Tunnel Rat

Milo's Clever Plan Step 1: Delay!

Later, Belinda would always wonder how she got people to believe that she actually had a plan. The Players were ready to give up, and yet somehow her speech, the rousing music of the choir, and their desire for first-ever World-Boss-kill and phat loot did the trick. The players in her raid got back in the fight, giving heart to the miners and rangers.

This time though, they didn't try to hurt the boss. They fought in control, dodging its attacks by using annoying rogues instead of tanks. Squint led that group, proving to all that he was both the most annoying and also very hard to kill. Anyone with the ability to taunt the boss was at the back and sides, constantly trying to get the monster's attention and make it spin in their direction. Since Uthneragrubban was taking no damage, she ate less and didn't need to unleash her devastating seismic attack.

The Choir moved close to the fight, their magic adding luck to dodges, speed to tired muscles, and healing to non-lethal wounds. They still lost people but at a slower rate.

Belinda hoped they could just last long enough.

Milo's Clever Plan Step Two: Build a Better Boss Trap

A dozen and a half Deep Rock Engineers jogged past the fight and headed to a spot in the cavern where the roof was high and the stalactites huge. Milo planted a flag made from a red handkerchief and a long piece of quarter-inch piping.

"This is the spot." He pointed to seven of the stalactites. "And those are what we need to get to work on."

Half-Pipe looked skeptical. "I understand what you need done Senior Engineer, no problem there. But first I need to install rocket jets on my boots."

"No rocket jets in my pocket, sorry Half-Pipe. We do this the old-fashioned way. I'm going to drive pitons in the ceiling and drop ropes at each location. You'll need to climb up, set your anchors, and get to work. Throttlecog, you mind giving me a boost?"

The burly dwarf laughed and limbered up his throwing arm. "Glad to!" One armored hand grabbed Milo by the back of his shirt, and the other took hold of his belt. With a mighty "Heave-Ho!" he tossed Milo to the ceiling. Hasty bets had been made as to whether he'd fall short or bounce off the ceiling the first time. Only Two-Screws had taken "Stays Up There" and he pocketed quite a bit of cash from grumbling brothers.

Milo hit the ceiling, but his claws grabbed hold of the rock securely. He slammed his pick into the rock, inserted the piton, and sealed the hole with 'instant-stone'. Within two minutes he had dropped down the first rope and then to the amazement of anyone watching, crawled across the ceiling to the next stalactite. Two-Screws started climbing the rope and got to work.

One by one the anchors were set and ropes let down to waiting dwarves. Half-Pipe was still grumbling. "Damn, I hate climbing rope. I still want a set of boot rockets."

Cogswell and Sprocket laughed at him. "You wouldn't know what to do with them Half-Pipe, and you'd complain they didn't come with a user’s manual. Both dwarves looked up at the ceiling. Cogswell yelled out. "Second Star on the Right and straight on 'til Morning". Then flame and smoke spurted from both his and Sprocket's boots and they ascended slowly to the ceiling on pillars of fire.

Half-Pipe watched them go and yelled at them. "Damned show-offs! You should have brought enough for the rest of us." Then he began to climb his rope and get to work.

Milo's Clever Plan Step Three: Get the Ogre On Board

"I'm not going to tell you again! NO! You can't go messing around with my harpoon. My Grandpappy found it and was a Monster Hunter. My Pappy was a Monster Hunter too! And now I'm a Monster Hunter. And all of us killed our monsters without help from little rats with big plans. Now get lost or I'll rip off your legs and eat them."

Captain Pike was being difficult. Milo didn't seem to be able to convince him.

Shift-Stick butted into the conversation when Milo tried to explain the plan for the 5th time. "Back off a bit Milo. You don't understand how close you are to being a piquant aftertaste. Ogres don't make threats about eating, that's the one thing they always take seriously. You're really lucky the Captain here hasn't turned you into lunch yet."

Milo persisted. They didn't have time for this! "But.."

