The Principle of a Philosopher by Eternal Fool “Asley”

(Xemul: Dear readers, from my personal experience, I would strongly recommend you to shut any self-identification towards Asley out and read this chapter from a perspective of an observer. Well, I warned you…)

Pressed on by Betty’s hits on my buttocks, I took one reluctant step forward after another.

At this time, Pochi was putting up a disgustingly blatant bluff of a fearless face as she stared at me.

Whatever could be wrong with her this time?

“The wind carries with it an evil arcane energy, my dear Master. I propose that I be put on standby here to observe its influence.”

“Good gracious, what a loyal dog you are. You’re coming with the rest of us, no questions asked!”

“NOOOO!! I DON’T WANNAAAAA!!”

Pochi clung to the Magic Guardian HQ’s signboard… Gah, now she’s gigantifying!

Can’t… pull… wait, no… don’t underestimate my pecs and biceps, doggo!

“That’s… the least… I’m worried about…! NOOOO!!”

I had been slow to realize and slow to remind myself when enough was enough. Yes, I had failed to realize what I had been doing. That the nails of Pochi’s front paws had dug into the signboard. That if I were to keep pulling, she would carve three, or even four, beautifully straight lines over its letters.

I had strained my pharyngeal constrictors and pulled with all my might – and promptly cursed the power of my pecs and biceps. Pochi’s nails had slashed over the first two words of the signboard.

I, through pulling her, had changed the building’s name to ‘Capital Magic Guardians’ with my avant-garde art technique. In the end, I – and Pochi also – realized that the words ‘Royal Capital’ on it were all but gone.

We’ve gone and done it now.

The two of us turned to look at each other, tears of fear streaming down our faces. I mean… with a name like this, anyone would end up thinking this was a financial services agency or something of the sort.

The Brigadier lady, witnessing all that go down, briefly had a troubled look on her face.

Fuyu, on the other hand, did not seem particularly troubled – but rather, she had frozen over. Strange… I don’t remember using any ice magic spells.

Even Betty was at a loss as to what to say to us. My Familiar and I couldn’t do anything but hug each other-

“AHH! Master! Look at what you did to the signboard! This is the worst! I say this is a new peak of your foolishness, sir!”

W-what?! DID SHE JUST SELL ME OFF?!

DAMN THIS STUPID DOG!!

Mark my words! I WILL have my revenge! My methods will be even worse than what the Devil King’s resurrection will result in!

B-but this isn’t the time to be thinking about that! What should I do NOW?!

Just an apology won’t be enough! This was equal to vandalizing the symbol of the Nation!

Maybe I’ll call Gaston and… apologize? To GASTON?

Yeah, no, he’ll kill me by the time I’m done! Then… then I’ll have to do THAT!

All right! I’ll do it! This fool shall unleash the greatest strategy of his lifetime!

Clear my face of doubt! Straighten my mouth and open it with confidence! Look sharp, but not intimidating!

And for the finishing touch! BE COOOOOL! LET’S GOOOOO!!

“Heh, is this all it takes?”

THERE, I SAID IT, DAMN IT!

Even Pochi was so put off by my performance that she fell silent on the spot.

…And I myself, on the other hand, had to prepare to burrow into the ground as soon as possible.

For it had taken only a few seconds for me to come to my senses. Such was immediately apparent from the tidal-wave-tier tremor of my face. I’m… I’m panicking so freaking bad!

“…Oh? Whatever did you mean by that?”

“That’s… well, you see…”

The lady’s warning through her piercing, blazing eyes took away my control over my body.

Okay, seriously… what the hell did I even say?!

I mean, regretting it now wouldn’t help with anything. I’ll have to be careful that I don’t make another mistake on top of that. But that gaze directed right at me is suggesting that I won’t be easily forgiven.

Now… what should I do?

Maybe I should just get started on my revenge on Pochi right now.

To my side, Pochi proceeded to clasp her front paws together.

It was as if she thought she’d realized what I had been going for. Yes – most times she did this gesture, her realization had turned out to be off the mark.

Don’t say it… you mustn’t say it!

“‘This looks good enough’ – that’s what my Master was trying to say!”

I’d heard at some point that dog meat was delicious… I wonder if that’s true?

‘Maybe I’ll try some tonight’ …I suddenly contemplated. I was so furious to the point of being calm that such mundane thoughts started taking over my mind.

Hmm… let’s feature that stream of thought in the ‘Principles of a Philosopher’ as well.

“Uh, you two?” Betty called us from the side, sounding slightly flustered and also slightly nervous.

