Why Did I Become the Villainess?

 Prince Fraser holds my hand. "Let's start again, Csille."

 I frown at him. Start what? Don't tell me he will push me to be with him again? I thought he already realized that we need time to grow? 

 He probably seen the confusion in my eyes because he immediately shakes my head. "Don't get me wrong. I know I already agreed that we need time for ourselves to grow, and I would keep that. What I mean is maybe we need a clean start? Let's start from the beginning again. Where we are just still friends."

 Start from the beginning? Wait, I've seen this in one of the dramas I have watched before. Where the two characters who broke up with each other decided to start from the beginning. They pretended that it was the first time they met each other and they became friends again. Only friends..

 Is it this scene? Will we reenact the first time we met each other? But the first time I met him as Csille was when the King and the Queen announced our engagement. 

 Prince Fraser stares at me with his serious face. "I am Prince Fraser Astalieu. You are probably Csille Lauretré. We finally met." He said in a cold voice.

 I stare at him for a couple of minutes. I couldn't believe I am seeing this cold Prince Fraser again. He is emitting a cold and aloof aura. Just like how I remember the young Prince Fraser. 

 I gently shake my head to wake myself from the trance and followed him. I do a little curtsy and look at him with respect, just like how I act in front of a royalty of another Kingdom. "Yes, your highness. I am the Count's daughter, Csille Lauretré, and it's my honor to meet you, your highness." I said with much respect. 

 I don't know why. I thought before that these scenes in the movies are just hypocritical. How can the female lead pretend that she just met him for the first time? Well, in fact, they already had a lot of memories together. But I didn't realize it actually helps. I feel like it's really my first time meeting him tonight. 

 "Raise your head." I immediately raised my head and looked at him. I can see estrangement in his eyes. It's as if he never met me. "Don't call me your highness. Prince Fraser would do. I heard you are also one of the representatives of the Kingdom. I hope you will do everything you can to make our Kingdom win."

 I bow my head at him. "Prince Fraser, you can rest assure that I would do my best for the Vrawyth Kingdom." 

 He stared at me for a couple of minutes before he left my room without saying anything. My eyes immediately widen. That's how I write Prince Fraser is. Cold and aloof. 

 Although he is still the cold and aloof to people, he doesn't know. But since I've known him when we were young, I didn't often see the cold side of him. Although from time to time, he would reprimand me or be mad at me.

 I look at the closed door and sigh. I guess this is the best we can do. To pretend like we're the old Csille and old Prince Fraser. 

________________________________

 I stare at the ceiling and sigh. It's already past midnight, and I am still awake. I get up and groan. It's all Prince Fraser's fault! I've been thinking about what just happened between us. 

 Everything is actually helping the plot, but my heart won't stop complaining. It cannot accept the fact that everything ends here tonight. Start? Beginning? I am only lying to myself. I know more than anyone else there's nothing will happen to our relationship in the future. I will end up as the Villainess, and he will be with his female lead. Just like what I have written.

 I sigh and walk towards the balcony. I look at the moon and raise my hand. 

 "Is it midnight in the real world too? How long have I been here? I couldn't even remember." I put my hands down and smiled sadly at the dark sky.

 I sit on the chair, and hugs my knees. I miss the real world now. I miss my old life, where my only problem was how to make my novel be noticed by other people. Where all I did is to write day and night just to make a living.

 I suddenly remember Lena. My best friend who is still living her life in the real world. What could she be doing? I hope she is okay there and happy.

 "I'm sorry, Lena, I wish I am there beside you. I miss you so much. I want to go home now. I want to hug you real tight like I always do every time I will have problems. I really miss you, Lena."

 I hug my knees tighter and cry. I don't know how much longer I will stay in this world. But by the looks of what is happening right now, I think it will still take time before I come back there. 

 I smile bitterly and reminisce the days I used to live a simple life on Earth. My childhood where I often got envious because all of my friends were getting adopted while I was left behind.

 "Ysavel, will you still be here when I get back?" Leila asked me. She is one of my close friends in the orphanage, but today is the day that she will be adopted. 

 I heard from the nuns who take care of us that Leila's adopted parents will bring her to the States to live there. She will leave me too, just like those friends of mine before. 

 I hug her tightly. Although it hurts but I already got used to it. I'm not that cute, and I'm very timid. It's the reason why most couples don't like me. 

