The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley”

Did I hear that correctly?

Fuyu confessed her love to me?

That can’t be right — she did talk about love, but it was about her love for sweets, and everyone around us at the time misunderstood her… right?

…Right, Fuyu?

“~~♪ ~~♪ ~~♪”

Damn it. She’s avoiding talking the same way Pochi runs away from her responsibilities.

Wait, actually… I HAVE heard Fuyu whistling before, and she was way better than this.

It’s safe to assume that her lips are dry — which would mean she’s nervous. But why would she be?

Wait, wait, wait… Now isn’t the time to think about that. I have to explain myself–

Lying? Oh, I see — it’s so simple.

Fuyu is lying — both to me and the others.

That’s why she’s not making eye contact with me, even though we are the only ones who know the truth.

But why would Fuyu lie about this? Damn it, it’s one question after another!

What is this, a witch trial!? Well, it’s me who’s being put on trial, so…

A Grand Philosopher trial!?

“Defendant Asley! Why do you have such a happy expression on your face!?”

Tch, what a killjoy this furball is.

And because I smiled for a moment there, the three girls looks… sad? Why is that? 

Fuyu, on the other hand, looks happy. Damn it, what a confusing trial this has been!

But wait… If I figure this mystery out… could it be that I’d be considered greater than a Grand Philosopher — a Great-grand Philosopher!?

Hehehe, nice! Great-grand Philosopher! Sounds old and experienced and muscular!.

“S-so it’s… it’s true…?”

Lina, Tifa, and Haruhana cast their eyes down. 

Pochi looked up at the ceiling and nodded, and then…

“Hmm… Well, your decisions are yours to make, Master! As long as you’re happy, I guess!”

She said that, as if she finally had understood something about this situation.

Huh, and now no one’s saying anything anymore. Okay, there’s no better time than now to resolve this misunderstanding. 

With that in mind, I started talking… but then, not even a full sentence in, one of the doors slid open.

“Okay, listen, I didn’t…”

“…What in the world are you five doing?”

Here comes Irene. She went so hard on the door that one might think her lifespan had shorted from overexertion. She’s standing there with a stern expression on her face. 

Everyone looked at Irene and remained silent — except Pochi, who started running her mouth about some random stuff. 

Confused even further, I could only turn to Irene with a determined look in my eyes.

“I’m in the middle of a Great-grand Philosopher trial, Miss Irene.”

“What? Now you’re a self-proclaimed Philosopher? This might be your most foolish moment so far…”

“Wha–!?”

“Well, don’t play around like a fool here. You have a class to teach!”

“Huh? But wait, I mean–“

“NO BUTS!”

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

Irene bared her teeth so fiercely that it seemed as if she was growing fangs out of her mouth, and she chased me out with an aggressive growl. Then, after I left, I could hear an even louder scolding coming from the hall. The keywords I could make out were ‘Fuyu’ and then ‘that fool,” then “Fuyu” again, then “that fool” again… Who exactly is “that fool” she referred to? It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that this is a mystery on the same level as Devil King Lucifer’s ‘Transcendence’ technique.

I proceeded to go teach my class, and after I was mostly done with that, Pochi and Irene came to see me at the Head Professor’s office, the former slumping sadly and the latter seeming to have consumed an all-day anger fuel tank.

“Uh, so, what are you so angry about, Miss Irene?”

“You’re asking ME that!? Why didn’t you just point out that Fuyu was lying!?”

“Well, I just thought that maybe she had a good reason to do that…”

“What good reason could even justify doing something like that!?”

“…Oof! My aching head…!?”

“Stop with that cringey acting! You’re not thinking at all, are you?”

Despite Irene slamming her fists on my desk, she doesn’t seem intimidating at all today, because…

“……Are you doing pull-ups or something?”

“I AM NOT THAT SHORT!”

Heh, very funny.

I wonder what emotions were driving her to hit the desk that goes all the way up to her chin.

“Ugh… Honestly, don’t you realize that you’re dampening the motivation of our valuable mages and warriors?”

“Excuse me?”

