Jujutsushi Wa Yuusha Ni Narenai

Courtesy to: wn404

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So while I completely lost myself talking to Rando-san, who was a surprisingly good conversationalist I should add, the other 3 members of the party, who’d gone to do recon, had returned.

“Heya∼,” Rando-san casually called to Tendo-kun, “so how was the walk?”

“Nothing but smallfry.” Said our delinquent supreme, looking bored out of his mind as he took a seat at the edge of the fountain. “This place ain’t that big, but getting to the boss might take a while.”

Naturally, the Glamourettes took their positions on his left and right. Tendo-kun’s expression was that of open annoyance but, probably because he’s gotten tired of telling them to stop by now, he let the train of complements come in one ear and out the other.

This threesome acted as if I simply didn’t exist in this space with them, basically, implying that they weren’t interested in me whatsoever… That won’t do at all.

Sure, to them I might be near the bottom of the barrel in terms of influence, they’ve probably deemed me just as I am: a short, scrawny otaku who can barely pull his own weight let alone become a combat asset.

On the flipside, that doesn’t mean I expect Tendo-kun to give me protection out of the kindness of his heart. Chances are, he doesn’t give one shit what happens to me. Whether I live or die is of no concern to him.

I’m not saying I blame him for that mind you. Tendo-kun, with all his OP strength, had more or less played lone wolf throughout our class-wide dungeon adventure. He wasn’t like Higuchi or Yokomichi who only thought to advance by sacrificing others. He was neither friend nor foe, but neutral.

My goal, in other words, is to make it so that he feels the need to protect me. It’d be stupid to expect him to be like Mei-chan; I mean, she’s the best teammate I could get. No, I just want to rank up from a ‘who cares about him’ neutral mob, to a ‘ah whatever, guess I can spare the effort’ friendly mob inside Tendo-kun’s mind.

Basically, I need to show him that I’m worth the effort, and demonstrate my value for the party.

And so, without further ado, I shall courageously take this chance to strike up a conversation!

“Hey uh, Momokawa?” Rando-san said with a face like a worried mother. “You’re kinda sweating bullets there, wanna lie down?”

“No, I’m fine, A-OK.”

Looks like I look more nervous than I want to. Yeah, whatever, to hell with playing it cool. Let’s do it like how it’s supposed to be when a spineless otaku goes up to a badass delinquent.

So I ignored Rando-san’s concern and did just that.

“Tendo-kun, I uh, wanted to talk.”

“What?” The moment he looked at me, I felt like I was going to piss myself.

Ugh, what, the hell, is this? I’m sure I’m not imagining this. It’s like intimidating manga SFX were floating behind him with how scary it was. Like a sudden draft of terror had caught me in its cage, like it was squeezing my heart to the point of bursting. That’s how it feels.

This isn’t normal. Okay, I know I’m a massive pussy, but just getting looked at shouldn’t have an effect this drastic.

Maybe he has something like an Intimidate skill that puts hard psychological pressure on the target. If that’s the case, I don’t actually need to be scared. I should just state my business.

“Ah, uhh, um…”

Shit. I know in my head that it’s a skill, but my throat feels tight and words won’t come out. Now I’m convinced that it’s some external force acting on me, and not just in my head.

“Go on, I’m listening.” But the moment Tendo-kun said that he was willing to listen, I felt all those adverse effects disappear instantly.

“You two,” Tendo-kun addressed his two groupies, “give us some room.”

“Come on~”

“Seriously~”

“Scram.”

In the time I took to get my breathing in order, Tendo-kun had the Glamourettes sitting around him leave us alone, which told me that he was at least willing to take me seriously.

“Tendo-kun, you probably have a lot of monster parts and cores, so I want to make a trade.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“That’s fine too. I just need some monster corpses you can get anywhere. You can even kill some from here later.”

What I need most right now is to get my hands on the material I need to remake Rem. Granted, I sort of did manage to kill mobs like red dogs before, when I got separated, but that was only due to the fact that I had my 2 Rems as support familiars.

“What’re you offering?” Tendo-kun said, understanding that I must have something adequately valuable to offer. I wouldn’t be so uncharacteristically coming up to talk to a guy like him otherwise.

