The Butcher of Gadobhra

Suzette retreated to the third floor of the tavern before anything else happened or someone needed to talk to them, with Ozzy following. She briefly thought of going upstairs to their bed, went to the dining room instead. If she took a nap, it wasn’t going to be a short one, and she had the guild and thief to deal with first. She slumped forward, head on the table.

"Ozzy dear, the next time you invite me out for some fun and games, butcher style, I'm going to remember this day, and maybe just hide in the dungeon instead."

Ozzy chuckled as he leaned back in a creaking chair that didn’t approve of his weight. "Can't fool me. You got to earn some spiffy butcher skills, kill a boss, suck up some bonus experience, and then come home to duels with both a witch and a thief. I'm jealous. All I did when I got home was learn how to blow a smoke ring."

Ozzy’s face got red as he concentrated hard, and managed to make a lopsided smoke ring when he exhaled.

"That’s just not fair. You got to learn mighty magics, and all I got was a dead crow."

Suzette put the crow on a window sill and patted its head. "Be a good little bird and come let me know if anyone messes with my tavern." The eyes of the crow glowed for just a second, and then turned the deep black of the night sky. Suzette looked out the window, wondering what else was going to happen. "Just seems like this day is never going to end."

Billy's voice interrupted her brooding. "Hiya kids, the missus and I were in the area so we thought we'd stop by. We brought lunch." As Ozzy and Suzette looked on with surprise, Billy opened a bottle of wine and Layla set out a plate of cheese, crackers, and little sausages on sticks.

Suzette was too tired to really question why they were here. She grabbed the first full wine glass and two of the little Vienna sausages. "Wow, never expected these. How the hell did you get them?"

Billy pulled out some paper wrapped loaves of bread. "Oh, you would not believe what one building point gets you when you use it to stock a corporate larder. I earned a few recently, and thought I'd share. Ozzy, feel like turkey or roast beef sandwiches?"

Ozzy thought for just a second, then grabbed one of each. "I'm not picky, and it was a long night. Thanks." He was on his second bite of sandwich when it hit him. He started laughing. "We earned you points yesterday, didn't we?"

Layla swirled the wine in her glass. "You sure did. Butcher's Guild, Hunter's Guild, Shrine to Artemis. You kids were busy as hell. Plus, the dungeon is stocked and happy. We thought that was pretty productive for your day off."

"Yes, very good work. Made my life a lot easier." Billy was trying to make tall, thin sandwiches of cheese, sausage and crackers. And somehow succeeding. Baron gave him some very odd little skills. "So, in return, I and Layla came down to take you to lunch, and make you an offer that would make my life even easier."

Alarm bells went off in Suzettes head. She set down the wine. "And what sort of offer would that be?"

Layla was all smiles. "Suspicious? Stay that way, please. But this is actually a good one. We want to make you Mayor of Sedgewick and turn the town over to you."

Suzette only raised an eyebrow. Ozzy scowled and tried to find the trap. Layla turned from one to the other and started laughing. "Oh, don't be that way. This helps out all of us. Billy has his hands full with Gadobhra, and I have my hands full with Billy. Neither of us has time to be down here welcoming a new farmer, or sorting out merchants who want to sell cabbages on market day. You're already here and part of the village. You'd be perfect for the job."

Suzette turned to Billy. "Why not Ozzy? We both know he's smarter than I am."

Billy shook his head. "Won't work. And I'm not sure he's smarter. I admit, he'd make a great chief of staff some day when I take over the Empire, but right now he has the role of "blood-up-to-my-elbows-scary-as-hell-butcher" and that's not going to work with being the mayor unless we turned the whole town into a giant slaughterhouse. I happen to have one of those already in the city."

"Look, you've already agreed to be here for five years. You own the tavern and oversee the dungeons. How much harder is it to deal with merchants and farmers, rent out or sell land, and deal with little details?"

Suzette considered. "What's the split? If there is money involved, I know ACME wants a chunk of it."

Billy slid a piece of paper forward. "Here's the offer. You handle the details, and give me a report on any profits each month. I think there is actually some sort of town interface you can use. I never had a need to figure it out.