 "Don't worry, Leila. I promise you I will just be here when you get back."

 Leila beamed at me. "Promise Ysavel, I will get back here to get you. We will see each other again."

 I look up and smile sadly at myself. I honored my promise to her. I stayed in the orphanage, but she never came back. Just like those kids who promised me that they would visit me. They never visited. I was left alone in the orphanage. All the new children didn't want to play with me because I was shy and timid. 

 My life in the orphanage is really painful. I was only happy when my friends were still there for me, but they all left me behind. 

 I thought after getting out of the orphanage I would know what happiness is, but I was wrong. The real world is scarier and lonelier than the orphanage. 

 I went to university with the help of the scholarship I got. University isn't that harsh. Aside from the school works and my job. It was bearable. But everything changed when I met my ex boyfriend. He was my first love, and I thought he would bring me the happiness I had been longing for so long. 

 I sit on the chair, panting because I just run for ten minutes to get to the restaurant. My boyfriend and I have a date today. He's been my boyfriend for two years now, and those two years are the happiest of my life. 

 "I'm sorry I was late. My boss won't let me go because my co-worker was late for her shift. Have you been waiting for so long?" I smile at him. 

 He is the only source of my happiness and motivation. I could even see my future with him already.

 Jared sigh. "Ysavel, let's end this. I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore."

 But all my plans were ruined because of those simple words 'let's end this'. I can feel tears start to stream from my face. He left me because I didn't give him time. I was busy juggling work and school at that time. But no matter how busy I am, I also make sure that I still have time for him. However, he isn't satisfied. He still wants more. That's why he broke up with me.

 My whole world collapsed when he broke up with me. I thought I had no purpose. I even blame myself for being an orphan. That may be the reason why people always leave me is because my own parents left me. How can people love me? If my own parents didn't? 

 But God probably pitied me because he brought Lena into my life, and she is the only person who stayed with me through ups and downs. She was the reason why I felt alive again. She always makes sure that I am happy always. 

 "Hey, you look sad. Did something happened?" 

 I look at Lena and pout. My novel got rejected again, and I am starting to lose the motivation to write. "They rejected my novel again. I don't know what to do, Lena. I've written a couple of novels now, but none of them was accepted. I'm losing hope now."

 Lena immediately stands up and drags me. "What? You cannot lose hope, Ysa! What if your next novel will be a big hit? Will you take that chance to make other people read your novel? Come on. Even JK Rowling was turned down by 12 publishers before she got successful with Harry Potter. Do you think we will know the story of Harry Potter if JK Rowling gave up her career as a writer?"

 I look at Lena. She's right. Maybe I just need time. Who knows, perhaps I can write a novel that will be like that too. 

 "Come on. I know a place where you can find the motivation to write." Lena giggled.

 I laugh at her. "Let me guess, Ice cream shop?"

 But even after what she did, I left her. I left the only person who loves and believes in me. I look at the sky and smile sadly. 

 "When will I ever come back? I want to go back now. I want to see Lena. I miss you so much." I cried. 

 My life isn't perfect. It's mostly full of sadness and loneliness. There's a lot of time I want to end my life since I couldn't find my own purpose in life. 

 My parents left me all alone in the orphanage. How can I even find my own purpose if my existence was hated by my own parents? Although I don't know much about my birth parents in the real world, I know they left me because they don't want me anymore. 

 I admit I hated them all my life. I hate them because if they didn't decide to make me, I wouldn't experience how cruel, sad and lonely the world is. But then I realized, if I weren't born, I wouldn't experience what life is. 

 I sigh. I will do my best to go back to the real world. If I return to the real world. I will make sure to find my own parents. Now that I experienced the parents' love, I will make sure to find them. I want to ask them why did they leave me in the orphanage. 

 I look at the book on the table and take the photograph inside. It is a photograph of Csille with her parents and her Brother Pascal. I trace my fingers to the photograph and smile.

 "If I wasn't born. I wouldn't experience how great it is to have a loving family like Csille's. I wouldn't experience how it feels like to have a mother who always takes care of me and a father who always makes sure that I am safe. I wouldn't experience having a brother and a cousin in one who always reminds me what I should do in life."

 I sigh. I will do my everything to return to the real world and to save this world. I promise that.

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