In other circumstances I could imagine he simply blowing me off without even listening to what I had to say… but now, in this dungeon survival, even he should have something he’d want. Which would lead to the natural train of thought that, just maybe, I’d happen to be able to provide him with that something. Thus, he decided to engage with me.

Now I can only pray that the stuff I do have to offer fall within his needs.

“I’m offering medicine.”

“Clovers?”

“No, I make mine without using any four-leafed clovers. I can use my powers to make things like healing ointment.”

Tendo-kun snorted at that. It seems he’s not very interested. Maybe he’s thinking something along the line of, ”I’m way too OP, who cares about some cheapass pain cream.”

No no, I’m probably overexaggerating. Of course he wouldn’t be that self-important. Let’s push my case:

“They’re actually better than the clovers. Of course, my ointments can’t heal a wound instantly, but I guarantee that it works wonders with time. And you can even keep it as an insurance in case the clovers run out… Oh wait, do you already have healing magic?”

The Glamourettes, Julia and Maria, happen to be Warrior and Knight, and Rando-san is a Geomancer, earth mage. I don’t know what Tendo-kun is, but I’m pretty sure the ability to summon a massive sword doesn’t fall under the parameters on a Cleric.

In other words, they don’t have a healer in their party.

Four-leafed clovers are something of a rare find, and it’s just as unwise to bank on finding a potion inside a treasure box. They’re both powerful healing options that you wouldn’t want to use unless in an emergency.

And that’s where my meds come in. Ointment A is a decent enough option for recovering from injuries, and considering the possibility of minor injury, it’s a viable and economic option.

And all he’d need to is get me some mobs that he could kill with one hand behind his back. All in all, it should be an offer he can’t refuse…

“Show me.”

So he wants to check the quality before buying, does he? He’s more shrewd than I thought.

That’s fine. I, unlike those scammy all-natural skincare salesmen who come to your door, can actually back up my talk with the effectiveness of my product. Seeing is believing, like they say.

“Okay, here it is.” I show him the gooey ointment A I keep in Takashima-kun’s bento box. Tendo-kun didn’t look at all disturbed by the blue paste, but stared at it intently for a moment.

“Bullshit.” His sharp eyes turned to me. I suddenly felt an urge to break down and beg for forgiveness, but this is a matter of pride, so I have to make a stand.

How dare he call my Ointment A Bullshit. I’ll have to demand that he take back such disparagement of my work.

“I guarantee you, it can actually heal injuries. If you doubt my words, I can even cut myself and show you the effects.”

“The medicine is real. But the part about you using your powers to make it is bullshit.”

I wasn’t getting his meaning.

“Didn’t know you can mix fairy walnut leaf and, those white flowers from over there to make ointment. You got something else in there too… got it, it’s those pointy looking leaves that look like dandelions, yeah?”

“Wha-, how…”

How the hell did he figure that out!? Wait, no way, he’s got an appraisal skill!

“Anyone can make it as long as they use the same stuff. Thanks Momokawa, that was some useful info.”

Shit shit shit! He can literally reverse engineer all my meds, it’s so unfair! I even kept the recipe from Mei-chan, dammit… I’m screwed now. This is a million times worse than if he even stole all my ointments. What he basically did just now amounts to stripping all my value as a healer for the team.

I feel like an inventor whose groundbreaking blueprints got stolen and patented from right under his nose.

“Anything else you got?” Tendo-kun spoke as if he felt not an ounce of guilt making my mind spiral into despair at having my secret recipe so easily deciphered. My handmade ointment has no value anymore. He could make as much as he wants now that he knows how. Heck, he can just sit back and get those groupies to do that tedious herb collection and mortar work.

Goddammit, I’m stumped. If I let this deal end here, he’ll know that that’s all I’m good for, and won’t even try to take me seriously after this. I’m already working at a loss right now, and without even a skeleton’s fingerbone to my name.

This is awful, just plain ridiculous. But I can’t give up. “I, I have… something!”

“Let me guess, is it gonna be antidote?”

“Cigarettes.”

“… What?”

“I have, cigarettes.”

Tendo-kun’s eyes opened wide, the first positive reaction I’ve had on this whole discourse.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. Well, one box. But they’re unopened, brand new.”

“What brand?”

“Wild Seven.”

