Vaudevillain

Dr. Zlo

No matter! You’re both too late! Soon, I shall have control of this company! Then, the world!

Dr. Zlo throws his hands in the air, laughing at his genius.

Girl Wonder

Um, sorry. Question?

Dr. Zlo

What? How dare you interrupt me?!

Wonderman

I’m sorry, she’s learning. Wonderman bends down. Sweetie, it’s very rude to interrupt people when they’re talking.

Pouting. But I just wanted to ask how taking over a company takes over the world? I don’t get how the pieces fit.

Eville

Amateur. Dr. Zlo’s genius is too great for a small fry like you!

Girl Wonder

What was that?! You wanna go?

Wonderman

Concerned. Sweetie! Remember what I said about hero work!

Girl wonder instantly calms down and answers with a grumble.

Girl Wonder

Always make sure you’re not as scary as the villains.

Wonderman

That’s right! Because you see, hero work is just like any other work. And it’s a hero’s job to put their best foot forward.

The Jacques, ever ready with the autotuner, bang on it a bit to get it started. If someone looks closely at the device, they can see that it has multiple dings and scrapes from all the lugging around. The background takes a second to start up, the machine hissing and coughing before starting up an electric guitar.

Wonderman

Every morning, we wake up just the same

Like any citizen, ready to take on the day

We don’t see ourselves as invincible

It’s not true at all

The electric guitar is joined by drums and bass, creating a familiar rock tone as Wonderman belts in his signature style.

We’re just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superheroes

Saving cats from trees, kissing babies' cheeks

We’re just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superheroes

Nothing more than that; that’s all we really are.

The rock continues as Girl Wonder joins in.

Girl Wonder and Wonderman

Just a day job, that someone’s got to do

It’s not hard, when they look up to you

Gonna make it look easy, gonna make it look good

Like every hero should

Girl Wonder jumps forward, ready to throw hands. Eville jumps in to meet the sidekick, leaving Dr. Zlo to Wonderman. The two heroes sing the chorus as they fight back and forth.

We’re just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superheroes

Saving cats from trees, kissing babies' cheeks

We’re just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superheroes

Nothing more than that; that’s all we really are.

Wonderman

We’re just like everyone else

Girl Wonder

After all the hype, it’s hard to tell

I keep my identity so well

Girl Wonder and Wonderman

We’re just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superheroes

Saving cats from trees, kissing babies' cheeks

We’re just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superheroes

Nothing more than that; that’s all we really are.

As the two groups fight, Dr. Zlo and Eville are pushed back by Wonderman and his sidekick’s prowess. Finally, Dr. Zlo has had enough and pulls a button off his lapel. He tosses it to Wonderman, who quickly dives to protect Girl Wonder. The explosion covers the set, blanketing everything in smoke. When it dies down, Wonderman is bleeding onto his white spandex. The rock music cuts out as well, the Autotuner wheezing smoke.

Dr. Zlo

The villain cackles evilly at the scene. The autotuner picks up another tune, this one filled with heavy bass, as Dr. Zlo starts to gloat.

Yes!

White shirt, red from your bloody nose.

Pristine, my suit and top hat shows

Foreseen, you should have known

That I’m so criminal

Girl Wonder rushes Dr. Zlo in angrily upon seeing Wonderman’s wound. Dr. Zlo taunts her.

Boo! Hiss! At me when I’m around

That miss I’ll take without a sound

My lair is hidden underground

My scheme? The Pinnacle.

The music changes tempo as Dr. Zlo dodges more of Girl Wonders's attacks. Eville, free to act, starts ushering the Jacques to the nearby computers and putting information in.

So you’re a good guy?

Help out if you could guy?

Not misunderstood guy?

Doing as you should guy?

Well I’m that bad type

Tie you to the tracks type

Build a death ray and sight

Might blow up the moon type

I’m the bad guy!

Muahaha!

Dr. Zlo continues his gloating, not noticing Wonderman starting to come around.

I’ll put the world under my control

Girl Wonder

That’s diabolical

Dr. Zlo

That’s me! I like to play the role!

I am the best you know.

