Chapter 33 - Falling
"And then, for arithmetic, I…" I trailed off, realizing I've been talking nonstop.
I pursed my lips and glanced around quickly. When my eyes landed on Samael, he was smiling subtly.
With a wineglass in his hand, his jaw resting on his knuckles, he raised his brows.
"For arithmetic…?" He asked with interest.
"Sir Fabian taught me addition." I dropped my gaze to my plate.
Since the dinner started, Samael started asking me questions, and I answered them. I didn't realize that the more he asked, the more I detailed everything enthusiastically.
Talk about etiquette. I failed to apply the tact Fabian taught me.
The realization was akin to a tight slap. I still have a lot to learn to become a proper lady.
"Ah… is My Lady shy now? Why, though? I want to hear more." Samael urged.
I glanced at him as he leaned closer to the table with a smile.
"That's all, My Lord." I offered an awkward smile. "How about you, My Lord? How was your day?"
I asked to divert his attention. Since I almost told him about my day, I wondered what did the duke do?
Fabian told me the Duke had political affairs to study. It has been hundreds of years since the Duke went into slumber. Hence, Samael had to catch up to the current situation of Grimsbanne and the entire kingdom.
Now, I'm curious about how it went. Perhaps, he could share more interesting facts and important knowledge for everyone to hear.
After all, I assumed everyone in here already knew the basics I've just boast about. Not that I was afraid to be looked down upon — I'm used to it.
"Me?" He asked. I nodded and looked at him with anticipation.
"I slept. I used the book as my pillow hoping my brain could miraculously absorb all the boring details." Samael lazily shrugged, rolling his eyes as if he had a terrible day.
"You… slept?" I failed to conceal the dismay in my voice.
"Didn't you want everyone who can't adjust their body clock to take a rest? I merely didn't want to worry you, My Lady."
Samael argued with a shrug. I glanced at Fabian and he, too, sighed heavily and shook his head.
"Uh…" I trailed off, failing to think of the right words to speak. "Did it work, My Lord?"
"Obviously, it didn't! What a waste of time!" Samael quickly to replied.
"Ah…" I awkwardly nodded, and silence ensued.
I never thought the duke was lazy. No. Perhaps he already knew a lot, that's why it bore him? Am I the only one who's enthusiastic about learning? Or rather, did I only enjoy it because it was my first time learning things I've never known before?
I didn't want to conclude and judge the duke immediately. He said knowledge was power; he probably had enough power for that.
Suddenly, Samael broke the silence. "Knowledge is power, so was brute force."
I raised my gaze. My face unconsciously sported dismal in his remarks. I heard everyone sigh in unison that one could discern their disappointments.
Meanwhile, Samael was just grinning proudly. So his power was brute force, huh? I smelled hypocrisy from his previous statement this morning.
Soon, the dinner ended. The maid servant offered to help me bathe and change clothes. However, Samael insisted on walking me back to our bedchambers.
With the book I held on my left, I glanced at the Samael's back. Neither of us spoke. Walking in the long hallway leading to the bedchamber.
When we reached our destination, Samael faced me while I kept a safe distance.
"If you need anything, there is a bell on the table. Ring it and Fabian would come." He said with a subtle smile.
I nodded, holding the book closer. Just then, he took a step forward towards me. Surprisingly, I didn't step back like usual.
I stared at his sharp crimson orbs, blinking ever so slowly. I watched as the side of his lips tilted into a charming smirk.
"See? Knowledge is power." Samael uttered. I pursed my lips.
"Huh?"
Instead of giving me clarity, Samael leaned closer. Before I could get a good grasp of what was going on, his body blanket over mine. He buried his face in my shoulder.
In an instant, my body froze. But somehow, I didn't feel terrified like usual. I didn't know, but when he squeezed me lightly in his embrace, I sensed something that was beyond my understanding.
"You... you're okay, My Lord." Before I could think twice, my comforting words slipped past my lips.
My hand already patting his back gently. I didn't understand my words or my actions, but subconsciously, I thought I must do it.
"I never said I'm not, silly."
Oh... how could I assume. Way to go, me!
"For years, I've depicted myself listening to your little achievements in person. I've been wondering what expression you wear when you recall your day — the gestures you make." Under his breath, he explained.
"Was she pouting? How wide is her smile? Does her eyes sparkle just like her voice? I want to wipe her tears... I felt helpless. She's been my sanctuary; my salvation, but I was never physically with her."
I pursed my lips, hearing about his thoughts before he woke up from his slumber. His sincerity... it was as if he was watering the seed he planted in my heart. What kind of seed it was: I won't know until it fully bloomed.
"That's why... I want to express my gratitude and wants you to know and feel you're not alone anymore."
Samael added with the same tone. As soon as I heard his last remarks, I bit my lower lips as hard as I could.
I'm not alone anymore...? I tightened my jaw, holding back the tears that were tempting to fall from my eyes.
When my father died, I tried to be optimistic and kept our memories alive in my heart. However, I knew I was holding on to memories I would never experience again. No matter how I treasured my habit, I was alone.
Being alone with no one aside from yourself was... depressing. But the duke... Samael had been alone for hundreds of years. No wonder he was half-crazy, half-sane.
Perhaps I've judged him too soon just because he was a vampire. Maybe, if I look at him like fathe —
"Also, I'm hugging you just to clarify that I don't have an intention to be looked as a father figure."
I coughed, nearly choked with the built up air in my throat.
Slowly, Samael loosened his grip as he took a step back. With two steps gap between us, his eyes searched for mine.
When he caught my gaze, I instinctively looked down. I couIdn't stare at him right now. Staring at him felt like chasing the moon without realizing I'm at the edge of the cliff.
And before I'll know it, I would fall from a height my fragile soul would never survive.
Suddenly, I felt his gentle fingers caress my jaw, down to my chin. His thumb then held onto my chin, guiding it up.
"I haven't been truly serious in my life, nor did I find other valid reason aside from entertainment purposes." Samael's eyes didn't leave mine, stressing his words with utter sincerity.
"Until you." My lips trembled, breathing heavily for no apparent reason.
"I may be flawed, but you have my word. I will protect you, and you'll never be alone again. You can learn and pursue anything; I'll be with you every step of the way. Even if its against my instinct, I've would never see you as my prey. So, don't be afraid."
I don't want to look at him in the eye. But I couldn't look away despite being aware I was standing at the edge of the dangerous cliff.
Look away, Lilou. Look away or else...
"I won't hurt you because... what I want is the same as yours, sincerity."
Upon his last remarks, I felt myself taking a step forward towards the cliff and fell... not in love, but something far more dangerous than death.
"I'll be busy tonight. Don't wait for me. Goodnight, My Lady." Samael took a step back and guided my hand towards his lips. With his flaming gaze locked with mine, he left a soft peck on the back of my hand.
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