The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley”

“……Nope, can’t do it!”

“Master! Your portion’s already gone! Whose portion should I eat next!?”

“Damn it! Why are you even eating other people’s food in the first place!? I-Itsuki! Is there anything left for me!?”

“I’m afraid not, Sir Asley! Pochi’s already emptied the pot!”

“WHAAAAAATTTTTT!?”

I was so surprised that I immediately looked into the pot.

Holy… It’s shining even though it hasn’t been washed yet!

Damn it, Pochi… She not only ate my portion of the food, but also licked everything clean!

“I’m done dealing with you, you stupid dog! Go sit over there!”

“Okay, fine! I’ll cast this fire spell that surprised even Gaston and–“

“Now, you know that I’m not about to let you burn the whole Agency down, yes?”

Itsuki said with a straight face, causing my fingers to stop immediately.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“The least you could do is burn her outside!”

“All right, Pochi! Get out of this town and sit somewhere empty!”

“I refuse!”

“GWOOOHHH!?”

Damn it! She caught on that I couldn’t go full-power on her as long as we’re here!

I’ll get her next time!

“”Oh? You have returned, Sir Asley?””

“Ooh! Long time no see, Asley! And you look stupid cute as ever, Pochi!”

“Lala! Tzar!”

So here comes Lala, the mage who operates both here with the Pochisley Agency and in Faltown, working on her Lala Farm. There’s also her Familiar, Tzar, a supposedly dragonoid double-sided serpent and formerly War Demon Emperor Sagan’s Familiar.

Needless to say, these two are also getting stronger at a consistent rate.

“Is that a person in there? Aren’t her ears way too pointy?”

Lala circled around the Crystal that had been placed in the room, observing it.

“”This is… what you found back then?””

Tzar did point me to where it was kept in the first place; no need to hide it from him.

“Yes, it is.”

“Sir Instructor, it’s got some… stupid strong energy swirling inside it!”

She could tell the complexity of this sealing boundary just by taking one look at it. Good ol’ Lala.

Tzar took a look at the Crystal as well then turned to me and took a guess as to what roadblock I was currently facing.

“”Ah, so this is what it shows after undoing the embedded magecraft formula. Belt-shaped arcane restraints constantly move both vertically and horizontally, rendering the Crystal impervious to both physical force and decay over time. Quite a powerful defense, too. Invoke the Crystal with strong enough arcane energy, and it will be destroyed… along with everything inside it. Hmm…”0”

“The method I have now is to first set up a uniform network of fixed-position arcane energy invocation formulas, make sure I supply them with enough energy, and fine-tune my control of every part of it — It’s quite difficult to balance everything.”

“That’s right! My Master’s been trying to solve it so hard that he even forgot to eat!”

“I WAS going to eat! But then someone around here just ate all the food! And I mean ALL of it!”

“Eep!? Y-y-y-y-y-you mean something like… a thief!?”

“Don’t pretend that you don’t know, damn it!”

“Huh!? Could it be that… the culprit is among us!?”

“Yeah, it’s YOU!”

“WHAAAAAATTTTTT!?”

I’m pointing at Pochi, but she seems quite convinced that the culprit is some nonexistent individual behind her.

And Itsuki is so tired of dealing with the doggo’s shenanigans that she’s gone back to doing her chores.

“Oh, are they hiding with Invisible Illusion, sir?”

Heaving a sigh, I decided to just leave Pochi to her delusions for now.

“Asley.”

Lala handed me a basket.

It contains…

“…Cabbages?”

“”Harvested from the Lala Farm just this morning. It should at least satiate your hunger long enough until the next meal. Now go on — a slightly filled stomach is still better than empty.””

“You’re giving me… this whole basket?”

“”Goes quite well with salt and fermented soybean paste, We assure you.””

“They’re stupid good!”

“O-okay…”

Following Tzar and Lala’s recommendation, I picked out a leaf of cabbage and bit it.

“Wow, it’s so sweet! And fresh! AND it does go so well with this soybean paste!”

“”They are spring cabbages, after all — Normally they would be harvested in the fifth month at the latest, but by using magic to control the area’s air temperature, it is possible to harvest at this time of the year as well.””