Ransom a damsel in distress

But heroes always must protest

So I’ll just tie her up, I guess!

Then beat those who interlope

Dr. Zlo is able to trip Girl Wonder up and is readying an attack with glee when Wonderman body checks the villain away. The autotuner cuts out again, sputtering once more. It then starts up the band again, a mix of the two songs Wonderman and Dr. Zlo are singing. The two begin to trade blows, singing at the same time as the songs mash together. (The non-indented text is the focus.)

Wonderman

I’m just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superhero

Saving those in need, thwarting evil deeds

I’m just your average, ordinary, everyday

Superhero

Nothing more than that

That’s all I really am

Dr. Zlo

So you’re a good guy?

Help out if you could guy?

Not misunderstood guy?

Doing as you should guy?

I’m that bad type

Tie you to the tracks type

Build a death ray and sight

Might blow up the moon type

As the two fight during their songs, Eville and Girl Wonder rejoin the battle. Choreographed fights happen as the autotuner mashes the two songs' instrumental solos together, but eventually, the machine can take no more. As it gears up for one final hurrah, Dr. Zlo and Wonderman shout their finishers.

As the machine smokes, the audience can see Jacques using various fans to try and cool it off. These can be as ridiculous as the director imagines.

Wonderman

I’m just your average! Ordinary! Everyday superhero

Dr. Zlo

I’m the bad guy! Duh!

The autotuner explodes at the end, sending the Jacques nearby on stage and once again covering everything in smoke. (or just drop the curtains if you don’t have money for dry ice or something.) Once it clears, both the heroes and villains are on the floor, the office equipment around them torn to pieces.

Dr. Zlo

Groaning as he stands. What? What’s this?! Jacques! I didn’t tell you to set off a bomb!

Wonderman

Ugh, did anyone get the number on that explosion? I must report him for bad driving.

Eville

Dr. Zlo, we need to go. I can use this smoke to trap Wonderman and Girl Wonder so we can make our escape!

Dr. Zlo

The villain looks around at the broken equipment. My plan… it’s ruined!

Eville

Don’t worry! We can try again another day!

Dr. Zlo

Slumping. Yes, you’re right, of course. Come along, minions!

Eville condenses the smoke, covering the two heroes with it before dashing off. The heroes wake up a bit later.

Wonderman

Egads, Girl Wonder! That menacing Dr. Zlo has escaped again! Luckily, we thwarted his awful plot to take over the world!

Girl Wonder

That’s great, dad! But… how are we going to get out of this?

Wonderman

…I’ll call your mother.

A phone rings as the curtain falls, but not before one computer screen lights up. It seems Dr. Zlo’s plan might have succeeded after all. Too bad the villain might never know!

END

“So, whatcha think?” Jack asked.

Dylan and Jack were hanging out together in Skyline, both of them using alternate characters to keep others from bothering them. Coincidentally, both had made avatars similar to their real selves.

“You made a Dr. Zlo play!” Dylan laughed. “This is awesome!”

Jack smiled and turned away, embarrassed. “I mean, it’s not that great. There’s a lot of problems. Like the plot just jumps around everywhere, and a lot of the rhyming is terrible.”

“It’s better than anything I could do,” Dylan said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“You like it then?” Jack asked.

“Of course!” Dylan said. He turned back to the text in front of him. “My favorite part was Wonderman’s entrance. I can totally see some hero entering with a marching tune.”

“What about Eville?” Jack asked. She scooted closer to him.

“Were you modeling her off someone?” Dylan asked.

“Morticia Addums and Elvila,” Jack said. “Saw them on one of those free streaming platforms during a bad movie night.”

“Neat,” Dylan said.

“Just neat?” Jack asked. “What? No in-depth knowledge about the two characters? No comments on their tropey nonsense?”

“I can’t see every video out there,” Dylan replied.

“Well, then... maybe we should plan a movie night,” Jack said.

Dylan looked over at her. “With everyone? Or just the two of us?”

Jack tried to keep calm. “Whichever you want.”

It was Dylan’s turn to try and stay calm. “I think just the two of us is fine, don’t you?”

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