“Miss Irene, it’s useless to say that to my Master, you know. He wouldn’t get it”

“Right, of course. I shouldn’t have bothered. Ahem… So here’s the thing. Unlike you, Fuyu and the others are still young. Their emotional states are unstable and can greatly affect their performance in battles!”

She must be saying this knowing that it applies to me as well.

As I made a stern face, Pochi, who was standing behind Irene, approached me with a smile so bright that it probably could replace a light source spell.

“Actually, don’t worry about that, Master! I knew it all along!”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not your fault, really! I’ll always be cool with you, even if you’re so oblivious about some things, sir!”

I wouldn’t want to be oblivious, though…

Well, in the end, I still can’t figure out Fuyu’s intentions.

There is something bothering me in the back of my mind, though… What could it be?

“So…” Irene turned to ask Pochi, “Did those four clear up the misunderstanding among themselves?”

In response, Pochi happily nodded.

“Yes! And it looks like they’re getting along better than ever before?”

“Huh, really?”

And in response to my question, Pochi happily… shook her head.

“You’re not part of this, Master!”

“Why not!?”

“Well, I’ll just tell you the last word they had to say about this incident!”

“What…?”

“They said, ‘it’s all Sir Asley’s fault!'”

In the end, it seems like a verdict has been reached in the absence of the individuals involved, and I have unwittingly become the villain. 

Pochi looks delighted, while Irene is holding her stomach, unable to contain her laughter.

“Well, as a lesson from this mess, you better make sure you spend more time with those four, all right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Lina and Tifa are your students, right?”

“Right…”

“And Fuyu and Haruhana… well, you bought them, didn’t you?”

“T-that doesn’t sound right…”

“But that’s literally what you did.”

“Yeah, but you could’ve worded that better!”

…Man, Irene’s lifeless gaze feels so piercing and painful.

“Well, Natsu has Blazer to take care of her, but those four… they don’t really have a guardian figure readily available, so to speak. Gaston is no longer here with us, so you’re the only one who can do this.”

Seeing that she could casually mention Gaston like that, it seems that Irene has gotten over his death by now… or maybe she has no choice but to not dwell on it. And of course, it goes to show that she still remembers him, at least deep down. 

But what Irene’s just said is even more important. I’m the only one who can do some things — including watching over those four.

And for that, I must…

“Okay, then!”

“And where do you think you’re doing?”

“More training! That’s how I can best spend my free time!”

For a moment, Pochi and Irene froze, their eyes widening.

Then they looked at each other and turned to me again.

“”Ugh…””

They sighed in unison, and so loudly that it felt as if even the abyss couldn’t contain their sighs.

“W-what now?”

“Asley, you are…”

“Master, you are…”

“”…Such a fool…””

Pochi and Irene’s statements were so synchronized, I ended up being too shocked to even tilt my head.

Well, despite everything, Pochi did say she’d be cool with me even if I’m oblivious about some things, and Irene helped me get out of that Grand Philosopher trial… Ah.

“Hey, wait a second…”

“What?”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Master!?”

Looks like Pochi and I just remembered something important — same thing, same time.

“Miss Irene, how do you know that Fuyu was lying?”

“Hwuh–!?”

“Master! How dare you! You went to eat those sweets without telling me first — I was supposed to be there as well!”

Welp, looks like Pochi was remembering something else, actually.

Do I really have to satisfy her by feeding her all the same stuff I just ate? Eh, what a pain in the ass — I’ll just not feed her anything.

“Oh, speaking of sweets, I can smell a little bit of red bean paste from you, Miss Irene!”

“Wha–!?”

Irene’s face turned red — the reddest she’s been since that night when I returned her Rank E certificate to her.

This doesn’t happen often, so I might as well get a good look.

“H-hey! Stop staring already!!”

“…Hmm…”

“W-what!?”

Oh, I see. So Irene was there and saw the whole thing play out.

And since she knows even the content of the conversation, it’s safe to assume that she was sitting pretty close to us.

“Hey, it’s fine — I like sweets, too.”

“GAAAHHH!! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!”

Today is yet another day of being treated like a fool.

I suppose one must start a fool if they want to be a true Philosopher…

Hey, nice. Another quote to write down in my in-progress book, the Principles of a Philosopher!

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