Vaudevillain

"Hello~ ladies and gentlemen!" announced the man on the microphone. "Welcome to tonight's match between the Savior Mutants and the Mutatholis Meatheads!"

The crowd cheered, hands flying into the air to support their local sports team. Tonight was the big game. If the Mutants won, they would go on to play Central City in the playoffs. The two cities had been bitter rivals since the dawn of time. At least, that's what the announcer said.

Psy-ops sighed. Of all the sporting venues left unattended by a hero, it had to be the match between these two high schools. It was one of the (thankfully few) scripted events in Mutatholis. Every Friday, the Mutants and Meatheads went up against each other, performing the same song and dance each time. The Meatheads would dominate in the first half, taunting the Mutants to use their powers. The Mutants' coach would then give a rousing speech, and the team would make up the score through tricks and guile. The score would tie-up with only a few seconds left to go, and the Mutants would lose their star player to a foul. The sub coming in would be the plucky kid who never won a game but had heart, and the final play would be him taking the ball all the way down the field for a touchdown. The Mutants would win, and all the NPCs forgot about it on Monday.

It wasn't like the storyline was bad. Psy-ops remembered hanging on the edge of his seat the first time he saw it. But when it happened every week, the magic was lost. The hero likened it to watching reruns on television. If you saw the same episode too many times, even the most die-hard fans got bored.

Psy-ops assumed Vert scripted the event because of all the different questlines meeting up at this point. That plucky kid had a mutant power so powerful all manner of villains wanted him. Psy-ops knew at least three quests that could end up in this stadium. There was also a prominent member of the MRM in attendance, who had come to watch his son play. Heroes tailing the gang always ended up here.

For villains, Psy-ops knew a few quests that tied in the school faculty. One of the teachers was a spy for a mutant gang, and villains could infiltrate the school to talk to them. Another faculty member, a janitor of all things, was, in fact, a powerful mutant kept suppressed by the principal. Villains could try and free him from the principal's control, which granted a follower for a short time. Eventually, the janitor would get caught once again and subjected to the same suppression.

"And your captain for the Meatheads, Johnny 'Two-by-four' Schneider~!"

The announcer finished up the last of the introductions, and the game was on. Johnny Two-by-four led the Meatheads to three touchdowns before the end of the first half. The crowd of Mutants fans gaped at the score, a few disheartened by the difference. Psy-ops lost interest in the game early on and decided to chat with the others around the town.

Psy_guy:

Fursation:

Not yet.

You sure it's a sporting event?

Psy_guy:

That's what I got from my power.

So unless he knows about it, I don't think he could fool us.

Fursation:

It's just I've been waiting here for thirty minutes now.

YuppieDieA:

Like you got anything better to do.

Fursation:

I could be doing a quest or something.

YuppieDieA:

And doing the exact same thing we're doing now.

Face it, most of the hero quests are tailings or stakeouts.

At least the ones that have interesting stories.

Psy_guy:

And we did all those.

At least Dr. Zlo will bring something new.

Fursation:

We could always try and find another of those secret bases.

Get some PB

Psy_guy:

God, I do not want to slog through another of those for a gram of PB

A buzzer sounded, signifying the end of the first half. Psy-ops looked up briefly from his communicator to see the dejected Mutants team walk into the locker rooms. It was time for the coach to give his rousing speech so the Mutants could turn it around. While he did, the halftime show would play a simple marching band routine.

Psy-ops paused as the microphone crackled to life.

"Let go, imposter!"

"Quiet you tin can. I'm about to speak!"

"Not before I do!"

Psy_guy:

Hold on, somethings happening where I am.

The microphone cut out for a bit, then crackled to life again. A reedy voice, with an accent Psy-ops couldn't quite place, spoke.

"Good evening! I am Dr. Zlo! Villainous mastermind!"

A scuffle came from the announcer's booth again.

"Get back! Ahem, I'm sure you're wondering why I've arrived at a drab event such as this."

More sounds of fighting.

"Ha! Sorry, where was I? Oh yes. I have come to take your finest, and impressionable, minds! Yes! Your Savior Mutants will soon be under my control, and there is nothing you can do to stop me! Muahaha–ow!"

Psy-ops jumped to his feet, typing into the group message as he did.

Psy_guy:

Dr. Zlo is here, at the school!

He's going to try and kidnap the kids!

Fursation:

Lol what?

This guy's insane.

YuppieDieA:

Omw

The crowd around Psy-ops gasped, and the hero looked down to see a group of masked robots marching out onto the field. Each wore a different uniform and held various musical instruments in hand, but they all wore the same red bow tie. Someone in a large fur hat led them, and he twirled a cane as he marched.

"What the…" Psy-ops said involuntarily. Idly, he noticed one of the robots in one of those uniforms for baton girls. It held a violin in hand, for some reason.

