Vaudevillain

The Jacques idea was, of course, utterly impractical. Dr. Zlo wasn't even sure what the minion wanted to say; its wild gesticulations impossible to translate without help. Dr. Zlo looked over at Cass for help, but not even the butler could understand the Jacques' motions.

"Right," Dr. Zlo said after the minion stopped moving. "I'll keep your idea in mind."

The Jacques nodded appreciatively.

"Any other ideas?" the villain asked.

"I think we should get someone like Suitor," Mabel said. "I could use another man like him in my life."

Quartet scoffed, "You would want that, wouldn't you."

"Careful now. Or you might get another case of lockjaw," Mabel warned.

Quartet gave the woman a look but kept quiet.

"Boss, what if you made something like giant scissors?" Cass said. "You know, to cut the space elevator's cable or something."

"Not the worst idea…" Dr. Zlo answered. "But it seems counter to our goal. I'm not trying to threaten the space elevator."

"Then make a straightjacket for the guy we've got to capture or something," Quartet said offhandedly.

"Hmm. A trap like that could work. But maybe we're going about this wrong," Dr. Zlo said.

"How so, boss?" Cass asked.

"Perhaps we should see who our target is first, then craft a crime that fits their disposition. For example, a politician might find himself in an election against yours truly for the fate of the city. Or perhaps a biologist might get kidnapped by a new breed of creature."

"So you're putting the idea off?" Quartet said. "What happened to the great Dr. Zlo?"

"Considering your idea wasn't that grand either, I don't think you're in the position to insult," Dr. Zlo shot back.

"I could think of a better plan if I had some time," Quartet argued.

Dr. Zlo smirked, "Oh, could you?"

"Of course I could," Quartet answered. "In fact, give me a few Jacques, and I could capture whoever you needed."

"So confident," Mabel quipped.

"Like you could do better?" Quartet taunted.

"I'm sure I could," Mabel answered.

"Excellent!" Dr. Zlo clapped. "A contest! Whoever nabs our target first will receive a prize!"

"Of our choosing?" Mabel asked.

"Why not," Dr. Zlo answered.

Quartet's eyes went big. Winning meant that the minion could maybe become the boss! Only for a day, of course. Unless Dr. Zlo met with an unfortunate accident at some point after this crime.

An evil plan started to form in Quartet's mind, and the minion's grin became grinch-like. Dr. Zlo saw the smile but chose to ignore it, the player inside enjoying what would likely be a betrayal. It was the whole reason he made Quartet after all.

Mabel had a smile on her face as well, though more from the fact that she could request a date with Dr. Zlo, or perhaps a new Suitor that changed appearances. The possibilities were more than a woman could take, and Mabel had to get a Jacobs to fan her for a moment.

Cass looked between the two other minions, worry on his face from what they might have the boss do if they won. Therefore, as Dr. Zlo's butler, Cass resolved to stop both of their plans, coming out on top in the process. Then he could have the boss make him a new suit, or maybe some brewer's tools.

For some reason, none of the minions figured that Dr. Zlo would join in on the fun. Something that the villain wasn't about to point out. Dr. Zlo smiled. He couldn't wait to deprive Quartet of the victory.

Turing attracted Dr. Zlo's attention a moment later, his team finding a suitable target for capture during the crew's conversation. A certain Constantine Tsolkovsky, the scientist behind the space elevator. Turing then described the man's location, a villa next to a few prominent buildings near the center of the city.

"It seems we'll have to avoid attention somehow before entering the man's premises," Dr. Zlo mused.

"We could disguise ourselves, boss," Cass said helpfully.

Dr. Zlo scanned the room, looking at his various minions. Somehow, he felt that any sort of disguise would quickly lose credibility once his troops went to work. He needed something inconspicuous.

"Let me think for a minute," Dr. Zlo told his crew.

Dylan thought back to everything he'd read over the years, sorting the information by what might be useful. Eventually, he remembered an internet conversation he'd seen about people robbing banks by pretending to be construction workers. A comment under the article had said never to underestimate the power of a high visibility vest.

"Turing," Dr. Zlo said, turning to his mouse. "I need you and your team to find us as many high visibility vests as you can. Is that possible?"

It will be done, my lord. Turing answered.

The mouse typed out an order on the phone it carried, then stored it.

