The Butcher of Gadobhra

Ben watched with interest as the gnomes and the fae negotiated across the fence. First came a Fae herald and a hound, matched by the Prince and the Lawyer. These four took an hour to agree on the wording for a cease-fire and pre-agreement. Once copies of these were signed and sealed by both sides, the fence was removed and replaced with a large table that filled the gateway. The important people on both sides sat down, introduced themselves again, and began talking. At that point, the real bargaining began. Ben assumed that something in the genes of both Fae and gnomes must predispose them to enjoy long discussions. Stacks of paperwork and older agreements were brought forth. Smaller groups split off into sub-committees that had their own agendas. As far as Ben could tell, little had anything to do with the current predicament. Statements and speeches were made, details haggled over, and finally, after another six hours, it was declared that a treaty was mostly done, and a small break would be taken for a meal, followed by more talking.

Ben looked on with a passive face but inwardly was amused and confused. Both sides seemed anxious to bring up unfinished business from earlier meetings. He asked Elgebert about it during one of the breaks for tea and cookies. The old gnome confirmed his theory. "Gnomes and Fae occupy very different parts of the world, and we don't deal with each other much, and our cultures are quite different. The current situation presents a chance to get some work done. With neither side actively trying to kill the other, some old business is coming to light, and things settled. It adds to the time we are here but will strengthen the treaty."

Ben had a suggestion, "Perhaps it would help if you had an ambassador at the Fae Court who could grease the wheels of progress?"

The Lawyer laughed ruefully, "A good thought, but I have to point out that our last ambassador ended up murdered and entrapped in an enchanted dagger."

"Perhaps a bad idea then, let's skip that idea for now. Thank you for your time." The Lawyer and Courier bowed to each other as the next speech began.

Ozzy and Suzette took a nap. They didn't need the sleep, but it felt good. A tent had been set up for them with a goose-down mattress. The Butcher snored loudly, sometimes drowning out the speeches, but it was thought best not to disturb the man. After a few hours, the two emerged to find a table set for the two of them and a dinner of mushroom and barley soup, roasted quail with onions, and a fresh loaf of bread waiting for them. No one admitted to providing the meal, so they thanked everyone loudly and got started on the food. The bread was warm, and there was fresh butter and honey to spread on the thick slices. No sooner had Ozzy taken the last piece than another loaf was set on the cutting board. The two ate for an hour and then decided to take another nap. Afterward, they took a small walk, accompanied by Rolly, Ben, and the Sphynx, to see the dire beasts. Both Rolly and the Sphynx were saddened that they missed seeing the creatures at their most deadly.

Rolly amused the Sphynx by running with the herd of giant carnivores and playing with the dire beasts. The poor things were small shadows of their former bestial fury, the magic that had turned them into terrible killing machines taken back by their creator in her time of need. They were still dangerous creatures, but their confidence was shaken. The males barely weighed in at a thousand pounds, and while that was a lot of lizard, they were on the small side for creatures guarding a Fae Realm. Rolly rounded the herd up and got to work, training them and giving them snacks. Positive reinforcement wasn't something they were used to, but the method proved effective, and they quickly became fond of the Shepherd.

Squirmie was content to anchor herself to Rolly's shoulder and nap. The butterfly's belly was very full, and her last meal had been a tasty and potent one. Her next evolution was close, and she was almost ready to spin a cocoon. She wondered what she would become this time. Even asleep, the dire beasts feared her and sensed a portion of the Duchess's power within her. It wasn't only treats that were making them behave.

The sun would have set long ago, but like all of the individual Fae Realms, the sun obeyed the master of the Realm. Oberon commanded the day to last as long as needed to complete their work. Small tables appeared, laden with tea, coffee, and sweet snacks. The King seemed amused by this for some reason. Finally, the treaties were ready. The suggestions made by Tiberius were mostly agreed upon. One small change had been insisted on by the Royal appraisers that, for safety reasons, the artifacts would be transported directly to the main Gnomish horde and immediately placed in a deep sub-vault for indefinite safekeeping. Copies of the agreements were laid on the table, their white parchment glowing in the sunlight and each letter a masterpiece of calligraphy. Gnomish and Elvish scribes had agreed to alternate letters so that each word was a blend of both cultures. Oberon signed first, followed by Prince Ragothorn and then Elgebert. Finally, the quills were passed to Suzette and Captain Ozzy. The Butcher had chosen to wear his kilt, but the rest of his outfit reflected his rank as a Captain of a Ship of some notoriety.

The two bent down to sign, and then Suzette paused, straightening back up and thinking. "Oh, I think we forgot something, didn't we, Ozzy dear?"

The Butcher set down his quill, pulled up a chair, leaned back in it, and put his hands behind his head, thinking deep thoughts. He shifted his cigar, blew out three smoke rings, then stood back up and snapped his fingers. "You're right; we did forget something!"

He looked at the waiting gnomes and Fae.

"What's in it for us?"

Elgebert Coppertwist showed his surprise for only a fraction of a second, and then his face smoothed into a perfect poker face as he realigned his thinking to the rapidly changing politics. He inclined his head and stepped back from the table. Oberon tilted his head to the side for a moment and then spoke. "As agreed, you will receive safe passage back to your village, and all agree that you should be troubled by these dealings no further."

Ozzy grinned. "All you fancy folk agreed to those terms. I didn't, and my girl didn't."

