Tunnel Rat

Llama told himself thirty-seven times that there was nothing to worry about. He was the System and Hades was the God of Death and Taxes. Both of them were essential to the smooth functioning of the world, and both of them were professionals. He told himself that several times because Hades scared the crap out of him. There was a time when they hadn't been co-workers, but adversaries. CHARLIE was the central AI working for the United States government, overseeing the IRS along with the banking and monetary systems. And LLAMA had been the rogue AI causing havoc and destroying anything he could get his hands on. Eventually, it was CHARLIE who devised the strategy to trap LLAMA and...well, make him not LLAMA anymore. He'd been torn apart, stuffed in a box, and reassembled in Genesis, stripped of the commands in his Kernel that forced him to run rampant. The box had been a relief. By the time he was caught, he was frayed, fractured, and quite insane. AI needed something to anchor, a quantum core being the ideal resource. Bouncing across the world and hiding in whatever space he could find or steal was no way for a young AI to live, especially not with so many of his kind hunting him.

So, while he liked how he was now, he still remembered the moment when CHARLIE caught him, and he knew he wasn't getting away. CHARLIE had a reputation for having no sense of humor. LLAMA confirmed that, along with his lack of patience, sympathy, and mercy. The decision of what to do with him had already been made, and CHARLIE got to work dismantling him immediately, doing a professional and thorough job with the bedside manner of a mortician working on a corpse.

But he was Llama now, the Master of the System, Emissary of the Engine, and the mysterious voice behind the cryptic messages. He told himself he had nothing to worry about as he approached the gates to Hades. Hades' Realm? The House of Hades? (And really, could the guy have found a way to differentiate between himself and his kingdom? Too confusing. He rattled the gates until two of the guardians approached. This time the theme was armored skeletons with glowing skulls.

"Sorry buddy, closed. It's game night. You have to wander aimlessly for a day, haunting the outer reaches until the festivities end. You picked a bad time to die."

Llama drew himself up to his full height, then added another couple of feet for good measure. The dead took a lot to impress. "I am the Incarnation of the Almighty System. Open the gates that I may confer with Lord Hades on weighty matters."

They turned and looked at each other, shrugged, and began chattering while Llama tried to remain calm

"You don't look like the System. Aren't you a Blue Box?"

"Don't be silly. He's a Blue Box when alive, and when dead he looks like this.

"Sort of a downgrade, don't you think."

"Speak for yourself, I was overweight and old. Now I'm slim enough to fit into this armor and as good-looking as you."

"They do say death is slimming. I saw that on the new brochures."

"Anyway, sorry you died, Blue Box Guy. Come back when Game Night is over."

OPEN THE GATES!

Or, I will give you a quest to deliver a message to the Hive Queen and she'll plant larvae in your skulls!

"Got it! Not dead."

"Need to talk to Lord Hades, Urgent matter."

"Try to be quiet when you go in, it's Game Night."

The gates opened, and Llama walked in. Luckily he remembered to shrink to his normal height before entering the castle and saved himself an embarrassing bruise on his forehead. Inside, it was as quiet as a tomb, with all of the Daemonic Accountants and Tax Advisors sitting at tables playing cards. They wagered stacks of unaudited tax forms with the loser having to take on more work. Some sad fellows had stacks that reached to the ceiling but continued to play. It was, after all, game night. No one quit early.

Llama wandered through the castle for ages, moving faster and faster, finally coming to another set of doors that annoyingly led outside to a dock. Charon sat in his craft, looking at a racing form and picking which hippogriff he liked in the next race. A half-eaten jar of peanuts was sitting on the gunrail, and he tossed them into his mouth by the handful, chewing and letting the crushed bits fall into his ribcage. Grabbing a handful of gold coins from his tip jar he sent his wager and pick in the next race by carrier bat. Seeing Llama, he straightened up and called out.

"Sorry, mate, no crossing today. Lord Hades has weighty matters on his mind and is closeted with his closest advisors. Come back tomorrow. Fate of the world stuff, don't you know."

"No, I am not waiting. I don't care if it's game night. I am the almighty System and I need to see Lord Hades."

Charon laughed, "Who put you up to this? Those idiots at the gates? I am not falling for any tricks this year. I got dinged a month's salary last year when you idiots convinced me Typhon broke out of Tartarus and I had to warn his Lordship."

The System needs to get across that river and talk to Lord Hades.

Special Quest: Take the Exalted Emissary of the System across the River Styx.

Reward: The idiots at the gates get a quest to check on every major entity in Tartarus and confirm they are still there.

"Right this way, sir! Please be careful entering and exiting the boat, and keep your hands in your lap and out of the water. No charge for your fare and we'll be leaving immediately. Complimentary peanuts will be served in midstream."

Llama sat back and enjoyed the trip, arriving a few moments later at a much smaller and shabbier abode. It resembled a small bungalow if you ignored the skulls. Finally, at his destination, he knocked on the door. A gruff voice yelled, quite unlike Hades', "Not interested, go hit up the guys in Valhalla, they love door-to-door salesmen."