Shift-Stick put a hand on his mouth. "Nope, not another word out of you. You're being rude. Ogres aren't greedy like most folks. They only ever own a few things they care about. For the Captain here, that's his harpoon. And a fine weapon it is! That harpoon is talked about in every cheap bar and pirate dive on the Western Ocean! It's killed monsters for three generations. There are very few weapons in the whole world that have killed as many monsters as this harpoon."

Pike started to relax, smiling. Hunting monsters might be what he liked to do best, but hearing people tell his stories was a close second.

"Why, his Grandpappy killed a Void Whale. No one even knew what they were until he dragged the one he killed into port. It took three ships to tow it. Only someone armed with a fell weapon of death like that harpoon could have done it. Yep, old Captain Jaggedtooth was a legend for sure. And then he passed down that Legendary weapon to his son, Gutspew. Captain Gutspew killed the Great Walking Clam and the Black Kraken. Sure proof that he wielded a mighty magical weapon! Monster Slayers first class, both of them"

"And now Captain Pike has this mighty weapon. It's his pride and joy, and I'm sure he's going to do great things with it! So don't you be messing with it, Milo. Some things are off limits even to crafty magical engineers like you!"

Captain Pike was waiting for Shift-Stick to continue, but the dwarf just silently wagged a finger at Milo, who looked down at his feet and tried to think of another plan.

"You know, I've already killed some monsters! Did you hear about the Old Bear of Winterguard? What about that big croc? That thing had teeth a foot long."

Shift-Stick turned back to the Captain and smiled. "Oh, yeah. Great stories! Not many Monster Hunters could have killed those beasts. Well, unless they had a weapon like yours. Good job on those."

Pike scowled. "I'm not liking your tone for some reason, you little beard-braider! Those were monsters like no one sees."

Shift-Stick shrugged. "No one except everyone here. I mean, this is a World Boss! That's exciting. Even worth dying for."

Pike looked over at the monster currently fighting a hundred people. "Well, that bear was pretty tough, and I fought it alone!"

Shift-Stick started walking away. "Alone, except for your enchanted harpoon. I mean, you've got a great lineage, don't get me wrong. Not everyone can live up to their Grandpappy. Trust me, I understand. But let's be serious here. You didn't kill a Void Whale and at best, you'll be remembered for a bear, a lizard, and not being able to kill a World Boss."

Pike's face was purple with rage. "Damn your scurvy, pox-ridden tongue! I tried! Even my harpoon can't put a hole in the beastie!!"

Shift-Stick paused. "Hmm, that is a point. A shame really, because if you found a way to kill it, then people would know it was your skill and not just the harpoon that let you do it. But that's not worth letting some annoying little engineer put a rune or two on your weapon."

The Ogre advanced a couple of steps. "Don't you be telling me what to do! If I want to have some idiot put some magic on my weapon, that's up to me." He grabbed Milo by the arm, nearly dislocating it. "Let's get a move on, you. I've got a monster to kill and you're going to help me do it!

Milo's Clever Plan Step 3.5: Shift-Stick has a minor breakdown and goes to find something to drink.

New Plan Step 4: Plan A has problems.

At Pike's insistence, Milo tried to inscribe a rune of velocity on his harpoon. It wasn't going well. The metal of the harpoon was incredibly hard and didn't want to take the inscription. He didn't dare carve it with his claws. He had painted on the rune using a luminous paint The Engineer had in his Arcane Workshop. It should have stuck to the metal. The rune should have held his mana.

But it wasn't working right. He could feel that the rune was fragile. Still, it was the best he could do. With the added velocity from the rune, Pike should be able to toss that weapon through a dozen feet of solid rock. All Milo wanted was a wound deep enough that the harpoon wouldn't pull out.

Vary ran up. "Senior Engineer, sir! The brothers told me the job was a good one. All ready to go on their end."

Milo was impressed, that was fast! "And how close is Uthneragrubban to the flag?"

Vary thought about it and stepped back a dozen steps. "Maybe the same distance from me to you. That's good, right? It's hard to slow it down much."

Milo smiled at Vary. "That's perfect. Now go inform Harry and The Engineer and see if they have anything to add to the plan. The Captain and I are moving into position."

