Vaudevillain

The captives walked forward, ushered inside by Dr. Zlo's minions. Before they reached the doors, men and women in black suits appeared, blocking the entrance. Dr. Zlo looked up to see more guards in black aiming weapons at him from the roof.

"Release the hostages or face the consequences," A guard said, their voice menacing.

"Now, hold on," Dr. Zlo complained. "I'm the villain here. I'm the one who makes demands."

The guards opened fire, and Dr. Zlo sighed as bullets pinged off an invisible shield in front of him.

"Nobody understands that there's a process to this," the villain complained. "Mabel, would you do something about our guards?"

"You got it, hon," Mabel said.

The woman walked forward, her steps soft on the red carpet. The guards turned, firing their handguns at the minion, only to see the bullets hit another invisible wall. With their weapons ineffective, the guards retreated back into the building.

"Now, it isn't nice of you to hit and run," Mabel said. "Why don't you come back out and tell Momma you're sorry."

The guards at the door stiffened, then made their way over to Mabel. The minion had them present their guns, which Cass then took and pocketed.

With nothing left to stop them, the captive masses were shoved inside by the Jacques, Dr. Zlo following up last. When he entered, the villain turned the knob on his cane and aimed at the doors. His white adhesive foam sprayed out, covering every inch of the entrance.

"That should stop any pesky interlopers for a bit," the villain said.

While Dr. Zlo locked the doors, his minions ushered the captive reporters to their seats. Other minions spread out through the Palace, hunting the various guards still inside. Cass, Mabel, and Quartet all made their way to the theater's stage, where the Jacques had deposited the four captives.

Wyapp Eart struggled under the mash of ropes tying him down, while Rollie Thumbs sat patiently, as if at a press conference. Vurt Teynolds looked around in confusion while the last captive sat stock still under Mabel's control. Jacques surrounded the four, pulling out cases of makeup. Soon, a smoke cloud of beauty products covered the captives, falling away once the last Jacques left to reveal the four men now dressed to the nines.

Wyapp wore a Wild West lawman's outfit, complete with a cowboy hat. A bandana rested on his shoulders, though the man looked rather upset by it. Rollie wore his B's uniform, but all the dirt and grass stains were cleaned off, leaving the pristine uniform. Vurt now wore khakis and a single short-sleeve button-down, the top button left unbuttoned. Finally, the last captive wore the Rough Riders' cavalry outfit, a cowboy hat resting on his austere head.

The lights dimmed, and the captives all watched as two spotlights lit up with the sound of a drumroll.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" a booming voice exclaimed as the spotlights started to circle the room. "May I have your attention, please."

The captives all looked around wildly, wondering where the voice came from.

"It's the game of the century! The true contest of skill!"

The drumroll grew louder.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mustache You A Question!"

Suddenly, cheers and applause rang out, startling the hostages. The two spotlights converged, lighting Dr. Zlo as he walked down the center aisle.

"With your host, Dr. Zlo!"

More cheers and applause resounded as the villain waved to his captives. Once he got on stage, Dr. Zlo raised his hands to calm the crowd down. Once the cheers died, the villain turned to the four captives on stage.

"Welcome, contestants!" Dr. Zlo cheered. "Welcome to Mustache You A Question! Where we determine who in the world has the best mustache!"

More cheers and applause came from the audience.

"Settle down now," Dr. Zlo said to the crowd. "We don't want to scare our contestants away."

"When I get out of these," threatened Wyapp.

Dr. Zlo silenced the man, pressing his cane under the man's chin. "Please don't speak out of turn. They lower your chances of winning."

The villain turned back to the crowd, "Yes! Our fine viewers today will witness the undoubtable, unequivocal truth of which mustache makes the man. I have with me the greatest four mustached men in the world! And today, they'll be answering your questions!"

The crowd cheered again.

"As you know," Dr. Zlo continued. "Mustache You a Question asks each contestant a series of questions, which are then rated by you, the watcher! The best scorer wins! And proves to the world that their mustache is the best."

More applause came from the crowd.

"However!" Dr. Zlo said. "The losers are subjected to, The Shave!"

Dr. Zlo pointed to the side to show the Jacques wheeling in a barber's chair. But unlike typical barber chairs, this one came equipped with various straps and multiple wicked razors.

"Our handy shave-o-Tron 3000 here will leave you with skin smooth as a baby's bottom," Dr. Zlo said. "Sponsored by Zlo industries! We make what you deserve."

"I'm starting to think this isn't an autograph session," Rollie said.

