The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley”

“Whoa… this is awesome……”

“HUH?! WHAT WAS THAT, MASTER?!”

“I SAID THIS IS AWESOME!”

“DON’T WORRY, SIR! I’LL BE EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN THIS IF I GO ALL OUT!”

What the hell…

Now, we do have a reason for talking loudly: the Colosseum’s general seating area is now chock-full of spectators.

And sitting in the center of the honored guests’ designated seating area are the Holy Emperor, the two members of the Adams household, and the two members of the Fulbright household.

Could it be that the two households decided to come here just so that Bright and Ferris could meet the Holy Emperor?

Ferris seems to be handling this fine enough, but Bright is practically petrified. This is one of the rare moments that show that he’s still an adorable kid – a shame, really.

Let’s see here… that’s the Holy Emperor over there, so the intimidating-looking lady over there must be Empress Idïa.

Although she’s getting old as well, she’s quite a bit younger than Holy Emperor Hudl. Their marriage was probably purely political, and must have happened back when she was young.

And just look at her intense face – it’s like she constantly has something irritating her stomach.

The Holy Emperor, on the other hand… that old man sure is looking pretty chill. Well, it IS important that he appears fine, what with his position representing the Nation as a whole. Even if he’s actually not fine, he still has things to work on, like his mission – or perhaps fate – to leave behind descendants to his line.

Now, moving on… the person next to him must be Prince Zaths.

No offense, but this guy’s width almost looks greater than his height. And his hands are so greasy that I can see them glistening from all the way here. Good God… he’s probably been eating fried chicken or something.

I don’t know what Idïa’s education policy for him is like, but I’m willing to bet that she’s spoiled him quite a bit.

“That looks so tasty, sir!”

“What does?”

“The chicken, of course! I’m not interested in eating humans, sir! Anyway, it sure would’ve been nice if that young man was disciplined a bit better…”

“Back in this era, a child’s education is left primarily to women, you know – we’ll have to assume that the same went for the Holy Emperor and Empress. There was even an ancient saying that went ‘the women rule over education’. Not even the people in power, or even the Holy Emperor, would’ve been able to change social norms so quickly.”

Pochi, hearing my explanation, stared blankly at me.

What’s up with her? It looks like she has something to say.

She proceeded to point at Leon, then at me.

“Hey, I’m the exception to the norm. It’s our job, remember.”

“Our job… as in being babysitters, sir?”

“Maybe? I’m not so sure anymore, considering all the things we have to do…”

While Pochi and I both tilted our heads, the second pair of participants appeared from the gate – Lylia and Seki’teigyu.

The subsequent cheering from the crowd got so loud that Pochi covered her ears.

…And then I moved her paws out of the way.

“MEOW?!”

Sounding real close to a cat there, furball doggo.

“What was that for, Master?!”

“Gotta get used to it now, otherwise you won’t have your front legs when you fight, right?”

“I can win without my front legs, no problem!”

“Okay, your confidence is admirable, but that’s not how it works!”

While we were arguing with each other, the voice of the referee reached us.

It’s time.

They’re using a voice amplification magic spell – an ancient version of it, so it’s not the loudest, but still works well enough thanks to the referee’s sheer ability. 

Lylia simply stood in her spot with her arms crossed. Seki’teigyu also isn’t making a move. Well, I suppose that’s not a bad thing, what with their opponent shaking like there’s no tomorrow.

They’re up against a Spinaclesaurus, of the Land Dragon archetype. I’ve used the acid from this monster’s body as one of the ingredients for a superacid solution, which I then used to kill an Ogre King some time ago.

Its body is covered with an earthy surface, and its posture is low and poised like a beast.

It’s supposed to look super intimidating, especially with its wide mouth – wouldn’t want to find me inside that.

Hmm, now I want to collect some of its acid… not that I’d have the time to do it now.

According to Dallas, they’ll be extinct four-thousand years from now, so it’s no surprise to see them here, I guess.

As was the case yesterday, it seems that many Masters prefer to use monsters of the Dragon archetype as their Familiars.

I understand that they are a good choice, being excellent in pretty much every aspect, but things don’t work quite the same way here compared to my era.

