Vaudevillain

It was a slow day at the office for John, but time passed by as usual for the man. He was still riding off the high of showing Dylan up. Now his friend would see how right John was, and the two could work on getting recognized by Vert.

Thus, the day ended uneventfully for John. He went home, started up his computer, and watched a few Viewtube videos. Yes, an uneventful day. Up until his phone pinged him with a message. John smirked as he saw it was from Dylan. He knew his friend would come around.

But the message on his phone was a simple video link with a thumbnail of Dylan's character. Confused, John clicked the link. Perhaps his friend had made an announcement about working together?

John quickly realized that wasn't the case as the Vert logo flashed across the screen. The video opened in on a dark room, a single light illuminating a high-backed chair. Ominous music played in the background as the camera zoomed in until the chair spun around to reveal Dr. Zlo petting a white mouse.

"Good evening, heroes," Dr. Zlo started, and John couldn't help but turn his nose at the stupid voice. "I am Dr. Zlo! Villainous mastermind! Perhaps you've heard of me?"

A sinking feeling entered the pit of John's gut, but he continued to watch.

"You must be wondering why I've highjacked your television feeds for this, but fear not! I do not intend to keep you coddled masses away from your screens for longer than needed. No! My message goes out to a particular group of people."

The camera changed, Dr. Zlo turning to look at it, "You know the type. Those do-gooders in bright colors that believe themselves the best humanity has to offer. Those paragons of virtue that uphold truth, justice, and liberty for all! Well, I'm sending out a declaration to all of you who follow such drivel."

Light illuminated the room, revealing a model train set behind Dr. Zlo. The camera zoomed in on a miniature conductor resembling Dr. Zlo, the animatronic activating.

"Now, don't worry, this set is completely harmless," Dr. Zlo said lovingly. "But it is rather lacking in a variety of unique paraphernalia."

The camera panned over the diorama, doing its best to highlight the lack of structures.

"I, in my genius, have remedied this!" Dr. Zlo shouted. The villain turned and stomped over to a large device covered in a tarp.

"Behold!" the villain whipped the cloth away, revealing a large gun with a spiraling tip. "Gaze upon my latest invention and tremble!"

Dr. Zlo jumped onto a small platform behind the gun, swiveling the structure around to an apple sitting on a dais. With a flourish, the villain pressed a finger onto the big red button above the weapon, laughing as a red beam shot out. The laser enveloped the apple, and John watched as the item shrunk down to the size of a pin.

"My shrink ray! Ladies and gentlemen!" Dr. Zlo announced as he stepped off the weapon. "Guaranteed to ensure my model trains have the most authentic and unique items! Oh, and if any of you heroes think to stop me…."

The camera zoomed out, revealing an army of robots standing behind Dr. Zlo, each one in a military salute.

"Good luck," the villain jeered.

The video then went on to reveal Dr. Zlo as the newest villain for Vert's next expansion, but John had stopped listening. This had to be a prank. Dylan was getting back at him for something. There was no way that his stupid character got picked for Vert's expansion.

His anger growing, John attempted to message Dylan, only to receive a reply that the message could not be sent.

"Either the recipient is only receiving direct messages from friends, or you were blocked by the recipient. What the fuck!"

Furious, John attempted to contact Dylan over another messenger, only to find the same infuriating video and an inability to reply.

"You did not do this!" John shouted, throwing his phone in rage.

The device shot across John's computer room and ricocheted off the wall once before smacking right into John's monitor. Both devices cracked on impact, John's phone bent at an odd angle.

"Fucking piece of shit technology!" John shouted.

The man raged a bit more as he was finally forced to come to terms with his actions. Items flew across the room, bouncing every which way as John got everything out of his system. After a minute, John was out of breath and almost sobbing.

"Damn it," he complained. "Why him! His character is so stupid! I could have come up with something ten times better! Why didn't I get the chance!"

John sat on the ground, complaining for a few more minutes until he finally decided to grab his phone. There was a chance he could still salvage things. Dylan was always a pushover when it came to apologies.

However, when John picked up his phone, he noticed the screen was dead, which sent him on another rant complaining about technology. He continued to grumble as he walked back over to his computer and opened up Facepage to find Dylan's profile. He would find Dylan's information and use it to contact the man. And if that didn't work, John could try and talk to the man's parents or something. Someone was bound to let something slip.

But John soon found that Dylan had been a few steps ahead. None of the man's information was available online, and John's attempts to contact others that might know him were ignored. Dylan had made sure that others knew what had happened with his old friend and let them know that John might try and contact them.

John tried a few more tricks before finally giving up. His shoulders slumped in defeat as depression washed over him. Finally, John was forced to admit that what he did was wrong. What made it worse was that Dylan hadn't even needed John to get Vert's attention.

Thoroughly down in the dumps, John turned to the VIS, thinking that World of Supers might help him relax now that he'd utterly failed. Except, the icon to start World of Supers was greyed out on the screen. Confused, John attempted to start the game anyway, only for a message to pop up.

Dear DemarX,

It has come to our attention that your character in World of Supers discovered a duplication exploit that allowed you to copy all the items in your inventory. You then used said exploit to increase your standing inside World of Supers, violating our rules policy. After reviewing your player history, we have come to the decision to permanently ban your account.

Of course, you can always appeal this ban by submitting a ticket to our customer service team. Vert will always strive to ensure you are given a fair process.

Sincerely,

Ron Yates

Support Specialist at Vert Inc.

John could only let out a silent cry of rage.

Matt watched Dr. Zlo's announcement video, shaking his head the whole time.

"Can you believe this guy, chat?" he asked. "He declares war against the heroes because he wants authentic items for a model train set. What a fucking troll!"

Matt laughed at the video, his stream chat echoing the sentiment.

"I tell you, if other villains had half the creativity and balls that this guy had, heroes wouldn't be able to do shit. I'd still beat him, though."

Matt's chat replied with various memes of Matt's past blunders, the majority of which were screenshots of his first character in female form.

"Alright, alright," Matt said, laughing it off. "You got me. Heroic wasn't the best idea in the world. But Valiant here. You've seen how well he does against others, even after a couple of nerfs."

Before, Matt might have raged and banned the idiots who dared to send him memes of his transformed character, but the player had put that behind him. His friends had helped him work through a few of his insecurities, helping Matt come to terms with himself. So while the man still disliked the picture of his old character in female form, it didn't make him fly off the handle.

"But this new expansion looks exciting," Matt stated. "Interesting that they're announcing it so early. I wonder why."

A few speculations crossed Matt's chatlog, but nothing concrete.

"I guess we'll never know," Matt said. "Dr. Zlo should be better than a lich at least. Two wars back to back is a bit boring, if I'm being honest. And the special talismans for this expansion aren't all that interesting. Sure, getting the power of a wolf is cool and all, but we have so many better options with superpowers. It just doesn't have the same feeling that Alienite had."

Some of Matt's stream chat agreed, but many professed love for the talismans. It let them get powers like flight without using equipment or a power slot.

"Alright, you're right there," Matt agreed. "It is useful for flying and breathing underwater. But that's it really. And I could get Ixzay to build a fucking piece of equipment that does the same thing and probably fits in my pocket. Sure, it might be a lot of work, but he could do it."

A few more disagreements crossed Matt's chat screen.

"Look," Matt argued. "All I'm saying is that Dr. Zlo's expansion should have some wacky shenanigans, and I'm totally here for that. The Trollstompers could use another big event, you know?"

Matt's chat agreed.

Matt-att smiled, "Alright. Let's get into World of Supers and wreck a few more idiots. What do you say?"

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