Vaudevillain

G.W. snarled and threw a punch. At the same time, the minion batted his tail against the ground and kicked up a tornado of air around him. Lightspeed snapped to action, dodging the attack with his superspeed and making to counter. G.W.'s tornado tossed the strikes aside, creating glancing blows instead of powerful strikes to the chest.

"I've never heard of a fish passing wind," Lightspeed said as he weaved through another flurry of blows.

G.W. only growled in response, not wanting to let this mouthy hero beat him. Jaws recovered from Lightspeed's strike during the assault and made to sweep his opponent's leg. Lightspeed jumped over the strike but left himself open to G.W.'s tornado of air. The blast sent the orange defender into the aquarium wall, causing the few straggling NPCs to cry out in alarm.

Lightspeed recovered quickly, springing to his feet and rushing back over to the Great White in a blur. The sound of fists pounding like a butcher slapping meat echoed throughout the room, and G.W. retreated under the assault. The minion tried retaliating with his own flurry of blows, but Lightspeed's reflexes were too formidable.

"You should leave work like this to the younger generation, old man," Lightspeed bantered.

"Just, hold still and let me hit you once!" G.W. yelled in exasperation.

"If you insist," the hero said. Lightspeed stopped moving right in front of G.W., taunting the minion with a cheeky grin.

G.W. took the shot, swinging a wide fist with all his power. The blow never connected. At the last second, Lightspeed jerked his torso away from the strike. G.W. spun in place from the force of his attack and landed in a puddle of water below him.

"You actually bought that?" Lightspeed said. "I mean, I know I'm a hero, and we're supposed to uphold truth and justice, but why would I give criminals that courtesy?"

G.W. slapped the ground, sending a spray of water into the air in frustration. The minion rolled onto its back and sprung to its feet in one fluid motion.

"This isn't over!" G.W. growled.

Lightspeed blitzed out of existence and appeared in front of G.W. Two quick jabs connected with the minion's teeth, and four more continued down the jaw to the torso. G.W. tried to throw up hands to block, but two more punches pushed each arm out of the way. A final blow knocked the shark back onto its rear.

"You see," Lightspeed said after his display, "that's how I know you're a thug. A mook, if you will. Do you know how many purse-snatchers yell, 'this isn't over!' when I catch them? At least half. Half. That's the level you're on."

G.W. tried to stand again, his hands splashing through the few inches of water around him. The minion looked around for Riptide, or even Jaws, in a desperate attempt to receive help. But Jaws wasn't in the room, and neither were the other civilians.

"Looking for your friend?" Lightspeed questioned. "I wouldn't bother. He ran out after I knocked him on the ground. Such a shame, don't you think? But you know what they say, no honor amongst thieves."

"Do you ever shut up!" G.W. roared.

Lightspeed zipped over behind the downed minion, wrapping a length of cord around the minion's body. "Only when it suits me," the hero said.

G.W. struggled against the bonds holding him but found that the cord tightened as he pulled.

"Careful now," Lightspeed said. "I had Sprocket make these special for mutants like you. Normal bonds just break on you muscular types."

G.W. ignored the hero's comments and kept pulling. An instinct to continuously struggle kept the minion going, and slowly the bonds grew tighter and tighter.

Lightspeed shook his head, "They just don't listen."

G.W. was on the ground now, splashing in the shallow water like a fish out of it. Finally, the bonds tightened enough that violent thrashing turned into pitiful jerks.

"Alright, took long enough. Don't you people know I have places to be? Not everyone can take time out of their day to stop attacks on aquariums."

Lightspeed grabbed G.W. and slung the shark minion over his shoulder. The hero leisurely strolled toward the exit, thinking of the praise his role model would give him when he turned in a shark minion. As such, Lightspeed was wholly unprepared for the torrent of water that blasted the doors behind him off their hinges.

"Wha–" the hero started before a deluge of water covered his mouth. G.W. felt the hands holding him abruptly jerk away as the tide took them both out the aquarium doors and into the parking lot. As he tumbled through the foamy waters, the minion heard the unmistakable cry of its leader from the aquarium.

"Cowabunga, dude!" Riptide yelled.

The surfer villain stood on his rocket board, surrounded by a plethora of sea creatures. Dolphins flanked Riptide on each side, and various fish followed behind. Resting on the villain's board were three more turtles, two seabirds, and an Axolotl. Jaws finished up the line, egging on any fish falling behind with a snap of his jaws.

"Call me, Poseidon! King of the seas!" Riptide cheered.

He'd always wanted to try surfing with a group of animals around him, but doing it in real life was incredibly dangerous. He didn't want to pass up the chance to try it here, so while G.W. and Jaws fought the hero that arrived, Riptide surfed over to the various exhibits and found every hose and pump he could find. Jaws appeared a bit later to help, and the two went around closing all the doors and starting the pumps. Water filled the rooms as Riptide cracked aquarium tank after aquarium tank to free the fish. He even found three turtles to replace snapper! Eventually, the water pressure was too much, and the doors blasted off their hinges to surprise Lightspeed.

