When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

“Alchemist Linlin... You’re scaring our volunteers. The extremely old-looking young disciple over there seems especially disturbed.”

The man, who had a long gray beard and a bird-type beast perched on his shoulder, looked like he was about to cry. “Senior Noxious Fangstrike, can you please call me Eighth Eagle Talon?”

I furrowed my brow at the interruption of my data collection. “Shhhhh, I’m thinking!” They were so damn frustrating.

I had my mind split into six so I could keep track of our four volunteers for this round of testing, including junior Eighth and his surprisingly calm eagle spiritual beast. Of course, I also had one section organize and compile my test data while the last recorded everything in my research notes.

After spending two days concocting possible solutions with fewer impurities, I developed three viable variations on the Qi Condensation stage bath. Since the higher realm variations all used this one as the base, I could easily adjust the baths for higher realm cultivators later.

But first, we had to go through testing!

Due to the properties of the contract bath, the tests had to be performed on human cultivators. The good thing was that this fucked up world didn’t have any laws against it!

Well, good for me, anyway.

I used my spiritual energy to poke the arm muscle of Eighth Eagle. ::As I suspected, the elasticity of this junior’s wrinkly skin has increased. Solution 142 looks extremely promising! Unfortunately, the disciple is noticeably uncomfortable. We should ask him about that later.::

After scanning his internals with my divine sense, I noted down all the changes between now and the last time I recorded, ten minutes earlier.

So far, everything was going well! This wasn’t at all like the past three trials where we conducted tests on solutions 102, 113, and 134.

During our tests for solution 102 — the first bath we tested on humans — we had four volunteers, two men and two women, who came out of the baths perfectly fine but with the regular side effects. Unfortunately, the fifth volunteer’s skin and hair changed to a bright ethereal blue. But his spiritual beast was a Tiny Blue Luan, so I didn’t know what he expected the side effects would be.

I’d made sure Noxious paid him well for his unfortunate condition.

Sadly, when we tested solution 113 on three volunteers, it failed entirely, but with no side effects. The poison master asked those old-looking disciples to come back later once the concoction had been finalized to try again.

I hadn’t been expecting much from 134, but it had surprisingly nearly succeeded, showing me that I had been on the right track by removing the Sublime Mint Leaf and using the Three Fingered Extraction Technique to purify the two chrysanthemums. Unfortunately, the extra Bursting Star Pea I’d added to the bath had only reduced the effects of the impurities and didn’t remove them like I needed it to.

The success of that experiment made Noxious Fangstrike believe that we’d successfully finished the bath. It took me a whole fucking half hour to convince the impatient asshole that we weren’t done yet.

This all led me to create various failures until I reached solution 142. I had added two herbs to it. One was a Purifying Green Onion known for countering and removing impurities, and the last was Purple Carrot-Ginseng, often used in concoctions that allowed for the modification of a body. Essentially, it was there to help the test subjects control their transformations.

So far, the bath had changed Junior Eight by giving him pale yellow eyes, stronger muscles, feathery hair, and sharp black nails that looked almost like talons. He, along with everyone else, was nearing the end of the bath’s effectiveness.

“I still think you should have fully submerged yourself and used a bamboo straw to breathe.”

He appeared to shiver, then slightly leaned away from me. “Respectfully, Senior Linlin, that sounds unpleasant. I’m desperate, not crazy.”

Ha! That timidness of his was why he was only at Qi Condensation despite his advanced years.

As soon as the water became completely inert, I used my spiritual energy to pull Junior Eighth out while Noxious dried him off.

“I... could have left the bath myself.”

The poison master studied the volunteer as he asked, “What are the changes you experienced after your bath?”

“I can see better, my body feels fifty years younger, and...” he flexed his black nails, “I could claw someone’s eyes out if I wanted to.”

“Good, good,” I said.

Noxious sent me a distrust-filled look and took a step closer. “And your vision, is it difficult to use or does it feel natural? Do you perhaps have an urge to build a nest or lay an egg?”

