The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley”

In the Far East Wasteland, two individuals — one a man and the other a woman — were fighting. The woman unleashed high-level magic spells, targeting the man. However, the man deftly avoided her attacks, and at the same time, he heaved a sigh.

“Melchi, do I have to remind you every single time? That magic spell’s recoil is too much for you to handle — unless you end the fight with it as your first move, it’ll only leave you vulnerable.”

Gaspard’s fist was pointing right under Melchi’s chin.

“I-I gotta go big if I wanna do big things!”

Melchi responded, her stubbornness unwavering despite her physical trembling.

“Well, aren’t you here because you failed to go big before? Something about losing to that woman named Irene?”

“Shut up! I didn’t expect to find someone else studying the Arcane Energy Circulation Optimizer, that’s all! If I’d been more diligent, I would have won against her just fine!”

“In other words, you lost because you failed to be diligent enough?”

Melchi fell silent in the face of irrefutable logic.

“Mean? Oh, far from it — if there’s anything mean around here, it’s that Muscle Training Theater of Love that Master Tūs is forcing us to do.”

“Hahaha… which reminds me, why’d he get that angry, anyway?”

“Because I brought him trouble.”

“T-trouble, eh? I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean~~”

“It’s YOU, of course.”

Gaspard playfully gave Melchi a strong flick on the forehead.

Melchi could have avoided it. However, understanding her responsibility, she chose to take it.

“Gah–!?”

Melchi clutched her forehead in an exaggerated manner, not even hiding the fact that she was faking the pain.

“Good. At least now you can understand the pain in my muscles.”

“Yeah, sorry, sorry.”

“We DID sort things out, though. I’ll be taking care of you for a while. But the part where you become Master Tūs apprentice… well, that will have to wait.”

“But why?”

“Because you have impure ulterior motives… is what I’d like to say, but in truth, Master Tūs is too lazy to deal with you.”

“I just wanna be popular with the boys! How is that impure!?”

As Melchi proudly puffed out her chest, Gaspard replied while maintaining a straight face,

“Hmm, so rather than impure, I suppose you could say that it’s… simple-minded.”

“Tch! Well, what about you!? What are you here for, Gaspard!? I know you wanna be popular, too! Right!? RIGHT!?”

Melchi moved closer and closer to Gaspard, prompting the latter to push her face away as he answered,

“I’m here to obtain power… enough power to eliminate conflict from this world.”

“…Bwhuh?”

Melchi blurted out, sounding a fair bit ridiculous as Gaspard was squeezing her cheek.

“My goal is not like yours. Absolutely not.”

Melchi gazed up at the empty sky and spent a moment lost in thought.

Then, she returned with words that surprised Gaspard,

“Well, your goal is also impure.”

“What!? How so!?”

“That means it’s essentially the same thing as my goal, y’see?”

“HOW!?”

“No need to hide it, Gaspard — you’re gonna be popular with the ladies by fighting for world peace, yeah?”

Gaspard was rendered momentarily speechless by Melchi’s whimsical statement.

“Standing here, I realize you were just like me, try’na make history~~!”

With that, Melchi suddenly wrapped her arm around Gaspard’s neck, and the force of it caused him to lose his balance. Melchi grinned while Gaspard was still trying to digest what she had said.

Then, after a moment, Gaspard let out a baffled sigh.

“…Ugh, you… really are a handful.”

“Nahahaha! You know what they say — mages are selfish! It’s the ultimate ego that defines them! I mean, I don’t really like that kinda thing, just saying.”

“Why? What’s so bad about being a mage?”

“Because they can’t move, that’s why! I gotta go fast! Gotta go faster, faster, faster–“

“–Too slow.”

As Melchi attempted to move nimbly, Gaspard effortlessly intercepted her.

She stopped in her tracks and turned back to Gaspard, speechless.

“…Uh, I bet people always tell you you can’t read a room.”

“Big talk, coming from someone who preached about that ultimate ego thing just now.”

Frustrated by Gaspard’s straightforward comment, Melchi hastily retorted,

“S-see, Gaspard, this is why I was telling you all that stuff!”

“Hmm?”