As the water receded, Riptide spied G.W. tied up on the ground. He surfed over to his minion and activated the laser on his board. A few pinpoint blasts cut the bindings off, and Riptide offered a hand to pull the minion up.

"Thanks for the distraction, dude," Riptide said. "You kept that hero in place forever!"

Despite the praise, G.W. didn't look happy. The minion vowed to destroy that hero if their paths ever crossed again.

A honk behind the villains attracted their attention. Riptide turned to see a man in a patchwork suit stand and address him from an old car.

"I say. Are you the one called Riptide?"

"Yeah, dude!" Riptide yelled back. "You here to fight?"

"Not against you, I hope," the Professor replied. "We are The Fiendish Four, and we look to join you in your adventure."

The Professor bowed after he spoke, revealing a black glint of a villain's band.

"H*ll yeah, dude!" Riptide said.

"Excellent!" the Professor replied. "Now, if you would be so kind, can you direct us to our next objective?"

"No problem, dude," Riptide replied.

"One second!" Chemster shouted. "There's still a hero here!"

The villains turned to look at Lightspeed, who was just now recovering from the flood of water. Coughing up a minnow, the hero stood to his feet and turned to face the new threats.

"First there's shark men and a surfer, now there's lords and ladies. What's next? A talking carrot?" Lightspeed coughed out.

"He's a fast one, boss," G.W. said. "Be careful."

"A speedster, eh?" the Professor said. "We have ways to deal with them. Bubble! Chemster! Ready the nets!"

The two villains scrambled and pulled out a length of twisting nets that they brandished at the speedster.

Lightspeed cocked an eyebrow. "Nets? That's your big plan to stop me? Newsflash, but I doubt you have the speed to catch me."

Lightspeed blurred into motion, appearing directly next to Riptide and G.W.

"Dude! That's awesome!" the surfer said.

Lightspeed, unprepared for the praise, halted his punch at the last second. "Excuse me?"

"Now!" yelled the Professor.

Bubble and Chemster tossed the nets over the side of the car. At the same time, Victoria slammed on the gas and drifted around to collect Riptide and his minions. Chemster and Bubble grabbed the others and tossed them into the back of the car. Riptide landed in a heap with Jaws and G.W., which knocked the wind out of him.

"Oof," the villain said. "Be gentle next time, dude."

The Fiendish Four ignored the man, instead choosing to unfurl more netting as Victoria drove off. Lightspeed sprang to motion, running after the vehicle and catching up in seconds.

"Don't just sit there, help us out," Chemster said. He handed more nets from his inventory to Jaws and G.W. "Toss them over the side. We want a large spread behind us."

The two minions grabbed the nets, following the others' lead and tossing the traps out of the car. Lightspeed wove through the attempts to hit him, appearing next to Victoria with ease.

"I told you nets don't work," the hero said.

"Quite right," the Professor said. "Which is why the entire thing was a trap."

A blast of smoke burst from under the car's chassis, enveloping the group in the cloud. Lightspeed coughed and sputtered at the surprise attack, not noticing that Victoria slammed on the brakes once the smokescreen appeared. The woman twisted the wheel hard to the left at the same time, bringing the entire car around in a spin. Once the car turned around, Victoria hit the gas again, heading back the way they came.

The villain swerved through the dropped nets before them, nimbly keeping the car's tires safe. As they passed the last trap, the Professor signaled Bubble.

"Your turn."

"Affirmative," Bubble replied. She leaned out the side of the car and activated her power on the nets. The traps bubbled and popped, sending an impossible amount of threads scattering around the road. The string plastered itself on the side of buildings, on lamp posts, and anywhere else it could find purchase.

"How is that supposed to stop this guy?" G.W. complained.

"Watch, my Carcharodon friend," the Professor replied.

Lightspeed appeared from the smoke, shouting, "You'll have to do better than that to lose me!"

The hero paid no attention to the spread of string around him. Instead, he focused on reaching the villains as quickly as possible. Feet pounded on the scattered nets at impossible speeds, collecting the loose strings around. Suddenly, the hero jerked to the ground, his nose slamming into the pavement below.

"Ah, the old double lie trap, I do love it so," the Professor said.

"Dude, that was sick! How'd you do that?" Riptide said.

"It was simple, really," the Professor responded. "The nets were created with a sticky polymer that hardens after a time, but large amounts of stress on the string causes the fibers to cling to each other. Eventually, too many fibers are enough to stop even the fastest of heroes."

"I don't know what you said, dude. But it was awesome," Riptide said. "Now, let's get over to the harbor. We need to steal a ship."

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