The Butcher of Gadobhra

Leroy looked up at the Judges seated at the table and tried to bring out his most angelic smile. Unlike most trappings from his first job, he'd kept in practice with the smile. A few other bits came in handy as well: virtuous indignation, looking innocent, and righteous fury.

He'd drawn a nice group for this trial. They all had a good reputations and backgrounds in some sort of justice. A ruling by them wouldn't be questioned. Better yet was the leverage he had on most of them. Sure, Mithras was a hardcase, but the others could bend depending on the situation. He had done a lot of favors for gods and devils both, and it was expected that favors be returned.

Impy was making his way around, holding some large file folders as a visual reminder about a few past indiscretions. He had almost killed the little idiot when he first showed up. The lazy little twerp wasn't reading the contracts like he should and was getting sloppy. It might be time for a new minion to take over his spot. He'd deal with him as soon as he had this shit-fest sorted out.

"Not to complain, but is it always this slow to get started?" Ozzy was trying once again to get comfortable on the hard chair that seemed too small for him. He noticed Leroy was out of his chains and leaning back in a large padded chair.

He had sat and watched the dry court proceedings for 8 hours. An opening invocation had taken an hour. It had really been five invocations from the priesthoods of each of the judges. Each one seemed to want to outdo the next guy. Then a statement by each judge on their qualifications and some sort of solemn oath to uphold the law and interpret things wisely. After that, things had devolved into what seemed to be mimes, clowns, and court jesters putting on a skit while the judges sat and discussed something.

"Oh, this is actually pretty quick." Elgebert had leaned back in his chair and napped with half an eye open for most of it. "What we have here is important nonsense. Nonsense because it's really just different groups of priests wanting to be involved in the proceedings. This could be a big trial. It's not often that a Fallen is brought to court, although Leroy does manage it every couple of centuries."

"And it's important because it's giving more people time to get here, mingle, and talk among themselves. I've got people in that crowd trying to judge the behind-the-scenes deals going down while I watch the judges watch the crowd. "

Ozzy looked over at Leroy who was asleep and snoring after a large dinner. "He doesn't seem worried. That worries me."

The gnome turned to Ozzy. "Oh, it should make you worry. Definitely should make you worry! I'm not sure you've grasped what you are dealing with. That being was here at the start of creation and has been mucking around the world ever since. He's not a god, but he makes deals with them on a regular basis. He has a lot of pressure he can bring to bear on just about anyone, and that makes him feared by everyone. This is going to be one hell of a fight."

Elgebert sighed. "Yes, by any normal legal reckoning, as mortals consider things, he is in violation of the contracts. The problem we will run into is that the Fallen, and many Gods, don't play by the same legal rules as mortals. I didn't write those contracts to be able to enforce their clauses on a Fallen. I'm surprised he's even involved with you. And more surprised he took the contracts. I suspect he didn't even read them. Something just isn't right."

"So I screwed up by picking a fight with him?" Ozzy looked around at the town. "I was pissed he wasn't going to help and just skip out. The whole town is flattened."

"Hard to say. If he had left, he might still have done nothing, and then grabbed you when convenient to make you modify those contracts. Or he could have torn them up. I doubt you'd find a court that could have compelled him to trial. So as far as a better chance to fix your town, you did good. But it also increases the chance you lose and he drags you off somewhere to work off the damages you did to his pride." The gnome smiled and waved at someone. "That brought a lot of people to court, you know? A little village of mortals actually manages to wound a Fallen and traps him under a stump? That's going to get talked about, and I think it will work in your favor."

"Every little bit helps. What if we'd managed to hurt him more permanently? I know people in this world can walk back from death, and lord knows he deserves it." Ozzy looked over at the sleeping Leroy. He seemed no worse from the fight, but his suit was a mess.

His lawyer shook his head. "I doubt, highly doubt, that an entire legion of Tier 2 soldiers could hurt him badly. He could fight for a week against mortals and you'd only make him bored."

"Don't get me wrong, you did good. There's been a lot of talk about the enchantment on that ax, and the recipe of that infernal pot of death the dwarf claims to be food. The hat that burnt him is obviously God-enchanted, and phoenix fire is known to burn demons badly. So it was the weapons used, not the people."

