The Butcher of Gadobhra

The crew building the last hamlet started even before the sun was up. Ozzy wanted to finish this project and asked Billy and Suzette for more people. He was getting pulled in several directions at once and hadn't even been able to get much time in his smokehouse. There was a backlog of thousands of hams to cure, pork bellies to season and turn into bacon, and barrel upon barrel of mystery meat to smoke.

He worked for two hours each morning in the smokehouse, but even with that, the Charnel Pit was getting grabby when it was time for him to go. It wanted to do more work and wanted him there. He did what he could. The carcass of Bucktooth had delighted it. Ozzy had taken his time with the massive ribs, coating them in sauce and spices before showing the Charnel Pit how he wanted them smoked over a slow, cool hickory fire. He had a special use for ribs and wanted them to be perfect.

When Joe had taught him to make bacon, he had been adamant that bacon came from pigs. The meat from Bucktooth looked a lot like prime pork belly, and Ozzy wanted to experiment with it. He cured it the same way but increased the number of spices, digging into some very hot peppers that Makken had given him. They were unintended crossbreeds of several varieties. He pushed them into small cuts in the cured meat, packed it all into barrels, and Butterbelly covered them in a 1:1 ratio of his sauce and maple syrup. The Butcher pushed as much smoke into the barrels as he could and had the Pit haul them to the top of the smokehouse with instructions to increase the smoke slowly. He labeled the barrels 'Hot-Sloth Notbacon' to keep Joe happy. He'd check on the barrels in a week or two. He hoped having those projects would keep the Pit occupied until he was less busy.

Things were accelerating in several directions, with Billy wanting to go into the crypts below Hungry Town, politics and taxmen, the beginnings of a trade war, and all the chaos up at the keep. And he was very tired of stomping gophers. The benefits of the Gopher War would pay off in the long run. Some workers were gaining a few points, which was always good. But the farmers were earning them for the first time and using them to buy essential perks and skills.

Billy was gaining five-hundred people for his Barony. People that would produce a huge amount of food with multiple crops a year. They would form the backbone of the food production in the area. The experience and CSP gained from killing the little bosses was a force multiplier. The Baron of Gadobhra could afford to be generous and invest in these people, achieving a return on his investment in the first year. Billy could be generous when you showed him the benefits to his bottom line.

Sedgewick would also benefit. It had been a backwater before ACME arrived, and counting the new arrivals was now ten times its original population. The smaller shops were excited at the idea of new faces in their shops and new pockets to pull coppers from. The Kallveks were more than excited. Their projections for how fast Sedgewick and Gadobhra would grow had been met and exceeded. Emilio and Roderick had walked the fields of the new hamlets. The soil was rich with hundreds of years of leaf mulch. The influence of unicorns, dryads, and fae magic from nearby would add to crop growth. Normally, with good soil and fertilizer, a farmer with good land could raise four harvests a year. Peasant farmers hoped for two. The Kallvek's estimated six harvests yearly for the new hamlets, with proper crop rotation. This was before they learned of Ozzy's artifacts in his strange enchanted bag. They raised their estimate to seven, then to eight, when the benefits of the little Gopher wars started accumulating.

Orders were placed for cloth, sewing needles, housewares, farming tools, and plows. Emilio made a special trip to Wolfsburg, where he arranged for two large caravans with extra guards and oversized travel wagons that didn't depend on proper roads. He would take his wagons through the wilderness and bypass PennyPincher's lands entirely if he had to.

When the Golden Company couldn't provide enough guards (even at their exorbitant rates.), he was delighted to find that the Company of the Red Banner was available. He hired them immediately. Their captain assured him they could assist with travel through the wilderness and even produced maps showing paths suitable for wagons. Emilio was curious about where they had gotten the maps but didn't ask. Good mercenary companies made their coin by being prepared. The merchants were excited about the first harvest festival and looked forward to having so many new customers. The caravans should arrive before then if they could push hard before the weather turned bad. Emilio had informed Suzette of their plans, and Ozzy was once again impressed with the merchant family. If they saw that people needed something, they found a way to fill the need and turn a profit. Where Billy saw the big picture, the Kallveks were masters of the small details.

For all the work involved, Ozzy was happy he was working on the project. The refugees needed all the help they could get. Rolly and Ben had come to their aid when it was most needed, not worrying about what would happen afterward. Suzette had seen the mounting problems and came up with a plan. Ozzy figured that his contribution was stomping gophers and building houses for a week. But he would be so happy never to see a gopher again.

He asked Ben to bring the last refugees from Rowan Keep so that he and Woodrat could build houses. Captain Woodrat was taking his duties seriously. Working wood as he did took a lot of smoke. He'd been up late drinking Makken's concoctions to replenish his heat and fuel. His crew had decided to suffer with him; they were half-drunk and having a good time. The stone masons had laid the foundations the night before, and now they and Makken had completed the hearths and chimneys. The woodwork followed. The work went quickly with carpenters, a veteran Wood Wright, and four apprentices.

