When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

“What do you mean it’s not worth ten mid-grade spirit stones? It was the sword of an immortal! I’m giving you a huge discount here.” my black market dealer crossed her arms.

I grinned. “It may have been an Immortal Ascension cultivator’s sword — when they were in Golden Core — but it definitely isn’t pure Three Stars Red Titanium. It’s an alloy, which will have spiritual metals in it that won’t work with the item I’m preparing.”

The girl’s whole body slumped. Her acting wasn’t fooling me.

“Then what about the leather?”

“While this is the hide from a Magnificent Black Rhino, it’s from a stage three.”

“Does it help if I mention that it was made into leather using the most sophisticated techniques of the Su clan?”

“Do you think I’d believe that it was a master and not an apprentice who worked on it?”

She slumped even further. I had no mercy for this dealer.

“You’re asking for 32 spirit stones for everything but I’ll only give you 10.” This was half the amount I was willing to spend on everything.

Doubtful.

“How long before the sect enforcer reaches here? Half an incense stick’s worth?” Of course, that could mean anything from five to thirty minutes. Basically, we had a very little time.

“The sect enforcers move slowly when it comes to black markets.”

“Being questioned by them for a few days would be embarrassing.”

“Better than being locked up for a month or two.”

I grinned. “Don’t you think we should speed this up?”

We stared at each other as if preparing for a duel.

If this had been a poorly done live-action movie of the Xianxia, I was positive the camera would have dramatically panned over her shadowy face, then over mine.

“27,” she firmly said.

I snorted. “11.”

Her slight jerk told me how offended she was by my low-ball counter.

“While this leather isn’t as good ‌as I’d originally said, it’s still well made. It has no defects. And this fragment would be perfect for a small blade. Together they should be worth at least 23!”

“Oh? Then what’s this?” I pointed to a damaged part of the leather that was hidden by the crease.

She clutched her heart as if I had stabbed her with my sword.

“But the shard—”

“Is only going to be used for armor.”

She pretended to cough up a mouthful of blood. “Dear customer,” she whined weakly.

“15,” I countered.

“At least bump it up to 17. There might be a defect on the leather, but it’s not in an awkward place to cut.”

Considering my plans for it... “Agreed.”

The girl was good at what she did. I handed her the mid-grade spirit stones.

With a wave of my arm, I sent everything into the space.

I could hear the smile in her voice as she put my hard-earned stones into her storage bag and said, “Thank you for the business, dear customer. I hope these items help you with your tribulation preparations.”

She must have seen my peak of Qi Condensation cultivation and put two and two together.

“Don’t remind me. Everyone has been on my case about it.”

Her hood bobbed up and down from her exaggerated nod. “Don’t listen to them. Be sure to take all the time you need. My father...” She cleared her throat. “He thought his preparations were enough for his own tribulation. Everyone said he was fully prepared. But after he entered his immortal cave, lightning struck it over and over again.”

She slammed her fist into her palm repeatedly, mimicking the familiar rhythm of the strikes.

The smacking sound reverberated through the cave.

When she paused, a slight chill zipped down my spine.

“He never came back out.”

I cleared my tight throat. “My condolences.”

The tribulation that I held back seemed to tap and roll at the edge of my consciousness. Almost as if it laughed at me.

Ha! I wasn’t scared of some mere Foundation Establishment level tribulation.

I’d been hit by so much lightning in my last life that a few more bolts were insignificant.

And once I finished all my preparations, it wouldn’t be able to kill me! Muahahahaha!

“Excuse me, dear customer, we should leave now!”

I sent out a pulse of my divine sense and felt a cultivator hurrying over towards our position. Shit!

My dealer ran deeper into the cave. I figured she had a secret tunnel or a place she could hide.

Technically, so did I.

I waited for the enforcer in a small alcove at the entrance. Right before he stepped inside, I went into the space long enough for him to get far into the abandoned residence.

When I returned, I couldn’t see him, but I heard him chase after the dealer.

Maybe she’d been counting on my presence, holding him up for a few minutes to help her escape. Poor girl had some bad luck.

I pulled out my flying sword and left like a goddamn boss.