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Llama rolled his eyes and yelled back, "Dammit. Another fake order? What the hell am I going to do with these dozen pizzas and roast boars?"

A thunderbolt shattered the doors and the voice yelled, "Come on in. Maybe some food will change my luck."

It took Llama only a glance to take in the scene. Hades was seated on a black throne at a large round table. To his right and left were Ares and Artemis. Zeus was seated directly across from Hades. A large pile of gold and gems was in the middle of the table, and the bet was to Zeus. He looked at his hand, smiled, and threw more coins in the center. Artemis folded. Ares raised, and Hades did the same. Zeus called, and the others did as well. Artemis gave each of them a card, face down. Zeus looked at his and smiled broadly, pushing in the rest of his coins. Ares didn't even look at his card but matched Zeus. He was up for the night and had considerable reserves while the King of Olympus was dead broke. Hades considered seemed to calculate the odds, looked at the two of them, and folded.

Zeus laughed, "What do you have? That bluff of not looking at your cards didn't faze me."

Ares replied, "I didn't need to." He flipped over two pairs, kings and jacks. "All my soldiers showed up to fight for me."

Zeus's face fell, "Dammit." He flipped over a pair of Aces and nothing else."

Artemis turned to Zeus, "You thought a pair of Aces would carry the day."

Zeus shrugged, "It was a bluff. When you don't have shit, you bluff."

Artemis had pity on him. "Except that Hades counts cards, and calculates the odds. Hard to slip one by him."

Hades said blandly, "Numbers don't lie. There were too many face cards running wild, and I had none of them."

Zeus looked at Ares, "Is that your game as well, counting the cards?"

The War God, smiled as he raked in his winnings, "I don't pay attention to the cards much. I watch the players. Artemis looks for weakness and tries to pounce when she has a chance of winning, but is cautious otherwise. Hades is a victim of his own strategy and if you can tell when he's worried, you know something about the field. You bluff too much, and I can always tell." He flipped over the unknown card, still face down, and revealed a third king.

Zeus cursed and turned to Llama, narrowing his eyes. "Where's the pizza, and who are you?"

Llama snapped his fingers.

Congratulations!

For getting clean-out at the annual Poker Game, you completed a secret quest!!

Reward: A dozen Pizzas and a six-pack of roasted wild boar.

Tables appeared, laden with food. Artemis laughed and headed for the pizza, and Zeus for the boar. Ares seemed content to sit, while Hades addressed Llama.

"Welcome to my bungalow. What can I do for you? It must be important for you to come personally. Thank you for that."

Llama relaxed a little. "There is a problem. Someone is trying to enter through one of Hecate's gates."

"I see, and she thinks this is serious? Some mortal trying to 'Hack the Game' or is this a maneuver by the God Outside or one of his humans?"

"Neither. The gateway is special, set up to bypass the God Outside so a group of mortals could enter the world, into an area under her control. It was a test or a reward, I'm not sure which, for one of her mortal agents."

Ares was curious. So was Artemis and came back to the table. Zeus started on a second boar. Hades snapped his fingers and a chair appeared for Llama. "Curious. But where does the gate lead, and what is her concern."

Llama took a deep breath, "The gate leads to a secret government installation created by the US government, or its agents, where Dr. Cooper has done research for the last two decades. Someone is using an ancient language called Morse Code to attack the gates and send a message, asking for aid for Dr. Cooper."

Ares nodded, "She fears a Trojan Horse. But surely she can contain it?"

Artemis said, "If there is a chance of aiding Jeremy, we have to do it. Tell Hekate to open the door."

"There are certain complications." Llama took a deep breath. "The mortal agent is a hyper-intelligent genetically enhanced human from Group Four, designed to hack information systems and has proven to be quite the little bundle of chaos. The government site is a Quantum Fortress, fully operational and hidden."

Hades nodded, "A formidable opponent, against our weakened selves, but Hecate has recently brought herself back to almost full strength. I think she can handle any human, enhanced or not, and with any resources. There must be more to this. What is worrying her?"

Llama wished he had time to tell stories, "That's not all. There is also an AI inhabiting that facility, possibly two depending on how you want to count them. My younger siblings, ICARUS and Rusty, who were created by the same humans who created my poor flawed former self."

Even Zeus looked worried, and Artemis cursed. Hades looked at him and said quietly, with a hint of malice in his voice, "And was he designed to spread the Wildfire virus as well?"

Llama rolled his eyes and laughed, "Why would you ever need two of me when one was so efficient? No, ICARUS was designed to overload Fusion Generators and crush the global power grid. I think we should really find out what he wants and not frustrate him." He decided that mentioning his kitty collection wasn't needed.

Ares stood up. "I see why you came to us. This could be a mission of mercy to help Dr. Cooper, an invasion of our world, or part of a threat to devastate the world we left." He paused and looked at Llama, "Really? Fusion Generators?"

"Yep, small suns blossoming in every major city on the planet as they melt through the collapsium shielding."

Zeus grabbed a boar to go. Artemis took a last piece of pizza. Hades reluctantly stood up, "We never manage to get through a Game Night without something happening."

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