The Beautiful Monster

Alyssa looked up at her dorm building for a few moments. It was almost hard to believe that she was back here. She could've sworn that just a few minutes ago she was at her dad's funeral.

She glanced around, making sure that she was actually back on campus. She didn't remember much of the drive back.

Her mind was so busy but so focused at the same time.

She ran her fingers through her hair, drawing the strands back from her face. She needed to change her clothes, take a shower, get something to eat.

She needed to breathe life back into herself again. Not to be ironic, but she felt pretty dead on the inside. 

She hadn't felt so out of place and empty in a long time. Her whole world had gotten rocked, and she didn't know how to make it stop tilting. She was ready to plant her feet, but she needed help.

She knew who could help her, but she wasn't even sure that she deserved his help. She up and ran off without notice. She probably scared the hell out of him.

She could still try, though. She was in no condition to be alone right now. Slowly, she reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone.

She tapped on Elias' contact and hit the call button. It only rang once before he picked up the phone.

"Alyssa? Are you okay? Where are you?" Elias reeled off the questions one after the other, sounding worried.

"Meet me at my dorm," Alyssa told him. Once he acknowledged that, she hung up. She didn't do it to be mean.

She just knew that they would talk about what needed to be talked about in person. She lingered around the front of the building until she spotted him hurrying toward her.

Elias swept her into a tight hug.

"I'm so glad you're back. Are you okay?" he asked her once they broke apart. He cupped her cheek to draw her eyes to his.

Alyssa shook her head.

"Not now," she said. She was being honest. She was a mess right now, and she wasn't sure how much time she needed to heal.

She just wanted him to know that it had nothing to do with him, that he did nothing wrong. "But I will be."

Elias held her gaze for a few moments before nodding.

"I'm sorry about your dad," he told her sincerely. "I know you weren't close, but he was still your dad."

Alyssa nodded as she listened to him. He was right. She was glad that he understood that. She didn't want to have to explain why she was so sad over someone she had no connection with other than genetics. She placed her hands over his.

"I'm sorry for leaving like that. I… panicked," she said. That was as best as she could describe her actions.

She wasn't really thinking. She was just reacting to what she was told, and it made her leave town and go back home.

She hoped that wasn't her gut reaction for anything else because she never wanted to go back there.

It was her dad's funeral, and she still didn't feel like she belonged there.

Elias shook his head as he stroked her cheeks.

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. I'm just glad you're okay," he told her.

Alyssa smiled slightly at that. No matter what, he seemed to care deeply about her. She cared about him on that level too.

It comforted her that she had someone like him in her corner. She needed him right now. She would need him in the future.

"I love you. I really do. I don't think I'll be able to get through this properly without you," Alyssa told him, being completely honest.

She felt like if she didn't have him, she wouldn't heal from this in the proper way.

She would use other methods that wouldn't be so good for her. Anything to numb how she felt. She didn't want to turn into that person.

"I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere," Elias assured her before pressing a soft kiss against her forehead. "Is there anything I can do to help you right now?"

"Just be with me. Hold me," Alyssa told him. That was all that she wanted from him right now. That was all she craved when she was gone.

She would have to handle the rest. It was her own healing process, but he could certainly be there to support her.

"I can do that," Elias replied before pulling her into another warm embrace. He rubbed his hands up and down her back. "It's okay to hurt like this."

Alyssa buried her face in his chest, feeling her eyes start to burn. She had been trying to avoid such heavy and dark feelings for so long now.

She didn't want to feel them anymore, but she couldn't ignore them right now. They were basically all that she felt.

"I know," she said. Her voice came out shakily.

"Why don't you stay with me tonight? I don't want you to be alone," Elias suggested.

"That's probably a good idea," Alyssa murmured. She didn't need to be alone. She would just overthink, and that never led to anything good.

She let him lead her across campus to his car. They went to his apartment, and he got her settled and comfortable in his bed. He even put on a movie for her.

Once again, he proved himself to be as close to perfect as possible. She was grateful for him. She wished that she could properly express that right now, but she wasn't all that great at expressing anything right now. She still felt a little numb.

Elias came and laid next to her that night. He let her lay her head on his chest as the movie droned on in the background.

Truthfully, neither of them were really focused on what was happening on the screen.

Alyssa was more than relieved when sleep finally captured her. She hadn't been able to sleep well since she received the news that her dad had passed away.

Being with Elias finally calmed her enough to help her sleep. Thankfully, she didn't dream. She would've been afraid of what would've come up.

The next morning, she stirred slowly, easing herself out of her deep slumber. She nestled her cheek against his chest, reveling in his warmth. She didn't want to leave this bed ever.

This was the only place where she felt somewhat content. She didn't want to go to class. She didn't want to do anything but lay here with him.

She knew that life was going on without her out there, but she didn't care right now, no matter how much she wanted to. Maybe she would again one day, but that wasn't today.

For now, all she cared about was the boy that was steadily dragging her out of the darkness.

"Good morning," Elias softly murmured as he stroked his fingers through her hair.

Alyssa closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, enjoying how softly he touched her.

"Morning," she said just as quietly. It was like they were sharing secrets. Maybe they were. She didn't want to talk to another soul right now but him.

Elias kissed her on the temple before gazing down at her.

"Are you doing okay?" he asked her.

Alyssa had the same answer for him as before. Some things had changed since she came back, but so much hadn't yet. It would take time. Maybe a miracle. Maybe something more.

"Not yet but eventually."

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