Before he knew it, morning had come twice.
However, because Ferzen had still not returned, Prince Raymond only commanded his troops to take good care of the injured and walked outside.
Although he did not tell Ferzen about it, he still commanded his troops to attack the enemy line around the time when the operation was to begin...…
Did it not help at all……?
Even though the attack was meant to divert the attention of the enemy to make it easier for the detached unit to reach the Rubelta River,
It was intended to make Empress Gremory move towards them to give Ferzen a better probability of shaking her off.
However, such efforts were in vain. Even after two days had passed, Ferzen still had not returned. Thanks to that, Prince Raymond could only feel nervous and anxious.
After all, if he received the help of the previous heads of Brutein who had walked the path of Auror Knight, he would have arrived a long time ago.
“……!”
But when Prince Raymond saw the faint image of a person in the distance, he opened his eyes wide and turned his head to the soldiers behind him.“Follow me right now!”
“Y-your Highness……!”
As soon as the order was given, the soldiers who were on guard duty ran in panic as they saw Prince Raymond rushing out of the camp.
* * * * *
‘If you don’t keep your dignity, how will you be able to…… ’
At the point where the Ernes Empire's camp was just in front of him, Ferzen could see Prince Raymond lead a few soldiers and run towards him. Looking at that, Ferzen stopped in his tracks as a faint smile appeared on his face.
In fact, he could have arrived faster, but he chose not to do that on purpose.
No, to be exact, there were some things he could not do on purpose.
Due to the obsessive impulse that kept disturbing his mind, the connection between him and every corpse became very unstable.
On top of that, the amount of magic power that was needed to control them had also turned extreme. Therefore it was hard to receive help from the previous heads of the family who had walked the path of Auror Knight.
Of course, it didn't matter if he got help when he was certain that the Elmark Empire had completely lost his trail...…
However, Ferzen steadfastly walked through the snow on his own two feet in order to purposely overwork his body.
He wanted his tired body to be forced to sleep as soon as he arrived.
The compulsive impulses that kept circling in his head that could not be satisfied continually wore his mind.
He didn't even have to use the extreme analogy of drug withdrawal symptoms.
Not eating.
Not sleeping.
Wouldn't a person go crazy when such basic needs were left unfulfilled?
When a person felt a certain desire, the pain that came from the fact that it could not be satisfied and the endless feeling of lacking something was something that could not be expressed in words.
Step-!!
As soon as Prince Raymond stepped on the accumulated snow on the ground just within a stone's throw of him, Ferzen knelt down on one knee while looking at him with a gaunt face.
Then, he took the sword that he gave him from his waist and held it out in front of him.
“Ferzen von Schweig Louerg…… Has returned from his mission, Your Highness.”
“……”
Even though he was unable to see Ferzen for merely two days,
The appearance of Ferzen who was kneeling in front of him could not help but make him feel like they were reuniting after being apart for ten years.
Even though his dignity as well as his unwavering loyalty to the Imperial Family still shone from his appearance...…
For some reason, for the first time ever, Prince Raymond felt slightly sympathetic for him.
“You really…… have worked hard, Count.”
Taking back the sword he had lent to him, Prince Raymond looked down at Ferzen and asked:
“Was there any problem happening while carrying out the mission?”
"No such things happened...… Your Highness.”
In fact, that was not the case.
He wanted to vent about his pain that was being caused by the unfulfilled impulses. However, Ferzen suppressed it all and raised his head.
It was a difficult problem that could not be solved even if he told him in the first place. On top of that, he could not just burden the shoulders of the commander-in-chief on the battlefield just to feel a little more at ease.
“I see. Then…… Have a good rest, Count."
"Then I...… will go rest, Your Highness.”
Ferzen rose to his feet and walked past him towards the camp.
However, Prince Raymond did not follow Ferzen to the camp.
After all, If he turned his body now, he felt Ferzen's back would look so weak and small.
……That was certainly not what Ferzen wanted.
“Your Highness, the wind is cold and harsh. Please come inside now.”
