Vaudevillain

"I see the harbor!" Riptide whooped. "And it's empty! Your plan worked, dude!"

"Don't celebrate yet, my seafaring friend," the Professor said. "There's a chance people ignored the message."

Riptide pulled his surfboard out of his inventory, too excited to sit still in the car. He stood and readied himself to jump and surf to the cruise ship. Jaws and G.W. prepared to follow their leader like good minions.

"Hold on a minute," the Professor said. Bubble grabbed Riptide and pulled him back down into his seat. "I would like to know your plan before we embark on this fantastic journey."

Riptide smiled and rubbed the back of his head, "Oh, yeah. Sure dude. I was going to surf forward and trigger any traps, using my skills to dodge attacks. You all would follow up later and take out anyone who showed up."

Victoria scoffed, "What a mediocre plan."

"Hey, dude. No plan survives contact with the enemy. Best to let things happen and ride the wave as it comes."

"Professor? Must we work with such a simpleton to attract the graces of Dr. Zlo? Surely we can contact our overlord in some other fashion?" Victoria complained.

"Now, now, my cherished companion," the Professor replied. "This is our best chance of attracting his attention. After all, the inner workings of the overlord's mind are an enigma. One I shall eventually decrypt, of course, but an enigma nonetheless. Who knows how long it would take for us to find him if we ignore our chance."

"Harsh, dude," Riptide interjected.

"Oh, it isn't your fault," Victoria replied. "I find practically everyone is devoid of class. It's why they must bow at my heels and learn the proper way to interact with others. Only then will this world become civilized."

"Right on, dude," Riptide said. "I can get behind everyone getting along."

"How you found that interpretation in my dialogue, I will never guess," Victoria said. "But back to our discussion. What is your plan, Professor?"

"Victoria, I know you hate to be wrong, but Riptide is correct in that our plan won't survive contact with heroes. Not even I can plan against so many variables."

Victoria turned her nose up.

"That being said, I do not see the merit in attacking head-on after we spent so much time pulling heroes away," the Professor continued.

"Fair enough, dude," Riptide said. "What's your idea?"

Dr. Zlo sat in his throne room on the Zloppelin reading the reports Einstein fed him. The event was still running smoothly, and all three of Dylan's friends were still on track to finish their portion of the event. There were a few minor hiccups, but nothing Dextra couldn't handle.

Einstein the mouse typed a new message for Dr. Zlo.

Lord, reports from Cartis say Riptide has reached the objective.

"Well, that was quicker than I expected," Dr. Zlo said to his mouse. "It seems Riptide didn't get distracted this time. I would have expected to hear results from Sweet Dream or Shizuka first."

Einstein typed a quick reply.

Sweet Dream is currently preparing for an assault, as her objective requires more planning. And Shizuka must deal with a relatively competent group of heroes.

"So he did get distracted."

Yes, Lord.

"What put him back on track?"

Four villains joined forces with him in order to get in your good graces and join us.

"As it should be," Dr. Zlo nodded. "I hope they don't disappoint."

Would my Lord like to view the upcoming battle?

"You can do that?" the doctor responded.

It is a simple matter of sending your hatbots into the area, my Lord.

Dr. Zlo sat up straighter in his chair, "Well, why didn't you say so? Put it on the screen!"

Einstein nodded his tiny head and squeaked a set of orders to the other mice in the area. Another group scurried off, and a short time later, the villain beheld a projection of Riptide and his team making their way into the Cartis harbor. Dylan idly wondered how many mice he had under his control now. It wasn't like he could open up a screen tab and look. He resolved to learn more about them after the event, especially since it seemed as if the mice had enough eyes and ears to cover three cities.

Dr. Zlo put the thoughts behind him as Riptide rode on the back of an old car into the harbor.

"Hmm. A rather subdued entry for Riptide," Dr. Zlo commented. "Don't you think Cass? Our surfer villain tends to rush into things like a crashing wave."

"You got that right, boss," Cass replied. "I think–"

"Quiet, Cass!" Shushed Dr. Zlo. "It's about to start!"

The villain and his minion watched the screen as Riptide rode into the harbor. A woman in a flowing dress and a man in a lab coat and gas mask rode with him, the woman driving the car while the others kept a lookout. The three pulled into the harbor without issue. The woman driving the vehicle made a beeline towards a white cruise ship with the name Coral Runner in blazing blue letters. A till stood between the villains and their prize, but the car wasn't about to stop. Dr. Zlo leaned forward expectantly, ready for heroes to intervene.

