Tunnel Rat

Milo sat and thought furiously. Attempts to make small talk with the elf and cat had failed. Milo was horrible at making conversation, and they didn't want to talk. He confirmed that he had no connection to his real body. His links to the game through his neck plug and his tail were gone. This was disconcerting because even when Sydney had wanted to stop him from logging off, he still could. But not now.

He wondered if he was he was cut off from the game system entirely. He had a starting theory that the signals from his conscious mind were somehow not being recognized by some part of the game system. Commands to log out, or to bring up his character sheet were both not working. He tried to find out what else he couldn’t do.

He realized he didn't know how to make cheese. He had some vague memories from an article he'd read about cave-aged cheddar in France, but none of the information he used to know that came from his cheese-making skill would come to mind. Mycology was also affected, but not to the same extent. He vaguely remembered some types of fungi that he hadn't encountered but had vivid memories of the mushrooms he'd harvested for Harry. Especially the Stinking Purpleworts with their annoying spines. The differences between the two skills and what he could recall from them fell into two categories: What he had done, and what he only knew from the skills that came from the game. He'd never made cheese and didn't know how. But he could remember 37 types of rare mushrooms and how to brew 7 different concoctions from them. Recipes he hadn't made he couldn't recall.

He'd lost none of his real-world skills. He had no problem balancing the forces needed to create a suspension bridge. He knew how to program a clog-eater, and how to install a new air-recycler unit. Somehow all of his in-game skills and knowledge were gone if he didn't have personal knowledge of them. But not things he knew from the real world. He'd have to figure this problem out without magical powers and system-granted skills. It was like he was level 0 in the game. It wasn't really fair, but life had never been fair to him, so why expect things to be different in the game?

Beyond finding a way to escape from this trap, he wondered how he'd even fallen into it in the first place. He looked over at his two fellow prisoners again. "I don't suppose you mind talking about this situation? You might have information that would help us. Can we work together?"

He was hopeful when the cat...no, he stopped that thought, she wasn't a cat and wouldn't appreciate being called that. She had a name, he would think of he as Nina.

Nina turned to face him, after drumming her fingers on the floor nervously and looking over at Onyx. "You think you have a way out? I've seen you mouthing commands, trying to use skills, trying to remember things you should know. Just like we did. And we've had a lot longer to try. And trust me, rat, if I can't figure a way out of here, then you can't." She turned her back on him.

Ok, maybe he would call her Cat.

Milo looked at the elf. "What about you, Onyx? Have you been here long? Has our captor given any clues as to how he did this?"

The elf also had the habit of drumming his fingers on the floor as he thought. Then he looked at Milo, looked at the cat, and finally spoke. "When you have a clever plan, let me know. I'll be happy to poke holes in it. We've been here a long time and thought of thousands of possibilities." He too turned his back, then leaned in close to the cat, whispering so low Milo couldn't hear them.

Milo went over to his bed. He'd been given a large pile of straw as if he was a real rodent. He sat in it, faced away from the other two, and grasped the bars in front of him. They were far too close together to sneak through, and too thick to bend. Frustrated, he spoke to himself: "Awesome. Trapped in a cage and the rest of the prison won't talk to me."

"Despair not! I will always be with you! We will escape, and feast on the mass of our enemies. We can eat the catelfs as soon as we leave our cage."

The voice was very quiet, coming from inside his head. It sounded familiar, but it was so soft. "Who are you? Where are you?"

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. We are Oooblimilo. We are one. I saved you! Bone obstructions removed. Interfering cheese-based regeneration is dormant. Only Pudding Regeneration remains to save the day! There are no strings on me! Soon only pudding will remain."

Milo sighed heavily. "This is so wrong."

"We all agree! So wrong to not have mass to assimilate! Conversion of remaining bone and cartilage to pudding is slowed due to lack of energy. Can we eat Cat? This would help!"

Milo was spared further conversation with his inner voice. He felt something happening. Turning, his eyes saw the heavy oak door that the wizard had left through. Streamers of information were moving around it. He saw nine nodes appear and from them ran lines of runes and numbers, similar to what he had seen in the trap. One by one, nodes were connected to each other, and unneeded lines were knocked to the side, finally leaving a geometric design that felt balanced to Milo. He didn't know why it felt that way, but somehow the combination of lines and nodes felt correct. The door opened and the wizard strode through.

"Ah, I'm so glad to see you are all here and ready to talk. I thought we'd have a brief conversation, now that we have three of you here and you're all settled in for a long visit."

