Vaudevillain

The fight started with Chemster tossing a gas grenade at Matt-att's feet. Instantly, the hero responded by placing his hand over the explosive, making sure his shield stayed between him and the grenade. Green smoke puffed out as the explosive burst, but none of it traveled.

"Gotta do better than that," Matt-att said.

"With pleasure," the Professor answered. "Victoria, keep him occupied. But stay careful of his hands; they can erase almost anything. Bubble, Chemster, look for openings to use your powers. It seems our foe can't use his shield and his attacks at the same time."

The villains spread out, aiming to surround the streamer. Matt-att crouched low, readying himself to dodge in any direction. But before anyone could react, Matt-att's communicator buzzed.

The streamer smiled. This call was what he'd been waiting for. Ignoring the villains, Matt-att answered the call.

"Are we good?" the streamer asked.

"Uh, got a little problem," the man on the other line said.

"What?" Matt-att said.

"Victoria, start," the Professor said.

The villainess rushed forward, shifting her arm into a thin blade to swing at Matt-att's head. The streamer brought his shield up to block, erasing the attack as he jumped back.

"There's an IT guy here," said the man on the other end of the communicator.

"You're sh*tting me," Matt-att grunted as he twisted to bring his shield in front of Bubble. The explosive villainess had aimed her power at the ground behind the streamer. Matt-att only barely got his barrier around in time.

"I'm not," said the man. "We were facing this team from Menagerie that found out about the plan, but we got over to the AI as we fought. Just as Morz is about to stick the virus in, the IT guy shows up. He's saying we shouldn't be able to corrupt the heroes network at all and that they thought they'd fixed the issue."

"F*ck!" Matt-att yelled. Chemster tossed another grenade in the hero's direction, Bubble using her power on it before it landed to make it explode. Behind Matt-att, Victoria swung with her transformed arms, forcing the streamer to choose between the attacks.

"Yeah, what do we do?" The man asked.

"Hold on a f*cking minute," the streamer said. The hero jumped away from the four villains toward another group of Trollstompers who were themselves making their way into the fight. "You guys aren't worth my time. I'll let some others deal with you. Right now, I got some new sh*t to deal with."

The four villains tried to stop Matt-att's retreat but couldn't reach him before his reinforcements arrived. The Fiendish Four were forced into a fight once more, letting Matt-att safely disengage. The streamer made his way through the battle, complaining into the communicator as he weaved around the chaos. When he found a safe area, Matt-att started to let loose.

"How the f*ck are we supposed to win this fight then? F*cking Vert."

Matt-att's stream echoed the complaint.

"You guys understand. We're two immortal armies clashing against each other. At this rate, the only time the battle will end is if we get f*cking tired."

"The IT guy says he'll compensate us, though," the man on the other line said.

"That's not the f*cking point!" Matt-att complained. "What about the next time this happens? H*ll, I bet there's going to be another faction war tomorrow with these exact same issues."

"You wanna talk to him?" the man asked. "I can hand him the communicator."

Matt-att took both his hands and squeezed his forehead in frustration, forcibly trying to calm down. "Fine. Hand the f*cking communicator over to him. And why not hand it over to that group from Menagerie? It's not like talking to either will make a f*cking difference."

"Hey, don't bite my f*cking head off because I have bad news," the man argued.

"Just… Hand the d*mn communicator over," Matt-att sighed.

The streamer heard a bit of shuffling, then a tired voice speaking through the line.

"This is Isaac from IT. Hello?"

Matt-att's anger reared its head, "So how do you propose we stop this f*cking respawn problem?"

"Sticky traps? Your foes had a decent idea."

Matt-att shook his head, "That's not enough. Too many powers counter that sh*t. So it sounds like you ruined this whole thing. Who wants to fight a f*cking war that doesn't stop?"

"I feel like there's a good number of gamers who wouldn't mind that," another voice spoke up. "That whole only war grimdark thing, you know?"

"I'm guessing you're one of the Menagerie f*ckers," Matt-att said.

"Well, I don't know about f*cker, but yeah, you could say I'm part of Menagerie," the player said. "Call me, Psy-Ops."

Matt-att ground his teeth, "Alright, Psy-Ops. You got any bright f*cking ideas?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Psy-Ops said.

"Spill," Matt-att commanded.

"Say please."

"F*cking what?" asked the streamer.

"Ask me nicely," Psy-Ops said.

"Jesus, f*ck you."

Matt-att's stream laughed at the conversation, enjoying the ridiculous demand.

"I don't gotta tell you a thing," Psy-Ops argued. "We're on different sides. But I'm willing to divulge some information if you're willing to say one little word. I think it's a good trade. Don't you?"