The entire scene stunned the hero for a second, which was enough time for Quartet and the Jacques to get in position. Quartet brought his cane to the sky, and the Jacques started to play. Horns began to blare, and the sound of drums fell in behind. Flutes and other woodwinds arrived to accompany, and violin strings plucked away in tune.

Quartet's cane erupted in smoke, covering the band and obscuring them. Cheerleaders appeared in blasts of smoke, performing flips and handsprings as they appeared. Psy-ops blinked. Each cheerleader looked exactly alike and had the same impassive face.

Psy-ops rushed down the stadium stairs two at a time, reaching the ground as the Jacques all paused for a beat. A terrible squealing emerged from the smoke, blasting the cloud to pieces and revealing three Dr. Zlos holding different instruments. The Jacques picked up the rhythm again, and Psy-ops halted as the Zlos started to dance.

Dr. Zlo two-stepped, he shimmied, he shook, the villain did all manner of dances. When the Jacques played an intense note, the villain spun with intensity. When the Jacques performed a quiet elude, Dr. Zlo swayed to the beat.

The hero couldn't believe what he was seeing; it was too ridiculous. And then Psy-ops noticed the cheerleaders depositing tied up schoolkids behind Dr. Zlo. Right, this was a villain, and despite the goofiness of it all, defeating his evil scheme was what heroes did. Plus, one more win and Psy-ops could hit A rank.

Psy-ops jumped over the low railing separating the bleachers from the field. He bounced on the balls of his feet and shot off in a sprint at Dr. Zlo. Waiting for his team would be the smart choice, but Psy-ops wanted to see how he stacked up against the villain that stole the Quli mothership.

The music finished as Psy-ops reached the band.

"I see we have a brave soul here tonight!" shouted all three Dr. Zlos.

They each turned to look at the other, sneering. Psy-ops took the opening to draw his sword, a museum antique he'd bought that belonged to a great warrior. Instantly his HUD changed, showing possible angles of attack. The Jacques brandished their instruments like clubs and rushed in to meet the attacking hero.

Psy-ops jumped back, his power indicating that facing more than two enemies at a time would kill him. A group of Jacques charged forward, and Psy-ops darted between them. He slashed his sword up at the last Jacques, the metal biting into the minion's plastic body.

But this didn't stop the Jacques, and Psy-ops was forced to roll away from a crashing tuba. He rolled again to dodge an incoming trumpet and then sprang to his feet. His sword blocked the next strike, a flute that a Jacques threw at him. The force of the blow sent Psy-ops staggering back, his imperfect footing working against him.

The Jacques took advantage of the opening and surged forward. Psy-ops swiped with his sword, keeping the minions at bay while he retreated. Dr. Zlo cackled madly at the scene, all three throwing their hands into the sky.

"You fool! You could never hope to defeat my creations with a mere sword!"

Well now, that sounded like a challenge. Psy-ops pulled another blade out of his inventory, a giant bastard sword that belonged to a great knight. The hero gripped the sword with both hands and heaved. Jacques ragdolled through the air, landing a few feet in front of Quartet.

"Get up, you idiots!" the Dr. Zlo's shouted.

Jacques stood to their feet, some thumbing their nose while others pretended to spit. The downed group of Jacques charged, their instruments makeshift clubs of doom. Psy-ops feinted left with a strike, then brought his sword around to smack a Jacques with the flat of the blade. Another tried to bring a trumpet down on the hero's head, but he knocked it out of the way.

Psy-ops became a whirlwind of pain for the Jacques, his sword eating into the minion's plastic bodies. But Psy-ops knew that he couldn't last like this. There were still the cheerleaders, that conductor, and the Dr. Zlos. So the hero took a risk. He pulled a hand off his sword to retrieve an item from his inventory.

"Grenade~!" sung Quartet as he saw the item Psy-ops pulled.

The Jacques backpedaled from the hero, none of them wanting to get caught in the blast.

"Here, catch," Psy-ops said, tossing the explosive to one of the minions.

The Jacques caught it, holding it high for the others to see. The Jacques next to him clapped. Then the minion remembered what it was that he caught. Panicking, the minion threw the grenade, aiming at the field goal in the distance.

With the grenade safely removed, the Jacques wiped its brow in relief. It stopped when it saw another Jacques pointing at its hand. The Jacques brought its hand down to see the grenade stuck on the palm. The Jacques's face curled in horror as it tried to shake the grenade off. When that didn't work, it tried to tug it off, and when that didn't work, it tried to get another Jacques to help.

But none of the other minions bothered to stick around to help out. The single Jacques panicked as it saw the rest of its companions running for the bleachers. It tried running to the closest minion, only for it to run away as fast as it could go. The Jacques looked hurt for a second. Then, the grenade exploded, destroying the minion and leaving a single domino mask behind.

"Would someone get that hero already!" yelled the Dr. Zlos.

Psy-ops breathed a sigh of relief as he retreated to the bleachers. The minions may be strong, but he could keep them at bay with his powers until his team arrived.

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