"Except Betty." Ozzy fondly recalled her hitting Leroy over and over.

"Yes, except Betty. But I suspect that the person swinging the bucket wasn't Betty. An obvious saintly manifestation. Saints don't have the raw power of a God or a Fallen, but for brief times when fighting for their cause, they can be unstoppable."

"So if we can't beat him in a fight, can we beat him in court?"

The gnome straightened his tie and shuffled his papers. "We're about to find out."

The courtroom became exceedingly quiet as the five judges took their seats. Mithras spoke first.

"As this dispute involves mortals, we will endeavor to limit the rest of the proceedings to keep the disruption to their lives to a minimum. I don't want to have another case where the mortal claimant dies waiting for opening statements. With that said, Lemechial, you may tell the court your version of this dispute."

Leroy seemed annoyed at the use of his true name, but rose to his feet and did a courtly bow to the judges before smiling and starting to speak. "Your honors, I hate to even waste your time calling this a dispute. It is beneath ancient beings like ourselves. I certainly would not have disturbed you; we have lawyers to blame for that, something I hope the court will consider getting rid of some day."

"But to be brief: I arrived in this horrific little village in response to a contract signed between a mortal and a lesser angel. I assumed that this was a traditional agreement, and not some lawyered piece of blasphemy. For thousands of years this type of contract has been signed by mortals seeking boons from greater powers. Part of me weeps to see what things have come to."

"I blame the Butcher, and his conniving rodent of a lawyer. Anyone dealing with a Butcher knows how horrible they can be. Lawyers are a blight upon the world. And we all agree that when it comes to the creation of gnomes, mistakes were made."

"It is a matter of record that the mortal Butcher first tempted, and then tortured the angel before asking for a deal, and then modified the traditional paperwork by seeking a lawyer’s services. And this was after he already had a contract with a Hellion, who he had intimidated into letting him modify the sacred agreement. Again, with the use of a lawyer."

"When I arrived here, and was made aware of how he had manipulated the angel and defiled the traditional contract, I expressed my distaste for the situation, but I was resolved to see what could be done. When I went to leave to investigate the matter, he started a fight. During the fight he manipulated events to cause me to damage a fire pit that he had under contract to the Dark. Herein lies proof of his deceptive nature. He made deals with both Light and Dark. I won't insult the court by stating how obviously wrong this is."

"But, I was lenient with him. Only some of the town died, even after they sprung an ambush on me using terrible weapons that should not be in mortal hands. Sadly, my leniency was in vain, as they continued their assault upon me. Eventually, I simply laid down to take a nap."

"In recompense for my ruined attire, my wasted time, the insult to my dignity, and to teach this mortal a lesson he so sorely needs, I ask for the following: The dissolution of all contracts between he and I, and his soul is forfeit to me in recompense for the injury to my pride and honor."

Leroy bowed again, sat, turned to Ozzy and winked. In a not so quiet whisper he said to Ozzy, " See if your little gnome can beat that, meat-boy."

Ozzy smiled back at him and said nothing, but inwardly he was a bit worried. In retrospect, maybe getting Arnie to do a deal after sticking him in the charnel pit for a few days had pushed the limits of decency a bit.

Mithras struck his gavel on the table. "Mr. Coppertwist, your statement please."

The gnome stepped from his chair to the table, bowed to the judges, gripped his lapels, and began.

"The Fallen weaves a fine tale, but leaves out many details and twists others. Not unexpected. But the facts speak for themselves. My client has been balanced between the Light and the Dark for some time. Lord Mithras presided at the original hearing when this happened. If Light and Dark don't want mortals following them, then they shouldn't approach mortals. Free will means accepting Dark, Light, neither or both. So let’s not hear any disparagement of my client for dealing with both."

"My client took out contracts to protect his property and the town. Arnoniel of the Light and Lilibet of the Dark were only too happy with those contracts at the time, and both were rewarded for gaining them. The curious part to this story is why Lemechial would seek out both of them to buy up the contracts if he felt they weren't legitimate? But in any case, he did purchase them, he did accept responsibility for them, and he does owe my client for what was promised."

"I saw many of you gasp in astonishment at "the little pigsty", "the mortal hellhole", and "this wretched place" when you arrived. Rightly so, and think of how bad it must be to reside here. If Lemechial had used his considerable power as he should have this would be a thriving mortal village."

