Dungeon Defense (WN)

I was in the middle of enjoying the underground hot spring.

“Hey, did you get in a fight with Paimon?”

Barbatos suddenly asked. She was visiting my Demon Lord Castle. She barged her way in while I was in the middle of taking a bath, stripped naked, and sat down next to me. The way she let out a satisfied groan as she submerged herself in the water was the spitting image of a middle-aged man.

How did someone like this end up as my lover?

My skepticism toward the world was renewed as I took a puff from my pipe.

“Why? Are there rumors?”

“Rumor my ass. I’m just taking a wild guess because that bitch Paimon looked needlessly depressed lately.”

Barbatos washed her face with the hot spring water.

“Her nerves are as thick as an orc’s penis, so she doesn’t get upset by most things.”

I shrugged. Barbatos smiled mischievously once she heard my response.

“Want me to guess what the argument was about? I bet it was because we barbecued those humans, wasn’t it?”

“Sheesh. You should stop being a regent and become a fortune teller.”

“I knew it.”

Barbatos cackled. She looked pleased. This tiny Demon Lord is a sadist who gets joy from the gloom of others. How can this be the Demon Lord who’s been doing the best lately? The world is truly cruel.

“I told you. I was concerned since the moment you started getting along with Paimon. Paimon’s personality is completely different from ‘ours’. I think it was back during the 4th Crescent Alliance. We had a huge argument back then as well when we were trying to figure out how to deal with the human prisoners.”

Barbatos never liked that I started a relationship with Paimon.

Fundamentally, Barbatos supports free love. She adheres to the principle of not doing anything even if her partner plays with other people. However, she still considers Paimon a rival.

There’s a reason why Barbatos went hysterical about this in the past.

The long-term rival mentality between Barbatos and Paimon was the culprit behind why she went on about something nonsensical like being the legal wife and whatnot. She wanted me to guarantee her that ‘she was above Paimon’.

Well, that ended with me gifting her a finger necklace.

Even now, Barbatos had my finger necklace around her neck while the rest of her was naked. This is why a woman’s jealousy is annoying.

“Barbatos, there is something I’ve always wanted to ask you. What is your opinion on humans?”

“Of course, I think of them as pieces of trash that have to be removed from the surface as soon as possible.’

So you’re asserting them as trash. How scary-.

I smiled bitterly.

“Why? Humans are also rational beings, aren’t they? You could turn them into slaves instead of killing them all.”

“You blockhead. It’s because they’re a bunch of people with rationality attached to their skulls that we have to wipe them out more.”

Barbatos submerged her body deeper into the hot spring. She stared impassively at the steam rising up from the hot water.

“Is rationality something special? It’s useless. Be it demons or humans, they become sly wolves and turn the world into shambles if you leave them alone. Try asking anyone who has that supposedly impressive rationality. Why do they eat animals and plants when they’re also living beings?”

Barbatos let out a snort.

“I guarantee you that they will respond like this: I’m a rational being and things like animals and plants are all stupid, so it’s fine to eat them. What kind of skeleton-shitting excuse is that? Do you get it now? This is a simple problem. They eat them because they’re stronger than animals and plants.”

Barbatos raised her right foot. A pale foot emerged from the water like a submarine.

“Whenever I hear words like rationality, I want to rip my ears out and shove them in that person’s mouth. This is what clearly separates me from Paimon. She treats diarrhea like gold and I treat diarrhea like diarrhea.”

I expected as much.

I asked a question as I felt my muscles loosen in the water.

“Then you should clean up both the demons and the humans. Why do you only want to wipe out the humans?”

“Mm. Fortunately, I can control demons.”

“Dantalian, I think of this as a type of blessing. Demons have Demon Lords. Demon Lords can read the minds of others indiscriminately and judge them equally. No matter what problem arises, they will always be fair.”

“…….”

“Are they trash that can be controlled? Or are they trash without a collar? That’s the difference. If Demon Lords didn’t exist, then I probably would’ve tried to wipe out everyone…….”

I nodded along impassively.

“Mhm. Excluding our comrades, I’ll clean up all the pointless Demon Lords.”

It was rather coincidental.

Paimon and Barbatos are both Demon Lords. Despite this, one of them considers it a curse while the other considers it a blessing.

Paimon believes that Demon Lords are the true foreign beings in the world. If society wants to function properly, then Demon Lords have to be dealt with first. That’s the conclusion she had reached. In order to arrive at a fair society that goes beyond the discrimination between humans and demons…….

On the other hand, Barbatos saw humans as the foreign beings. Humans have to be wiped out in order for us to build an absolutely fair society.

And yet, they both arrived at the same answer. ‘We must get rid of most of the Demon Lords’. It was a rather funny joke…….

I spoke in a serious tone.

“Barbatos, I’ve never been close to things like justice and principle. I do not have the right to determine whether you or Paimon are right.”

“…….’

“But I at least want to say this. It’s not time yet.”

Humanity isn’t as weak as the Demon Lords think they are.

Recently, the only reason the Demon Lord Army was able to be on top of the human army was entirely due to the fact that we had causes. It wasn’t because of some innate superiority demons had over humans.

“We have always taken advantage of the enemy’s division. The nobles and commoners were divided on Bruno Plains. Frankia and Brittany were divided during the Puppet War. That was how we snatched up our victories.”

Unite your allies and divide the enemy.

This was the only religious precept I knew and I treated it as a sacred principle. All of my actions until now were for the sake of carrying out this one principle.

