Vaudevillain

“You know, I can’t help but think he’s going about it all wrong,” Dylan said.

“CEOverlord?” Jack asked.

“No, the Dr. Zlo NPC, or AI, or whatever it is,” Dylan said. “It’s too rudimentary. Sure, it has the domineering voice and panicked reactions, but none of the crazy inventiveness Dr. Zlo has. I mean, robot animals is his big theme here.”

“It fits the coliseum fight,” Jack argued lightly.

Dylan wobbled his hand back and forth. “Sure, but if it were me I’d make mutant animals, or a serum that the Jacques take to give them animal powers. And it would all be a distraction for my actual plan.”

“Which would be?” Jack asked.

“The most ridiculous thing you could think of, obviously,” Dylan said. “Dr. Zlo would have bought the coliseum concessions, selling his patented Zlodogs or something. He’d also have invited all the powerful leaders of the city and offered them concessions for free.”

“Okay, strange hotdogs. Then what?” Jack asked with a smile.

“Dr. Zlo gets thwarted, everyone goes home, but the Zlodogs are engineered to sit in someone’s gut until he presses a button. When pressed, all the leaders have to use the bathroom at the same time, creating a power vacuum Dr. Zlo exploits.”

“For money and power,” Dylan laughed. “What else would a villain like him go after?”

“Jewels is pretty common,” Oro interjected. “Or some superscience material.”

“Dude, we totally have to do this now, you know that right?” Riptide said.

“I dunno,” Dylan said. “I’m enjoying Approximo. We get to do silly hero shenanigans like pit two villains against each other.”

“Speaking of which,” Sweet Dream said. “Does anyone else think CEOverlord is a lot like Dextra?”

“Evil business villain is kind of a staple for superheroes,” Oro said.

“Yeah,” Dylan agreed. “But I do think the CEOverlord could be like, an alternate earth version of Dextra.”

The group watched as the skyscraper fell from a combined animal attack. A small figure jumped out of the window, pointing a gun at Dr. Zlo. The villain blasted him with a laser, only for a competing laser from CEOverlord to appear and completely overtake it. Dr. Zlo recoiled as his foe landed on the deck next to him.

“Dude, that was sick,” Riptide said.

“Definitely not an alternate Dextra,” Jack said. “No way Dextra jumps into a fight.”

“No it could fit,” Dylan said.

“Yeah, alternate worlds love to use opposite traits,” Oro said. “Like in an alternate universe Dr. Zlo would be a hero.”

“Oh god,” Jack snorted. “Can you imagine how crazy that would be?”

“Dudes, he’d be this super goody two shoes who had to help everyone all the time,” Riptide laughed.

“And he uses magic, not science, to do it,” Sweet Dream said.

“Why’s that?” Jack asked.

“Magic and science are always diametrically opposed in superhero stuff,” Dylan said.

“Not always true,” Oro said. “Magic and tech heroes work together all the time.”

“I meant more like magitech,” Dylan said. “Technology hardly ever combines magic and science.”

“Because they’re the same thing,” Oro said.

“No way, magic has more wonder to it,” Dylan answered. “Tech always has a reason for its power.”

“So mad science isn’t magic?” Oro said smugly.

“He’s got you there,” Jack said. “No way you can explain how Dr. Zlo’s inventions work.”

“He can so,” Dylan said. “But the science would go above your puny minds.”

“Ah yes, the classic villain answer for, I don’t know shut up,” Oro laughed.

“Dudes, we totally have to make hero Dr. Zlo now,” Riptide said. “And Riptide, and Sweet Dream.”

“Please no,” Sweet Dream said. “I made my character to be the opposite of those super pink covered lollipop characters. Hero me would just be all that and super bubbly.”

“Dude, you can be Bubblegum or something!” Riptide said.

“What would Riptide be as a hero?” Dylan asked. “Because I literally can’t see him being anything but a surfer.”

“Alright, get this,” Riptide said. “Instead of surfing anything,” he paused for dramatic effect, “the power is anything surfs.”

“If that isn’t the most you answer I don’t know what is,” Sweet Dream snorted.

In the distance, CEOverlord dodged a swipe from Dr. Zlo’s cane and picked the villain up. He threw him off the ledge of the zeppelin.

“Oh, hardcore,” Oro commented. “You think he’s going to try and take the zeppelin?”

“No way he’s able to,” Dylan said. “I bet that thing’s coded like the alien mothership.”

“Dude, don’t remind me,” Riptide said. “That was so unfair.”