New Plan Step 5: Add a Death Machine to the Mix

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The Engineer listened to Vary, then turned to the troll. "He's worried and needs time. We need to put that beastie on the mark and keep it there."

Harry moved to the back of the modified excavator. He began pouring strange liquids into a new fuel tank the Chief Engineer had just welded into place. Some were cans of special fuel from the Arcane Workshop, but one large container was a myconic concoction made from mushrooms Harry tore out of his own skin. "These varieties produce an enzyme that should enhance the explosive qualities of the fuel mixture leading to quicker ignition and greater fuel consumption."

Boom-Boom explained to anyone with a puzzled look on their face. "More boom on the inside, faster drill." They nodded at his wisdom.

The back of the drill had been torn open to add the new fuel tank and any of the scrap had been welded to the front of the machine as makeshift armor. From inside came the sound of an over-stressed boiler.

Vary was handed a paint can similar to what Milo was trying to use to paint runes. At Harry's urging he painted huge letters on the side that read "Eat my Shrooms!!"

The Chief Engineer got inside and yelled out. "Belt in if you're coming Vary. Pull the cord Harry, and hold on." Vary made his decision. Better to die an engineer than to watch from the sidelines and miss out. Harry put a leg over the top of the excavator, riding it like a child's toy. He reached back and grabbed the rip cord, pulling hard and starting the fuel pump that fed power to the tracks. The rear ones were barely turning, but the front spun faster than before, churning up the rock as the machine started to move.

The Chief yelled back to Harry and the Engineers along for the ride, "Hold on tight boys. I can't slow down the tracks or the boiler will blow us to smithereens. Whatever accelerant you added is highly efficient. Boom-Boom will want the recipe for sure if we live through this." The huge machine slowly built up speed as it headed towards the fight.

New Plan Step Six: Improvise

Uthneragrubban advanced up the cavern, despite anything the raid of players could do. She bent to take a large bite of stone that included a small flag. Above her, dangling from the ceiling were a dozen engineers. Songs of courage and valor rang out from the choir of Saint Joan, and the last bottle of wine was passed around. The fate of a city was waiting for a large, impatient ogre and a nervously confident rat who was sure that his time he'd be able to make the rune stick.

"It's not working, is it." Captain Pike looked down at Milo, took a long drink from his flask, and tossed the empty container at Uthneragrubban. "Face it kid; sometimes you lose. I've always known that. You can't kill everything with a sharp metal stick."

"It was a good plan! The force increases with velocity. I just need the rune to work, then even though the harpoon isn't as hard as the crystal, it has a chance of cleaving along the lines of the structural planes." Milo was wracking his brain, but he simply didn't know enough about rune magic yet. He began thinking of several variations at once, his mind racing.

"I don't know about stuck planes but yeah, that thing is made of hard stuff. Nothing I know of can cut that thing's core."

Milo sat up and reached into his pocket, withdrawing small slivers of blue crystal. Pike's eyes narrowed. "Looks like you might though. What cut that?"

Milo held up his hand, and hard bony plates covered his arm, turning his fingers into claws. Glowing runes moved across the bones. Pike whistled. "Bone-Beast Claws. Holy shit. You met one? I thought Grandpappy was just making up shit in his old age. But that's what my Crittersense is telling me. Forget all that shit about losing! I need to hear the story behind those slashers."

"I've got an idea, but you might not like it." Milo looked up at Pike, still running plans in his head of how to arrange the runes he needed. The ogre handed him the harpoon. "Screw what I don't like."

New Plan Step Seven: Cut the Cake

From the darkness of the cavern, the warriors fighting Uthneragrubban heard a roaring sound. Approaching them was a nightmare of metal, ridden by the biggest troll they'd ever seen. The machine was belching out smoke and flame from its rear. No one had to be told to get out of the way.

Uthneragrubban stared at the thing but didn't react. Speed was not the creature's forte. The Shroom-mobile slammed into the monster hard, shattering any stone armor, and driving it to its knees. Steam vented and the drill started to turn.

The Chief Engineer yelled. "I'm putting all the power to the drill. It can't cut open this thing, but I don't want the boiler to explode yet. You two best get out of here!"