“You REALLY can’t read the room!”

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

“What? Why’s the bypass formula here look like this? Gotta fix it and… Yup, that ought to do it. There, the Arcane Energy Circulation Optimizer’s complete.”

With Gaspard’s relentless nature and Melchi’s lightheartedness combined, the latter had secured her position of being Tūs’ second apprentice. Melchi took this opportunity to pose a question to Tūs, something she had initially wanted to ask the Philosopher.

It was, of course, about the Arcane Energy Circulation Optimizer, which had been unveiled some time ago by Irene, who would later become known as The Invincible Sprout. 

Several dozen minutes into their consultation, Tūs noticed the mistake Melchi had made. He pointed it out and corrected it, leading to the swift completion of the Arcane Energy Circulation Optimizer. 

Witnessing this, Melchi could not help but express her admiration.

“Daaamn! Now this is why Philosophers are so AWESOME!”

“Watch your mouth! I’m your mentor, remember!”

Tūs glared disapprovingly at Melchi for the tone she had just taken.

“I-I mean, you’re awesome, Master!”

“Hmm, I see… This is indeed an outstanding magic formula. With it, you can regulate the arcane energy flows both internal and external to your body while halting physical growth. And you said a mere Magic University student came up with this… I suppose kids these days can’t be underestimated.”

Gaspard squatted down, reading and understanding the corrected magical formula that Tūs had drawn on the ground, and he proceeded to praise Melchi’s talent.

In response, Melchi pointed at Gaspard and declared,

“Yeah, that’s right! I AM outstanding!”

“But you still lost to that Irene girl.”

“Like! I! Said! My school year’s got so many geniuses that you could even call it the golden age! There’s Gaston, the little guy — like, he’s shorter than me — but he’s strong as hell! Then there’s Billy, the healing nerd… he can cast recovery magic faster than anyone! That’s too much talent gathered in one place! I couldn’t possibly keep up with them!”

Melchi crossed her arms, puffing up both her cheeks, but neither Tūs nor Gaspard reacted to her. Tūs was busy with his muscle training, while Gaspard was reading through the magic formula again and again.

“Man, I swear, I’ll never figure y’all out…”

As Melchi lamented, Gaspard stood up abruptly.

“It’s pretty good. I think I’ll use it as well.”

“Huh!? You’re gonna steal it just like that!?”

“Why not? The whole thing is right here — all I need is to remember it. Surely you don’t have a problem with that.”

“C-c’mon, you can’t be serious! This thing’s way too complicated! Are you saying you already memorized it or what!?”

“I’ve been training to follow Master Tūs’ super-fast drawing every single day. This is nothing.”

“Ngh…! Ugh, all right! Fine! But you gotta do something for me in exchange!”

Melchi said to Gaspard, raising her index finger.

“I can’t seem to escape having to exchange something for something else… but I suppose that’s only fair. So? What is it?”

“You gotta call me Mel!”

“That’s it?”

“Nah, there’s more!”

“So much for the implication you made when you raised one finger… and when did you raise another finger, anyway?”

Indeed, Gaspard had not noticed when Melchi sneakily raised her middle finger, turning her hand gesture into a peace sign.

“Well? What’s the other thing?”

“No matter how cute I am, you can’t make a move on me while I’m asleep! If you’re gonna visit me at night, you gotta inform me in advance and–“

“–No worries. I absolutely won’t make a move on you.”

Gaspard flatly denied Melchi’s suggestive proposal, prompting the latter to pull her wizard hat down and hide her face.

“Yeah, right, I forgot that you can’t read the room…”

Melchi’s shoulders slumped as she sighed.

Gaspard then crumpled Melchi’s wizard hat, running his hand through her hair as he reassured her.

“Now, Mel, it’s not like you’re TOTALLY charmless. I’m just not interested.”

As he spoke, Gaspard began to walk toward Tūs.

“Master Tūs, may I have a one-on-one sparring session?”

Melchi turned to look at Gaspard, seeing only his back.

However, while watching him, she hid her mouth behind her removed wizard hat and whispered to herself,

“Yeah, I might have gotten a bit too excited there. And that last sentence was totally unnecessary, man…”

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