“It doesn’t matter if you step on the Mountain Faction. Creating a kingdom for demonkind is also okay. However, now isn’t the time to be fighting your allies. This is my advice to you, a legion commander, as the Demon Lord Army’s advisor. Wait.”

Barbatos stuck her lips out in a pout.

“Habsburg, Frankia, and Brittany are all in ruins. What more is there to wait for?”

“Well, Bernicia, Kalmar, Batavia, Teuton, Polish-Lithuania Commonwealth, Moscow, Castile, Sardinia, and Anatolia. There are still a total of nine countries alive and well.”

Only three out of twelve nations have fallen.

In other words, three-quarters of humanity still remained. This wasn’t nearly enough to say that humanity was facing an unprecedented crisis.

“If anything, the Demon Lord Army became weaker these past few years. Not only have some of us died during the wars, but Baal and Agares are also dead. Despite this, there’s only one reason we still look strong.”

“……Because we’re grouped up and they’re separated. Is that it?”

I nodded.

Barbatos got upset.

“Then how long are we going to wait!?”

“Stop whining like a cat in heat. Fine. Wait until at least the Consul of Habsburg and the Queen of Brittany are dead.”

All the important human characters from the game should be dead from old age by that point.

Especially the Habsburg Republic. As a whole, that nation is being maintained by Elizabeth’s charisma. I’m sure it’ll fall apart immediately once Elizabeth is dead.

I stroked Barbatos’ side teasingly.

“Well, it’ll be a sixty-year wait at most. That isn’t much to us when we live eternally. Isn’t that right?”

“Damn it…… You seriously suck!”

Barbatos smacked my hand away.

“Hey! Whose side are you going to take if the Mountain Faction and the Plains Faction fight!?”

“Dear me. Such a juvenile question that even children wouldn’t ask…….”

“Fuck, stop beating around the bush and answer me!”

Barbatos growled like a cat.

“What are you saying? I am not on the Mountain Faction’s side or the Plains Faction’s side.”

I touched her cheek with one hand.

“I’m on your side.”

“……Eh?”

“I don’t care if humans are trash or not. I don’t care if your ideal is lofty or not either. Barbatos, I will only be on your side.”

I slowly approached Barbatos’ lips.

Right when our lips were about to meet, woosh, Barbatos avoided my kiss. I thought it was weird, so I tilted my head.

Barbatos’s expression quickly turned sour.

“……Wow, you’re terrible at this.”

Huh?

This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.

How should I say it? I sort of wanted her to blush and act shy. Laura and Ivar would fall head over heels for me if I said something like this to them, but Barbatos’ gaze became cold like she was staring at a pile of trash.

“Were you trying to woo me with that line? You retard. Who would even fall for such disgusting words? That was so cringy. The foie gras I had yesterday almost came back up.”

“…….”

Ivar and Laura were suddenly being treated as retards by Barbatos.

Barbatos had suddenly lowered Ivar and Laura to that of retards.

A corner of my mouth trembled.

“M-More like you lack any purity!”

“Purity? That sounds like some nonsense an ogre with a crush would say. I’m not some virgin who’s never had a lover before.”

Barbatos let out a snort.

“Let me give you some advice as an adult. Never say something like that ever again. Especially in front of others. Do you know how much you made my skin crawl? The tiny bit of affection I have left for you in my heart almost ran away because of that.”

“What……?”

“Honestly, you should be grateful I didn’t sock you. You probably would’ve lost your tongue by now if I weren’t your lover. Keke.”

Barbatos let out a hearty laugh.

It had been so long since I was last mocked that my entire body shook. How dare someone who gets dragged around by the nose by Laura look down on my romantic moves? I can overlook most things, but not this!

I opened my mouth.

“Big talk coming from someone who loses to a human child—.”

It was at that moment.

Barbatos’s face suddenly got closer, and, as if this was a predetermined sequence of events, she stole my lips in the smoothest way possible. It was a surprise attack in a moment of haste. I opened my eyes wide.

Barbatos’ soft tongue entered my mouth. It wasn’t a rough kiss. Her tongue twirled around mine so gently that it felt like she was stroking it. I missed my timing to close my mouth as I was swept up in Barbatos’ pace.

Shortly after, the kiss ended and Barbatos slowly backed away.

She had a smirk on her face as if she had just pulled a great prank.

“Brat, this is how you woo someone.”

“…….”

“That mouth of yours won’t get anything done if you’re nothing but talk. Understand?”

Barbatos hummed as she stood up.

I hastily shouted at Barbatos who was leaving the underground spring.

“Y-You’re running away after getting me all worked up!?”

Damn it. I unintentionally stuttered.

My lower body was now demanding a stronger stimulation. It wouldn’t make sense to stop here. Despite this, that lecherous Barbatos feigned ignorance despite knowing full well what she had done.

“That’s not my problem. Go masturbate or something.”

“You’re treating your husband pretty terribly ever since you started going out with Laura, huh!?”

“Husband my ass. If you don’t like it, then ask Paimon for a house call.”

She cackled loudly.

As expected of a sadist.

Barbatos seemed strangely pleased for some reason.

***

TL Note: Thanks for reading the chapter. I wonder if this is where that kiss from the LN is from. Dantalian got his mouth violated. So sad. He’ll never recover from this.

On another note, it was a busy holiday. I went to meet relatives and I found out that my dad adopted a dog. He doesn’t live with us and I only see him during these big holidays, so, sadly, I’ll rarely ever get to see the dog. That was the most noteworthy thing that happened to me, although my brother’s wife did announce she was pregnant, I already knew that.

In any case, I’ll see you guys in the next chapter. Back to work tomorrow.

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