The houses of the last hamlet looked better than those in North Farthing. The wood gleamed, and the window frames held the panes tightly. Interiors showed fanciful carvings of sharks or Kraken, whatever Woodrat felt like making. Ozzy thought there was a good balance to it: The further along a hamlet was, the better their houses looked. At the same time, farmers who were in the first part of the war and helping out later would have more experience.

A little after midday, the houses were finished, and the final phase of the war was beginning. Rather than being nervous, the farmers were laughing now and telling stories about the previous battles. Some groups wore crude armor made from the thick hides of the killed beasts. The raw hides wouldn't last long, but they didn't have to. Hopefully.

Two dozen archers with crude short bows were ready to be deployed, and twice that many farmers had crafted boar spears from seasoned oak branches. Over three-hundred former refugees were lined up by the first field. The Splinter floated nearby, her drunken crew ready to cheer or fight as needed.

From Sedgewick came a contingent of fifty workers armed with adze and cabers. Baron William and Baroness Layla led them, resplendent in black and red armor. Behind the workers came a dozen wagons with tarps over their cargo. The first wagon was unloaded to the delight of everyone as Suzette tapped barrels of enchanted apple wine to provide a bit of zing in everyone's step. The first person to fill a goblet was a local man named Bob, who seemed to never do anything out of the ordinary. After drinking his fill, he tossed a solid gold goblet to the crowd. A grandmother of sixty years leaped high and made the catch before most people knew what Bob had done. She put it into her pack and prepared for battle.

The few players in town trickled out to 'The Gopher Event.' The entire Thunderpunks guild joined a dozen adventurers. They had killed the Big Rat a month ago and then again each week when he respawned in the dungeon. It was always a hard fight, but they were slowly advancing in ranks and gaining better gear. Most of the guild was Tier 3 now, and some were pushing close to Tier 4. They decided to take a break from the dungeon by unanimously vote and go kill things in the sunlight.

The last people to arrive for the expected battle was a cohort of the Legion, commanded by Centurion Marcus. They took a spot on the field where the fighting would be the heaviest, and their better armor and shields could be used to advantage. Training in the Legion consisted of a lot of weapons drills and a lot of marching. Today this new cohort would get some of both.

The Baron and Baroness rode slowly along the line of troops, greeting people and waving slowly. It was the first time any of the farmers had seen their liege lord, and none of them had ever seen their last Baron, so it was a novel experience. They rode to where Ozzy was standing in the center of the field when they were done. Marcus rode to join them.

"Greetings, thumper of gophers and champion of our Barony."

Ozzy rolled his eyes. "Coming out to meet folk and make an impression?" He was happy to see Billy and Layla. It helped calm some of the refugees' anxieties to connect with the man they had sworn to serve.

Layla looked back at the people and lowered her voice. "That was the initial plan. Kiss babies, shake hands, and build morale in our new peasants. But then we considered other things..."

Billy continued her sentence. "Such as this is Gadobhra, and things get bat-shit crazy at times. And especially around you. Let's say that most stories don't end with a whimper. We didn't want to miss the fun."

"Which is why I agreed to bring a cohort of the Legion to fight gophers with you." Marcus shook hands all around. "Even if it's oversized rodents and not monsters, this will be good training for the troops. The new recruits need to start on something smaller than wyverns."

The Butcher mulled that over. "Well, we'll find out soon enough; I'm about to get started." They rode back to the lines of battle, and Ozzy raised the Hammer of Gopher Slaying high above his head and brought it down hard. The tremors raced outwards, tossing small rodents from the ground.

Four times you have waged war upon the innocent creatures of the underground. Four times the Gopher Revolutionary Army has fought back. The fifth time will settle this war once and for all.

Quest: The Final Battle Defeat the hordes of the GRA and kill their champions—even the Big One.

Success: The forces of the GRA will retreat from the lands of Baron William, and his fields will be Gopher-Free. Crop yields will increase, and the carrots will be safe.

Failure: The Hamlets of North Farthing, East Farthing, West Farthing, Farthing on the Pond, and Lower Farthing will become the property of the GRA, who will wage constant warfare upon the Barony of Gadobhra, turning its fields into a wasteland.

Time: 5 Hours, 59 minutes, 57 seconds.

Defeat the horde. 0/1

Kill the Gopher Hero, Armidias ProudTooth 0/1

Kill the Seven Riders of the Apocalypse 0/7

Destroy Fort Bucktooth, named in honor of a fallen hero. 0/1

Defeat Gophorian the Behemoth 0/1

"Dammit, Billy. I'm blaming you for this! I swear the system loves a challenge."

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