My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

"So, no information regarding the owner?" Ru Meiqi asked as she flipped through the book in her hands. Sitting crossed leg on the floor, she was surrounded by tons of books and reports that spread messily. If Jin Renguang was here, he would surely be unable to endure being in the room for more than ten minutes.

"Yes." The man's voice came from the other side of the phone, raspy and fatigued. "It seems like the only alternative is to wait for Si Yusheng to wake up."

"Oh? How is he now?"

"Still unconscious. We are planning to transfer him to another hospital tomorrow." He fell silent for a moment. "I lied to Director Fen, saying that his condition doesn't look good."

Ru Meiqi paused, her eyes floated around the heading 'Mental Disorders and Symptoms' yet nothing could register in her mind. 

"Tell me," He murmured quietly. "Can people really change that much in a short period of time?"

Ru Meiqi put the books away and leaned against the wall, sighing. "How much time is considered short? How can you be certain that they aren't that kind of person from the start?"

The man didn't reply for a while whereas Ru Meiqi returned to browse her collection of research reports. "Stop brooding. It's pathetic. Haven't you already noticed that people always change in the face of money and power? There's tons of such cases everywhere. Shall I spell it out for you one by one?"

Sighing, he groaned. "I know, but—"

"No buts." She chimed in firmly. "All we can do is to move forward and let go of the past. Why do you care so much about the reason behind Director Fen's act? What if you know? Will you sympathize with him? Will you understand and accept his reason? No. It's something you can't control so why do you keep on moping about it?"

Jin Renguang let out a fit of throaty chuckles that made Ru Meiqi lose focus for a split second. "Seriously, how can you be so strong, woman? Do you have any idea how sexy it sounds?"

Ru Meiqi scoffed. "Quit talking nonsense."

"Oh?" Even without meeting face to face, Ru Meiqi could imagine his expression right now. Slightly raised brows, smirking lips, eyes twinkled with mischief. He was the epitome of annoying yet still hot as hell. "How are you so sure that I am talking nonsense?"

Ru Meiqi grabbed the phone near her feet and talked angrily into it. "If you have nothing better to talk about, then I will hang up."

"No, wait please." He laughed. "Don't hang up on me. What are you doing right now? I heard the sound of paper flipping."

"Yes. Remember my mentor's research I told you about? The one about mental disorders? I am trying to find it now."

Slight rustle sounded from the other side. "I will help you. Where are you right now? The apartment?"

"Don't." As much as Ru Meiqi hated to admit it, she couldn't focus whenever they were left alone. "I am serious. You don't need to come."

However, when had Jin Renguang ever listened to her? The rustle was replaced with the sound of car closing and engine humming. He was already on his way to her. "What did you just say?" 

"Nothing." Ru Meiqi pressed on her temple. "Call me after you have arrived." After that, she hung up on the phone and returned her attention to the book report in front of her. 

Ru Meiqi's mentor back in university was a famous psychologist that focused on researching mental disorders linked with brain activity such as autism or depression. There had been one case that intrigued her mentor very much and he had brought it up in front of Ru Meiqi once. It made a vague impression in her mind and somehow, she was sure that it was related to the strangeness she sensed from Si Zhening.

The apartment was only filled with the sound of page flipping until the doorbell rang around half an hour later. Ru Meiqi's phone rang at the same time, revealing Jin Renguang's name on the screen. "I have arrived." He said.

"I'm too busy to open the door." Ru Meiqi replied offhandedly.

"Okay." A few seconds later, the door opened with a click and Jin Renguang appeared in the doorway, smirking. "I will open it myself, no need to bother you."

Ru Meiqi rolled her eyes. "This is illegal intrusion, Officer Jin."

"No if the owner gives permission herself." Jin Renguang sat in front of her and started to sort the books. "What are you searching for? Let's split the task, it's faster that way."

"A research by my mentor who goes by the name Ronny Wright. He has published research about someone who tends to fake all of their emotions. However in the end, there's no further development because the treatment for that hasn't been found up to this day."

"Fake emotions? Is it sociopath?"

"Nah, Si Zhening looks too 'normal' to be a sociopath, if you know what I mean. He's just…fake. I can't even sense his true feelings." Ru Meiqi flung the book on her lap and messed up her hair in frustration. "Arrgh, where the hell is it?! Why can't I find it?!"