"What gave you that impression?" Vurt asked. "The giant shaving machine?!"

"That was a part of it," Rollie admitted.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen!" Dr. Zlo announced. "Let's introduce our contestants!"

Dr. Zlo waited for the applause to end, then walked over to Wyapp.

"Meet Wyapp Eart, the greatest lawman in Ultra City 12, and owner of a fine piece of facial hair. Notice the way he's carefully groomed the piece to gently flow off the sides of his face. Yes, this man knows how to keep up appearances. But don't let his refined mustache fool you! Wyapp is a cold killer, taking out more than thirty people during his time as an Agent in Ultra City. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Wyapp!"

The crowd went wild, a few whistles piercing through the uproarious applause.

"Good to hear you're all enthusiastic!" Dr. Zlo said. "Our next contestant hails from the sportiest city around and is one of the most iconic pitchers for the B's baseball team! His careful application of wax on his handlebar mustache has given him an iconic looped look that few can pull off. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Rollie Thumbs!"

More applause, possibly louder than before, rang through the Palace theater.

"Our third guest on the show is someone many of you have seen before, and I'm sure his mustache needs no introduction. Vurt Teynolds hails from your very own Angeli and is famous for his extensive roles in various movies. Give some applause for Vurt Teynolds, everyone!"

A respectable amount of applause came from the seats, a few of the captives even joining in.

"And our last guest," Dr. Zlo started, "is very special. This man is a leader of men, and is one of the most iconic figures in national politics. Known for going after the robber barons in his city and even taking down a bear with its own hands, this is one politician no one that no one wants against them. But beneath his rugged exterior lies a heart of gold, as exhibited by his magnificent mustache! Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, Freddy Roosevelt!"

The crowd cheered at the name, and Dr. Zlo signaled for Mabel to release her mind control on the politician.

"I say!" the man said in his deep voice. "What is all this!"

"Freddy Roosevelt, a pleasure," Dr. Zlo said.

"You!" the man said. "Another one of those robber barons, eh? Come to convince me to stop the anti-trust law?"

"Of course not," Dr. Zlo said. "We're here to see who has the greatest mustache, here on…"

"Mustache You a Question!" the crowd called.

"And without further ado, let's bring in our first question!"

Dr. Zlo walked over to a large screen the Jacques had pulled out, pressing the power button while giving the minions a look. The Jacques all lowered their heads in embarrassment at forgetting to turn the machine on. The television flickered to life, revealing the first question for the contestants.

"Our first question is for Wyapp!" Dr. Zlo said. "Who here would have the most to lose if they lost their mustache?"

"I don't play along with criminals," Wyapp said.

"A strange answer," Dr. Zlo said. "But I'm not part of this event, despite my own rather impeccable facial hair. That's a point off your score, Wyapp."

A loud buzzer shook the room, and a large red X appeared over Wyapp's chair.

"Remember, three strikes, and you lose!" Dr. Zlo said

"You never explained that!" Rollie said.

"Didn't I?" Dr. Zlo asked. When the contestants shook their heads, the villain shrugged, "Must've slipped my mind. On to our second question!"

The screen panned to the left.

"This question is for Vurt!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "Of the four of you here, who most deserves to keep their mustache?"

"I do," Vurt said.

"Explain your answer!" Dr. Zlo said. "You have thirty seconds. Go!"

"The others can all keep their careers without a mustache," Vurt said. "I'm too well known with it that if I don't have it, no one will hire me."

The buzzer sounded, and a red X appeared over the captive.

"Oh, too bad!" Dr. Zlo said. "The correct answer was Rollie. Because losing that mustache would be a crime of nature."

"Well, gee," Rollie said.

"Speak out of turn again, and I will shave you," Dr. Zlo threatened.

Rollie clamped his mouth shut and nodded.

"On to our next question!" Dr. Zlo said with a smile. The screen panned up, revealing Dr. Zlo's next question. "Oho, a question for Rollie this time. Which of your mustaches would win in a fight?"

"Oh, um," Rollie said, looking between the four captives. "Freddy's."

"Thirty seconds to explain," Dr. Zlo said.

"Well, you said he could take out a bear, which means he's manly. Anyone with that manly of character would have a manly mustache, so Freddy's would win."

The show was silent for a second while Dr. Zlo built the tension.

"Rollie, that answer is… Absolutely correct!"

Three bell dings and a blast of confetti assaulted Rollie's ears.

"Great! What do I win?"

"Nothing!" Dr. Zlo said.

"Oh," said the baseball star.

Visit and read more novel to help us update chapter quickly. Thank you so much!