“Ah, Senior, that sounds like a personal—”

I nodded. The poison master had learned. Sometimes invasive questions were necessary. “Answer the question, junior.” I clasped my hands behind my back.

He gulped. “It feels natural, but I don’t have an urge to build a nest or lay eggs.”

I looked at the Nascent Soul and gestured with both hands. Then I stared at the disciple. He gulped.

“I want you to close your eyes and meditate while thinking about retracting the physical changes.”

The poison master rolled his eyes. He still didn’t believe me when I said that I thought this would solve the issue of the sect’s side effects.

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After Eighth sat down, it didn’t take long for the obvious changes he’d gone through to vanish. He looked just like the old man who had arrived at the bathing hall, only he looked three decades younger.

Noxious Fangstrike sucked in a breath. “Now... try to bring the changes back.”

“Hold on, Senior.” I loomed over the man. “First, tell me if it was difficult for you and if you felt any discomfort.”

“Ah.” He looked between us, then swallowed. “There was no pain… but it was a bit uncomfortable having you hover over me.”

I paused. “Ridiculous! I obviously meant the bath! Now keep going.”

He winced. “A-actually, I’m surprised at how easy it was to undo... It’s not gone for good, right?!”

Noxious frowned.

“Now, try to bring the changes back.” I held my breath.

His brow furrowed as he focused. The animalistic features — gold eyes, feathery hair and increased muscle mass — returned to his body. He smiled. “S-seniors! It’s so simple! And it's not uncomfortable at all.”

While this looked good, the bath affected a cultivator more than just physically. I’d seen its effect on Little Spring’s energy, so I had to be certain. “How about your inner Qi? Does it feel greater at all? More polluted? Different in any way?”

He reached up and gently scratched under his eagle’s neck feathers. “It’s definitely stronger, but I’m certain there are fewer impurities in my body and cultivation.” He paused for a second, then his eyes appeared watery. “I-I don’t know how you did it, but I’m finally able to overcome my bottleneck and break through to Foundation Establishment! I can feel it.”

Noxious, and I shared a hopeful and excited look. I barely managed to curb my enthusiasm. We still had other test subjects to examine. If we were unlucky one of them just might end up exactly like that Blue Luan volunteer.

***

It turned out that the others had similar experiences. The best part was that all of them felt like they could either break through to the next layer of Qi Condensation or take the next step and reach Foundation Establishment.

Essentially, we’d just helped most of these guys enter the inner sect!

Noxious stroked his chin with a shaking hand and sat down on a chair in his alchemy room.

“Junior Linlin, I think... I think we really did it!”

Ha! And he wanted to use a half-complete solution earlier.

“We’ll need to do more testing with 142 to make sure it works with various spiritual beast types, volunteer ages, and cultivation realms but I tentatively agree...”

We did it! Muahahaha!

“I still can’t believe it took you only three days to correct our bath.”

Well, it wasn’t nearly as impressive as a certain teacher protagonist, but since I didn’t have his golden finger, I knew I did a damn good job.

He looked at me very seriously. “But how long do you think it will take you?”

“Unfortunately, while fixing a broken pill recipe is easy, fixing a broken person is extremely difficult.”

“But you have to have some idea.”

I clasped my hands behind my back. “Senior. I have considered how to repair the damage the broken bath did, but it will take a lot of trial and error. It’s not simply adding the missing plants to a pill and giving it to the person. No, your disciples have been poisoned for a long time now. Not only will they need the final solution to update their contract, but they'll need an antidote. Also, something that will repair the damage that being stuck in a partial beast transformation did to their bodies.”

“Just give me an estimate.”

“I might be able to come up with something to repair Senior Verdant Spring in four months.”

“Four months?!”

I shook my head. “He’s different since his bath happened recently.” And because I was familiar with his cultivation method so I knew what his Qi should feel like. “While it has damaged his body, it hasn’t had enough time to thoroughly poison him like it has with your older disciples. If you want me to help you create a cure that can work for nearly every single member of this sect, it will take at least a year to come up with an initial treatment, but I should be finished by two.”