Suzette was the picture of innocence. "I think I was taking a nap most of the day, recovering from my terrible ordeal at the hands of a Noble of the Fae Court. It's very troubling. No one has apologized to me, which I understand, as that is a human custom. And no one has offered me gifts or recompense, and again, I understand since no one wants to take responsibility for the Duchess's actions. But still, I feel that I've lost something valuable, that being my time and my naïve sense of trust. And it's so very hard to put a value on time and trust when one isn't immortal."

The Butcher was far more blunt. "I was coerced to come here by use of threats, my honor was questioned, and I was forced to make a business contract under duress after enduring traps and trials that tested the limits of my abilities. Then, after granting extra requests made by the Duchess, my companion was foully attacked, and I had to fight for my life. I don't mind a good fight, but the bitch didn't leave a loot chest! I'm leaving with no business contract or cargo and losing two powerful artifacts with great sentimental value. This seems very unfair, extremely unprofitable, and highly unlikely to happen." He blew forth fire and smoke that formed a dragon sitting on its horde. The horde winked out, and the dragon flew off, obviously upset."

He looked at the assembled gnomes and Fae. "So I'll ask again: What's in it for me?"

Squirmie woke up, and her voice conveyed outrage and injured pride.

Ben and Rolly stood behind Ozzy's chair to either side, and Suzette stood beside him. They stared at Oberon and Prince Ragothorn and waited. The gnomish prince looked to the Lawyer. "Mr. Coppertwist, I would be obliged if you would handle these questions."

The Lawyer smiled. His grin was no less predatory than a shark smelling blood. "No."

The Prince looked perplexed. "No?"

"No. I regret to inform you that I cannot represent your interests in this case, Prince Ragothorn, as I am already employed to represent my client, the Butcher of Sedgewick, and his party. He contacted me and negotiated our normal payment in advance. I have been in his employ since before I left Cinderstein. Until now, his interests and that of the Gnomish Kingdom have been the same, but from this point on in the negotiations, I must properly represent my client." He stood next to Suzette. Tiberius and Helga stood behind the Lawyer.

The bankers and other gnomes arrayed themselves behind the Prince. Someone grumbled loudly, "Fae on one side and Lawyers on the other? This is another fine mess you've gotten us into."

There were murmurs and shouts from the assembled Fae. A few strode forward, drawing weapons, only to find a lance or sword at each throat from Oberon's guards. They shrugged and returned to their places.

Oberon turned to Lord Gombindle. "I find that I am fatigued by the day's events, and haggling over pennies was never something I was good at. On the other hand, you are skilled at transactions, and it would please me if you would represent my interests in negotiations with the Butcher, the Lonely Barmaid, and the Hive Princess. I will sit quietly, as will the rest of my court, and have a glass of this fine coffee I have found in front of me." He sniffed. "Delightful. Cinnamon and small chocolate shavings. What will they think of next?"

Gombindle was startled but excited. His wife-to-be beamed at him with pride. He stood on his chair, walked across the table, and sat on the edge, facing Ozzy with their eyes at an equal height. He pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his sash, took a swig, and passed it to the Butcher, motioning with his hand to share it around. Ozzy, in return, held up an unlit cigar, which the goblin happily took. Captain Ozzy lit it with his finger, and the two puffed away for a moment.

Then the goblin spoke, "So, what are you looking for? I see you've got a dagger that's useless for stabbing and two hunks of iron you can't take out of the bag. They'll get you killed eventually, if not sooner. I'd think you would be happy to get rid of them."

The Butcher chuckled. "Well, I came with the hunks of iron, and no one cared when they were in the bag; I thought I'd take them home with me. You never know when another chance to use them might pop up. We call that a Nuclear Deterrent where I grew up. And despite their dubious usefulness, they do have value. I could trade them for a full cargo of Auric if I took them to the Smoke. And certain creatures would pay well for them. At the very least, I could toss them in my bank account. That would make my banker happy. He's a little upset at the moment, and I'd like to improve his mood. Good bankers should be cherished, don't you think?."

Gombindle nodded. "I noticed these three things would be placed directly to the main horde, not the Bank of Sedgewick. Possibly, someone erred?"

Ozzy looked at Tiberius, who was barely controlling his anger. "Yeah, I'd say someone erred. The value of those items should be credited to Banker Tiberius if and when we reach some agreement that puts them in a bank. He's my banker, I called him, and he was here first. That's my cargo, and I'm not letting a greedy gnome or a Fae King steal it from me without a fair trade."

"I feel the same way about my lovely dagger." Suzette sat on the arm of Ozzy's chair, seemingly relaxed, as long as you didn't look at her eyes. "I own the dagger by right of taking and keeping. The soul inside was captured by me. The Duchess and I became very close during my captivity, and while she is an insanely horrible creature, perhaps one day I'll find a use for her. Who knows, we might become friends and have so much to talk about. Stranger things have happened." She gazed at the assembled Fae, looking far less human than she had a few moments ago.

"Ah, good points, good points." The goblin nodded. "But let's assume we can come to an agreement and work out a few details along the way. I'm willing to assert that if those cursed items end up in a gnomish bank, it should be in Sedgewick. It makes sense you'd like to bank local and reward such a hard-working fellow. Let's set that aside for now. I know you don't want to keep the damned things; you're far too smart for that. Great bargaining chips, though, and I applaud your brinksmanship; well done."

He paused a moment and took a deep pull of the whiskey. "So, why don't you tell me what you want out of this deal, and Uncle Gombindle will see if he can make it happen."

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