Ahh, even the almost-no-nonsense Betty is acting like that… I sure have pulled off something quite incredible.

Ahh, someone looks like she’d busted a vein, just like how I used to make Irene look like so many times…

…Namely, the look of the Brigadier’s forehead. Quite prominently, too.

It’s over. Even if I’m not killed, my reputation’s gonna dip to the negatives. This will surely be my last-

“What are you all doing out here?”

A familiar voice called out from behind me. The image that popped up in my head perfectly matched the one I saw when I turned halfway around. And that was the very reason why that voice had practically overridden the whole scene’s priority.

“”Sir Gaston.””

Viola’s hoarse yet dignified voice and Fuyu’s clear voice pierced through me as they addressed Gaston.

I shivered while still in the middle of turning around.

Pochi turned around, albeit looking satisfied as if she had layered a spell of confidence over her face.

Gaston, in a gesture rare of him, expressed confusion as to what that meant… and promptly understood once he caught a glance of the signboard.

Oh, crap… I’m so dead.

Gaston stepped forward, approaching me… or so I thought. Instead, he walked right past me and went to Viola and Fuyu instead.

“Sir Gaston, these people were-“

“Let them be.”

…Huh?

“But sir! They have shown disrespect toward the Royal Capital Magic Guardians-!”

“I said let them be.”

Viola promptly shut her mouth.

Why? Why’d he just let that go? W-wait a second… he isn’t gonna say something like ‘let them be after I’ve killed them,’ right?

I was shaking so hard that the key-shaped pendant I had received from Lina clattered against my mantle’s clasp. All the while, I tried working out a way to haul Pochi over my shoulders and run… but just either one of those would take all my strength to pull off.

When I felt my brain burning hot, and came to the conclusion that the only way to survive would be to run off by myself…

Gaston proceeded to say something I never would have expected.

“This looks good enough.”

Gaston repeated the exact same words that Pochi had said – the words that had made given me a craving for dog meat – as he ran his fingers over the signboard’s letters.

Pochi stood on her hind legs, crossed her front legs, let a proud groan out her nose, and winked at me.

Yup, no dinner tonight.

…Her and I both, that is.

“Young man, come in and have some tea.”

“Ah… yes, sir.”

“We have sweets, little girl.”

“Yes, sir~~!”

By just those brief words of invitation, we promptly followed the man inside, wordlessly passing by Viola and Fuyu.

Wait, what about Betty?

When I turned around, I saw her at a barely-visible distance, waving me goodbye. This will probably be the last time I lip-read today.

Let’s see… ‘L-O-O-K-S D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S, G-O O-N A-H-E-A-D’…… Ah yes, adventurers, so free to choose their battlefields. I’m feeling like going back into my cave right about now.

“Viola… get things ready.”

“…Right away, sir.”

Getting ready? Get what ready? Another bad thing for me, no doubt.

At this time, Pochi was leading the line with quite a triumphant strut, with Fuyu following her, and me following right behind the latter.

Fuyu occasionally glanced at me, and I gave it my best effort to not make eye contact with her.

I held no doubt in my mind that I had surprised her quite a lot. Now, don’t you worry – it’s just an interference in my arcane energy… or so I want to think so.

Looking from the perspective of others, I must be panicking to a dangerous degree right now.

I better write this down… ‘A Philosopher, at the end of the day, is still human’ – there.

Now that I took a good look, the Royal Capital Magic Guardians HQ was quite palace-like in style with a primarily white color motif, and had Spell Circle vividly carved onto its enormous gate.

Hmm? This formula seems rather interesting, doesn’t it? Always active, invoked by injecting additional arcane energy… As for its actual content, it was a Protection System spell.

I see – it’s for making sure the gate stays shut.

The sheer size of the gate meant that it could be used to let quite a large number of people through at once. I’m willing to bet that this was used as the brigade’s final line of defense.

“Have you noticed, young man?”

“I sure did, sir.”

“…What do you think?”

I’m sure Fuyu had interpreted Gaston’s question differently.

But I’d heard it as follows: “Will this be useful come the Devil King’s resurrection?”

My experience with the Ogre King was still fresh in my mind despite it being over two years old by now. Can this gate withstand a single blow of that monster’s tremendous strength?

Nope, no way in hell.

Therefore…

“It’ll last a solid minute, I say.”

“Heh heh heh heh heh… that’s what I thought.”

“What a coincidence, sir.”

“What a coincidence, indeed.”

Gaston proceeded to go through the procedure of opening the gate, keeping his mouth tightly shut.

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