Matt-att groaned. This troll was messing with him too. Matt-att wouldn't have been as mad if Psy-Ops wanted something tangible, like Phlebotinium or money. But no, this guy wanted him to say please. Who even said please anymore? No one, that's who. Which meant this guy was trying to mess with him.

The streamer wanted to reject outright. After all, playing into a troll's hand was lunacy. Before Matt-att could do so, Ixzay's words surfaced in his head.

"Take a breath. If you let it get to you, you lose."

It was the advice his friend gave after another one of Matt's rages. The player didn't remember what he was mad about, but Ixzay's words stuck with him. Being the competitive man he was, Matt-att couldn't stand losing.

The hero paused and took a deep breath, letting it come out slowly as he thought. He was still angry, but he fueled it now. Matt-att had to beat this troll. It wasn't enough to ignore the player. No, now he had to win because if he let it get to him, he lost.

"Alright, fine," Matt-att said into the communicator. "Please tell me your idea."

"Let me get in touch with Dr. Zlo," Psy-Ops said. "I'm thinking we pull you into the event as another hazard. All Menagerie wants is to fight over the bomb. Once we finish with that, we're out of everyone's hair."

"How does that stop the respawn problem?" Matt-att grumbled.

"We've got wristbands that stick to a five-minute timer. If you're part of the event, you'd be working with the heroes--I'm assuming at least. Anyone who attacks someone while under the timer is disqualified and can't join Menagerie."

"It doesn't sound like a bad plan," the Trollstomper on the line said.

Matt-att had to agree. It wasn't the best solution, but it solved a lot of the problems with an immortal army, as long as Dr. Zlo stuck to his plan.

"And you're sure Dr. Zlo will agree to this?" Matt-att said.

"Oh yeah," Psy-Ops said. "If there's one thing I know about Dr. Zlo. It's that he lives for the dramatic."

"So tell me, Cass. How did I look up there?"

Dr. Zlo stood at the helm of his Zloppelin, pretending to randomly press buttons as he conversed. There wasn't much to do on his gigantic contraption until it reached bombing height, but that wouldn't stop Dr. Zlo from making it look like he was doing everything.

"You looked great, boss," Cass replied. The butler loyally stood to Dr. Zlo's side, holding his ever-present drink tray in his hands. "I could see everyone below shaking in their boots!"

"You shouldn't fib, Cass," Mabel said. "We both know that hon didn't make anyone down there shiver."

Cass's eyes widened, and he looked at Dr. Zlo in concern, "That's not true, boss! I'm sure I saw plenty of people down there quivering in fear!"

Mabel shook her head. Currently, the woman lay in Suitor's lap, lounging with all the grace of a lioness. Her mind-controlled boy-toy sat utterly still, knowing that any move would make the lioness pounce. Oro stood to the side, the player wanting to see the ensuing fight from above rather than on the ground.

"I agree with Mabel here," the golden hero said. "It's probably not a good idea to lie to your evil boss."

Dr. Zlo twirled around, staring down Cass. "Is this true? Are you lying to me?" he asked the butler.

Cass held a hand up, shaking it fervently in denial, "No, boss. I swear I saw someone shaking in fear!"

Dr. Zlo whipped his head around to Oro, "I see I haven't quite changed your nature yet. Even after I turned you, you try to instill division in my ranks.

Oro shrugged, "Or maybe I'm playing to my new villainous nature. Of course, you'll never know."

Dr. Zlo squinted suspiciously at the hero, trying to examine him for any falsehood. His communicator rang before he could finish.

"I'll deal with you later," Dr. Zlo said to Oro as he opened his communicator.

"Dr. Zlo. It's Dextra," the player on the line said.

Dr. Zlo sat in his chair and leaned back, "Ah, yes, I trust things are going smoothly?"

"Rather. However, we've come across a small hiccup."

Dr. Zlo squinted again, this time menacingly, "What kind of hiccup?"

"The group who stole my serum is asking for a truce with the heroes. They wish to hinder our plans!"

Dr. Zlo sprang to his feet, "The nerve! First, they dismantle my Wave Widget. Then, they have the audacity to team up with other heroes to take me down? It seems these, 'Trollstompers,' need a lesson."

"I agree," Dextra said. "However, the serum has empowered their army, making it impossible for us to kill them. It will only be a matter of time before your bomb is destroyed. I'm making my way over now, but the fighting is chaotic."

Dr. Zlo stomped over to his control panel. The Zloppelin was now in bombing range, and the guns were primed and ready.

"Fine then," Dr. Zlo said. "If these heroes want to play dirty, I'll show them just how dirty things can get."

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