Facing Seki’teigyu, this terrifying-looking Spinaclesaurus can’t get itself to move an inch.

Eventually, Lylia let out a sigh, seemingly tired of waiting.

Then she held her hands out in front of her…

“Crush it.”

Scary!

Pochi and I shuddered so hard that we ended up hugging each other.

The very same moment that we heard Lylia’s terrifying voice, Seki’teigyu charged forward, blasting the air in front of it to its sides.

Then came the gigantic collision, the sound of which reached my ears the moment the match was decided.

The Spinaclesaurus fell from the sky, onto the Ox’s back.

It’s not mounting the Ox, however – just lying flat on its back. For a moment, the audience completely ceased their cheering.

“…You saw that, Pochi?”

“Barely, sir. At the moment of the collision, the Ox used its horns to throw the Spinaclesaurus high high high into the air… that’s it.”

Okay, that was two too many ‘highs,’ but I get the point.

Still, she COULD see what happened, so she’ll be fine when her round comes up… right?

“Round’s over!”

At any rate, there’s one more opponent she must defeat first: The Familiar of Tūs, the guy who will haunt our dreams with his training regimen millennia from now.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

With Lylia’s pair winning their round so unexpectedly quickly, we have twenty minutes until ours, so I’m just sitting around while Pochi plays with Leon.

“Look there, Leole~~! That’s your meatball- I mean, your older brother! Your older brother~~!”

She can get things so wrong sometimes, this dog…

“Shiro, it’s nice and all that you’re taking care of Leole for once, but are you sure you’ll be all right?”

“What do you mean, sir?! I’ve been your Familiar for so many years, so you should know!”

Oh-ho, so she’s…

“Of course, I’m scared!”

Yup, called it.

“That’s why I’m healing myself with Leole’s cuteness, sir!”

Okay, okay, I get it!

“Not that that’s helping your hind legs, though.”

“I know, sir! They’ve been shaking for a while now, and I can’t get them to stop!”

“Ugh, great, looks like I’ll have to use it… Here, swallow this down. It’ll help.”

“…Is this candy, sir? I wouldn’t have any problem now if a piece of candy could distract me from shaking! 

Mmm, so tasty! It’s so sweet!”

And of course she’s licking it instead…

“Don’t worry – that ‘candy’ contains a special medicine that I made. A solution of many kinds of relaxing herbs, pretty much. And it’s just normal food, so it won’t violate the tournament’s no-doping rule, either. So how are you feeling?”

“Oh? …Oh? Oh. Ooohhh! OOOHHH?! I’ve stopped shaking?! This is amazing!”

It’s super effective!

“But, sir… herbs? Aren’t mixtures of herbs usually bitter and-or gross? But you made it so sweet…”

“Hehehe… that only goes to show how much better I am at alchemy now!”

“I knew you’d come through where it matters, Master!”

“Hey, get off my head! You’re heavy! I’m gonna fall, dammit!”

“Poer and Familiar Shiro, you’re up!”

Oh, that’s our call from the Familiar Chalice staff.

Pochi’s face cramped up as she handed Leon to me.

She even made sure to tighten my baby carrier straps – yup, that’s her in serious mode.

So uncool. Very Pochi. Wow.

“So, Master, that man…”

“Yeah, that’s the Tūs we know, without a doubt.”

I stared fixedly at the entrance gate on the side opposite to ours.

Tūs is sitting on a chair, leaning his back against it. He must have brought it from the waiting room himself.

I’ve trained under the Philosopher of the Far East for two years. Naturally, I was interested in what sort of Familiar he might have, and during that time, Tūs had shown his Familiar to us once.

It’s a beast-like monster that has the special ability to see through people’s emotions.

It’s a sinister creature that identifies happy people and hunts them.

It’s a king of terror that exists to ruin happy mornings.

Happiness is its enemy, prey, and staple food. Its mindset really stuck with us, even after all this time.

It’s a boar-like creature, with a huge nose that can sniff out happiness, and horns as sharp as those of the Crimson King Ox. Although it’s classified as Rank S, that’s only because it attacks only a specific kind of targets. It’s said to be virtually invincible, its raw power exceeded the rank of SS.

…It’s the King Happy Killer.

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