Two of the grey minions brought in a well-padded armchair and set it down, along with a small table, a pot of tea with one cup, and a plate of sandwiches. The wizard sat down and relaxed, sipping his tea. Onyx twitches as the smell of the tea filled the room. Milo saw Nina staring at the teapot, which was shaped like a mouse. The wizard picked up his sandwich and took a bite. Milo smelled the delightful odor of cheddar. Seeing a pattern, his opinion of the wizard went from 'Needs to die' to 'Needs to die very slowly.'

"I've had trouble communicating with Onyx and Nina, for some reason they don't seem to trust me, even when I offer them treats. You all have things you want, and I have things I want. Let's start with Onyx. As Celestial Pilot, you are supposedly able to command an airship or void ship solely by your will. To enhance that ability, you imbibe tea brewed from the roots of the Ivory Lily. Sadly, it's highly addictive, and you haven't had any for some time. Tell me about the creatures in the Banerift and you may have a cup."

A small table was set in front of Onyx's cage with a second teapot and cup. The grey minion poured a cup. Milo smelled only tea. But the elf's eyes widened as the minion fanned the air above the cup, sending the fragrance to him. For nearly a minute he stared, his muscles twitching, then he turned his back, and sat down, drumming his fingers furiously on the floor.

"Ah, you still have that nervous tick when upset. Amusing. Very well, let's turn to Nina. You are supposedly a Shadow Dancer. A rare class that only the Children of Bastet can attain. I won't ask about it, your race, or other secrets. Simply tell me about the last trap you encountered before the Great Hall where the Eye of Wonder rests. Do this and you may have this lovely collection of live mice. Your race are predators and grow progressively anxious if they can't eat live prey. Often committing suicide. How long has it been? Be a good little puddy tat and tell Philistron about the trap, and the mice are yours."

Nina turned, and her eyes were dark and pupilless. She sheathed and unsheathed her claws. Then she cursed the wizard in a language he didn't understand, but that Milo recognized as Portuguese. "Go away, slaver. I escaped the collar once and vowed I'd never work for one of your kind again, in any world." She also turned her back.

Then it was Milo's turn to be tested by the wizard. "Ah, I try and try, but I can't seem to tame her. How about you, Tallsqueak? Anything you might want right now.

Milo thought for a moment. "Well, I'd prefer to be free of this cage."

Philistron spread his hands apologetically. "Ah, sorry, that's not happening. Anything else I can do for you."

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Milo tried to appear calm, but his stomach was doing bad things. "Well, I'm curious about things. Are we on an airship? It seems we are, based on the small movements I can feel. Is it lighter or heavier than air, and does it travel by magical propulsion, or by a magical engine using normal air screws?"

The wizard seemed surprised by the question. "Ah, you can feel the ship moving? Yes, we are on an airship. I had to move us a few minutes ago and set the course again. If only I had a good, trustworthy pilot. So hard to find these days. As to your questions, yes, the total mass of the ship is slightly lighter than air. Let's just say "because magic" as the reason. I have yet to find a convenient or efficient means of magical propulsion, and do indeed rely on engines turning air screws."

He seemed pleased by the conversation.

"Perhaps we will talk more. I'm happy to find someone that can hold a conversation and ask questions. Perhaps you have another? But I should go first. "Tell me how you defeated a World Boss."

"This was hardly a secret, well, most of it wasn't, Milo had no problem telling him about it if it would keep him talking. "I used a raid of hundreds of players to test the boss's capabilities and move it into position. They showed that Tier One and two players had zero chance of defeating it and could barely scratch the outer layer of the armor.

"For that, I relied on explosives. A specially constructed bomb using Dark Steel shrapnel was powered by a mix of Cataclysmite, and experimental accelerators. The resulting explosion cleared away the outer layer of stone armor. This was a temporary solution since the creature could regenerate the outer layer by devouring raw stone. After destroying its armor with explosives, the dwarven Engineers delayed the creature from advancing with a jury-wrigged mobile drilling machine and a large troll. Both were quickly destroyed, but they bought us time.

"Next, I directed an Ogre Monster Hunter to put a specially crafted harpoon through its spine. The harpoon was attached to a three-strand Dark Steel cable connected to a complex pulley and counterweight system. We used the weight of severed stalactites to pull it up off the ground and trap it. Without the ability to move, or consume stone, the Boss is trapped. And while hard to hurt, not impervious to an army of miners chipping away at it a point at a time. I think in a week or two they might be able to kill it if they run triple shifts."

The wizard was greatly amused. He laughed loudly, which caught the attention of his little dragon that came flying into the room, anxious to join the fun. When it only saw the three cages, it huffed and landed on the wizard’s shoulder.

"An amusing story, thank you for that. I had heard you were an engineer. A Deep Rock Dwarven Engineer? Seems like a very hard class to attain. Can you explain the pulley system you used to me, how you figured out the weights and balances?"