"Instead, he threatened and damaged mortals, and then hunted them through the ruins. No less than an Imperial General sought to persuade him to stop. Only a saintly manifestation saved them all from death. The mortals cannot be blamed for striking back at him, and should be applauded for their courage."

"We ask that the contracts be faithfully executed with both charnel pit and village restored, and the contracts restored to the original agents. The Fallen, Lemechial will be reprimanded and kept away from my client, his household, and his village for the span of 1000 years and will not work against them."

The gnome sat. The judges conferred among themselves. Mithras spoke. "We shall confer upon these matters for one hour before continuing. Lemechial and Ozzy may not leave this plane, or go beyond the boundaries of this...village? ruin? Just don't go far and be back here in an hour."

Billy worked his way through the crowd to Ozzy's table. "How are we doing? Hard crowd to read." For someone who had just won a war and been made the head of Northern operations for ACME, Billy wasn't looking very happy. Ozzy doubted Billy was too worried about the trial for Ozzy's sake. Billy mostly worried about Billy.

Elgebert was pacing on the table. "Not bad. Not good. I don't like how some of the judges are reacting. Lemechial has already played his hold card and it wasn't rejected outright. Which means he owns a couple of those judges."

Ozzy frowned. "What was it?"

The gnome sighed. "That this is beneath them. You'll notice I didn't elaborate on Leroy breaking that poor girl’s arm and beating her mother? That's expected of a Fallen. He's an ancient monster. They see it as restraint on his part that he didn't kill them both. By godly standards that wasn't a battle, it was children playing with an adult. You got out of line and he whacked some of you."

He continued. "Gods get away with a lot. Fallen are worse. Angels start wars that cost thousands of mortal lives to score points on the dark. Heroes are sent to fight dragons or kill other heroes. It's all a game to them. You are literally beneath them. Try as they might to be fair, even Gods of Justice have that attitude. That's one of the reasons Leroy gets away with so much. He's playing on a different level, and by different rules."

Billy was thoughtful. "So, he's an ancient, immoral monster allowed to get away with things, because reining him in is too much work, he's too useful to them, and only the little guys get hurt."

The gnome nodded. "Nicely put, I may steal that."

Ozzy was watching Billy. "Something's bothering you. I sort of expected you to be making deals in this crowd."

Billy looked at Ozzy, once again reminded of their first meeting. He might look like some bruiser now, but he hadn't lost the use of his brain. "I should be, and I am. Some interesting ones. But I also have ACME breathing down my neck. Vern is putting on a lot of pressure, and I've got nothing but a broken village to show for accomplishments. Oh, and a haunted mine that even Momco didn't want."

"If you can work some magic to get the village back, we can get to work and making a profit. But even then, we need results. If Vern gets back in power, trust me, no worker is going to be happy. He's pointing out things like half of you getting to Tier 2. Something I might add that ACME didn't think was possible. He's pinning that on me."

Ozzy looked over at Leon and then back to Billy. It was close, but Billy probably would be the better boss. Between Vern and Leroy, he might take Leroy. At least the Fallen had a sense of style.

"So what's in it for us Billy? You're offering business as usual if we win this case, and dealing with Vern if we lose. How about you make the Billy side of the deal a bit better, give me some inspiration."

Billy had to think for a second. If the big guy was trying to cut a deal, maybe he thought he could pull something off. "Give me a clue here. What do you want? Let's say we don't have to deal with Vern, I'm in charge, and firmly positioned as the Northern Regional boss. What's it take to make that happen?"

This was a conversation Ozzy had been wanting to have for some time, but he never had any leverage. He had no idea how to win this one, but he wasn't going to tell Billy that.

"Firstly, no worker gets their contract sold to another corporation, or sent to another village, or gets their skills reassigned without their consent. You let us go into dungeons on our day off, and we get one full weekend a month and one week a year vacation."

"Secondly, and I think you might agree, stronger workers get more done. Agree to not working against us as we progress. The system is already biased against us. If we manage to move up a level by hard work, you can't hold it against us."

After a hesitation Billy put out his hand. "Deal. But this is between you and me. I can't enforce it on ACME or another corporation. Now go get my village back."

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