“Sir Instructor’s got a ton of knowledge about this kinda thing!”

These crunchy sounds it makes whenever I chew it, and this sweetness… This thing’s a perfect fit for soybean paste and salt.

“Man, I know it’s still early in the day, but I kinda want some beer to go with this!”

“Beer is stupid bitter, though!”

Lala promptly turned grumpy, raising both hands in opposition to beer.

“T-the cabbages are sweet, right…?”

“They are! You did a great job, Lala!”

With Lala’s innocently turbulent emotions appeased, I felt my mind being soothed by her smile as I proceeded to eat more of the sweet, crunchy cabbages.

“Oof… I think I ate a bit too much…”

“”You had at least two meals’ worth of them, yes. Shall we move on to more important things now, Sir Asley?””

“Burp…”

“”Well. It makes your breath smell grassy, too, apparently.””

Tzar pulled both his heads away and shut his eyes.

“S-sorry. So what is that you wanted to discuss?”

“”We thought about it while you were eating — It is likely that this seal cannot be undone unless you work on every part manually.””

“That’s what I think, too. But even with my arcane energy control, I’m not feeling like I’m making progress at all…”

“”Well, if your proficiency is still not up for this task, then We doubt any other mage around here would be able to help you, Sir Asley.””

“Hmm, looks like I still need more training, huh…”

I folded my arms and groaned, prompting Tzar to shake both of his heads.

“”Look closely, Sir Asley. The belt-shaped arcane restraint in the Boundary is split into two parts. Do you think it is possible to unto one of them?””

“Just one? Hmm… Maybe I can manage that, actually… Maybe.”

“”If that case, if there were two of you, then the Boundary could be undone… theoretically speaking.””

Now that’s some outrageous stuff to suddenly suggest.

He’s right, though… If I had another me, MAYBE it would work out?

“But isn’t that impossible?”

“”Not quite. There is no need for it to be exactly you. Just a mage with the same or greater power level as you should do, yes?””

“…Oh? I feel like we’re getting closer to a potential solution here…”

“”Perhaps. You did already tell Us of your time training in the Far East Wasteland. Surely you remember that as well…?””

“Ah.”

“Ah!”

Both I and Pochi blurted out and turned to look at each other.

“Tūs…”

“Sir Tūs!”

That’s right — taking a crack at this thing together with Tūs COULD work.

But would he even listen to what we have to say?

Well, it’s worth a try. Tūs should at least know who Lylia is, and they’re both Elves, so the chances of him refusing the request are… a bit lower than usual, I guess.

“Master!”

“Yeah!”

Pochi and I stood up… Huh? What’s the doggo doing?

“This soybean paste is soooooo delicious!”

God damn it.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

Grabbing my hopeless Familiar by her neck, I thanked Tzar and Lala, and then promptly bolted out of the Pochisley Agency. Without forgetting to bring Crystal-Lylia along, of course.

“I’m sure that soybean paste would go soooooo well with meat, Master!”

“Cabbages all the way for me!”

“MEAT!”

“CABBAGES!”

And we kept on arguing about that all the way up to Beilanea’s north gate.

“Hah hah hah… Look, how about we settle on something in between? Cabbage rolls with soybean paste — sounds good, right?”

“What is even that suggestion, sir!? It sounds so PERFECT!”

Pochi stood up and shouted as she grabbed the collar of my shirt, and then proceeded to drool a waterfall.

Well, not actually a waterfall — just enough to fill about three whole beer mugs!

“When do you think we’ll get to come back here again, Master?”

“Hell if I know… Well, we do have the Teleportation spell, so once we get to Regalia and regroup with Bruce and the others, we should have a bit of time to come back here, I guess?”

“All right, let’s remember to do exactly that, sir!”

Meh… If she were to learn the Teleportation spell formula, I bet she’d use it for easier access to food, rather than to actually do her job.

“Hmm!”

And so, as usual, Pochi gigantified.

“All up!”

And also as usual, I cast a physical enhancement spell on her.

“All right, let’s go! We head north-east!”

“Two cabbage rolls– I mean, to the Far East Wasteland!”

God damn it.

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