Sure enough, CEOverlord attempted to grab the controls of the zeppelin, only for it to spin in place and eject him from the driver’s seat.

“Wait, what’s it doing?” Jack asked.

They watched in surprise as the zeppelin crumpled together, then stretched out to form appendages.

“No way they made the zeppelin a mech too!” Oro exclaimed. “There was nothing like that on the forums.”

“Probably because people treated it as your typical grindsesh,” Jack said.

“Yeah, it takes real inventors like us to find the weird sh*t,” Riptide laughed.

The zeppelin twisted around, coiling its metal balloon into a torso and bringing the laser cannon at the bottom onto the mech’s shoulder. Dr. Zlo activated his rocket boots, flying up to the cockpit shaped like a monocle. He settled in, grabbing the controls and laughing maniacally.

“If only we could hear what he’s saying,” Dylan said.

“We could always join them,” Jack said.

“No way, dude. I love watching this,” Riptide said. “Besides, this CEOverlord guy isn’t done.”

They all looked to see the villain suddenly growing in size, matching the mech. The robot animals leaped at him, but he knocked them to the ground with a single punch.

“Now, I love a giant monster as much as the next guy,” Oro said. “But does anyone else feel a giant businessman is a bit boring?”

“Yeah, dude,” Riptide laughed. “Where’s the spikes on his shoulders. Or the sweeping mutant tail?”

“Exactly!” Oro answered. “Besides, CEOverlord already had a mech. You can’t have both a kaiju and a mech. He’s breaking all the rules.”

“Well, if this was an alternate earth, who knows what the rules actually are,” Jack said.

“Yeah,” Dylan said. “For all we know people growing to skyscraper size is normal.”

They watched as CEOverlord wrestled the mech to the ground and blasted the monocle with a laser. Two more animals moved to interrupt, one going down to the laser as it pushed Dr. Zlo’s mech out of the way.

“Wait, are we saying this is an alternate world?” Sweet Dream asked. “Like, our heroes are in world-2 or something?”

“Sure,” Dylan answered. An idea started to form in his mind, an answer to Thomas’s question about their next event. “Maybe Vert resetting the world is just them switching to an alternate universe? Like, Dr. Zlo destroying the moon unleashed all that Phlebotinium and rent the world asunder or something.”

“Dude! And Menagerie gets thrown into this world!” Riptide exclaimed.

“Yeah!” Dylan said.

“That’s awesome,” Jack said. “We gotta tell everyone.”

“I’ll talk to Dextra after this finishes,” Dylan said. “It looks like CEOverlord is about to take out the last of the robot animals. That’s when this thing ends, right?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” Oro said. “Nothing I saw on the forums talks about a mech.”

“Well, it’ll be a fun watch no matter what,” Sweet Dream said.

The last of the animals went down a short while later, a hole in its chest from a laser blast. Electricity sparked as CEOverlord taunted Dr. Zlo. The villains turned toward each other once more. Dr. Zlo fired his shrink ray, but either CEOverlord’s powers, or an item, prevented him from shrinking. The villain answered with a kick, sending houses scattering as he tried to bring the mech to the ground.

Dr. Zlo angrily fired his shoulder mounted laser, missing and blasting a line of destruction through more of the city. NPC heroes and villains started to come out of the woodwork, reacting to the wanton destruction of their city. Small beams of energy and other munitions fired on the two monstrous fighters, doing little to dissuade them.

CEOverlord hefted the enhanced laser in his hands and charged, getting close enough to tackle the mech to the ground. He placed the barrel of his laser over the head and pulled the trigger. Dr. Zlo shook a fist and teleported away as the beam of energy pierced through and destroyed the mech’s controls.

A prompt appeared in front of everyone, announcing their victory and their prizes.

Congratulations! You have successfully thwarted Dr. Zlo in his plans to destroy the city! Your current reputation is now E. You will reach D rank after 3 more escapade(s).

You have failed to prevent Turvy from kidnapping Gio and have been docked reputation! Your current reputation is now F. You will reach E rank after 1 more escapade(s).

You have failed to stop Brickhead, Latroc, or Diabo from stealing the fountain’s wishes and have been docked reputation! Your current reputation is now F. You will reach E rank after 1 more escapade(s).

Dylan dismissed the rest of the notifications as they all said the same. “Looks like we’re back at square one with reputation.”

“Oh well,” Jack said. “We weren’t trying to be famous with these characters anyway.”

“True. Okay, I’m going to see if Dextra is free for a meeting. I love the idea of treating this as an alternate world.”

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