Vaudevillain

Dr. Zlo

As impressed as I am by your entrance, why should I employ you?

Eville

Because Dr. Zlo! I know… your plan!

Lightning cracks in the distance. Dr. Zlo recoils.

Dr. Zlo

Impossible! None can penetrate my mindly machinations!

Eville slides toward Dr. Zlo, her feet hidden under her long dress.

Eville

Sweet Dream shakes her head.

Sweet Dream

Not another one.

Dr. Zlo

Ignoring Sweet Dream. Well then! If you hold a parallel intellect, you can inform my partner of my plan!

Eville

Gladly!

Eville glides over to Sweet Dream, a mist conjuring behind her. The mist forms into humanoid shapes, bearing an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Zlo and his minions. Eville starts to recount Dr. Zlo's plan as if she's telling a bedtime story.

Eville

It all started one fateful night when Dr. Zlo sat brooding.

Dr. Zlo

I don't brood!

Eville

Breaking her cadence. Quiet, I'm telling a story. Falling back into rhythm. Now, Dr. Zlo sat brooding in his lair, for he hadn't thought up anything remotely dastardly in a while. You see, the villain was in a rut!

Dr. Zlo

I was not!

Eville

Breaking cadence again, this time with some exasperation. Yes you were. Now, quiet. Sinking back into her storytelling voice. Dr. Zlo hadn't performed any truly iconic crimes after his death ray, and the lack of inventiveness was troubling him. The villain needed something new, something… big! A mech!

There's a pause before Eville continues.

Eville

Cass, ever the loyal minion, pointed out Dr. Zlo had done a mech, twice technically. Dr. Zlo shot a Jacques in frustration.

The mist mimics Eville's story, showing Dr. Zlo lasering a Jacques.

Eville

Just then, Mabel came in with a new necklace of pearl and gold, stolen just for her by her latest suitor. The glint of money caught Dr. Zlo's eye, and with it, a new idea! A bank heist!

At this point, Dr. Zlo interrupts, unable to contain himself any longer.

Dr. Zlo

But not just any bank heist! A bank heist to end all bank heists!

Sweet Dream

What? Are we stealing the entire bank building?

Dr. Zlo

An excellent idea! But no! You see, everyone always tells me how they don't have enough liquid cash on hand…

Sweet Dream makes a face.

Sweet Dream

No. Tell me you didn't. Not with my power!

Dr. Zlo

The villain points a cane at his partner in crime. I did! Jacques! Bring the invention!

Muffled sounds of scuffling happen offstage for a moment. Then three Jacques, these different from the ones holding the Autotuner, walk out carrying a gun with more tubes than sense. Dr. Zlo laughs and takes the gun in his hand.

Dr. Zlo

Everyone! Meet… the Liquidator!

A sign appears overhead, lowered by two Jacques highlighted by the spotlight overhead.

A nefarious invention designed by the devious Dr. Zlo that turns solid money into liquid cash and back again using Sweet Dream's chocolatey prowess! With this weapon, no bank is safe!

Water Gun (1)

Copper Tubing (2 pipes)

Gallium (2g)

Sweet Dream's Chocolate (10g)

Oobleck (2g)

Sciencium (5g)

Dr. Zlo

With this item, I shall melt down the cash held by our banks and let it flow to my hands! Then, we change it back into money and get out Scott free!

Eville

A brilliant plan!

Sweet Dream

I can't believe you're using my power for a pun.

Dr. Zlo

The villain turns to Eville. Now! Explain how you can take Riptide's part! He was going to surf the money out of the bank, and you're too pale to do outside sports.

Eville

Why, Dr. Zlo? You haven't figured it out yet? My power allows me to do this!

Eville reaches behind her back for a bottle of water. The Jacques nearby look at each other in a panic. One of them was supposed to bring the bottle on stage! One of them quickly rushes off to grab it. Crashing sounds can be heard while everyone waits. A cat yowls, and the Jacques comes back, obviously a bit worse for wear but holding the bottle.

Eville takes the water bottle then pours the liquid out with one hand while moving the other in a pattern. The water evaporates on command and becomes a swirling mist rotating around her.