The camera switched over to an aerial view of the area, showing the long pier that led up to the cruise ship. A small parking lot sat nestled between two flat buildings made primarily of glass. The camera focused on three vans waiting in the area, then panned over to the building closest to the till. There, the camera cut to show Merla.

An urge bubbled up from Dylan's subconscious. It was the sort of ridiculous idea that the man typically ignored, the thought of acting it out being too much for him. But Dr. Zlo had no such qualms. The villain gushed charisma like a fountain and treated every look coming his way as high praise. Therefore, it only made sense for Dr. Zlo to act on the thought.

"Aha! The dastardly heroes have already set a trap for our heroic villains!" Dr. Zlo commented. He was trying to copy the style of old radio hosts, the ones that narrated crime dramas for children. Dylan never got into them, but a few of the characters had made their way into his comics, and the nerd in him couldn't help but explore their origins.

"Uh, boss? Don't you have that the wrong way around?"

Dr. Zlo waved away his butler, "Silence, Cass. I'm trying to watch."

The magical heroine, which made her sound too close to an anime character in Dylan's mind, stood on the second floor of the building. She watched Riptide move in closer from her vantage point above, her hands performing intricate motions. The tinted glass kept her hidden from view, so it was no surprise to Dr. Zlo when her first attack caught Riptide and his crew entirely off guard.

"And Merla begins the fight with a blazing blast of energy!" Dr. Zlo shouted. "It flies right toward Riptide, who only now noticed the unscrupulous surprise attack! Can the valiant villain escape this predicament?"

Mabel gave Dr. Zlo a side-eye, her familiar image of the deplorable villain thrown off from his new commentary.

Dr. Zlo watched as Merla's burst of energy raced towards the car. The magician had made sure to place the blast in the car's path, and Dr. Zlo leaned forward as the beam made to intercept with the vehicle.

"And at the last second, the car jerks to the left and escapes the trap!" The villain cheered. "But wait! What's this? The energy now split into multiple beams! How ever will our villains escape such an issue!"

The beams of energy made to surround the car like people surrounding fighters in a streetfight, winding around to cut off all avenues of escape.

"This isn't looking good for our heroes, folks," Dr. Zlo started. "I don't see how they're going to get out of this one."

The energy arced in for the kill.

"What's this!" Dr. Zlo exclaimed. "Riptide, the sharkish surfer has pulled himself from the very jaws of doom! At the last moment, he grabs the hood of the car and uses his power to surf anything, riding the air currents ahead into the sky to dodge the assaulting attacks!"

"Don't you think you're getting a bit too into it, hon?" Mabel said.

"Quiet, Mabel! Riptide is about to counterattack! The surfer leans to the left, bringing the now flying car around towards the source of the trap. To think he would dive right into the maw of the beast once again! Riptide seems to know no fear!"

The screen recorded Riptide surfing forward, right to Merla's location in a full-frontal assault. Cass leaned in as well, Dr. Zlo's commentary drawing him into the fight despite his boss's shift in attitude. Merla launched three quick attacks in succession, the beams of light creating a subdued fireworks display over the tinted glass. Riptide dropped the car low, landing it on the ground where Victoria jerked the car to the right. The beams cracked the pavement where the car used to be, marring the pristine concrete.

"What coordination by our villains!" Dr. Zlo announced. "Just when it seemed Riptide would take a hit, he surrenders control back to the driver, letting the woman drive them out of harm's way! Now Riptide has broken off from the others and is surfing straight towards Merla! The clash of titans is about to begin!"

"Boss, look over there." Cass pointed.

"What is this?" Dr. Zlo said. "Why, there looks to be some heroes hiding inside the vans outside! Now that the villains split up, these unscrupulous protectors of the peace are trying to overpower the two remaining villains with numbers. How underhanded! How dastardly!"

"It sounds like you're praising them, boss."

"Of course I am, Cass! Tricks and traps are part of every villain's repertoire, and it brings a tear to my eye to see heroes employing the same strategies."

"I dunno boss, heroes shouldn't be acting like villains."

"Of course they shouldn't, Cass. But we make do with what we have. Not every hero upholds the tenets of truth, justice, and liberty for all. Some only want the fame."

"No need to wax philosophical, hon," Mabel said. "You don't have to convince either of us that heroes and villains are two sides of the same coin."

"Ah, I forgot the present company for a moment," the villain replied. "I shall save my grand monologue for any hero with the skills to make me act!"

"That's nice, hon," Mabel replied. She motioned for Suitor to pour some more tea; this fight was about to get messy. Mabel loved it when things got messy.

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