‘I saw in the newspaper. You’ve been in the carriage more than ten days, haven’t you? It’s hard for me to imagine. Does your body hurt? Is Claire healthy? You know, lately I’ve been’
Louise paused her pen for a moment. After rereading her letter, she finished the rest.
‘—I’ve been very busy with the group projects in Professor Hewitt’s class. But it’s also fun because there’s a lot of debate and discussion.’
Did that sound too contrived? The thought came to her mind, but then she shook her head. Written letters were different from spoken conversations, and facial expressions and tone were not noticeable in a letter. If she showed any signs of fatigue, Ian would worry. Besides.
‘I’m not sending this letter anyway.’
Louise waited for the ink to dry, then tucked away the letter in her second drawer among her other unsent letters.
Ian and Louise. There was a time when both of them wrote letters to each other, down to every detail. But not now. Louise had to read the newspapers to find out about Ian’s going ons.
He was currently on a diplomatic tour of the various kingdoms underneath their country’s rule, and sending a letter to Ian, who moved almost every day, was like trying to catch the tail of the wind. Of course, they couldn’t meet each other during summer vacation either, but Louise continued to write letters even when they couldn’t communicate.
It was strange. Looking back at her good memories was enough to make her smile, but as time went by, greed rose into her heart. She wanted to meet him now…
Her desire would squeeze the flesh of her weak heart and make a fresh blue bruise. It didn’t usually hurt, but sometimes when she touched her chest, she felt a subtle ache.
Suddenly there was a knock on her door, and Louise glanced at the clock in surprise. Much more time had passed than she thought.
“Louise?”
It was Stella. She came here to do group work together. Louise ran to open the door, and a sweet smell wafted in. Stella brought blueberry bread.
“I didn’t know you’d bring a snack.”
Louise greeted Stella with a smile, and the girl silently came inside and placed the snack plate on the desk.
ραпdα nᴏνa| сom Stella gazed at Louise for a moment. She then took a piece of bread and liberally began to apply cream cheese on top of it.
“Stella?”
Louise looked at her curiously, but Stella only focused on putting the spread until there was an equal ratio of bread to cheese. Stella sprinkled coarse sugar on top of her creation. It was now complete.
“Try it.”
“Huh?”
Suddenly, Louise’s mouth was filled with the dessert. The coarse sugar was satisfying crunchy and the cream cheese was smooth on her tongue. The contrasting textures met with the dense bread and became a single taste. Louise’s eyes widened at the sweetness.
“It’s delicious.”
Louise quickly prepared a cup of tea and placed it in front of Stella.
“I was a little depressed earlier, but not anymore. Thank you, Stella.”
“…It’s nothing.”
Louise found the notes for her assignment on the bookshelf. She glanced around at Stella, who was smothering another slice of bread with plenty of cream cheese, but something seemed to be upsetting her as well.
“Is there a lot of work in the library?”
“It’s alright. There are several more students working there.”
“Well, what happened with Professor Hill?”
“Kollog!“
Stella choked on her tea, and Louise must have guessed correctly. So far, Stella hadn’t said a word about what happened with Professor Hill before.
“I’m here whenever you’re in the mood to talk, Stella.”
Stella shook her head despite the well-meaning offer. She still felt indebted to Louise, and didn’t want to burden her with her troubles. However, if Louise was worried about anything, she would have an ear for her always.
“Louise, too.”
“What?”
“You can talk to me. Well, if you’re okay with it, of course.”
Louise looked a Stella with mild surprise. Although the pair of them had gotten close lately, it was the first time Stella offered to listen to her troubles. Louise didn’t want to turn down her goodwill, so she set aside her homework for a while.
“You know, Stella.”
She began to tell Stella the feelings she had been holding inside for a long time, and Stella nodded thoughtfully along.
Louise remembered the advice Ian had given her.
“I’m saying that you need to find someone you can rely on.”
Someone she could rely on. Did that include a good listener?
*
*
*
More time flew by.
Louise became more anxious before the final exams, worried that her golden tower of “Excellent Student” would fall. She became even more admiring of Ian—he was the student council president as well as an excellent student, while also being a romantic and a good cook at the same time. Now she understood way Ian was tired every morning.
When Louise realized it was midnight, she closed her book and stretched. She looked up to the sky to see the stars glimmering in the black. Perhaps Ian was travelling now, guided by those lights. He would joke happily instead of complaining about all his work.
Ian’s tour of the kingdoms started close by, and he gradually began to get further away. By now, he must have reached a place where the sun was already rising. It was impossible to communicate even when they were standing in the same time zone, and as his distance grew, he and Louise shared less and less. Perhaps even the weather was different where he was.
‘I’m a little upset.’
Louise squirmed into her blankets. Her longing brought up a moment from the past.
“Be careful not to kick off your blanket in your sleep.”
Now that she thought about it, it was useless advice. Kicking the covers in your sleep was an unconscious act.
‘I’ll tell him when I see him.’
Louise carefully saved the words she would say to him.
“…I’ll see him again.”
This new anxiety sprouted from a newspaper article Stella showed her that day. She handed it to Louise, saying, “I don’t mean to make you distressed!” Louise wondered what made her so nervous, but she took the paper and read that Ian’s diplomatic tour was to be extended from its original schedule. At that point, it would be just before New Year’s Day before he arrived.
This was not what Louise knew about his return home. In his old letter, he had written—
‘It’s going to be a long tour, but I’ll be with you on your last day at the Academy.’
She thought he would be back at least at the beginning of winter. He would be arriving much later than that now.
Louise’s heart was conflicted. She worried about Ian and Claire and Hesse travelling long distances in the cold winter. She hoped that they would stay healthy.
But most importantly…
Louise stopped thinking and rubbed her cheek on her pillow.
Even though Ian was on an important diplomatic mission, she wanted to see him as soon as possible.
‘Don’t be sad.’
Louise made up her mind. She didn’t want to get distracted and mess up on her exams.
“It’s alright.”
Louise spoke out loud to encourage herself.
“It’s alright.”
Her voice echoed softly in the room, and she gently closed her eyes.
She had a dream that night. It was a rather noisy dream, and Louise had laughed a lot. When she woke up the next morning, silence filled the room, reminding her how lonely she was.
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