“Deal.” Tendo-kun announced instantly. He raised his right arm and manifested a golden magic circle. It was the same as before, when he took out his red bastard sword.

But what exited from this magical golden gate was not the blade that could chop down the goliath like butter with a hot knife, but monster parts. Many many monster parts, way too many monster parts!?

“All yours for the box. You need any more?”

“It’s more than enough, thanks.” I made a point to maintain my business smile as I produced the box of cigarettes I’d stored away in my bag.

“Momokawa, you smoke?”

“No, this was originally Takashima-kun’s.”

Right, I happen to not be into that activity. Never tried it, and don’t want to. And so, the only reason a non-smoker like me would possess such an item can be ascribed to the fact that, in the forest where I first woke up in this isekai, I had found Takashima-kun dead. This pack of cigarettes is one of the items I scavenged from his bag.

As for those items, his bento is easily the MPV as that was what allowed me to beat the armorbear. I’d found Pocari Sweat and CalorieMate, which were useful too, but I never imagined that the cigarettes would also come in handy after all this time.

Damn, Takashima-kun, you’ve saved my life twice now, I can’t thank you enough. I’ll be praying for you to be happy in your next life.

“Huh, these are Takashima’s… is he, dead?”

“Yeah, when I found him, he was already.”

At the time, my head was full with trying to get the fuck away from the armorbear, but I’m positive that he was dead when I saw him. His eyes wide open, dried blood coming out of his nostrils and tear ducts, and every other hole on his face. It looked pretty fucked up to be honest.

Huh, now that I think about it, how do you even die like that? Most monster would at least leave an injury. But he didn’t look half eaten and even had his bag right there beside him. Then, if I had to think up a reason… maybe it was poison from an insect or snake. If someone told me that a poison that kills you like that exists in this world, I’d believe it.

“Were you friends?” I asked.

“Nah. Didn’t even know he smoked. Wasn’t he in the baseball club?” Tendo-kun spoke while casually tearing the plastic on the box and taking out one of the cigarettes.

He placed it in his mouth and with a ching, lit a small flame on his finger. Putting the finger near the cigarette, he lit it up and began smoking.

Woah woah, what was that, frickin’ cool. Wait no, more importantly, that was definitely fire element he was using. He also used it with the goliath didn’t he?

But I’m pretty sure he’s not a Pyromancer. Fire must be a perk of his actual calling.

Let’s try and summarise.

First of all, the fact that he can swing around such a massive sword with such ease means that he’s likely not a general type like Swordsman or Warrior. In addition, he has manipulation of fire to the degree that he can reduce a goliath to ashes while also having enough control to make a small flame for lighting a cigarette.

But what’s even more impressive is not his OP combat potential… but the high level appraisal skill that let him figure out my ointment at a glance and that golden magic circle (let’s call it Inventory) that grants him an evidently massive amount of storage.

It’s like he has those convenient game-like features recreated in real life. Forget convenience, this stuff is downright priceless.

Basically, Tendo-kun’s true power might not even be his skill in battle, but rather support type skills like that inventory and appraisal. I first thought that his bastard sword was a rare drop he got from a treasure box, but it might just be something he made himself. This theory has the clear implication that his power to create and modify weaponry is leagues above anything Takanashi-san can make.

Also, and I can’t really back this up right now, but I have a feeling that he even has a skill-taking skill like Yokomichi, in addition to razor-sharp instincts like Higuchi.

That pyromancy he displayed might not be a skill from his own calling but something he took from a red dog or cerberus, or some other type of fire breathing monster.

As for his ‘instincts,’ from his comment from earlier that, ”This place ain’t that big, but getting to the boss might take a while.” I can surmise that he has some grasp over the layout of his current zone, like a thief’s mapping skill. I mean, how else could he tell how far off the next boss room is? Even the notebook compass only gives us a vague direction and literally no indication of distance.

Now, if all these pet theories of mine really do turn out to be true… yeah. This guy’s a living cheat. GGWP.

Let’s not think about it too hard.

In fact, don’t I have something better to do? Tendo-kun just handed me this mountain of parts, who knows what I’ll find inside.

“Fufu, fufufu… Yes, this is it. My next Rem will be glorious.”

Just you wait, Rem, I’m gonna make you the best body ever!

I got to work, rummaging thru the horde of material right away, beyond excited.

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