If we make a monthly profit then I get half, and the village gets half. If there is a loss, that's on you. And no carrying a loss over to the next month. If you can't make a profit each month, you aren't the Mayor I need."

"You can rent land, rent buildings, tax the poor, cheat the rich, and charge the players anything you like. You can't sell land unless you ok it with me first. Raw materials needed for the Keep construction aren't part of the deal, and neither is the existing deals for Blud Dark, the meat contract to the legion, or the construction of the keep. But new deals we split the profits 50/50."

Ozzy looked at the paper. "That's amazingly generous of you, your excellency."

Billy nodded. "Isn't it? I'll make Vern choke to death one day when I tell him about it at the company Christmas Party."

“But if you’re looking for why I’m doing this, it’s simple: I don't have time for Sedgewick.”

“I won't turn a profit by neglecting it, and I'm betting on a certain Butcher, Courier, and Shepherd supporting their new mayor and working to make themselves some money. Which of course makes me some money. I'm sure you can see that expenses come out of the town's half? The town's upkeep is up to you. So, I'm always going to get the lion's share of the deal."

"But why aren't you bringing in someone from ACME?" Suzette still was still suspicious of the deal.

Layla snorted. "Because they'd certainly be working for Vern. Anyone from ACME will stab us in the back for sure. We don't trust you entirely, of course. But if we align your fortune with ours, we trust in your own self-preservation."

Suzette looked at Ozzy, who just smiled at her and winked. She smiled back. "Let's do it."

Both she and Billy signed on the paper. He waved it in the air. "Oh, great system or whatever, I, William Horvacs, Baron of Gadobhra, give the powers of Mayor to Suzette the Lonely Barmaid."

Wine glasses were refilled and a toast was made. As the glasses clinked together, the skies grew dark, lightning struck in the village square and thunder rolled across the town before the sun came out again just as quickly as it had disappeared. The four of them were given a notification.

Suzette, The Lonely Barmaid, has been given the title 'Mayor of Sedgewick' by Baron William of Gadobhra.

So let it be written! So let it be done!

Ozzy looked at the sky, then at Billy. "Wow, nice touch with the weather."

Billy nodded. "Thank you. We don't screw around in Gadobhra. Remember that."

He and Layla rose and prepared to leave. "Ok, kids. Have to run. The Baroness and I have to go talk with the folks up at the keep. Enjoy the rest of your lunch."

Billy paused halfway to the door. "Oh, and just wondering. What are you going to do with your thief? I'd like him if you don't have plans."

"Don't tell me you want an official Baronial Pick-pocket?" Ozzy actually could see Billy doing just that. It would come in handy at corporate gatherings.

Billy smiled. "Nothing so nice. Gadobhra wants thieves to test the castle defenses. It's been nagging me. Just tie him up and throw him in the front door, or convince him of all the loot inside."

Suzette looked happy at the thought. "You have yourself a deal. One thief delivered as soon as he shows back up."

Billy and Layla went on their way. Suzette shut the door and stood staring into space. “Billy couldn’t have spent any time looking at this interface. There are a lot of options here. And it doesn’t seem that tough to use.”

Ozzy was puzzled over that. "Was he ever the actual mayor though? Maybe he didn’t have many options as just the ACME manager? Is there some fun stuff in there?"

"Some fun, some boring. It shows a lot of expenses and upkeep, more than was mentioned in that contract. Plus, some responsibilities to the residents, and to the Empire. But there's a lot of stuff in here we can have fun with." She waved away the screen. "That's for later though. Hide the sandwiches and wine, leave out the snacks, and bring up the guild leaders for our meeting.

On the road to the keep, Layla poked Billy with her elbow before asking him a question. "How the hell did you make the lightning and thunder?"

Billy smiled at her. "Oh, I didn't. No clue what caused it. But if Ozzy wants to think I was responsible, that makes me happy."

Val, Strongarm, Aurelianna and Rufus were waiting downstairs in the tavern.