Vary scrambles from the machine, shaken by the crash but relatively unhurt. Harry reached inside, grabbed The Chief Engineer and flung him thirty paces. "Trolls can heal from near anything. Dwarves can't."

Uthneragrubban regained her feet and began to beat on the machine, tearing loose great chunks of metal. Harry reached in and tore loose something as well - the main steam pipe leading from the boiler. "Time to see how you like a steam bath."

Scalding steam sprayed over Uthneragrubban, hurting it not in the least, but forcing her back a step in surprise. Other than her crystal core and rocky armor heating up, it caused no damage. Above, the engineers slammed down the faceplates of their armored suits. As the steam vented from the boiler, the Troll started to cook. Chunks of Harry flaked off and were blown away. As the steam cleared, he looked like a large stalk of cooked asparagus. Uthneragrubban brought down both claws onto him, breaking his body into hundreds of small pieces that rolled away.

And then the World Boss took a step forward.

Forty feet behind Uthneragrubban, Captain Pike prepared to throw. He'd watched as Milo grabbed the harpoon, and the bone from his arms had flowed onto the tip of the harpoon and then slowly covered the first third of the weapon. More and more bone flowed out of Milo. He ignored notifications and warnings putting more and more of himself onto the weapon.

When he could do no more, he threw all of his mana into the weapons while chugging down two mana potions and desperately wishing for a nice chunk of creamy Havarti. With the tip of his last claw, he carved the Ancient Runes into his own bones that encased the magic harpoon. Artifact, Runes, and Rune-Laced Bone merged into one item. He finished just as Harry was finished.

"That's all I can do. There are Runes for Hardness and Sharpness inscribed and working. The Velocity Runes are charged. Throw hard and the runes will trigger and add velocity to the weapon."

Pike smiled grimly. "And having Bone-Beast for a cutting-edge sure doesn't suck." The ogre looked at the World Boss for a few seconds, lining up his shot and looking for a weak point. Pike threw everything he had into the throw. Every special skill he'd even learned as a monster hunter was used, increasing the chance of a critical hit, or of damaging a vital organ. The harpoon sailed towards the monster.

And then glowed as the runes of velocity activated and shot the weapon forward faster than any harpoon had ever been thrown. A sharp crack made players and miners cover their ears in pain, and many would be deaf for a week. Sound waves weren't happy if you flew faster than they did. The harpoon broke the sound barrier and unleashed a sonic boom under the city just before it hit Uthneragrubban, sending a spray of crystals around the cavern and shattering the crystalline armor on her back.

No one but Pike and Uthneragrubban were left standing. The Ogre had a big, dumb smile on his face as he saw his harpoon embedded in the World Boss. He'd thrown so hard that the tip had erupted from her front armor. Lightning flared up and down the crystalline body, slowly fading everywhere but along the top of the spine, its arms, and head.

As Milo had hoped, the harpoon had been encouraged by the Monster Hunter's skills to find the small chance of cleaving the crystal of Uthneragrubban's body the way a jeweler cuts a diamond. The spine of the World Boss was shattered and it was paralyzed until it could heal. And before that happened, the trap was sprung!

A cable running to the lanyard on Pike's harpoon was pulled taunt. That cable ran to a system of pulleys that ran to seven other cables. Those cables were connected to seven large chunks of rock that until now had been hanging from the ceiling of the cavern.

"Fire in the Hole."

Small mining charges ringing the base of each stalactite exploded. The stone cracked along the lines that had already been cracked by wedges pounded into the stone. With a series of loud cracking sounds, the stalactites broke free and fell, each adding tons of tension to the cables. Uthneragrubban was incredibly heavy, but not as heavy as the seven chunks of ceiling rock.

Engineer apprentices do hundreds of problems like this when preparing for their tests. Usually, though, it was a suspension bridge they had to lift, not a world boss. Rock went down, the Word Boss went up. Uthneragrubban was pulled forty feet into the air where there was no stone to eat, and even if it could generate the power for an attack, it was too high for the power to reach the stone.

One of the dwarven miners fingered his copperhead talisman and looked at the boss. "Let's have a party. We have a pinata."

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