Aries's pregnancy was a secret. So her miscarriage was not known to many and there was no proper funeral for her child. After she regained consciousness, the first thing she did was look for her child. To her dismay, the news she met was enough to devastate her.
She cried her heart out, grieving for losing another loved one because of the same person. However, Aries, who somehow felt like this would happen eventually and yet foolishly hope it wouldn't only grieve for a day. After that, she didn't speak a word and would consistently sit on the rocking chair day in and out.
She had been like that for an entire week since the loss of her child. She would wake up and sit there, letting the young maid clean her, and then stay there until she would fall asleep. Never once did Aries wonder how she would wake up on the bed because the moment she would wake up, she would walk towards that rocking chair and repeat her routine.
On the eighth night after her miscarriage, Joaquin came to her chamber. Aries was still awake unlike usual, staring out in the window, rocking her chair. A shallow breath slipped past his lips, sauntering towards her. He dragged a chair on his way and placed it in front of her.
"You can't stay like this," was his opening remarks as soon as he plopped down on the chair in front of her. "It's not the end of the world. It's not like you can only get pregnant once. Let's try again if that will make you feel better."
Silence…
"Aries…" he breathed out as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're not the only one who lost a child. It's my child too, but I don't wallow and wait for my death. We need to move on."
So easy for him to say it. But Aries didn't respond to him for minutes. Instead, she leaned back and rocked the chair, eyes on the window. It wasn't like she couldn't speak anymore or she wasn't aware of her surroundings. Matter of fact, she was very aware of everything. Even the nights Joaquin would check on her and carry her to bed; she knew everything.
Aries simply wanted nothing from him because all she felt for this man was hatred — nothing but pure, immeasurable hatred.
His jaw clenched at the cold treatment, but this time, he controlled his anger. He wanted to be nice to her a bit because deep in his heart, he didn't wish for that to happen. After all, he wished that their peaceful relationship would last. Even if it was all a lie, he wanted her to lie for as long as she could.
But he couldn't change what had already occurred. Therefore, they had to move on. They could try again if she truly wanted a child. He would happily give her what she wanted, and he had already pledged to consider her feelings and prioritize her health if she got pregnant again. All she needed to do was move forward.
"Dear — " Joaquin halted as she started humming while rocking the chair.
That second, his firm expression cracked. That humming he would listen to and would put him in a dream-like fantasy of a family man with his pregnant wife suspended his breathing. In that fleeting month, Joaquin realized how different their situation was in the past before that child came, and in the present.
Joaquin and Aries… had acted like a real couple. It may be a lie, but in that fleeting month, she gave him what he wanted; a home. A woman he could come home to, he could speak anything about, someone he could dream with while listening to the heartbeat inside her tummy.
And now that she was humming that tune, it only forced Joaquin to face the matters he had denied for the past week. They could no longer go back. That was the last straw. There was no reset and Aries… would never give that chance again.
It was over.
The relationship between them had already reverted to how it used to be and that left a bitter taste in his mouth. She was simply waiting for him to raise his fist, or force himself on her, or any evil deed he could think of.
Joaquin breathed out as he lowered his eyes, arms on his thighs, hands linked in between his legs. He remained silent while Aries continued to hum the same tune.
That night, he stayed silent and listened to her melancholic hums. His eyes that were staring at the floor softened, filled with remorse and regret, which he knew wouldn't matter even if she see them. The future he looked forward to where he would hold her hand as their child would happily run around the garden on a lazy Sunday afternoon shattered like fragile glass.
When her humming stopped, Joaquin raised his head. She fell asleep.
"So that's how you fall asleep every night, huh?" he whispered bitterly, staring at her for minutes. When he stood up and carried her back to bed, Joaquin stared at her with soft eyes. But before he could leave her, her eyes weakly opened and immediately caught his eyes.
Aries remained silent, staring at those regretful eyes. She raised her hand and caressed the corner of his eye.
"Even if you treat me right, I will never love you, Joaquin," she confessed under her breath, shaking her head mildly. "Just stay just the way you are, because if you let me see this look in your eyes once more… I will do whatever it takes to ruin you from the inside. Don't ever insult my child once again; you killed him and you have no right to be in pain."
Her eyes and voice were soft, yet unforgiving. "Just continue the game you started… and I will finish it for you."
A/N: If you want to know the lullaby Aries was humming, it was -> Ili Ili Tulog Anay - Lea Salonga. It was a traditional song in the Philippines. I've been listening to it while writing the chapters because I was imagining the song playing in the background in certain scenes throughout the [ mother's lullaby I-VIII.]
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