Val was bubbly and happy, to the annoyance of the others. Strongarm hated anyone else getting Valls attention, and wasn't happy that Rufus refused to loan him money for beer.

Aurelianna Songmaker had gotten one glimpse of the tavern keeper, and decided she needed to have a talk with the girl. How did she get her hair to look so good? No one had hair that nice naturally.

Rufus was upset at having been pulled away from his job at the smithy. The last thing he'd wanted to take part in was a guild meeting. He was also upset about why they were meeting with people from the town. He'd seen McTeeth's grave in the middle of the street and heard the stories. He'd already decided that if the guild had to leave, he was staying. So was McTeeth because he was going to strangle him and bury him deep in the earth.

All of them had been impressed with how much trouble they were in when they found out even the Baron and Baroness had been brought into the meeting. They had seemed polite but cold as they came downstairs and left. The Baron had emphasized two points. The first of which was that they backed any decision the mayor of the town might make. Secondly, McTeeth would have to pay for his transgressions or the entire guild would be held accountable. Then he'd wished them a good day and left.

Aurelianna had found a second person who had better hair than she did, but the Baroness had declined to even acknowledge her existence. Her day had been further shattered by the arrival of the Courier. He'd walked into the tavern like he owned it, and from the greetings people gave him, he just might.

He doffed his hat to the crowd, waved to the girl tending bar, and headed upstairs. Not only did his hat totally outclass her own, but even he had better hair than she did! Was there some hidden temple to Aphrodite nearby? How was she going to get a bard's attention when her dashing good looks and style were put to shame so easily?

The door to the upstairs opened, and a dour looking bodyguard of some sort gestured for them to go upstairs. Rufus noticed the cleavers in his belt and whispered a warning to Strongarm to be polite or to keep his mouth shut entirely.

They were ushered into a beautiful meeting room with bright windows and a long table. Food was laid out on one end. The tavern keeper was at the head of the table, flanked by the Courier. The bodyguard shut the door and leaned against it.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. My name is Suzette, I own the tavern where the theft occurred. I also happen to be the Mayor of Sedgewick. Help yourself to some snacks and let's talk about your guild and your plans."

Val couldn't hold herself back. "We are SO sorry this happened. We traveled for ages to get here and this is a terrible first impression. We'll do anything to make it up to you!"

Suzette nodded. "Good attitude. But first, let’s go over what happened. The thief, who goes by the name of McTeeth, was caught red-handed, in my personal chambers, stealing my life's savings and the money the entire town saved up to pay our taxes to the Baron. It would have been a devastating loss for everyone."

The Courier looked at them, and took out a notepad. "For the record, McTeeth is known to you?"

Val nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. Strongarm had finished off the little sausages and was grabbing a handful of cheese when the question was asked. He spoke around a mouthful. "Know him? Yeah. The little shitbird is our treasurer." Rufus winced at that statement.

The Courier nodded. "Interesting. And can you tell us how much money your treasurer carried that belonged to your guild?" Again, Rufus looked unhappy, especially when Val nodded and spoke. "Not much, we were broke from the trip. McTeeth told us we had about 37 silvers left. He wanted us to hit the dungeons as soon as we could to build the guild funds back up."

The mayor seemed to think about her words. “Not a bad idea. Our dungeons do need some cleaning out.”

Rufus raised his hand. "Uh, that might be a little off.”

He turned to the others and held out his hands. “I hate to spoil his surprise. The little guy was working so hard investing the guild’s money and wanting to surprise you all. The two of us worked a lot of night shifts in the towns we travelled through and invested the money in goods we sold in the next town. We'd built up quite a nice nest egg to buy a new Guild Hall."

The Courier looked at Rufus for a moment, and the craftsman was sure he was going to be caught in that lie. But then he smiled, and wrote something down, asking "And how much was that total?"

Rufus made a guess. "Somewhere around 500 gold, sir. We got really lucky buying some firespinner silk in Trexlertown, and then selling it in Fern Ridge for the autumn festival. It has such a nice red color to it. We earned a pretty penny on it."