"Excellent," Dr. Zlo answered. "Now, the rest of you. Here's the plan…"

Constantine's villa sat near the south end of the city, next to a rather lovely, though sterile, park. Sticking with the pearly white theme, both the villa and park were filled with the color, the park holding various art pieces while the manor had the color painted on the walls. Today, another color cut through the white monotony, a bright orange and yellow that told everyone someone with official business was coming. Make that many people with official business.

Dr. Zlo and the rest of his crew were dressed to the nines in the reflective material, the result of the mice's hard work. The villain walked around as Eric Vil, using his secret identity to keep from attracting undue hero attention. Despite this, many of the citizens in Tractus stopped to stare at Dr. Zlo and his group, most of them having never seen so many official workers in one place. Still, none of the citizens thought anything past that, the high visibility vests camouflaging the villains despite their noticeability.

"I could get used to all this attention," Quartet said as he glanced at another passerby staring.

"Stick with me, and you'll have it," Dr. Zlo said. "After all, I'm the most notorious criminal mastermind."

"For now," Quartet whispered.

Dr. Zlo stopped in front of Constantine's villa, taking a look at the many security members watching the road.

"Alright, Mabel, we're up," the villain said.

Mabel walked forward with Dr. Zlo, the two villains heading right to the front gate. A guard greeted them.

"Halt, state your business," the guard demanded.

"We're here from the city," Dr. Zlo started, doing his best to sound submissive. "Got a call about broken water lines. We've traced a few leaks over to here, and we need to check it out. Should only be a few hours work if nothing's wrong down there."

The guard scanned Dr. Zlo and his crew up and down, perhaps trying to determine the group's lethality. He wouldn't get anywhere with it. Dr. Zlo stored all his dangerous items in his inventory beforehand. Another guard came up, asking about Dr. Zlo.

"He says he's here to work on water pipes," the first guard said.

"We didn't get a call or nothing," the second said. "We can't let them on the premises if they don't have an appointment. Mr. Tsolkovsky's orders."

"It would only be for a few hours," Dr. Zlo protested. "You've got to understand I'm only trying to do my job."

"Sorry," the first guard said. "No appointment, no entry."

"Now, dear," Mabel said, attracting the guard's attention. "Don't you think you can bend the rules for us, just this once?"

The guard froze, Mabel's mind control taking effect.

"I suppose a few hours won't affect anything," the guard said. "And Mr. Tsolkovsky won't even have to know you're here."

"There, you see," Dr. Zlo said. "I'm glad we could work this out."

"Now, hold on, Brett," the second guard protested.

"Now, dear. Don't you think Brett's decision was the right call?" Mabel said to the second guard.

This one froze as well, then nodded in agreement. The two men made their way to the gate and pushed it open, letting Dr. Zlo and his crew inside. The villains made their way toward the backyard, where Dr. Zlo said the pipe issue was located. Really, the villain just wanted the privacy that came from the large fence blocking off the backyard from the rest of the world.

"Alright, men," Dr. Zlo said as the group arrived. "Get to work."

The crew nodded, each going about their task in order to capture Constantine. Mabel mosied over to the rest of the guards, capturing them under her mind control and silencing the rest. Quartet pretended to start working, taking his group of Jacques to the front yard. Cass followed behind with a worried look on his face. Soon, the only one left in the backyard was Dr. Zlo and a few Jacques who already felt slighted by Quartet and refused to work with the man.

"I hope you all brought your shovels," Dr. Zlo said.

The Jacques dutifully pulled the tool out from behind their backs.

"Alright, Turing. Where should we dig?" Dr. Zlo asked.

Turing jumped out of Dr. Zlo's pocket and scurried around the backyard, stopping to place his phone on the ground every few seconds. A minute later, Turing called Dr. Zlo over with a squeak.

If you dig here, the alarm system will break, Turing typed.

"You read the mouse," Dr. Zlo said to his Jacques, "Get digging. I think I'm going to see what the other groups are up to."

The Jacques saluted, then dug their shovels into the soil. Turing stayed behind with them to supervise and make sure they didn't get off track. It was a good idea. Dr. Zlo knew how distracted the Jacques got when new information appeared in front of them.

Stealthily, Dr. Zlo pushed the villa's back door open, searching for a private room to change. He couldn't meet up with his target in such gaudy material, oh no. Dr. Zlo needed to look his best when he kidnapped. The villain found a door a moment later, throwing it open to reveal a laundry room.

In one quick motion, Eric Vil was replaced by Dr. Zlo. The criminal mastermind took a moment to set his monocle and prep his dueling gloves, then made his way into the building. He had a few plans to ruin.

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