It was time to go pick up Little Spring.

***

Now that I had a second to think, my black market dealer was odd. Well, there were a lot of strange disciples in the sect, so I couldn’t exactly hold it against her.

Between her smooth exit, the burn marks on the floor, and the story about her father, I had a conjecture.

The girl was probably using her father’s old residence as one of the various places she conducted her shady business.

With her contacts being so good, she likely inherited her shop as well.

Whatever. It wasn’t any of my concern.

As I landed in front of the Garlic’s open-air kitchen where a small crowd of adorable little chefs gathered.

A young girl with a high ponytail, a boy with a red headband, and another disciple with sunken cheeks sat at an outdoor table. These three appeared to be taste testers?

Little Spring stood between Garlic and the crowd with his arms crossed. Obviously, the kid was participating in whatever this was.

A girl covered in more orange than the fruit walked up to the table. She set a small plate in front of each of the tasters. On each dish, several buns were artfully displayed.

“This is my Xiaolongbao. The filling is a level 2 fish-type beast with a unique sauce that I created using a special technique. The dough was made from White Yang Spiritual Wheat Flour, which I processed myself.”

Garlic observed from the side with her arms crossed.

This must be some kind of immortal chef duel.

Ponytail picked up one bun with her chopsticks and took a bite. Behind her, an illusion of a koi splashed water.

Oh shit! The girl had a very expressive Perfect Tongue special constitution. This was something I’d only seen in this universe... and maybe anime from my past-past life. But I didn’t count those since it was from a completely different country and genre.

Perfect Tongue was an unusual body type that used the cultivator’s spiritual energy to create illusions based on how good they found an immortal dish. That girl must be a rare talent.

“The spiritual fish in this bun was so nicely proportioned that I wished to keep eating. However, while the sauce paired well with the meat, it just wasn’t flavorful enough. Still, it’s very well done for your level. Eight out of ten.”

Orange Robes nodded solemnly, then her burning eyes stared at Headband.

The taster’s stiff face and darting eyes made him look like he wanted to escape.

He cleared his throat. “I found that the flavor was spot on. Mild and not fishy. It may not have suited my colleague’s taste, but it was perfect for my palette. Ten out of ten.”

Little Spring’s orange opponent grinned triumphantly at him. He calmly waited for his turn like a professional. I honestly couldn’t tell if the brat was nervous or not. Was the kid taking lessons from the sect leader or something?

Then again, he was so focused on this duel that he hadn’t even noticed my arrival.

Sunken Cheeks nibbled at the bun until he’d consumed a quarter of it. Then he returned the rest to the plate.

“While it wasn’t as flavorful as I would prefer, I found it excellent.” Did he though? This young man looked like he’d rather eat anything except this xiaolongbao. “The spiritual energy received after consumption is where this attempt truly shines. After having only a quarter of one bun, I feel like I could run non-stop for a week.”

Was that supposed to be a good thing?

“Nine out of ten.”

With how Orange Robes smirked at my martial brother, I suspected that the last two had been paid off.

“Apprentice Chef Little Spring. Present your dish,” Garlic said.

He pulled small plates with three adorable and perfect dumplings on them and placed them in front of each judge. A bowl of soy sauce with little slices of spiritual scallions next to the plate. The first thing to hit me was the delicious scent of the dish.

While I hadn’t noticed the aroma from Orange Robe’s xiaolongbao, Little Spring’s dumplings made even my mouth water.

Then again, he had been tailoring his meals to me for over a year.

“Simple fish dumplings.”

This kid. Was he trying to be cute? Weren’t chefs supposed to go on and on about their dish like the girl did?

Ponytail dipped the dumpling in the sauce, then put it in her mouth. Before she could fully bite down, she froze. It was like time had stopped. A tear ran down her cheek.

Even for the other judges — as soon as the dumpling entered their mouths, they froze.

Oh shit! Was it that bad? I mean, it had been a while since the kid had cooked me something barely edible, but it was always possible for him to fail.

Orange Robes tilted her chin up in triumph.

And that was when Ponytail finished her bite. The most colorful and solid illusion appeared behind her of a carp jumping over a dragon gate made of golden wheat.

