Ahahaha, stop it, uncle!" The Imp cheered. "I don't even know what I'd be making!"

"Something to make our cookies tastier," Sweet Dream said. "In fact, we want them to be so tasty; everyone will want to eat them all the time."

"I don't know anyone who wouldn't want to eat cookies all the time," The Imp replied.

It occurred to Dr. Zlo that The Imp was rather articulate for a child. Of course, Dylan didn't know many children, but his boss's stories at work made him think they weren't nearly as put together as The Imp. Claire's stories involved the children saying random nonsense, focusing on strange words, or performing insane actions that no one understands. Maybe it was a hint on how to get rid of The Imp.

"Dad, are you going to make cookies?" The Imp asked. "I want some!"

Dr. Zlo pinched the bridge of his nose, "Alright, let's get some things straight."

The villain pointed at The Imp, "You. Do not call me Dad. Dr. Zlo, Zlo, Doctor, Supreme Overlord of Creation, those are all fine. But I refuse to be called Dad. You understand?"

"But Dad is Dad," The Imp said.

Dr. Zlo grabbed his head, pulling at his hair in frustration, "What will it take for you to not use that term!"

"Cookies!" The Imp responded, his hand held out.

"When we get inside, little dude," Riptide said.

The villain's made their way indoors, Jawbreaker and the Licor-Icks greeting them.

"Who's the kid?" Jawbreaker asked.

"That's Zlo-Mite, dude," Riptide answered. "He's Dr. Zlo's kid!"

"He is not!" Dr. Zlo argued. "He's a little imp!"

"Now, that's no way to treat children," Sweet Dream said.

Dr. Zlo narrowed his eyes, "You two are having too much fun at my expense."

"Little bit," Sweet Dream answered.

"Cookies!" The Imp yelled. The NPC had spotted the Licor-Icks working on the baking machine. With a quick jump, The Imp flew from Riptide's hands, the green dog close behind. The two made their way up next to a Licor-Ick, The Imp holding out his hand.

"Cookie me!" the NPC demanded.

The Licor-Ick looked at The Imp curiously, then turned to Sweet Dream.

"Hand him one or two," Sweet Dream said with a waved hand.

She turned to Dr. Zlo, "Ready to make the finishing touch?"

Dr. Zlo held out his hand, "Give me the pieces, and I'll get started. And keep the reality warper away from me, will you? I don't want to get interrupted."

Sweet Dream and Riptide pulled the required items out of their inventories, letting Dr. Zlo put them into his own.

"Now, if you need me," The villain bowed. "I'll be downstairs."

With that, Dr. Zlo marched off.

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