Vaudevillain

"I think some people are getting a bit too overeager," Dr. Zlo muttered as he looked toward the crafting hub.

"What's that, boss?" Cass asked, bringing a hand to his ear.

Dr. Zlo gestured to the open mall rising in the distance, "Just look at it. Have you ever seen so many ramshackle inventions all together in one place?"

More players stood on and around the building. The groups of eager participants growing as word got around, though what stood out more than anything was the various inventions created by Menagerie's crafters. All manner of makeshift traps and weapons stood above the road, staring down at the racers like imperious kings. To their sides stood various players, each growing more excited as their turn to interfere rushed closer.

"How's our shield, Cass?" Dr. Zlo asked.

Cass looked down at the dashboard screen, "Seventy-five percent, boss."

Dr. Zlo smirked, "Excellent."

The villain pushed harder on the gas pedal, coaxing as much speed out of his vehicle as he could before the upcoming turns. The crafters weren't going to make this next part easy. The players had removed all the stalls from the open atrium and replaced them with sloping ramps in the shape of a figure-eight. Two giant pendulums sat in the holes of the structure, swinging wrecking balls in opposite arcs across the road. From there, the road straightened out, ramping over the crafting building.

The Zlomobile entered the atrium, Dr. Zlo releasing his foot from the gas to better control the car and prepare for his next trap. Jack and Valiant shot forward, slowing down a moment later as they eased into the left turn. Dr. Zlo took the opposite, seeing that the swinging pendulum would hit him if he followed. His competitors raced forward, narrowly dodging past the wrecking ball into the latter half of the figure-eight. Players above fired all manner of devices at the racers, none able to get past the car's protection.

Dr. Zlo eased into the opposite turn once more, keeping his speed even to avoid the second wrecking ball. The trap just missed the tail end of the car, Cass flinching in terror as Dr. Zlo shot out of the turn.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Dr. Zlo chided. "You've dealt with worse."

"That doesn't make it less scary, boss," Cass replied as the Zlomobile pushed up the ramp.

Neon signs hung in the air above the road, the words "jump ahead" flashing in bright pinks and greens. Dr. Zlo shook his head at the gaudy display. Some players had no class at all. No doubt it was Shizuka who put the crafters up to the job. The ninja never resisted an idle thought.

"Hang on, Cass!" Dr. Zlo shouted as he slammed his foot down.

The Zlomobile shot forward as Cass braced himself on his seat, the silver minion's knuckles turning plastic white as he gripped for dear life. Dr. Zlo watched as Jack and Valiant accelerated, flying off the ramp at their highest speed. The two cars quickly crested the building, leaving Dr. Zlo's sight for a second as his own car accelerated. Cass yelped as the car zoomed off the track and into the sky like a penguin hoping to fly.

Gravity instantly played its part, sending the Zlomobile sinking down to the ground. The front of the car dipped, giving Dr. Zlo and Cass a view of the ground below. Cass gripped his seat harder, almost tearing the cushions.

"Cass, don't you dare tear my car," Dr. Zlo said with a sidelong glance.

Most of the villain's attention was on the road below. Jack and Valiant had almost landed, the two neck and neck in the air. A line of metal squares shaped like a funnel fed down to the road below, its use apparent when the two racers entered. Crackling energy lashed out at both cars, enveloping the two competitors. For a moment, Valiant panicked, thinking it was another trap. The hero held out his hand and absorbed the energy with his shield.

Jack did nothing, letting the energy cover her car. Dr. Zlo watched with interest as the power righted Jack's car, keeping its speed and placing it on the road below. Jack shot off, right toward Dr. Zlo's last trap.

Seeing this, Valiant stopped absorbing the energy and followed behind. However, the man had lost some speed and landed behind Jack. Grunting in annoyance, the hero started firing off a few disintegration blasts in Jack's direction. The mechanic deftly weaved through the blows, keeping her lead as Valiant tried to catch up.

Dr. Zlo landed a moment later, the villain making sure to stay behind the two racers. His last trap was coming up, perhaps his most devious design. The three racers rounded a high banked turn, orienting the three back towards the PVP arena where the race started.

A few blocks past the turn stood a fork in the road, the split created by Dr. Zlo's Jacques. The titular minions stood between the two paths, holding a giant "this way" sign. Jack and Valiant blinked in surprise as the Jacques pointed the sign left, cheering and encouraging the players to take the road. Some were so eager they pushed their companions to the side to get a better look.

"He can't really think anyone would fall for that?" Jack said as she watched the minions. "We're not in some ancient cartoon."

Jack turned her car to the right, taking the opposite path away from the Jacques. Valiant followed behind, the hero holding the same thoughts as Jack.