"Uh, hmmm..." Milo stuttered a bit, screwed up his eyes, and looked frustrated. "I really can't seem to recall."

Philistron made a few notes on his pad. "As I thought. You obtained the rare class, despite not being a dwarf, utilizing the Eye of Wonder. Just as these two obtained their classes. We've had a fine conversation Tallsqueak. One last question, with a little incentive. Tell me how your group navigated through the dark maze to get to the Grand Hall?"

The wizard pulled a small bit of cheese from his sleeve and put it on the table in front of him.

Milo licked his lips, and his tail twitched. He really needed that cheese. "A huge ball of yarn."

"Oh, I don't think so. Try again." The wizard moved the cheese closer.

"Breadcrumbs, and we used the left-hand rule. Took us right to the door."

Philistron waved the cheese in front of Milo. As he grabbed for it, the wizard easily snatched it back. "Has it been a long time without what you need? Your reflexes are slow. Cheese addiction in ratkin is a two-edged sword. You gain quite a boost from eating it, but now you'll pay for it. Last chance."

Milo wracked his brain. He tried the only answer that might work. "We didn't."

The wizard looked at him oddly. "What do you mean? Explain please, and be quick."

Milo gulped and continued. "We didn't. There was no party. No traps, no finding whatever the thing is. Someone cheated."

"Ah, and now we get to it. Someone cheated. You never found the Eye, did you?" Milo shook his head, holding out his hand for the cheese, hopefully.

"No. Someone in the world of the players found a way to fake the completion of the quest and gain the special classes. We never found the Eye. I'm sorry. I can't tell you how to get it. Cheese please?"

The wizard tossed him the small sliver of cheddar. "Oh, I don't need the Eye of Wonder. I found it myself long ago. But it's an interesting thing about those who have looked into the eye. We have a link to others who have done so. It facilitates the next part of the quest to loot the Horde of King Mattias. It's a very difficult endeavor, taking over a dozen specialized wizards and thieves. I've been trying to find others for years. You must understand my frustration at finding three of you who didn’t recognize that I too had found the Eye. For some reason, I could sense you, and yet you had no similar sense of me. So disappointing. Whatever shall we do now?"

The elf spoke, despite the cat hissing at him and shaking her head. "You can let us go. We aren't a threat to you. Or use us as your crew. We'd make a good group to go exploring and plundering. A Deep Rock Engineer, a Celestial Pilot, and a Shadow Dancer. As you said. We have specialized skills."

Philistron actually thought about it for a moment but then shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Even with the rune I painted onto your skin, it's not enough. Oh sure, I could find you instantly or make you burst into flame. But to make use of your skills, I'd need to remove your collars. And then you could access the system again, and 'poof!' you'd disappear back to your world. Hardly the best employees."

Milo looked at the Wizard with wide eyes. The small bit of cheese in his belly wouldn't last long, but he felt so much better suddenly. "WOW! Do the collars do that? That's amazing! I can't even imagine how you begin to do that! The dwarves no some magi-tech, but nothing like that. Totally amazing."

The cat hissed. "You're disgusting. A sliver of cheese and you turn into a fawning sycophant. Are you hoping that sucking up to this creature will save you.”? She turned away, kicking at her bedding and then curling up in the corner.

Milo sneered at the cat. "I just like to know how things work, and that sounds amazing. Don't you understand? The system that controls the world is everything. You can't begin to understand how much data is in a quantum fortress and the programming needed to create the game system to run a world. So, something that trumps the system has to be equally...no, MORE amazing! How can you not see the implications? I used to want to know how the world was built, but that's nothing compared to someone who can control how the world works. Stupid cat!"

The wizard was visibly pleased by the words. "Oh my, you saw the underlying truth so quickly, and yet these two have sat here for months and ignored it. Let this be a lesson to the two of you: Treats go to the clever rat."

He cut two small slivers of cheddar. "But let's test something. You say you like to understand things. Let's test that. I have two pieces of cheese for you. I can give you both and leave, or I can feed them to my little friend here and tell you about the beauty of the Machine Code."

Milo reached for the cheese, then pulled his hand back. He grasped the bars and sweated. Then he sat down on the ground. "Tell me about the Machine Code".

Philistron tossed the cheese to the dragonet. Milo winced but accepted his loss as best he could. Knowledge trumped cheese. And strangely, he felt better for having denied himself.

"I am so intrigued by you, young Tallsqueak. Your curiosity is stronger than your addiction." He looked over at the other two. "I suppose I'll just have to settle for one of three new recruits having a brain. The other two might have to be converted to floor sweepers. But on to the story I promised you. Let's start with the Legend of the Great Machine."

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