Suzette was frowning. "Well, that leaves us with a conundrum. McTeeth had in his little coin pouch 737 gold, two gold rings, seventeen sets of lock picks, and a bejeweled mustache curler. I wonder where all that came from?"

Val was a nervous wreck. This woman glowed with a radiant aura that she could actually see, and she was sure she was a priestess as well. She didn't know what to say, other than the obvious. "Well...he does have Thief as a class, maybe he stole it?"

The bouncer growled at this admission. The mayor looked sad and shook her head. The courier put away his notepad. "This is very serious. Your guild put a known thief in a position of responsibility, where he could blend in as you travelled and hide his crimes. It makes all of you just as guilty as he is. Sadly, I am unable to officially make such an accusation."

The four players exhaled with relief.

"Luckily, Inquisitor Diego is nearby and has the responsibility of both Low and High Justice. I suppose I should have him convene a court."

Val stood up; eyes wild. "No, please! We didn't know!" She turned pleading eyes on the mayor.

To her surprise, the woman came over to her, wrapped her arms around her and patted her head. "There, there dear. I believe you. No cleric of Lord Frey would be part of such a scheme. Let's see what we can work out."

The Mayor turned to the Courier. "The Baron has given me the authority to pass judgement. There is no need for the Inquisitor. Yet."

The Courier sighed. "It is your town, Ma'am, and your tavern where the crime occurred. I abide by your judgement."

The Mayor looked at the four players. "Here's my offer, and I think it's a fair one. Firstly, I will declare that McTeeth was acting on his own. He forfeits his magic coin pouch as a fine."

"Secondly, the excess coinage and jewelry will be retained by the town against the possibility that we find who it was stolen from."

"The thief will be turned over to the Baron to serve a sentence of thirty days for his crime. After that, it will be your guild's responsibility to see that he stays on the straight and narrow."

"As for your guild, I'm worried about a few dozen players showing up with no money and no place to stay except tents. There are goblins and bandits in the woods. It is a perilous place. Luckily, we have two dungeons here in Sedgewick. I want your guild to be in those dungeons for five days a week for the next month. It will keep you busy and you can earn money to spend in our little town."

The bodyguard added, "Idle hands are the devil's helpers.”

The mayor continued. “Just so. I'll expect your Tier One players to enter the Bunny Barrow, and your Tier 2 players to journey into the Lair of the Under Rodent, no later than this afternoon."

She looked from one person to the next. Everyone agreed to those terms, after all, hadn't they come here to find glory and adventure in the dungeons? But Rufus had a question. "And the guild's money, that gets returned, right? Obviously, we need a new treasurer."

The Mayor gave him a smile full of sunshine and enthusiasm. "Oh, did I forget that bit? I have a fabulous idea. The town has a lovely empty building that would serve as a Guild Hall for you. We'll structure this as a long-term lease of only five-hundred gold for a five-year lease. You can move in today. While McTeeth committed a crime, I don’t see why we can’t go ahead with his and Rufus’s plan to surprise you all with a new Guild Hall.”

Val clapped her hands. It was like getting an early Christmas. Rufus sighed in resignation at the lost gold, but was happy enough that the guild was setting down roots. Strongarm didn't care and Songmaker just wanted the meeting to be over.

As everyone went downstairs, three loud and exuberant women came swaggering into the tavern.

Their armor was torn, their breath smelled of carrots, and their ears were long and glorious.

"Drinks are on us boys! We killed the fat bastard and beat the first part of the dungeon! Team Bunny Girls is triumphant!"

Val grabbed Strongarm and said loudly in his ear. "OMG, they are SO cute. I have to get those!"

One of the Bunny girls wasn't finished with their surprises. "And look who I rescued? This poor little lamb was down in the dungeon in a cage! I saved poor little Cupcake. She was so scared!"

"She asked me to be her pet. Isn't that cute?"

A little lamb with bright pink wool ran scampering around the room before bounding into the arms of her bunny girl.

Strongarm nearly had his shoulder dislocated as Val dragged him downstairs to the Bunny Barrow.

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