“Simple?!” She slammed her hand against the table and stood up. Her accusing finger pointed at Little Spring. “You call this simple! I should beat you! You didn’t mention how the boiled fish dumplings were topped with julienned Three Tears Ginger and Verdant Scallions, then drizzled with hot freshly made oil that gave it that perfect sizzle. Not to mention how beautifully the flavors of the fish go with this scallion infused spiritual soy sauce. What is wrong with you?”

The kid’s cheeks turned red, and he coughed.

She sat back down. “Ten out of ten.”

Look at him being a little protagonist... Though now I wondered if my meddling in the timeline somehow changed the damn genre.

“Thank you.”

Orange Robes glared like she wanted to punch the brat. When her eyes fixated on the next judge she visibly calmed down.

Headband stared straight ahead, not looking at the girl at all. A bead of sweat ran down his forehead. Eventually, he focused on the kid. “Apprentice Little Spring, this dish was disgusting...”

The silence in the courtyard was so intense I could hear a talisman drop.

Then he continued. “Disgustingly good.”

“The dough went well with the fish, but the ginger and soy sauce truly brought everything together.” He sadly looked down at his empty plate. “I only wish that you’d made more.”

He grimaced. “Unfortunately, the fish you used was only stage 1. Nine out of ten.”

Really? The only thing he could berate was the rank of the ingredients, so he used that to take off a point.

Still, the fact that he made someone who was so obviously against him give him such a positive score showed how skillfully the kid prepared those dumplings.

Finally, it was Sunken Cheeks’ turn. Surprisingly, his plate was completely consumed aside from a few bites.

“These dumplings were perfect in almost every way. Almost. Unfortunately, they’re too small. Because of this, the amount of spiritual energy absorbed per dumpling is far too meager. Considering that the fish was only a stage 1 beast, this is a major flaw.”

He paused, stealing the crowd’s attention. “Eight out of Ten.”

Little Spring winced.

Orange Robes’ face turned red and her hands clenched into fists.

Oh, I would remember her. Also Headband and Sunken Cheeks.

They were kids, so I wasn’t going to hurt them. But if they ever needed my help or tools in the future, I wouldn’t mind bankrupting them.

Garlic stepped up. “Since you asked me to not be part of this duel, I won’t say anything. Well, I will mention that this argument was stupid and I hope each of you learned a valuable lesson from this tie.” With the way her face scrunched up, the last word must have given her an unpleasant aftertaste.

She should have done more to make the challenge fair.

I glared at her. She looked me in the eye and smirked. Fucking cooking psychopath.

“Apprentice Chef Little Spring, your little girlfriend is here to pick you up.”

I pulled out my sword, started to walk toward her.

Before I could yell out a challenge, the brat ran forward and tugged on my sleeve. ::We have to use the rest of the metal to make your defensive items!::

Right. First, transcend my tribulation. Then I could come here to kick her wok-wielding-ass.

This bitch was too good at provoking me.

I pulled out my flying sword tool. With a gesture, I rose into the air. The kid followed me on his fan.

As the mountain grew smaller, he looked a little too contemplative.

“What was that duel about, anyway?”

His fan fell behind, then quickly caught up. “N-nothing important.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then it’s either embarrassing for you or it’s about me.”

His jaw tightened. “It doesn’t matter what it was about. They rigged the whole thing,” he said. “It feels like I did all that work for nothing.”

I smirked. “It was rigged… to fail. But you were so impressive that they had to come up with horrible rationalizations to remove points, and then they could only stand to give you a tie when you deserved to win. I’d say that shows how extraordinary your cooking skills have become.”

He shook his head. “They may have been pulling out the only excuses they could find, but they were valid complaints. My dumplings were too small for the low level fish. This meant that the spiritual energy received from them wouldn’t be worth the effort of eating them. If I’d had better ingredients, I could have improved my dish significantly.”

“And if you’d thought about it earlier, you could have made larger dumplings to compensate.”

“I won’t make this mistake again.”

“You’ve also learned some valuable lessons.”

His eyes grew a little fiercer, and he nodded.

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