Eville

I can change liquids to solids! And much more! It will be easy to change your liquid cash into gaseous assets that we can store inside the Zlomobile!

Dr. Zlo gives Eville the side-eye as if unsure whether to trust the villainess who got the better of him.

Sweet Dream

Well, it's as good a plan as any, and I'm down to work with anyone who can get under Dr. Zlo's skin like this. Welcome aboard!

Dr. Zlo

Hold on! This is my operation!

Sweet Dream glares at Dr. Zlo.

Sweet Dream

Someone seems to have forgotten the mess they made earlier.

Realizing his error, Dr. Zlo quickly backpedals.

Dr. Zlo

As if my genius brain could forget! Fine then, Eville. You may join us for the heist. But don't think that makes you my equal!

Eville

The mistress of the night's eyes shine. You won't regret this! We shall work together to terrorize the city! Babies will cry at the mention of our names, Dr. Zlo and Eville!

Thunder booms in the background. Eville begins to laugh maniacally. Dr. Zlo joins shortly after, while Sweet Dream just shakes her head. The three villains walk out of Sweet Dream's lair and toward their next destination. The Jacques holding the Autotuner follow, and the curtains close.

SCENE CHANGE

The curtains open again on a painted skyscraper background and a Jacques with a paintbrush and dripping paint can. The Jacques is dancing to music only it can hear and painting a window on one of the skyscrapers. A hooked cane comes out from the side and taps the Jacques on the shoulder. The Jacques starts, almost spilling the paint on the ground before seeing the audience. The minion/stagehand quickly leaps to the side as Dr. Zlo and his crew drives in on the Zlomobile. (A cardboard cutout for those who can't afford wheels.)

Dr. Zlo

Alright! Everyone out!

Sweet Dream and Eville step from the car (or appear from behind the cutout) and stretch.

Sweet Dream

So, where's this bank of yours?

Dr. Zlo

Right… here!

As Dr. Zlo holds his note, the Jacques wheel in a set of marble columns with the words 'First National Bank' emblazoned above them.

Sweet Dream

Convenient.

Dr. Zlo waves a hand nonchalantly and walks through the doors. The Jacques push the doors up to meet the villain while the scenery behind changes. More Jacques wheel out bank counters with glass walls while a group of four desperately try to push a heavy safe behind. There is a lot of scraping, but Dr. Zlo and the entourage ignore it.

Dr. Zlo takes a deep breath.

Dr. Zlo

Ah! The smell of money always makes me feel better!

After they're finished moving the set, the Jacques don various masks of cheerful people and pretend to be the general populace. Sweet Dream looks around at the mix of people.

Sweet Dream

So what's the distraction?

Dr. Zlo

Hmm? Oh. Cass!

Dr. Zlo's minion sticks his head out of the Zlomobile.

Cass

Yeah, boss?

Dr. Zlo

I need you to make a deposit for me.

Cass

Practically jumping out of the car. Of course, boss! Anything you need.

Dr. Zlo fishes around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out what is obviously a grenade. Sweet Dream, seeing this, protests.

Sweet Dream

Oh no. You aren't causing a distraction for our bank heist by having Cass rob the bank.

Dr. Zlo

Too gauche?

Sweet Dream

The point is to distract the heroes that appear.

Dr. Zlo

Well, that was what the Autotuner was for. But I made sure that it was destroyed before it could wreak more havoc. It shouldn't bother us any longer.

As if God himself wished to refute those words, the Jacques appear with the Autotuner ready and primed.

Eville

Why not have Cass use his drink-making prowess to get everyone outside drunk? Then, drunken brawls will break out across the street, distracting the heroes and letting us escape!

Dr. Zlo

Clearly impressed but unwilling to show it. Stop trying to upstage me. Who's the evil mastermind here?

Cass

You are, boss!

Sweet Dream rolls her eyes.

Dr. Zlo

That's right! Now, Cass!

Cass salutes.

Cass

Yes boss!

Dr. Zlo

Get outside and cause a distraction! Maybe bring a Jacques or two along!

Cass

You got it, boss!

Cass quickly hurries off, pulling one of the Jacques in the crowd to join him.

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