"Muhahaha!" Dr. Zlo cackled. "You see, Cass! I told you it would work!"

Cass's eyes bulged, "I don't believe it, boss. Not because I didn't think your trap would work! I thought the Jacques would mess it up."

"Not even the Jacques could mess up holding a sign!" Dr. Zlo said triumphantly. "And now, anyone ahead of me is on the wrong path! A dead-end that will force them to turn around and lose valuable time, leaving me in first place and ready to take the lead!"

"You did it, boss!" Cass cheered.

The Zlomobile hung left, taking the correct path designated by the Jacques. Truth be told, Dylan hadn't been confident his minions would still be around. The Jacques were notorious for wandering off when bored. And more than once, Dr. Zlo had to deal with a mistake the minions made on the job. Though, that was all part of the fun. Dylan couldn't be such an over-the-top character if he didn't have the minions to match.

Dr. Zlo continued on his way, the sole leader on a long straightaway toward the skyscraper.

"Too bad I haven't installed a radio yet. Eh, Cass?" Dr. Zlo joked. "This is the perfect time for victory music!"

"We haven't won yet, boss," Cass pointed out.

Dr. Zlo waved a hand, "Please. I'd like to see any racer catch up with me now."

The Jacques waited back at the fork; the sign they held pointed to the left. Their job was to show the racers the correct route, not that anyone but the overlord listened. There were ten minions in all, each one jostling to get a better look at the road. The small opening between the two streets wasn't the largest in the world, and often one Jacques would pop out onto the road, only to try and squeeze back into the pack like some kind of cartoon character.

The constant jostling eventually shoved the sign-bearer into the road, sending the sign clattering to the ground. The Jacques froze, staring at the sign-bearer. The minion was the group's appointed leader, having the shiniest bowler hat out of the lot, and it was furious. The Jacques leader didn't mind a bit of roughhousing, but it had gotten out of hand.

Huffing angrily, the leader picked up the sign, dusting it off and marching back toward the group. The other nine Jacques parted, standing stock still as their appointed leader stomped into the opening. Gruffly, the Jacques held the sign back up, the arrow pointing to the road on the right.

A Jaques tried to get the leader's attention, to point out the sign's direction, but one glance from the sign-bearer halted the minion. The next Jacques out of line would face the consequences, and none of the Jacques wanted to see that. So none of them mentioned the sign and how it was pointed in the wrong direction, not even when the rest of the racers landed on the road ahead.

Cass looked over at his boss with surprise, "Uh, boss? Why are you slowing down?"

"It's time to cement our lead, Cass!" Dr. Zlo said, grabbing his cane.

The two villains were in front of the skyscraper now, on the last stretch of road before the parking lot. Dr. Zlo pulled to a stop on the side of the road, leaping out of the car in one fluid motion. Cass opened the door and peeked out from over it.

"Boss, wouldn't driving cement our lead?"

Dr. Zlo pointed his cane, "That's what they want you to think, Cass! We both know that the only victory I can stomach is an overwhelming one. Therefore I must make sure that the rest of the competition fails utterly, leaving me the sole victor on the podium. After all, I can't share the honor of celebration."

Cass didn't think that mattered, but the boss was the boss. "So, what are we going to do?"

Dr. Zlo aimed his cane at the ground, switching over to his adhesive. "Like I said, we're cementing our lead."

With a flick of a button, Dr. Zlo sprayed his adhesive over the road, covering the route behind him in a sticky mess of webs. Afterward, Dr. Zlo activated his rocket boots, hovering over the trap and switching to the frictionless gel. He blasted that across the road as well.

"There," the villain said, nodding to himself. "Let's see my foes get past that!"

The rumbling of engines caught the two's attention.

"Blast, how have they already caught up!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "Quickly, Cass! Back in the car!"

The villain and his minion leaped back into the Zlomobile. Dr. Zlo slammed the door shut behind him and stomped on the gas. The Zlomobile rocketed forward, shaking Cass before he could fasten his seatbelt. Once things settled, the minion turned to look behind him.

Riptide, Sweet Dream, and a slew of other racers were all in a bunch, barreling down the street as fast as they dared to catch up to the leader. Dr. Zlo's villain companions were in the lead, the two trading blows of whirlwind and sugar bombs. Behind them raced the skateboarder and, surprisingly, the clown car—the latter attempting to unbalance the skateboarder with a slew of clowns. Cass idly wondered where they all came from before turning back to the road ahead.

The minion grabbed onto the weapon controls and kept an eye on the shields. Cass was sure that despite the boss's genius, something was about to go wrong.

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