“The weather is hot, so let’s stay like this for a little while.”
Flinch-!!
The soldier who spoke with a worried heart looked puzzled at Prince Raymond's words, which were difficult to relate to and understand.
However, when the soldier saw a shadow appear on Prince Raymond’s face from the side, he could only lower his head without saying anything more.
* * * * *
Creak-!!
Ferzen entered the barracks without even meeting with the remaining members of his unit and immediately laid down on the bed and closed his eyes.
Even though the unresolved and unfulfilled compulsion still screamed and tormented him...…
The fatigue that he felt because he had pushed his body to its limit, completely suppressed them and forced him into slumber.
Ferzen closed his eyes and felt his consciousness gradually fading like a person who had been drowned in the water and was slowly sinking after struggling for a while.
With this body.
And as a villain,
……It was the very first time he made the choice to escape.
* * * * *
Thud-!!
Late in the morning, Ferzen, who had forced his exhausted body to sleep, opened his eyes in bed and slammed his fists to the floor before roughly chewing his lips.
He was fine when his mind was still dazed due to the strong drowsiness that remained. However, when it cleared up little by little and his sanity returned...…
The strong curse that Lizzy had carved into his mind flared up, making his unfulfillable obsessive-compulsive urge stir.
No one forced him to endure it.
The given situation also did not suppress him in any way.
However, with no way to satisfy his urge, Ferzen could only let out irregular breaths as he felt as if he was suffocating.
Is this what a person who had an incurable disease felt?
Even though the current season was a bitterly cold winter, the cold sweat that dripped from his forehead clearly showed how mentally stressed he was.
“……”
Ferzen, who struggled to get up, swept his altar and took out a strong drink from it.
He had it in his inventory because it was a type of good that was of considerable value.
……However, Ferzen felt that if he didn't get some alcohol right now, he would not be able to bear it anymore and would kill himself.
Clouding his own reasoning.
That alone would be of great help to the current him.
“Cough……!”
Maybe because it was a wine with an overwhelming alcohol content that was strong enough to melt his throat, the moment Ferzen uncorked the bottle and drank it, he felt a strong pricking sensation on his throat.
Since he also had an empty stomach as he was unable to eat anything for two days, he felt a pain that couldn't be described just as the bitter taste of alcohol.
But just by forgetting about the obsessive impulse that he could not satisfy and immersing himself in the pain, Ferzen felt much more stable.
Soon, as his mind went beyond the state of tipsiness that would make everyone feel good and entered the realm of intoxication, Ferzen could not even keep his stance and fell to the floor.
“Keuk……!”
But as his empty stomach made him feel like he wanted to vomit, Ferzen barely managed to pull himself up and run out of the tent.
As he staggered to the back of the tent and vomited, a little bit of blood could be seen mixed in it.
Maybe his stomach was hurt.
Or maybe his throat was injured.
In a situation where he could not know which one was true, Ferzen took Isabel out of his subspace and roughly rinsed his mouth.
“……”
And when the water he used to rinse his mouth fell to the ground and melted the accumulated snow to create a muddy puddle...…
“Haha……”
Ferzen let out a laugh as he looked at his own ugly appearance reflected there.
Roer……
At your last moment, you said you would be my absurdity.
Even if it’s not you……
The Lizzy you left behind has become my absurdity.
Step-!!
Leaning on Isabel, who was sitting helplessly in the snow beside him, Ferzen looked up at the dark sky.
There were only a few crises left for him to overcome.
However, Ferzen was not sure whether he could get over it or not, making him feel a sense of frustration that rarely came to visit him welling inside him.
Even though adversity that was given to a wizard was a valuable opportunity for them to advance to the next level...…
It could also become a despair that destroyed anything they had built.
Is it already February……
In a few days, Yuriel and Laura will come here.
But Ferzen did not want to meet them at all.
After all, he didn't want to show them his miserable self.
However, time always flew regardless of the will of mortals.
On February 4th, about a month before the spring came, the supply unit arrived.
***
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