“Ah... that is much worse.”

“Of course, this is just an estimate based on my experience. Who knows, I could get lucky and figure something out in a week.”

He shook his head. “We’re all limited by time. Even immortals.”

Unless one happened to fall into a damn tear in spacetime — essentially getting a second chance at life.

He sighed. “This seems like a good place for you to take a break, anyway. I heard from my niece that your band has practically finished the song you were working on. You’ll want to see what they’ve come up with.”

“They finished?!” Oh, I guess I did tell them to think about it. When I didn’t return after a day, they likely decided to do what they could by themselves. Had they really overcome their creative differences to produce something badass?

The poison master nodded. “While you go do that, I’ll find some Foundation Establishment, and Golden Core disciples willing to test solution 142’s variations.”

I said my farewells to Noxious, then rushed out of his alchemy room. As I exited through the doorway, a Nascent Soul cultivator barely avoided flying into me. The young-looking man with a pair of elk-like antlers landed beside the door and glared down at me with intense brown eyes.

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After he went inside, I took a few steps away. Then I stopped. “Motherfucker.”

This sect didn’t have a lot of cultivators at Noxious’s realm.

And I was still a spy.

A conversation between two high-level elders of this sect was just the sort of thing I needed to listen in on.

With a sigh, I used my disguise technique to lower my presence until it became non-existent, then I carefully made my way to a secluded corner near the door and wiggled a small strand of divine sense into the room.

Noxious was the first voice that came through. “Junior Sect Leader Irrepressible Wild Hoof, we’ve almost fixed the bath for future generations.”

“That’s great, but not good enough. We need a cure.” I assumed this was the man taking up the day-to-day operations while the sect leader was away.

“We’re close. About three years out.”

That fucker. He really didn’t have any faith in me. Or he was doing that thing where he lied about how long it would take only to make his superior happy by completing it ahead of schedule. Whichever.

“There isn’t that much time left. Too many of our older disciples are passing away early due to the side effects. If such a number continues dying out, it will leave our sect vulnerable to those damned Leashed bastards and the demonic cult.”

“Be patient. We just need a little more time.”

He huffed. “Who are you to tell me to be patient?”

“Junior Sect Leader, I know you’re worried, but that’s no reason to do something desperate.”

“What do you know?”

“Just that those bastards want a scroll that would make them unbeatable on this continent. We can’t let our greed and desperation blind us to an obvious trap.”

He snorted. “Who’d be trapping who? Even if we gave it to them, it’s locked inside a box that can’t be opened. Those idiots already massacred everyone who knew how to unlock it. It's basically worthless to them.”

“I wouldn’t trust that assumption.”

He sighed. “Poison Master Noxious Fangstrike, look, they’ve already noticed our spies. They sent us their heads with an ultimatum: either we give them the scroll by the end of our Foundation Day celebration, which will earn us the solution to our problems, or they’ll burn our cure and attack our sect to get the damn scroll.”

“The situation may sound dire but we can’t trust anything those evil cultivators have to say. So don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

“Trust me. I won’t.” But the tone in that man’s voice sounded like he very much was planning on doing something he’d regret. It was just that he didn’t think he’d actually regret it. Which meant, he was going to ruin it for this whole goddamn sect. And since I still needed two months to find a cure for Little Spring, that meant I needed to save this fucking place!

Goddamn it. Shit just kept piling up.

It helped that I liked my band members. I didn’t want to see them die when the Alchemist Guild came to flatten this sect’s peaks. Or even before that when the demonic sect started a war.

Once Noxious talked to him about the new bath formula I decided I’d heard enough and left for my band’s training grounds. I’d have to come up with a way to prevent the handoff from happening.

But first I needed to hear what kickass badassery Dread Lotus, Gold String, and Azure added to our song.

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