"Calm down." Jin Renguang chuckled and gathered the messy books in front of him. "Don't panic. We will search for it slowly."

Ru Meiqi hummed and gave him a sideway glance. "What about you?"

"What about me?" He asked without looking up.

"Being in this messy environment, aren't you uncomfortable?"

"I can still bear it." He pretended to look hurt. "I'm not that freakish, okay?"

Ru Meiqi shrugged and got up to the kitchen, leaving all of the mess for Jin Renguang. She slowly brewed two cups of coffee and brought it to him. "Drink first."

Jin Renguang accepted it and took a sip. He gave her a smiley glance. "One spoon of milk and no sugar, just like how I like it."

Ru Meiqi put the cup onto her lips and leaned on the wall, pretending to be oblivious. "What are you talking about? I also have my coffee that way. It's just a coincidence." How could she ever admit that her little habits came from Jin Renguang himself? That was the same as agreeing that the man had become an indispensable part of her life, too embarrassing.

"Sureee…" He dragged out the words teasingly, tempting Ru Meiqi to pour the coffee all over his head. Fortunately, he changed the topic in the nick of time. "Speaking of it, I suddenly recall something."

"What is it?"

Jin Renguang lifted his face and tapped on his lips. "Come here and give me a kiss. Then, I will tell you."

Ru Meiqi gnashed her teeth exasperatedly. "Can you be serious for a second?"

"Hmph!" He harrumphed and turned his head away. "Then I will not tell you."

What? Ru Meiqi looked at him in disbelief. How could this 190 cm man be so childish?! Was he a three year old child or what?! "Renguang!" If this was a cartoon, then Ru Meiqi's breath would be spurting fire right now.

"What?" 

Look, look at that sulking face of his! "You're so annoying!" She stomped her feet angrily.

"Thank you, I know you love it." The man said shamelessly.

Ru Meiqi's face reddened. Of course from anger. She put the cup down harshly and strode toward Jin Renguang in large strides, her posture like one seeking a fight. Jin Renguang was ready to surrender and say that he was joking when Ru Meiqi suddenly pulled on his collar. The woman's face loomed closer and in the next moment, a loud smacking kiss landed on Jin Renguang's lips. So violent that their teeth knocked against each other.

"Ouch…" Jin Renguang said smilingly. "That kinda hurts."

Ru Meiqi let him go with a huff. "Are you telling or not?!"

"Of course I am." He seized the opportunity to pull her down so that the woman sat between his legs.

"You—!" Ru Meiqi struggled in reflex, but within Jin Renguang's bear hug, she was almost smothered and utterly overwhelmed.

"Look here." The man's breath brushed against her ear. It was ticklish and hot. Ru Meiqi shrunk her neck but her eyes automatically followed the man's fingers as he pointed toward one of the sections in the book he was reading. "...The symptoms appear as if individuals have difficulty recognizing and expressing feelings, and it often coincides with another underlying neurological condition or mental health disorder."

Ru Meiqi snatched the book from his hands and ran her eyes through the text seriously, the matter of her being in Jin Renguang's embrace was thrown to the back of her mind. "Yes…" Her eyes gradually brightened up. "Yes, this is what I am searching for! How can you find it so easily?"

Jin Renguang put his arms around the woman's waist and his chin on her shoulder, smiling. "Luck, I guess."

Ru Meiqi's face turned serious as her fingers moved across the page. "Inability to express feelings, an affected person might come across as being out of touch or apathetic…" The gears in her head started to turn and all of her interaction with Si Zhening flashed through her mind like a fast forwarded movie. "Lack of emotions, inability to express…" 

Her fingers stopped on one word. 

Alexithymia.

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A/N: Alexithymia is a broad term to describe problems with feeling emotions. In short, the affected with have trouble identifying what they feel such as happiness so they might come out as socially inept. In this case, Si Zhening doesn't really fit with the real case of alexithymia but this is the most accurate disorder to describe it :)

In conclusion, all these while, Si Zhening is someone who doesn't know how it feels to be happy, sad or angry. Welp, I will not spoil it so soon there will be a backstory later on hehehe

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