The Black Swan Behind (Beauty of Fire)

221 Live For Myself

Everyone fell silent, unable to answer Marcel’s question. It was because the question won’t get an answer.

Who could become rich without having to work hard? Have you ever seen a single mother who lived in poverty and had many children could focus on pursuing her career? In reality, a human being had only two hands, two legs and one soul. They were not robots that could work 24 hours a day.

Now, Marcel’s wound was seen by everyone. The reason why he continued Apollo’s dirty business. The truth about him who prised money. And, the burden of carrying two dreams.

“There isn’t,” Emma answered. With chest pain, the masked girl walked over to Marcel. “You have been carrying a very heavy burden alone. That way, no one would understand it if you never say it out,”

Marcel looked at Emma. ??”I don’t need anyone to know. Why can’t you just be honest? In the end, everyone will only think of themselves. There’s no point in telling other people about your suffering.”

“If everyone thinks only of themselves, why do you think we are here?” Troy asked. “Do you think we came just to look for trouble? You think we really like fighting? We are willing to spend our energy and time to save young people who were dragged into the dark world. Isn’t your thoughts formed based on your own nature?” Troy’s question left Marcel speechless.

“Jack’s dreams and yours are so contradictory, Marcel. That’s what makes it so hard for you to keep them together. You’d be wrong to say everyone thinks only of themselves. In fact, it’s not that there are a few Jacks in this world. From the first place, it was you who wanted to feed the never filled hole in your heart.” Emma added.

Today, Marcel wasn’t just hit hard on his physique. But he was hit hard to the soul. Could a human being get lost within himself? If so, maybe that was what Marcel had been experiencing all this time.

A person who had to live by bearing the dreams of others, while he was not that big-hearted to give up his own dreams. Someone who forced himself to be strong, even though he was not that strong. Living with a huge wound, which he was forced to cover in order to protect the one and only last person he loved. But his will was so strong that he unknowingly began to eat away by it.

.....

So far, Marcel had lived with two faces. He had his own face and the face of Jack. However, Marcel wasn’t Jack. Even though they were brothers – even though they both loved their families – even though they were good boys, each person had different personalities and heart desires.

In the end, Marcel failed to play the role of Jack Douglas. It was because he wasn’t Jack. It made Marcel greedy. He must look like an angel. And his heart’s desire, which was originally the fleshy things, turned into a crime.

“Stop this, Marcel. I beg you to grant the last wish of this old woman’s life. You’ve suffered enough. You will stop it now, will you? You don’t have to fight anymore, sweetheart. Just live the way you want.” Lilian said with tears continuously running down her cheeks.

All the residents of Redvalley who witnessed it, felt regret piercing their chests. These people were old residents who had known Marcel Douglas since he was a child. They saw for themselves how miserable the life of the child who used to have a fat body was.

Marcel’s mother and grandmother often begged for food from their neighbours to fill the stomachs of their children in their shabby house. His father was always drunk and beat his wife. Marcel and his brother could only sit on the side of the road across from the grocery store, watching the other kids get their ice cream when they could only gulp.

In fact, the residents know how painful the life of a child who used to always give a polite smile even though the environment was not kind to him. The residents did know what Marcel and Jack had to go through to bring down Apollo and save their houses from the colony of the mafia. Yet just because Marcel wanted to live a comfortable and happy life for his grandmother, they treated him like a devil. So, who was the real monster here?

Whose fault was it actually? Who made an innocent child turn into a monster like this?

“We’re sorry, Marcel. It was our fault. We were too selfish. We only thought about ourselves. Lilian was right. We shouldn’t forget about you and Jack. After living comfortably for too long, we even forgot how we got it. Fine life makes us forget why we are here,” Tomas said regretfully.

“That’s right, Marcel.” A middle-aged woman in the crowd added. “You don’t have to look after us anymore if you’re tired. You can live the life you want. Sorry for messing up your life, Son,”

Yonas briefly rubbed his runny nose and then cleared his throat. “T-thank you for all your services,” He said awkwardly.

The people realized how bad they were. Most of them also had children. How did it feel to see their children have to live a life like Marcel’s? Would they have the heart to witness it? Then, why would they make other people’s children feel that painful thing?

Lilian smiled gently as she looked at her grandson sadly. “Thank you for everything, Marcel. You are a good boy no matter what. Everyone has faults and wounds. Those are forgivable and can be fixed. You are free now.”

Marcel’s jaw quivered. With a tired face, he stared at the granny’s face. Eventually, in front of everyone, the tears fell.

With a heavy breath and a lowered face, Marcel nodded. The broad shoulders that usually looked strong to bear two dreams – the shoulders that bore the lives of those who even sneered at him from behind – the shoulder that bore all the demands, eventually trembled violently as the owner burst into tears.

Arms embraced his grandmother, Marcel buried his face in her shoulder. Here, he was not the feared leader of the Red Jack Commander nor was the Prince Bold who women worship. Here, he was Marcel Douglas, a spoiled grandson of an old woman. A child who had fear. A child who had a dream. An ordinary human.

***

After that incident, the Underground Cave was closed. Everyone returned to their respective homes. There were no victories or defeats. All returned with a cavity in their hearts.

RJC and Jita Kyoei. The two groups were not evil. They were just trapped in the situation. They were just young people who were looking for their identity and trying to achieve their respective dreams. Each of them had something to strive for.

Before the fight was dismissed, Troy had time to speak to all the RJC members who were there. He conveyed his intention of attacking the group. He said that it was his last fight to bring the students back to the studio, because, in the end, the decision was in the students’ hands.

At first, Jita Kyoei was meant to overthrow RJC. But after knowing the truth, they decided to abandon the intention.

There had been too many wounds. They didn’t want to add any more bad memories. As fellow human beings, they should not hurt each other.

***

In a cemetery where the snow had just melted, a man in a long black coat was seen sitting next to a tombstone.

Marcel rubbed the little melted snow that remained on the tombstone that had the name of Jack Douglas on it. He smiled faintly as he placed a flower bouquet there.

“How are you, Jack?” Marcel asked. “I came here to apologize. I’m sorry that I couldn’t carry on with your dream. It turns out that I was too weak to bear it.” He chuckled. “I’m not as strong as you.”

A tear rolled down Marcel’s eye and was immediately wiped out by him before he took a deep breath. “I’ve disappointed a lot of people. I’ve tarnished your dream since long ago, Jack. But I pretended to be blind. I’m selfish, aren’t I?” He took another deep breath and continued, “But.. This fear, this hunger.. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t win over them.”

Of all the feelings Marcel had experienced since that day, the one that hurt him the most was his inability to save his brother’s dream. Marcel didn’t know if in heaven his brother was angry with him or said that it was okay. But he wished that his brother, who had been taking care of him all this time, would understand that. He hoped that Jack would understand the limits of his power.

“You don’t have to worry, Jack. RJC will still be around. We’ll still keep Redvalley Street. But now things will be quite different. I can’t give my whole life to them anymore. I’ll live my life for myself.” He explained.

Then he rubbed his eyes again briefly before tapping the tombstone in front of him twice. “Don’t ask God to punish me, Jack. You know I don’t like punishment. I’m sorry, okay?” He smiled softly. “See you later,”

Marcel stood up. Then he stepped away from his brother’s grave, step away from there, leaving the dream that he had now returned to its owner.

His heart ached, but there was a sense of relief. The heavy burden that had been sitting on his shoulders was finally lifted.

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